Chapter 9

Dimitri, spend the whole day with Nikola, just watching his lover make dinner. It was with Nikola’s own blood and not in the same quantities as the previous day, but he still made them some candy. Which were gluttonously gobbled by the two vampires as soon as they hit the plate.

Nikola had his picture taken numerous times during the day. When he was stirring the syrup.  He had a small smile on that one picture. Just when had he began to smile again? A picture was snapped of him attempting to make chocolate from blood and dry milk. It was taken just as he brought the spoon with the mixture to his lips.

He saw many other photos of him. In one, he was napping curled together with Malkav on the couch. In another, he was just exiting the bathroom, a tallow around his waist the only thing covering him. In a different one, he was cleaning the counter after finishing the candy. He remembered that he had hummed while doing so.

Nikola couldn’t believe the pictures when he saw them. He looked free in them. Happy even. He was a killer now. He was still a captive. But there was something light in his image in these pictures.

And then Dimitri began to paint the images on canvases. He made the background soft and fluffy, and it gave his paintings a romantic feeling. Nikola felt strange as Dimitri kept painting him. The blonde was keeping his distance from him during the day.

Malkav, on the other hand, didn’t want to be separated from him. He would touch and embrace him, but he too refrained from kissing him. Nikola couldn’t figure out what the two were planning, but it made him nervous.

  This was the most self-control the two had shown him since he met them. As he went to bed that night, the two stared at him hungrily. He picked up his pajamas and went to go change in the bedroom when Malkav blocked his way. Dimitri took his pajamas away and kissed his hair.

So, his respite was over. He should have known that their self-control won’t last. He was guided to the bed and made to sit in Malkav’s lap as Dimitri straddled him from the front.

He leaned back and just sat there as the two remained unmoving. Were they waiting for him to make the first move? Was he going to stay like that the whole night? Dimitri was looking at him with amusement, and Malkav was resting his head in his hair. He opened his mouth to speak, and then he closed it. Dimitri closed the distance between their faces, and Nikola could clearly see the red of his eyes. He could almost swear his lover’s eyes glowed in the dark.

When he didn’t speak, Dimitri moved his face away from his but didn’t move from his spot.

“What is going to happen now?”

Asked Nikola finally as his nerves had caved into the pressure.

“I don’t know, Niki. You are the one who feels nice and good love for us. You decide what we do tonight.”

“You are actually leaving it up to me? This is not a trick?”

“No, Niki. Malkav and I spoke and we decided we want you to show us what you like. This is a onetime opportunity. If you waste it on someone as mundane as cuddling, we’ll oblige, but don’t expect anything to change from how things were used to if you don’t show us you can compromise tonight. So, what will it be, love? Are we napping?”

“No.”

Nikola gulped and once again cursed his body for not remaining dead, just like the bodies of all vampires. If he was cold as stone, then maybe it wouldn’t be so easy for Dimitri to tease him.

“Then what now, Niki?”

“I don’t know. You have never given me choices before. Neither of you. And I honestly don’t know what you want from me. Or what I want, even. Why can’t you just tell me…”

“But Niki, if I tell you, then how do you suppose things will change? You must have a fetish? A fantasy maybe? Should I wrap a ribbon around my neck for you again? Because I still keep the one from the other day and Malkav protects his antlers with his life, and it is the second day of Christmas.”

“I don’t want anything perverted! I’m not like you. I don’t consider you a toy, no matter how beautiful you are! I even… No. You don’t care. This is another game for you.”

Dimitri chuckled at that and went to trace a pattern on Nikola’s lips with his finger, and his amusement became even bigger. He then looked up towards Malkav and shrugged.

“I told you love will make him helpless. But no. Let’s be nice to him. Let’s leave him his space. Let’s restrain ourselves in bed because our delicate morsel wouldn’t be able to take two cocks at once. Now do you see what you did, you sap? You turned him into an emotional mush with your little command to not fuck him yesterday. And you got his hopes up. But you are worse than me, Malkav. You are sneaky and plot with me in my mind, and so he thinks that I am the only one to blame because he feels used. Well, how do you like your saintly image now? I am offering myself to be fucked while you fuck him, and he can’t even tell from our positions. Let’s just flip him over and take turns as usual.”

