My sister and Yokoso-san were—okay, no, wait, let me back up a bit.
After vaguely explaining our anti-C4 Corp strategy, Yokoso-san yanked me along the wide sidewalks of realspace Metro Manila. Again—and I cannot stress this enough—but I’m really impressed that sidewalks basically occupied three-fourths of the entire road. There’s a token single-lane road in the middle for logistics and emergency vehicles.
I bet you’re curious, too. “What happens if two vehicles meet?” Well, I once happened to stand around one of the busiest roads around here for an entire week, waiting for such an event to occur. Alas, it did, and that was the day when I learned that stoplights had magic projectors built into them.
They holographically construct a temporary parking lane for one the vehicles to yield, and it even has a hazy hologram of the incoming vehicles so that people would know just by how much to stay away. Pretty neat, I think.
Anyway, Yokoso-san kidnapped me and tossed me into a bus.
Compared to most kidnappings, this one was probably one of the more pleasant ones.
The bus was more like a giant golf cart, completely exposed to open air. The wind brushing against my face felt nice, and the whir of the bus’s electric wheels, on top of the sound of the wind passing by, had an almost ASMR-like quality to it. It almost reminded me of the jeeps from back then, what with the breeziness, but I can definitely say that the subtraction of the diesel cancer component made the ride more than amazing.
Ahhh, nature ASMR is amazing~
Sadly, nature ASMR had to stop, and I was yeeted off the bus.
I didn’t know what Yokoso-san’s plans were, but I couldn’t imagine that it had something to do with the two-story office building in front of me. The letters above the humble lobby spelled out “HAREM REGULATION COMMITTEE,” and I had no idea what to feel about that.
“Y- Yokoso-san, no matter how I look at it…”
“Fufufu, you’re sharp, Bakiino…”
“Huh? I haven’t even drawn a deep conclusion though—”
“Correct! We will be taking over this cult!”
“Eh?”
With that, Yokoso-san marched in, and I walked in behind her with my shoulders slouched over. I know not wherefore I am here.
“Ah, good afternoon, Yokoso-san,” the guard greeted. He flipped open a logbook and started jotting something down. He stopped writing for a moment and eyed me, then turned back to Yokoso-san with a judging look. “Er, Yokoso-san, could it be…”
“That’s right, James-san!”
The guard’s face twisted in disgust, while Yokoso-san beamed with pride. Somehow, a misunderstanding was instantly created.
No, even if you ask me, I didn’t know what the misunderstanding exactly was. It’s Yokoso-san, after all.
And thanks to that misunderstanding, we were now surrounded by a SWAT team out of nowhere. I’m pretty sure some of them were disguised as indoor plants, what the heck.
Even if I said they were a SWAT team, I’m pretty sure they were holding paintball guns, but you could use pepperballs in them, so I’d still rather not get shot…
“YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR VIOLATING HAREM REGULATIONS,” announced one while two of them tackled Yokoso-san out of frame.
“Er, since I was just dragged here, I think I’ll take my leave now—”
As I tried backing out, a hand landed on my shoulder.
“Under Article 5, Section 9 of HRC regulations, you are an accomplice, you know?”
For some reason, even I was tackled by two off-screen members. I could’ve gone with you peacefully, you know!
I woke up with my legs strapped to something, and my arms tied behind my back. As I was sitting down, I could tell that I was strapped to a wooden chair. My head was also bagged, so I couldn’t see anything, but in this humid atmosphere and with the commotion of voices around me, this sort of scene felt a bit familiar…
With the banging of a gavel, a lady announced, “ORDER! ORDER!”
Ne, don’t tell me, the entire second floor was a courtroom?
The bag on my head was taken off, and I saw the judge clearly, towering in front of me in a magical girl outfit. All around me, there were people yelling incomprehensible things like “You cheating harem bastard, go explode” and “Just one harem wasn’t enough for you haahh?!”
Instead of a courtroom, wasn’t this more of a kangaroo courtroom?
Finally, I saw Yokoso-san in the same situation as me, tied to a chair beside me. The bag on her head flew off as well, and she eyed me with a wink wink, which was probably Yokoso-san for All according to plan!
As far as I could tell, there wasn’t any real plan.
