Floor 10 is supposedly a boss floor. Instead of the usual cave layout, it is a properly constructed stone room, like an entrance hall in a castle. And a bit in the distance I can see the boss monster waiting for me.

A gigantic golem wielding a massive sword that even Guts would call too big. Just what the doctor ordered for a bad day.

I'm exasperated, (Pardon the language but what the fuck is this shit? 81924 HP AND insane defense stats on top? This was supposed to be a tutorial boss and not an endgame raid boss! If this is what passes for normal, I'm surprised anyone has ever beaten a boss here period.)

Elly tries to appease me, (That may seem a lot to you but imagine if you had a group of Thereses. They'd probably deal at least 500 damage with each hit to it. 160 hits spread over 5-7 people go by relatively quickly. Especially when you don't have to cast a spell for over three seconds each time.)

(Yeah, no, screw this, I'm out.)

...am I really?

Elly asks dumbfounded, (Why aren't you moving then?)

(As dumb as it sounds I have to know... none of its skills suggest that it can move faster than the regular variants and even the elites were just like their normal cousins just with slightly higher stats but not faster.)

She sighs, (I'd like to stick on the side of caution and say 'go home' but if you're serious about dungeon diving I'm afraid we'll eventually have to find out how the properties of the base race translate to the boss variant.)

(I'm quite confident it'll be fine. The elites weren't different from the regular variant either, just the inflated stats and extra skills the additional classes suggested.)

I shoot a regular ice shot at the boss to draw its attention.

(Good, status effects still work! But that damage is pathetic...)

Elly scoffs, (Do you think it'll die before retirement?)

I snark back, (At least before my old world achieves world peace.)

Stomp Stomp

And sure enough, the boss starts walking in my direction with the same speed as its lesser variants. I continue running ahead towards the floor 9 safety zone while stopping every once in a while and shooting another ice shot at it until my MP is depleted.

Stomp Stomp

We pass through the safety zones between floors 8 and 9 continuing until we reach the zone between 5 and 6. Even there it still doesn't stop following me.

(I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea. Chloe said that bosses only go up to three floors away from their spawn, this is already four!)

Elly urges me, (Keep running. Floor 2 was big so if it gets that far you can kite it there.)

I agree, (Sounds like a plan.)

Stomp Stomp

We arrive at the safety zone between floors 3 and 4 - and now the boss seemingly can't go any further, (So its 6 floors and not 3... do I want to know if the increased range is from a glitch, is boss specific or does the boss just not feel like fighting anymore?)

Elly responds, (That's something we'll have to find out eventually unless you can gain some sort of tank summon or three to stall bosses for you.)

(How about both?)

She agrees, (Both sounds fine.)

(It will still take some time to freeze to death. And I don't feel comfortable sitting within range distracted by reading in case it decides to suddenly ignore the safety zone wall again.)

Elly corrects me, (Yeah, same here. Also, replace 'some time' with close to twenty hours!!)

Bang Bang

It seems like the mobile mountain loses its patience, it slams its sword repeatedly into the invisible wall between us. Then it throws the sword away and starts pounding the wall with its fists, clearly frustrated with the whole situation.

(I hope this wall doesn't have limited HP... Hey, Elly. While we wait, how about you give me everything you've got on all of its skills.)

She hesitantly asks, (All of them?)

I nod, (Yes.)

She complies, (Well, you asked for it.)

About what I'd expect.

I guess my book would count as a makeshift shield then.

(Oh, so I couldn't have used much better armor even if I had bought it? Dodged a bullet there.)

Elly guesses, (Maybe the armor merchant would've allowed you to return it if you can't use it?)

(That's just blatant guesswork. Go on, next skill, please.)

(That's... a non-description if I ever saw one.)

Elly sounds sarcastic, (Useless and 100% accurate, my favorite.)

(I wouldn't call 'physical' an element but then earth isn't an element either. Not that anyone around here would know anything about proper chemistry. Neither do I, really. Considering how little the difference between an earth spell and another element was on the regular rock golem I don't think a few points of resistance are too much to worry about.)

Elly replies, (I agree. The whole system seems to boil down to a big game of rocket tag.)

(Should've been obvious once we found out that damage over time status effects do not wear off naturally. Tag something that doesn't have super high natural regeneration once with a bleed, cold, poison or probably fire effect and you can go on vacation.)

