“Ugh… another failed attempt,” Blake sighs as we walk down the sidewalk together. She rubs her arm, wincing at the bruise that is glaringly obvious upon her pale skin.

“Yeah,” I agree solemnly. The attempt had been going pretty well and she’d seemed interested, but then suddenly the ground gave out underneath Blake and that was basically curtains for her chances. Random sinkholes are just impossible to plan against. “It’s probably for the best though. It was really mean of her to laugh at you like that.”

Blake nods sadly. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” She groans. “But it’s not like I even need to date her or anything! I just need a kiss! Maybe I should just like, randomly go up to some girl and kiss her on the cheek or something!”

“No way!” I frown, shaking my head with disapproval. “That would be totally not cool! She wouldn’t even have had a say in the matter! Besides, doesn’t the girl need to kiss you back?”

“Oh. Right.” Blake facepalms and sighs some more. “I know, I know. You’re right. I can’t go about this like that. If I’m going to turn into a girl, I’ve gotta do it the right way.”

I pat Blake on the back gently. “Don’t worry, girl, we’ll figure this out. Remember: it’s just a matter of time until you and the right girl find each other!” I chuckle softly as a thought comes to my head. “I mean, for all we know you might have already met her and we just haven’t gotten to her yet!” 

“Hah! Wouldn’t that be funny!” Blake giggles. “The girl I’ve been meant to kiss being someone in front of my face this entire time! Sounds like some really bad punchline for a romantic comedy!” We both crack up laughing at that.

“Come on, Blake, how about we cheer ourselves up with some food,” I suggest. “Burgers sound good?”

“Now that you mention it, yeah, burgers sound great! I’m actually pretty hungry.” 

“Then burgers it is!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Um. Blake… What are you doing?”

Blake looks up at me. She’s awkwardly sticking her chest out, trying to keep her posture straight and her legs close together. “I’m, um, practicing how girls sit. You know, they always have that really perfect posture and everything.”

“Ah, gotcha,” I reply, taking a bite out of my burger. Bacon, mustard, and extra pickles - just the way I like it. “You know,” I start with some food still in my mouth, “if I was a girl, I probably wouldn’t care about how I sat.” 

“What?!” Blake says, a bit too loudly. She catches herself and blushes, before leaning over and continuing more quietly, “Why not? Wouldn’t you want to be, um, like all proper and stuff?”

“Nah. Manners and ‘proper female etiquette’ sound really stupid.” I chomp another bite and wash it down with some of my drink. “Besides, if anyone said anything about it, I’d just shrug it off. It’s way more comfortable to sit loose and relaxed like I do now.”

Blake furrows her brow. “Yeah, well… I suppose that’s fair.” She eats some of her fries one at a time and wipes away the side of her mouth with a napkin. “I guess you’ll never have to worry about deciding, though. Since you’re not a girl and all.”

“Mmm, yeah, that’s true.” I take a sip of my drink. “Still, it’s fun to imagine sometimes as like a random thought experiment.”

“Oh, trust me, I know exactly what you mean,” Blake replies without skipping a beat. “I’ve spent a ton of time idly imaging what it’d be like to be a girl.”

I laugh and lean back in my booth. “God, I bet. Way more than I ever have, no doubt.”

Blake laughs back and we both eat our food idly for a few minutes. Slowly I notice her give up on trying to sit in her “proper” etiquette and slump back into a more familiar pose that I normally see her sit in. Still, that doesn’t stop her from eating rather delicately. While I’m practically scarfing down my food without a care in the world, she takes careful time and measured bites out of her meal, systemically working through each part of it in a sort of order that exists only for her. In a way, I find it oddly cute.

Then I notice something I hadn’t seen earlier. Blake’s nails are painted black. It’s a matte black, not particularly shiny either. The coat is a bit sloppy which means she probably did it herself. But, still, it’s something I’ve never seen her do before. 

“Hey, Blake. I just noticed, but your nails are painted.”

She freezes mid-bite on her burger like a deer caught in headlights. “U-um, yeah, I um,” she stammers anxiously, her cheeks bright red with blush. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

Blake takes a deep breath and exhales, nodding. “Right. Yeah. I’m sorry.” She looks up at me and her expression turns guilty. “I know we’re trying to get a girl to kiss me and I need to at least put on some sort of masculine image in order to attract one, but I just really wanted to know what it was like to have painted nails. And my mom’s polish was sitting there in the open, almost like it was calling to me, and, well…”

I put a hand out on top of hers. “I totally get it. You had to do it.”