Finally, the gavel came down—much clearer this time—and the room quieted down.
…Although, there was this uncomfortably-long silence that made me wonder why there wasn’t anything going on, so I looked up at the judge.
Ne, why’s my sister up there?
Rather, why are you wearing a magical girl outfit in such a serious place!
“K- Kaba-kun?!”
““Kun?!”” the audience shared her bewilderment.
“…sis? What are you—”
I couldn’t finish my words as her face twisted from confusion, into anger, into disgust—maa, I didn’t plan on living a long time, anyway. Though, what surprised me most was the character to the right and below my sister.
Was that… Pouko Maryukuza?!
The brother of that Bean—what was he doing here, of all places?!
“Fufufu, fancy meeting you here—Pouko anata~”
Eh? Yokoso-san? Pouko? Anata?!
It seemed that my thoughts were duplicated in my sister’s brain, as her eyes alternated between Pouko and Yokoso-san. From bewilderment, her face turned into confusion, distortion—anger. Pouko, meanwhile, broke into a cold sweat, and started waving his hands to try and clear the confusion.
“N- No! Annie-san, I don’t know this woman!”
Ehhhh, if I remember correctly, Pouko was beaten to a pulp by Yokoso-san, ne? That was after he’d tried to ask her out. Looking at how sis was activating Strength magic right now, and with the timeline of events, then wasn’t Pouko already going out with my sis when he approached Yokoso-san?
“Ara? Pouko-san, didn’t you register me as part of your harem? Fufufu~”
“Tashika ni, a certain SO, YOKO is registered under Poukou Maryukuza’s harem!” a bespectacled lawyer announced.
Leaving aside the fact that the lawyer’s appearance could infringe on several centuries-old copyrights, the magic activation aura around my sister flared, and I swear, my skin physically tingled as the flare washed over me.
“NANI?!”
She shouted, punching him into the wall. Sucks to be you, Pouko-kun.
“AND YOU!”
“Eh?”
Now my sister’s anger was pointed at me. I just realized, but if she threw me the usual punch—
“Oi, wait, sis, you know I can’t evade while I’m strapped to a chair, right? You know that’ll totally kill me, right?!”
“ALLOWING YOURSELF TO GET REGISTERED UNDER YOKOSO-SAN’S HAREM! WHEN YOKOSO-SAN HERSELF IS BASICALLY CROSS-REGISTERING BY DOING THAT! ARTICLE 1—‘One person, one harem, you thirsty bastards’—VIOLATION!”
“W- Wait! Even if you tell me that, I don’t even know what the heck a harem registration is! Y- Yokoso-san! Tell her!”
“Fufufu~”
Let’s ignore the fact that Yokoso-san managed to untie herself just so that she could cover her mouth to do the fufufu thing—I’ve been betrayed! Abandoned! Yokoso-san, why?!
“And above all, Kaba-kun…”
“W- What is it, sis—”
“CALL. ME. ONEE-CHAAAAAN!”
Everything that happened was a slow motion blur that my Perception magic just barely kept up with.
First, Yokoso-san sneakily untied me in the split second that sis took to charge up her attack, so when the attack came, I barely managed to evade. Half the courtroom got blown away, but the bystanders just dragged away the collateral casualties and kept jeering at me with ‘Stepping over the line, this pitiful brother’ or ‘No, yeah, I get you, my sister does that sometimes too’ or some incomprehensible thing like that.
As soon as I got on my feet, sis was already preparing her second attack. I knew that her attack speed was monstrous, but that also meant that she was burning through way too much cash with each punch, so for the sake of my broke college student mentality, I had to stop her, ASAP!
That was when Yokoso-san appeared behind her, and whispered something into her ear.
…she blushed, then she crumpled down on her knees.
Yokoso-san followed her ear down as she crumpled and kept whispering things that brought my sister’s face to a full-flushed red.
I though I heard her whisper “K- Kaba-kun b- baka” or something.
By the way, everyone else around me was alternating between glaring at me with murderous intent and sending confused concern for my sister’s sorry state.
I couldn’t help but wonder why no one seemed to pay any attention to Yokoso-san. In the first place, wouldn’t she be the primary offender here? I just got dragged in here, goddamnit!