She urges, (Speaking of that, maybe you should aim for one of those elements so you can branch out a bit. Just ice spells all the time gets boring.)

(Hey, I'm just using what works. This is real life, I don't get a second chance. So if I can overcome an 80 levels disadvantage by spamming the boring 'overpowered' element I'll gladly do just that. Playing 'fair' is for suckers and soon-to-be-dead people.)

Of course, the skill is broken, (Hello, glitches, my old friend. You've come to talk with me again...)

Elly interrupts me, (Now if we could just read the garbled text we could make a better guess of how safe we are right now.)

(Yeah, but we can't. For all I can read, it may change the limit every 5 minutes or so.)

She agrees, (True, ok, last skill.)

(Huh? But that should've been all already.)

(Great, now there are also hidden skills. Are there more of those? How'd you even find it if it doesn't come up with [Appraisal]?)

Elly is astonished, (Huh? But... but I found it with that skill. It still shows up there.)

(...maybe there's a filter option. Let me check my menu.)

I check through the UI tab, nothing. Maybe under skills? Yep, there's a sub-option for appraisal. And there's a filter list: [Mindless Monster] is the only entry there. What happens when I remove it... great, now I see the skill in Mr. Rock's appraisal window as well. I think I'll filter it out again, should be obvious who has it.

I sigh, (That's... one mystery cleared up at least. I should really spend more time checking for such traps in the menu. What moron even sets that as the default!?)

I just observe the boss for the remaining time until its life runs out, sneaking in another ice shot whenever my MP allows me to. Some time later its assault on the invisible wall stops. It collapses to the ground like an old man giving in to desperation.

...did it just look up and give me puppy eyes? Sorry, 'pal', your fate is already sealed. It was over the moment you got your [Mindless Monster] skill.

After what feels like an eternity the gigantamax rock finally dies.

Uh, I mean:

(Huh, that could be useful.)

Elly asks, (Who do you plan to interrogate?)

(...myself.)

She's confused, (I don't follow.)

(There are some things that don't add up with my memory. Like I'm fairly certain I couldn't ever see blood, would feel nauseous at the merest sight of it. But now? I can see and drink it without the slightest issue.)

Elly guesses, (Probably just because you're now a vampire. It would be... difficult if you got sick every time you, umm, eat.)

(Good, and if they've messed with 'me' in that way, who is to say they haven't manipulated even more?)

She's dumbstruck, (Huh, yeah, didn't think about that. I agree that is worth checking out. And how do you plan to do that?)

Elly, did you really just ask me to reveal the details of my plan so that it is guaranteed to fail?

(Observe.)

I take the item out of my inventory, "My memory has been tampered with."

The gem shines grey, (Ok, now I'm man enough to admit that that would've been too easy... but come on, cut me some slack every once in a while!)

Elly suggests, (Maybe just state some of the things you remember from your previous life and see if they come up as correct?)

I agree, (That's the next best thing, yeah.)

"I fainted when I saw blood in third grade" - the gem turns red, (Huh?)

"I worked over ten years for the same company" - it stays red, (What?)

"Jeff lied to me" - grey, (Ok, that's fair. How should it know that. Really, that one is on me.)

"Umm... I dated Daisy Smith in high school" - red.

"I didn't date Daisy Smith in high school" - also red.

(Ok, what the fuck is going on!? Those last two statements are mutually exclusive. They can't be both false at the same time!!)

Elly joins me in my disappointment, (Yeah, I got nothing either. Maybe this crystal is just defective?)

"I'm a vampire now" - green.

"I was not a vampire before" - green.

(So much for that angle.)

Elly wants to give up, (Just put it away for now. You can try again later when we have a better plan.)

(Yeah, true.)

I drink another blood pack and then move on to floor 11. There I see... hundreds of regular-sized bees - just what I was missing today.

I scoff, (And this is where the pun monsters start? Well, same tactic as before.)

As soon as I step out of the safe zone all of the bees start charging at me.

I repeat my tactic a few more times. Each Ice Blast lands about 30 to 40 status effects and on a few casts, I get stung a couple of times when sticking my hand out to blow the little buggers up. Nothing I can't regenerate over a couple of hours while I wait for MP anyway.

I could survive up to 7 stings at once but they never land more than 4 whenever I stick my hand out to cast another Ice Blast. The required regeneration makes this floor take a few days longer than necessary but rather that than dead.

And next is floor 12. Eight old friends wait for me. Welcome to slime Thursday, gentlemen.