Blake sighs despondently. “They probably look awful.”

“No, not at all! I think the color looks really cute on you actually.”

Blake blushes again, this time even redder. “Really?”

“Yeah! And you know, it’s way more common and accepted for guys to have nail polish on nowadays too, so I don’t think this will necessarily out you to anyone. I don’t think any girl is really gonna care much either, except for ones interested in hyper-masculine guys.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Blake says with a breath of relief. “And we already decided that those kind of girls aren’t the ones I should be trying to get to kiss me.”

“Exactly!” I bring my hand back and cross my arms. “You know, this is actually really cool! It’s a sign of you growing that confidence we’ve been talking about!”

Blake’s expression lights up and she smiles. “Wow, yeah, I guess it sorta is!”

“Yeah! It’s really cool and brave of you to do that. I’m proud of you!”

“Aww, thanks Angel!” 

“Of course!”

As we go back to eating, I take a moment to look at Blake. She looks way happier than she did earlier, which makes me happy too. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that anytime Blake gets a chance to act a bit more girly and like herself, her happiness skyrockets. It really makes me look forward to the day we get a girl to finally kiss her and make her dream of getting a girl’s body come true.

“You know, I’ve been wondering, Angel,” she starts to ask after finishing up her burger, “What’s your family life like? I’ve shared a lot about me and my life with you, but you haven’t quite done the same back to me.” 

“Hm, well, my mom’s an electrician and my dad works as a writer.”

“An electrician? Your mom?! Wow, I never would have guessed that!”

I chuckle. “Yeah, most people don’t. But she’s a really hands-on woman and loves messing around with circuitry and electronics. She even helped me make my computer.”

“Wow that’s pretty cool! And your dad? What books has he written?”

“Oh, none, he’s more of an online writer. He also posts opinion articles for a couple different blog websites though.”

“...That’s seriously a job you can have?”

“I guess so!”

“That feels kinda like the easiest job in the world!” Blake laughs. “I mean, how hard can it be to be a writer?”

“He tells me that it’s harder than you might think. You have to meet your own deadlines, provide updates for your fanbase, spend all this time thinking up characters and make them sound believable. I’ve seen him stay up late pretty often doing research too.”

Blake blinks, then leans back in her seat. “Huh. Wow. That actually sounds like a lot of work…”

“I know, right?” I chuckle. “I don’t think I’m gonna follow in his footsteps at all.”

Blakes laughs. “Well what about your mom? Do you like electrician stuff?”

“Nah, not really. I’m not super good with any of that stuff.” 

Blake holds a hand to her chin, thinking for a moment. “Then… What do you want to do? Like, after we graduate this year?”

“Ah, I dunno,” I shrug. “I’m probably going to go to some community college, find something that seems mildly interesting, and then just get a job doing that. Save up some money, someday find a girl, settle down, have kids, all that stuff.”

Blake sips her drink and looks me over. “Seems kinda cookie-cutter to me.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” I shrug again. “But it’s what is expected of me, you know? I’m sure you know what I’m talking about since it's no doubt been drilled into you by adults too. You're told to get a successful career, make a lot of money, take care of a pretty girl someday, make her your wife, and then have kids. That’s like, the epitome of success.”

Blake frowns. “I mean, I guess so. I never really liked any of that stuff, though. It always just felt kinda… unfulfilling to me.”

I nod. “That makes sense since you’re a girl. But for me, it’s just normal. Like an inevitability that’ll happen someday.”

Blake is silent for a moment. “...Is that really what you want to do, though?”

I raise an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” she starts, “I mean, like, if you had a choice, is that what you’d want to do? Like if the opinions of others and your family didn’t matter.” She sighs. “I just… None of that really sounds like something I’d expect you to be happy doing. It doesn’t feel like, well, you.” 

Huh. Like me? What does she mean by that? I mean, sure, I won’t lie that I’m not exactly looking forward to it. It’s kind of why I try to live in the moment more. Or not really think about the future at all, to be honest. So, the idea of what I’d do if I had the choice… I guess I haven’t really thought about it much.

“I’m not sure,” I finally answer. “I haven’t really given that much thought to the future beyond just what I figure’ll happen someday.” I think for a few more seconds, then add, “I guess I’d like to travel, maybe? Go see the country or something?”

Blake smiles. “Now that, that sounds more like you!”

I laugh. “Oh yeah? What else do you think sounds like me?”

“Hmmm…” Blake leans forward, holding her head in her hands and looking me over. “I could see you… Working as a therapist!”

