She wasn’t crying. Connor had done plenty of that over the past couple of days. There wasn’t much else to do, since she’d stopped leaving her room. Just going to the library sounded exhausting. Simply getting a snack from the kitchen wore her out. Summer and Autumn were still there to keep her company, but they were clearly getting a little claustrophobic.
If she could, Connor would just run away. She could start a new life somewhere else and just use the glamour disk all the time to be the person she wanted. Not Luna; Luna was just a character. Connor would need a new identity.
“I miss him so much,” she mumbled into her pillow.
Connor always knew that it was going to be a temporary relationship. But losing him like this? That hurt so much more than she’d expected to be hurt. How was Connor ever supposed to face Eric again? There was no way she could just pretend none of this had happened.
Maybe she should run away. How would she survive? Summer and Autumn would stay with her; maybe she could use their magic. It was a better option than getting a job and pretending to be a guy all day. No, she’d have to come up with a completely new identity with the glamour disk and use that all the time. She’d be a nobody, with only a little bit of faery magic to protect her. This was a good idea; this path had no major repercussions to it.
Connor sighed. Even if she did run away, then what? She’d just end up like her Uncle Sang: isolated from the people who loved her, unable to show them her true self. And she couldn’t pretend her friends didn’t care about her. They kept messaging her, asking her if she was alright and where she was. Her parents had no idea what to do about her, either, but she could see how much it pained them that she was unhappy.
“Summer? Autumn?” Connor sat up and looked over to the desk. “Can you tell me more about Sang? What were they like?”
The pixies’ wings drooped and they exchanged a look.
“Sang was really sweet,” Autumn said, smiling sadly. “They always went out of their way to help others. Strangers, mostly; they didn’t know a lot of people.”
“They were happy, though,” Summer insisted. “Sang knew a couple of fae, but for the most part they didn’t need other people to be satisfied, just all their little collectibles.”
“Big fan of music,” Autumn added. “Had a whole bunch of vinyl. Kept having to replace record players. Sang had the worst luck with record players.” She chuckled, but it was hollow.
“I do remember a bunch of albums,” Connor mused. “Weird how someone’s entire life can be packed up and sold off so easily.”
“They were sentimental,” Summer said, “but not stupid. They would have known nobody else would be attached to their things. In a way, it’s kind of fitting. I think Sang would be happy to think that their existence could be wiped away so cleanly.” A smile flickered on her lips. “They sure were a strange one.”
“I can relate to that,” Connor said. Her stomach growled. “I think it’s time for lunch, though.”
It was nice not having to hide Summer and Autumn anymore. The two freely accompanied Connor into the kitchen, where Connor’s father was already in the middle of preparing a salad. With no better ideas, Connor accepted the offer to join him.
She kept her eyes on her salad as they ate. Summer and Autumn munched quietly on pieces of an orange. Connor could feel her father’s eyes on her, but didn’t want to look up at him.
“Connor,” her father finally said, “I know that you’re really unhappy about something. Can you tell me why? Because it’s clear that you’re going through a lot at the moment.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it, dad,” she mumbled.
“Perhaps you’ll feel better if you share.”
“I don’t think so.”
The pixies watched silently, their wings still with tension.
Connor’s father sighed and put down his fork, admitting, “I just want you to be happy, Connor, but I really don’t know how to achieve that. Please, just talk to me.”
“There’s nothing you can do, I promise,” she told him.
“Can you imagine how much it hurts to hear that?” her father asked.
Connor felt a pang in her chest.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “There’s just a lot going on right now. I’m still trying to sort through it all, myself. If I thought there was some way you could help, I’d let you know, I promise.”
Her father reached across the table and took her hands in his own. He told her, “I don’t want you going through whatever this is alone. I promise that I’ll support you however I can.”
Connor nodded, but didn’t look her father in the eye.
Her father had some paperwork to do for work, so Connor agreed to do the dishes. Autumn sat on the edge of the sink, kicking her legs in the running water. Summer stood on the windowsill and stared out at the world.
