There, waiting by the fountain, was Sister Eve. I waved in her direction and made for a light jog towards her.

“Ah, sorry, was I late?”

“No, no, I just arrived too. Come to think of it Hero-sama, but why is this man here?”

She pointed towards Juan Inigo Montoya Mitsa, who shook his head. “This woman really is the devil… Why? Why did I marry you?”

“Tsch, I can say the same for myself, kono bakamiccha…”

“Now now, the two of you…”

 

I couldn’t help but my scratch my head before I led them to a cosplay cafe-restaurant along virtual Katipunan. As for why we were here, you can ask my sister, who was taking their orders as a magical girl.

Ne, Kaba-kun, this is an important operation, okay? Don’t mess this up, okay?!—she said it like that.

Sis, I’m not that hopeless, okay? A-Anyway, Yokoso-san said she would also be observing, but I hadn’t seen her so far…

 

Ever since we entered the restaurant, the two couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. I really wished that was speaking romantically, but by the blessings of Perception magic, I could hear them grinding their teeth at frequencies high enough to annoy mosquitoes.

"“Omurice.”"

Even if they hate each other, they still get the same stuff, huh…

 

Sis smiled and left with their orders, leaving us alone.

 

“De? Hero-sama, I hope you can explain yourself? I can be excommunicated for eating lunch with the enemy, you know?” Sister Eve said, flicking a grain of rice towards Juan-san. He deftly evaded the rice grain, and behind him, the rice grain hit someone in the other table in the head, dropping their HP to zero and disconnecting them instantly. The person’s buddies thought there was something wrong with his connection or something, and carried on eating.

Eh? Wasn’t that like a Corrupter bullet? Sister Eve, why do you carry around illegal rice grains? I shook the thought away and faced the couple.

“Maa, how do I say this… It’s for a school report.”

 

The cat- and dog-eared couple snapped towards me, hearing such strange words—Eh? School report? Before Sister Eve could interrogate me, Juan-san beat his wife to the punch.

“‘School report’ you say? Isn’t it your summer vacation now?”

Sister Eve bit her lip and desperately held herself back. That’s right, Sister Eve! Discipline! Self-control!

“W- Well,” I scratched my chin, “It’s something like summer homework?”

The two went back to staring each other down. They seem to have taken the bait. In truth, I had actually just graduated from high school last July. By the way, it’s already September.

 

“Thanks for the wait! Here’s your order~”

 

The two gave polite smiles to my sister who was handing them their omurice. They shift gears so fast, scary…

I noticed the ridiculously-detailed ketchup art on their omurice. I also ordered and got one, but I didn’t get the ketchup art. What sort of discrimination is this?

Just when I had that thought, my sis shot me a sharp glance, as if saying All according to keikaku yo! I didn’t want to believe her—because who in their right mind would have a keikaku rather than a decent plan?—but Yokoso-san was a prime example that outliers really did have a keikaku, and my sister be lying out really far, I think.

 

Sure enough, seeing the intricate ketchup art, Sister Eve and Juan-san had conflicted expressions. The spoons in their hands couldn’t move.

“T-Tonikaku, H-Hero-sama, what was your report about?”

Sister Eve asked, completely avoiding eye contact with the husband and the omurice. Juan-san also distracted himself by directing his attention to me. I see, so the incredibly-detailed ketchup art is to push them to have a conversation instead of eating…

“Err… Well, the title should explain itself: ‘The Experience of Religious Differences in Married Couples’.”

“I see why you must have chosen us, but, couldn’t you have invited us separately?”

“Right! Right! Finally, this demon woman and I can agree on something for once!”

“W- Well, my teacher told me to ‘Put them both in the same room’…”

“Ah? Ah, I see. What an irresponsible teacher.”

“A-Anyway, I hope you can still help me here.”

“There’s no helping it. I will help Hero-sama.”

“Ah, a second thing that we agree on, how rare…”

 

As I took out my notebook, I side-eyed Sister Eve as she took marginal scoops out of the sides of the omurice, perfectly avoiding the ketchup art. Juan-san vibrated in place like a certain komyushou character. Then he slapped his cheeks. That surprised me.

 

I sighed and checked my inventory for a pen. That’s when I heard Sister Eve’s spoon drop onto the table.

 

“What are you doing! Uncultured swine!”

“Omurice is to be eaten! Refusal to do so just because the ketchup art is too good desecrates the omurice!”

When I turned to look, there was a giant crater in the middle of Juan-san’s omurice, completely devastating the ketchup art. Absolutely no mercy for the ketchup art, huh?

 

Before they started breathing down each others’ throats again—in more ways than one later on, if the last battle was any good reference—I audibly put down my notebook and got the loudest clicker pen I could find.

 

CHA-CLICK!

 

“A-Anyway, let’s start. I already know Sister Eve, but how should I call you, er…”

“Juan is fine.”

“Then, Juan-san, Sister Eve, thank you for coming today.”

I began the interview with basic questions—some demographics and open-ended “What’s your routine at home?” or “What do you think about most when it comes to your marriage?” questions.

 

“Honestly, no matter what, I just can’t seem to let go of this girl.”

Woah, a sudden cheesy attack? Sister Eve is fidgeting, you know?

“In this life or the last—maa, it’s like a curse I can’t shake off~”

“Oi, who are you calling a curse?!”

 

I couldn’t pay attention to the resumption of hostilities. I mean, Juan-san just dropped a bomb, didn’t he?!

‘This life or the last.’ Seriously?!

 

“N-Ne, I might be wrong, but the both of you are Heroes too?!”

 

The two, still locking horns, turned and pointed at me at the same time.

 

““Right!””

 

“Eh?! Then why are you—”

“Kono bakamiccha thinks his Hero wife would deliberately join an evil organization!”

“Because you did! I didn’t believe it at first, but it was as they said! Joanna, you’ve been brainwashed by—”

“Again with this! Have you never considered that maybe it was you who was brainwashed to think that I was brainwashed?!”

“No way! It was God who said—”

“Ha?! God was clear—”

““You’re the one who’s wrong, bakanata!””

 

 

Hm, so they’re both cheesy and consumed by weebinization. Maybe I should just tap out for now? My brain cells are shouting.

Just when I thought I needed reinforcements…

 

 

“Fufufu~”

 

 

 

The real devil woman appeared.