(I guess this is where the fun stops. They have fire magic, just the right thing for my undead weaknesses and with the last update their [Rapid Regeneration] also clears status effects. So I can't make a dent into their HP and I'm in constant danger of getting one-shot from range. Exactly what the doctor ordered to cure good mood.)

Elly half-heartedly asks, (Try it anyway?)

(No. Too risky. I had a good enough idea with for example the Ragelopes how their ram attack works, I could see it being used against our gate guards. But with monster magic? No clue. For all I know, they don't need to chant for spells and can just instantly shoot them. And seeing how even my spells fly as fast as gun bullets - forget it, there's no way in hell I can dodge that. Aside from that, I doubt I can get past their HP and status regeneration anyway. This is the end of this dungeon trip.)

She fakes disappointment, (Finally, err, I mean... good thinking, we've made plenty of progress after all.)

(I wouldn't really call it progress. I got a lot of exp, yes, but I don't have anything to show for it. The new skill does nothing for me, my stats have barely gone up and what I've read in those books can be summed up as: 'eternal war of mankind with demons and monsters.' Really, nothing in them even hints that the people here have any idea what 'peace' would even be.)

Elly asks, (Which reminds me why did you focus so much on history books? Wouldn't something from Gzeph's documents be more useful?)

(...his stuff gives me a headache. It is either unreadable because of file corruption or unreadable because he assumes the reader already has critical knowledge - which I lack.)

She sounds a bit reserved, (Say, I wanted to surprise you when I'm done but I'm working on restoring some of those documents. Ok, restoring is a bit much. But in the end, it is just text so I can at least make parts of them readable again.)

(That's some good news. How much progress have you made so far?)

She sums up her results, (I'm about two-thirds done with the file on titles.)

I sigh, (Again with the titles...)

Elly gloats, (Of course! You said you wanted to know more about the 'Demon Lord candidate' title so I thought this would be the best place to start.)

(Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, I take it back. That should be very helpful.)

(Also speaking of titles -)

I interrupt Elly, (I had to put my foot where my mouth is...)

She continues, (- over your little dungeon exploration you've unlocked a few more titles, wanna hear them?)

(First, tell me if I still have the candidate available. I'm just dying to know that I've gained another nigh-impossible-to-beat opponent.)

Elly assures me, (No, that's still there.)

(Neither option would've been satisfying so I take it. What are the new titles?)

(That's all? No thanks. One of the main reasons I read is just to pass time and if I took that I'd run even faster out of ways to stave off boredom. The selection in the library is already very limited. Next?)

I'm confused, (Why do I even have that? My attack power is pathetic.)

Elly explains, (I read in the note about titles that you gain this time for dealing 100,000 damage with a single attack and you... rained on someone's parade for more than that.)

(Anyway, pass. I'm lightyears away from dealing that much damage with a single hit. And if I cared about inflicting fear I could just switch [Intimidation] on.)

She agrees, (True enough.)

(In principle I'd want that. Currently, I take 25 damage per second in the sun, reduce that by 1 is... well, not much better, really. I'd last maybe 1-2 seconds extra. And the experience with the golems tells me 1 point of resistance isn't really worth much either.)

Elly lectures me, (Maybe but when you increase your title level it would start to make a much bigger difference. But then you should already have enough time to sunbathe between the cloak and the ring.)

(You know what, I'll take that later. Going over 5 titles supposedly increases the cost for title levels and looking at this, it needs several levels to become useful. And before you tell me another good title in a moment, I'll postpone it.)

(Ok, will keep it on hand for later.)

(I assume that fear is a subset of mind effects and I'm supposedly already immune to them.)

Elly concurs, (Yeah, that wouldn't do anything for you. Last one.)

Oh, that's easy, (Hey, Elly, quick, come up with 200 dad jokes!)

She declines, (Uh, no?)

(See? Another pointless title.)

She sighs, (...sorry, another wasted session.)

(Maybe. I'll need to read up on demon lords in this world. That means studying some legends from books in the library until you've restored the document about titles and then we'll check that one. I may take that title and maybe 'Daywalker' if I've some exp to waste on rising titles a little bit. Depends on what exactly it does.)

She accepts my decision, (Gotcha.)

I go back to the dungeon entrance and wait until MP is full again and only then leave. On the other side of the gate, everyone is also still leaving the dungeon, to them my ten days long expedition doesn't seem to have happened.