Without knowing how, Nikola pushed Dimitri off the bed and onto the floor. Then he cursed his body as the first sobs began. Stupid. Fool. Imbecile. Dimitri had told him he would seduce him, hadn’t he? Well, he succeeded. Had gone a step further and made him fall for him even. And now he was saying these hurtful things, and he was getting up and looking angry at him. Right, Dimitri was unstable. He had forgotten this little detail.

The blonde made to punch him, but Malkav stopped him. He wasn’t hurting him or anything as he had had at the beginning of their relationship, but he still stopped the Toreador. Malkav, who wanted to appear angelic when he was just as wretched as Dimitri. He had given the man a ring and had signed marriage papers with him. Had given him his last name. Malkav was gripping his waist, and there was nothing gentle or comforting about it.

“You were supposed to seduce him tonight, Toreador. Not make him cry. Love can turn to hatred, and I need him. Now apologize for your outburst.”

Many expressions passed over Dimitri’s face before he yelled.

“He is mine! I don’t want to share him with you, and you shut up while I’m talking. Quit invading my brain! You took away my freedom, so I can be the stick to your carrot. You made me whore out myself to you for his sake! Why is that sweet Nikola is the only one that matters? Don’t I have a say in whom I fuck? And sure I brought this on myself by selling all of his paintings but darn if I’m not fed up playing lover to this well-fucked virgin anymore! But do you two know what is the worst in all of this? I can’t stop thinking about Nikola. What is Niki going to eat today with fucking Freddie! His friend who is a vampire and a killer like me but got him hunting when he didn’t even consider asking me out for a simple date! Is bloody Malkav going to fuck him in the shower like he likes to, or will I get the chance to do it myself? Who is he going to replace me with if I don’t share him? Silly little questions, I know. But they matter to ME!”

Nikola was set aside as Malkav pinned a now struggling Dimitri to the bed and began growling at him as he was ripping his clothes to shreds. This scene was familiar to him. Dimitri had tried to do much the same in the beginning. Except the Methuselah was biting Malkav and was even getting in a few kicks.

How could he have been so blind? Malkav was just as much of a monster as Dimitri, and Dimitri must have been dominated from the start. He was forced to pretend, and so Nikola had fallen in love with the fake image. It hurt him to see Dimitri struggle like that and to just watch. He wanted to help him.

Malkav had leaned down and sunken his fangs into Dimitri. Dimitri stopped struggling after a while, and that brought Nikola out of his stupor. Surely, what he was watching was simple feeding and not diablerie? Surely Malkav wasn’t going to drink the blonde dry. He loved Dimitri. He loved Malkav. He had deluded himself that the two cared for each other at least. He wanted his illusion back.

As if in a trance, he moved to be closer to the two and  bitt down on Malkav’s neck. That got him his attention as the man snarled. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Nikola said to himself. Malkav got off Dimitri and pinned Nikola beneath him as he fed from him. Then he too snarled at him, much like Dimitri had, except he didn’t attempt to hit him. What he did was worse.

“Why do you keep protecting this whore? I gave you a choice to knife him, and you didn’t. I gave you a chance to just watch as I kill him, and you didn’t. Childe, get your fangs out of my neck and answer me! Is he better than me! I am a true immortal! You are almost like a living person thanks to me! You walk the light still thanks to my blood! Vampirism is a curse, yet you remain as if alive. Don’t I deserve your sole adoration for it? ANSWER ME!”

Nikola reached out a hand to try and sooth Malkav, but the vampire’s stormy expression remained the same.

“Why can’t things go back to how they were yesterday and today? I was so happy with both of you. I’ll be good, sire. I’ll follow your commands better from now on. Just please let me have my illusion of happiness. I don’t want to feel like your prey anymore.”

Something from what he said must have been wrong, as Malkav punched the bed board behind him, and it gave a splintering sound. Then Dimitri began chuckling like a man possessed.