“Homesick?” Connor asked.
Summer shrugged and admitted, “Not really. Despite everything, my life has gotten a lot more interesting than I left.”
“More stressful, too,” Autumn added.
A knock at the front door interrupted their conversation. Connor shut off the sink to go check. Her father was already going for the door, though, and opened it to reveal, of all people, Rosalie.
“Hello, Mister Nguyen. May I come in to see Connor?”
Summer, from Connor’s shoulder, buzzed her wings aggressively.
Connor’s father turned to her and said, “I’ll finish the dishes while you two talk.”
“Can we talk in private?” Rosalie whispered to Connor.
She nodded and led the way to her bedroom, locking the door behind them. This was surreal: Rosalie, her romantic rival, was now in her bedroom. Not something she would have ever predicted happening.
Summer got to the question first: “What are you doing here?”
“Believe it or not,” Rosalie began, “I’m here to offer emotional support?”
“You are?” Connor asked, sitting on the bed.
Rosalie sat beside her and nodded, explaining, “I know what it’s like to be dumped by someone you’re in love with. I thought I should offer a shoulder to cry on.” Summer’s wings were still buzzing sporadically. “Honestly, I feel guilty for my part in the whole disaster.”
“Do you, now?” Summer asked darkly.
“Summer, that’s enough,” Connor told her.
“This is all her fault!”
Autumn insisted, “Just let her speak.”
“Thank you,” Rosalie said. “I spent some time thinking about it, and I don’t think I’m worthy of dating Eric anyway if I was just going to trick him into dating me on the rebound anyway. He deserves better than that.”
“Better than the both of us,” Connor added, pulling her legs onto the bed and hugging them. “How did you find out, anyway?”
Rosalie hesitated, but Connor saw her just barely turn her head in Autumn’s direction. He glanced over at the pixie, who was looking away. Summer seemed to pick up on the implication, because she growled.
“What the everlasting fuck?!” Summer cried, springing from Connor’s shoulder and darting over to Autumn. “Why would you do that?!”
“I’m sorry, alright?!” Autumn cried. “I thought that she might be able to just burst the bubble and end the whole thing at once. This wasn’t supposed to escalate any further! I was desperate and wasn’t thinking straight.” To Connor, she added, “I’m really sorry. I hated myself for it as soon as I had time to think it through.”
There was a pain in Connor’s chest, but she nodded.
“It’s okay, Autumn,” she said.
“No, it’s not!” Summer cried.
“I forgive her,” Connor insisted. “She clearly thought she was doing the right thing. And you and I did really put her in a tough spot.”
“I…” Summer growled and crossed her arms. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Autumn gave her a hard stare, and Summer started to wilt.
“Alright,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry. I egged you on and kept digging us deeper. Things wouldn’t have gotten nearly as bad if I hadn’t pushed so hard.”
“I forgive you too,” Connor said, though she made a note in the back of her mind to keep a closer eye on Summer’s behavior from now on. Then she sighed and leaned back, propping herself up on her arms, and admitted, “I’m sorry, too. I guess I can’t apologize to him directly, but what I did was wrong and I really wish I hadn’t gone to such lengths to deceive Eric. He’s my best friend and deserves a whole lot better than me.”
“I guess we all fucked up, then,” Rosalie said.
Connor nodded, adding, “If I’d just known from the beginning that I was really a girl, I might have been able to approach this a little more honestly, even with the glamour disk.”
“Speaking of which,” Rosalie interrupted, “what are you going to do about that?”
“I don’t want to think about that, right now.”
“Fair enough.” Rosalie sighed. “What are we going to do? Do we tell Eric?”
“I don’t know,” Connor admitted. “My mom would say that we should, but he’d be so hurt if he ever found out.”
“I guess he would.” Rosalie stood up. “I actually can’t stay for very long. I’m really sorry, Connor, for everything. I hope that we can be friends, at least.”