I really crack up laughing at that. “What?! A therapist!? Me?!?”

“Well, yeah! You’re like, really sensitive and kind and empathetic. You’re a great listener and you’re always honest about what you’re thinking. And just, you’re really easy to talk to.” She avoids eye contact with me before continuing. “For a long time, I kept all this stuff to myself. About being trans and all, you know? But that day in the classroom, there was just something about the way you kept trying to talk to me. A sort of earnestness in your voice and body language. And I just… I opened up, for the first time. And then to my surprise, you didn’t judge me at all!” She looks back at me and smiles. “You accepted me and who I am. The real me. That… That’s sort of changed my life since, you know?”

My jaw practically falls off my face at that. I’m speechless. I can’t think of a single thing to say back.

Blake’s face lights up in a bright blush and she quickly looks down at the table. “I’m, I’m sorry! Was that too much?”

“No, no! N-Not at all!” I manage to stammer out. “I’m… I’m just surprised, is all. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before…”

Blake covers her face. “Okay, but, still, I’m sorry! I just wanted you to know why and I kind of got carried away and shared a lot there…”

I reach over, putting my hand on Blake’s shoulder and giving her a gentle squeeze. “Hey, listen, it’s okay. I promise.”

She looks up to me and nods. “O-Okay. I believe you.”

“Good,” I smile and feel my cheeks get a little warm with a blush. God, Blake is so cute sometimes! Especially right now. 

Is that… weird? For me to think? I mean she’s my friend after all. Does that mean I like her? Like, like-her like her?

No, no, it’s just because she’s being cute right now is all. With her face hiding in her arms, and her cheeks all blushing, and her eyes kinda shimmering and wide, and her lips quivering, and--

“Um, Angel? Are you okay?” Blake asks, concerned.

I blush even more and pull my hand back. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine! Sorry! I just got caught up in my thoughts for a second there.”

Blake giggles. “Hehe, yeah, that makes sense after everything I just said.” She holds one of her arms and avoids eye contact with me again. “I um, hope that didn’t come across as weird or anything…”

“Hey, I promised it was okay, remember?” I reply quickly, eager to return focus to consoling Blake rather than dealing with the feelings I just experienced. “Honestly I’m really touched. Thank you.” I smile. “I think you’ve even managed to convince me that I might make a good counselor or therapist or something.”

“Wow, really?” She looks back at me, smiling bashfully. “You mean that?”

“I mean, who knows? College is still a ways off, let alone a career after that,” I reply, scratching the back of my head. “But yeah, you know, sorta! It doesn’t feel as far-fetched now.”

Blake’s expression lights up. “Wow, that’s great! That’d be so cool if you actually ended up doing that!”

“Yep!” I nod. “But right now, I’m focusing more on something else.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Uh, getting a girl to kiss you, remember?”

“Oh, right!” Blake says, slapping the palm of her hand to her forehead. “I can’t believe I forgot!” 

I shake my head in mock disappointment. “Oh, Blake. You’re such an airhead sometimes. I hope this doesn’t mean your ideal girl self is some kind of ditz or something.”

“H-Hey! That’s not true!” she stammers, all flustered. “I’m going to be a really cute girl who’s all well mannered and polite and wears lots of pretty dresses, okay?!”

I lean forward cockily with a smirk on my face. “Oh, really? So that’s why you were working on your posture earlier, is it?”

Blake blushes and looks away from me. “M-Maybe. Look, it’s just the kind of girl I dream about being, you know? I mean, maybe not like rich-girl proper, but just like… preppy.”

I lean back in my seat and look her over. Blake, the cute preppy eighteen-year-old girl huh? Hmm… It’d certainly be a departure from how she’s presented herself so far. But you know, I think I can actually sort of see that for her.

“That’s what you really wanna be, huh?”

Blake nods. “I do. More than anything.” She looks back at me, biting her lip nervously. “Is that… okay? Can you see me looking and acting like that?”

I smile at her warmly. “Definitely.”

Blake lets out a sigh of relief and smiles back. “Good. If even you can acknowledge that while I look like this, then, well… Maybe there’s hope for me.”

“There’s definitely hope for you, Blake! It’s practically an inevitability. Remember what we talked about before, yeah? With you and me working together, it’s practically assured that we’ll get a cute girl to kiss you before the school year is up!”

“Hehe, right!” Blake giggles, hugging her chest. “Gosh, I really just can’t wait!”

“Yeah,” I whisper to myself, smiling as Blake revels in her girly fantasies. “Me neither.”