“He wants your soul, you dumb fuck. But he is too afraid he will go off the rails if you aren’t there to give him blood anymore. Oh, if you only know the things he did while we were making lovely eyes at you! The Jihad became much more interesting ever since he came back into it fully. He even nearly mind raped a Giovanni Methuselah that got into what is now his turf. But he can’t do any of these things without his medicine. And that is why you haven’t had Final Death yet. Do you think I’m fucked up? Good old Malkav really is an angel! You researched me but had blind faith in him. I’ll give you a hint. Go read the book of Enoch to see what he did when he was sent to earth to guard the mortals. Then make lovely dovely expressions at him if you can stomach it. There is a reason why God let one of his own be cursed, you know? And…”

Malkav roared and punched Dimitri in the stomach, then he turned towards Nikola.

“I forbid you to read the book of Enoch, childe! I’ll look you away in darkness until I’m your only light! Now do you understand?” The last part was said in a growl, and Nikola was quick to nod.

“I understand, sire.”

Malkav was breathing in and out and actually managed to calm a little at that. Then he laid himself fully on top of Nikola and murmured into his ear.

“Tell me what you want, childe. If you tell me now, I will force myself to grand it to you for your obedience. My good, kind, childe. My dear Nikola. My sweet light.”

“I want to be happy with you. And Dimitri. I want what I experienced these two days to become reality. Leave me to my illusion and do with Dimitri as you like. Just doesn't kill him. Please, sire. I don’t know how, but I love him.”

Dimitri was laughing loudly again and propped himself on his elbow. He reached out a hand as he laughed and petted Nikola as if he was a puppy.

“Niki. Kind-hearted foolish Niki. I’ll tell you a secret. Every time I fuck you, I want to do diablerie to you. I want us to become one. I want your new-found power. Do you still want to protect me?”

Instead of raising to the bait, Nikola stared at Dimitri with sad eyes. Even covered in blood, the blonde was painfully beautiful.

“Why do you hate yourself so much that you want others to hate you too, Dimitri? Why can’t you be happy with what you have? I saw your expressions yesterday. You weren’t faking anything. Neither of you were when you were kind to me.”

“Niki, I took your virginity. You know nothing of love. There is a term for what you are feeling and its Stockholm syndrome. You are now a Malkavian. Why don’t you go research it, hm?”

Malkav gripped the sheets and growled at Dimitri before almost punching him again.

“You were his first? I thought back when he fell into my arms that at his age he had had some random girl. But you were the one to steal his first time from me!”

“Oh, Niki was a wildcat that day. Very demanding. Did we have fun, didn’t we Niki? Why you reverted to being a prude afterwards is beyond me. No, wait, it’s not. I remember raping you over some junk food. Yet another thing I am to blame. You know, you might be onto something with all of your accusing looks.”

Nikola vividly remembered that night and the horrific week that followed. But he had had agreed to it. He had agreed to it, so surely it was not… Something on his face must have shown what his thoughts were because Dimitri was smirking.

“I bet little morsel is thinking about how it wasn’t rape. Did you scream? Did you hurt? Did you beg me to stop? Did you nearly cry? The answer to all those questions is yes, dear. So, that means I forced myself on you. And I liked it. It was the most enjoyable sex I had ever had with you. Do you still love me, morsel?”

Nikola was shaking and attempted to block out the words with his hands, but his sire gripped them and held them down.

“Listen, my love. This is what you want.”

“Oh, oh! I am to be the stick to his carrot once more. He probably thinks that you are going to start hating me now the more I blab. But let me tell you another thing. Drinking three times from someone is like a date rape drug. So, he raped you too. And it was on the very day you met, and after you accidentally cured him of madness. Furthermore, while he does love you now, and boy does my love for you look kind and fluffy in comparison, he didn’t love you back then. He is Malkav, the strongest Malkavian there is! Do you think that something like blood can cloud his brain? Lilith had to curse him herself! He fucked you because you were a sweet tasting medicine, with a pretty face at that. And since you were nice, drugged and willing, he didn’t manhandle you. And now that you love him and can’t live without him, he doesn’t need to. You should be grateful he doesn’t get off on pain because if he did, boy you would be a wreck now!”

“Dimitri, please stop talking.”

“Why should I? You put horns on me. You made me whore myself in order to remain with you. I wanted to turn you! Sure, I would have abounded you soon after, but I wanted to see your face as I broke my promise to you that you’ll survive me. But I wouldn’t have ghouled you. You as a junky would have been a major turn-off. Now everything is out in the open. You are in love with two monsters. One wants your soul but can’t have it, the other wants to harm you beyond repair but is stopped by the other monster. Now I ask you for the last time, Nikola. Do you still love me?”