While this peace still lasted, I checked the ARNet and, after diving through three different search engines, I learned that the Harem Regulation Association provides access to unique financial plans and packages for harems, which the government wouldn’t normally recognize, though that’s if you follow their rules.
I wasn’t really interested in the packages so I just skipped to the rules to try and figure out why I had to go through what I went through.
Apparently, Yokoso-san being the first to walk through the door signified that she was the “harem head”, and since I went in after her, I was registering as a “harem member”—honestly, wasn’t that an unfair system for deciding who occupied which role? What if the harem head was into submission play?
A- Anyway, the issue was that Yokoso-san was already a member of Pouko’s harem—and oh boy do I want to know how that happened—and Article 1, verbatim, states: “One person, one harem, you thirsty bastards.”
Also, my sister’s the Chief Inquisition Officer, and Pouko was in the board of directors. It said so on the association’s About page.
Now that I know all that, the way this scene played out—how Yokoso-san got us captured, how Pouko was currently embedded in the wall, and how my sister was steaming on the floor with Yokoso-san whispering heck-do-I-know things in her ear—it was almost as if Yokoso-san really was aiming for everything all along.
(Meanwhile…)
—Haaaaa thank god, everything worked out~
Anyway, my sister snapped up, face still beet-red, and dropped all charges against us, before slapping all of them at Pouko. Poor guy, but he had it coming.
Afterwards, I got locked in a room while my sis and Yokoso-san had closed-door discussions. How rude.
If anyone told me that the owner of my favorite convenience store was in collusion with my sister to destroy all harem bastards (not to be confused with harem non-bastards, apparently), I wouldn’t believe them.
They left me in the room for a while with some snacks and tea. The Akiino household was a coffee bar in itself, though, so Yokoso-san must have been the one who prepared the tea.
An hour went by, which I passed watching some videos, before the doors opened, and sis and Yokoso-san came in. Yokoso-san had this mischievous look on her face, which was the backdrop for sis unceremoniously announcing “Kaba-kun! Congrats! You have your own harem now, you pervert bastard! Guess who made herself your first member!”
Yokoso-san giggled. Did I really have to guess?
I’ve said this many times, but Yokoso-san is—wait, she’s looking this way.
“A- ano, Yokoso-san—”
“Ara ara~ daijoubu Kaba-kun~ I’ll take good care of you~”
“T- That’s nice, but, I can’t help but ask—”
“Ah! Ask me to be yours?! What a charming Akiino~”
“…ask you what the point of all of this was, damn.”
What did embedding Pouko into the wall, followed by making me a harem on your own convenience, have to do with taking down C-4 Corp, damn it!
“Ah, was that all?”
Yokoso-san led me out of the room—chaperoned by my sister tailing behind me, because somehow I turned into a pervert bastard who couldn’t be trusted to be left alone with women—and led me down the stairs to the Harem Regulation Association’s basement.
Rather, this is completely a dungeon, isn’t it?!
There, behind the bars, a dishelved man with a long beard looked up at us. Eh? Pouko? How did you grow a sagely beard in under two hours? Yokoso-san manipulated something in the air in front of her, and Pouko’s eyes shone for a moment. He began deftly manipulating the air, before freezing, stiff as ice, then a teardrop crawled down his face.
“Why… WHY DID I GET CHIISEI AGAAAAAIN!”
““Yokoso-san, you demon.””
For once, my sister and I were in agreement.
“Fufufu~ Why don’t you two go upstairs for now? Unless you want to watch, I like to work… slowly.”
She turned to face the sulking Pouko.
“Now~ Why don’t you tell me about your brother~”
I went upstairs with my sister. Not like either of us wanted to hang around a demon in human skin.
So her aim was to interrogate Pouko to try and look for a weakness in Bean’s defenses, huh? I guess, that makes sense… Ah, but wait, what did that have to do with making herself a part of my harem?
…Good god, those are words I never wanted to say…
“Kaba-kun, be careful around that demon.”
“Ah? Sis?”
“Wrapping her little finger around the Akiino house, I can’t believe it…”
…Eh? Hey, you just said some dangerous words there. Oi, sis? Sis!