“I’d like that,” Connor assured her. “I’d love to hang out, sometime. Clearly, I judged you too quickly and… I still don’t know if I’m going to come out about being trans just yet; it would be nice to have someone who already knows.”
“Looking forward to it.”
Once Rosalie was gone, Connor sat down at her desk and leaned back in her chair. She sighed. That was one thing taken care of, but it still left an awful lot unsolved. Connor couldn’t face her friends and pretend that nothing had happened. At the very least, Summer and Autumn weren’t planning to go anywhere and that was going to raise some questions. There was no conceivable explanation for how they’d go from living with Luna to living with Connor, especially since Connor and Luna never met each other.
But it was more than that. She felt guilty. Everything she’d done had made sense when she was living in the moment, but in hindsight it all felt like obviously bad decisions. Her friend would pick up on the fact that something was off. Eric, more than anyone, would be able to tell that Connor couldn’t look him in the eye anymore.
Oh, also: she was a girl now. How was she supposed to explain how she came to that conclusion? It would explain why she’d been so reclusive lately, at least. But that would just be another lie to add to the pile.
Connor could hear the front door open. That would be her mother. Was it already so late? Or was she home early? The thought was interrupted by excited chattering from the other room. She got up to peek her head out into the hallway.
“What’s going on?” Connor asked.
“Connor, come out here!” her mother called out. “I have good news!”
Connor picked up the pixies and brought them into the den where her parents were standing.
“Summer, Autumn, good to see you,” her mother said. “Connor, I just got a major lead. There’s a private collector looking to expand his collection a bit, and his sense of style is right up my alley. This could bring in some serious money for the family.”
“It’s really exciting,” Connor’s father said. To Connor’s mother, he added, “I’m really proud of you, honey.”
“Obviously, we can’t do too much to celebrate at the moment,” her mother continued. “But I think we’re getting ice cream tonight after dinner. What do you say to that?”
“That sounds wonderful,” Connor’s father said before giving her mother a brief kiss.
Dinner was indeed a much more vibrant affair that it had been the past couple of weeks. Afterward, everyone got into the car and drove to their favorite little ice cream shop. Connor was a little worried letting Summer and Autumn out of the house with them, but they were so excited to get their little sample size spoons that she decided the risk of being seen was worth it.
Once they were back home, the pixies returned to Connor’s room to rest. Her father headed to his office to wrap up his work for the day. Connor’s mother sat down on the couch to catch up on some TV. Connor sat down beside her.
“Was it worth it?” she asked. “Being honest about all our financial difficulties? Bringing it out into the open? It created so much stress to talk about.”
“It was worth it, dear,” her mother insisted, wrapping an arm around her. “Life is so hard and unfair, but if you meet it head-on then you’ll have a chance of actually changing things for the better. Ignoring things only make them worse.”
Connor nodded. For all the family’s problems, her mother seemed to know what she was doing. At the very least, her way was working out a lot better for her than Connor’s own way was for herself.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” she mumbled, standing up and walking away.
She didn’t need to use the toilet. Connor just stood in front of the mirror and splashed water on her face. It was extremely cold, no matter how much she turned the knobs.
A chill ran up Connor’s spine and her breath caught in her throat.
Slowly, she raised her head to look at the mirror.
The mirror had been frosted over. Carved out of the frost was the phrase “LAST CHANCE HUMAN.” Connor took a deep breath and nodded, then turned off the water and left the restroom.
Closing the door behind her, she said, “Summer, Autumn? I have a plan.”
The pixies listened with rapt attention as she explained. Autumn’s expression lifted and she leaned in eagerly. Summer frowned, her wings buzzing with anxiety.
“This won’t work,” she said suddenly, shaking her head.
“Yes, it will,” Autumn insisted.
“Maybe it will, maybe it won’t,” Connor admitted. “I don’t know. But I have to try. Are you in?”
“I’m in,” Autumn replied automatically.
Summer sighed and nodded.
“Alright,” Connor said, picking up her phone. “Let’s hope being honest isn’t somehow a mistake, too.”
May her truth be enough 💜