Nikola was sodding openly now. Why did tears come to his eyes? He didn’t will them! He attempted to stop them, but they kept flowing. And his damn dead heart kept beating, and he was falling into a state of shock. Between sobs, he said.

“I do. Please don’t leave me. Please love me back, Dimitri. Even your love is better than nothing from you at all.”

“Oh, Niki. You stupid sweetheart. Well, there is no going back. You want happy illusions, or you want the two of us to really love you? This is the last question I’m asking you tonight before we go back to the original plan. Answer carefully: happiness or love?”

Nikola was looking at Dimitri with sad eyes, but Dimitri’s expression didn’t soften. Happiness or love? They should have been one and the same, and yet Dimitri made it sound as if he would never experience them together. But he had, yesterday. And they hadn’t faked anything.

They were angry at a hidden power struggle between each other, but yesterday they had been happy. They still wore his rings. They could be happy together if only Nikola made the effort to make it happen. And he wanted for it to happen.

“Love, Dimitri. Yours and Malkav’s both.”

Then Dimitri gently swatted Malkav on the backside, for which he received a growl.

“Off him you. You were the one who made me broke his illusion with the last question, so don’t play innocent. Let’s have some fun together. I’ll moan and ride him, just like you asked me to yesterday as he was sleeping. Such a good ability is that, sleeping. Even after he started killing, he still doesn’t have a beast to protect him. Poor sweetheart. So lifelike and fresh. So full of delicious blood and love. Makes me want to break his arm until morrow starts dripping from the bone. If only he had put horns on me with a true sadist instead of a regular bastard like you.”

“What happened, happened. He made his decision. I told you he loved us. And you keep saying I don’t understand the concept.”

Nikola didn’t know what the original plan of the two was, but his clothes were gently taken off. Dimitri was gentle with him, but Malkav was staring straight at the blonde, and Dimitri’s expression would change ever so slightly with each kiss.

Was Malkav talking to him now? Holding him back? This illusion was killing Dimitri inside, he understood that now. He had always wanted honesty and Malkav was forcing him to act or feel pain. Nikola relaxed into Malkav’s chest and pushed Dimitri gently away from him and started softly caressing the blonde’s face.

“What does he want to do to me, sire?”

“He wants to tear out your ribs one by one and then force you to eat them. He is fantasying about how he can gouge out your eyes, so you wouldn’t stare into his full of trust anymore. He wants you to see him for what he is, my love.”

“Please let him, sire. I’ll endure it. I’ll regenerate in time. I love him and I want him to be happy. Please don’t ask him to pretend to be kind when he is not.”

“All right, my love. I’ll feed you with an ivy drop if the damage is too severe if I have to, but I’ll take care of you. I’ll bring you back from torpor if I need to. But I won’t let you fall to Final Death. I need you and love you too much to do that.”

This must have been the only permission Dimitri must have needed as his fingers shot towards Nikola’s right eye. He tore it out and Nikola screamed but didn’t cry. Then his fingers shot towards his other eyeball, but he stopped midair.

“Why aren’t you closing your eye? Act normal, damn you!”

“I want to see your happiness. If I close my eye or blink, I can miss it. I…”

His words were stopped as Dimitri began to kiss him. Then he realized that the man was sobbing into the kiss. He was glad he had at least one eye left to see this side of Dimitri. He had never seen him cry before. So, he could feel sadness. Then he could feel other emotions. There was hope for them yet.

He was taken out of Malkav’s arms and flipped on his back on the sheets. Dimitri didn’t stretch him before he entered him, and it burned. His eye was bringing him agony too, but Nikola forced himself to smile.

“Are you happy now, Dimitri?”

“NO! Hurting you hurts me. Damn, I’m sorry, Niki. My dear, sweet Niki. Gauge out my right eye, just like I did to you. Hurt me the way I did you.”

“I’m not like you, Dimitri. I can’t bear to hurt you. I’m not going to lie to you. My eye hurts. I want to cry and whimper now. But that will take away from your happiness. You promised you will be happy if you hurt me. Please be happy.”

“I can’t! I used to like blood play, Niki. You don’t know how much I beat that bimbo because I raped you, so she can live another day. But you can guess, can’t you? You were so horrified at that bone marrow. And now I’m hurting you again. I’m raping you again, and you just stand there but instead of some dumb bitch you are doing it for me! I know how to make it up to you! I’ll gauge out my right eye myself!”

Dimitri’s fingers shot up to his eye and a deranged smile spread on his face, but Nikola grabbed his wrist and stopped him. The blonde’s smile fell, and he stopped trusting in and out, and he just began to cry. It was a heart retching sound, and he shook with great sobs as he slowly attempted to pry his wrist from Nikola’s grip. Nikola didn’t let him. So, he really had gotten physically stronger. And yet, he didn’t fight back at all. He had swum to the deepest and darkest waters of this love and drowned. He felt well and truly dead. His heart suddenly stopped, and with it the blood that was gushing out of his eye. Dimitri began to cry harder as he rocked them.

“I don’t want to change, Niki. I’m a predator, and you are prey, and I must tear you apart in order to preserve my life. It’s the natural order of things, my dear morsel.”

“Go ahead. Just stop crying. You are tearing my soul apart with your sadness.”

“I can’t. I can’t hurt you anymore. You survived me, Niki. But I broke you. I’m so sorry. So, deeply sorry.”

At that, Nikola smiled and gently guided Dimitri’s face towards his to kiss him.

“How can you say you broke me when I can still love? When I can’t even muster up hatred for you even while you are doing this to me? It seems I’m made of sterner stuff after all.”

Dimitri’s sobs stopped, and he flipped them so that Nikola was on top of him, and he began to slow down their movements. Nikola placed a hand on top of his chest and slowly began to move himself. Then he noticed a wrist right next to his lips. He bit down on his sire’s offered flesh as he kept moving.

The more he drank, the lesser the pain in his eye was. It wasn’t going to regenerate itself from one feeding, he knew, but at least the pain had stopped. Then the pain gave way to pleasure as Dimitri worked beneath him, and he finally began to moan. With effort, he restarted his heart and forced warmth into his body. His sire didn’t remove his wrist from his lips. He was letting this happen and was giving him vitae to keep going.

Then Dimitri was suddenly standing up, still inside him, and biting down on Malkav’s arm. He repeated his drink two more times.

“I did this for you, Niki. You deserve both love and happiness. And if it means that you can get it when you are his and mine, and I am his thrall, then so be it. I’m done hurting you on purpose. From now on, it will be only on accident. I wish I can tell you the pain will stop altogether, but I can’t. I guess I’m too rotten to be your lover, but I am too selfish to give up being your husband. And husbands are sometimes bad for their spouses. It is just your luck.”

Malkav then gripped Dimitri’s hair and brought him back to his wrist.

“Keep drinking, Toreador. You were nearly in torpor when Nikola saved your worthless hide. You need more blood in your system.”

Malkav just stood with his arm outstretched for them. His blood wasn’t running out, no matter how much they drank and kept themselves rosy and alive looking with it. Then he remembered about a song where it was sung, “I wish I have an angel for one moment of love.”

It was a rock song, but it spoke of a fall and lust filled damnation. Nikola felt like it could apply to his loves. But he felt no desire to burn Malkav’s wings to dust. And the man had lost them long ago.

He was doomed to suffer together with these two, but they loved him. Maybe he had drank Malkav’s insanity into himself after all, as he felt that it was enough. He kept moving his hips back and forth while moaning. Dimitri was gripping his wrist with a punishing grip as he drank from Malkav, and Malkav himself was whispering about his love in his ear. It was as terrifying as Dimitri’s. He couldn’t imagine it any other way.

The next morning he woke up and immediately Malkav was giving him his neck to drink from. The pain in his eye socket lessened, and he felt flesh start to knit together as he drank. Dimitri was waiting for him with a sorbet.

Nikola didn’t know where the blood for it had come from, but he could make a guess, as Malkav was the only one among them to still have enough blood to spare.

Dimitri fed him the whole cup and then went to the kitchen and brought another sorbet and handed it to Malkav. The elder vampire ate a spoonful and grimaced. Then he scoped some and brought it to Nikola’s lips, who took it in his mouth and didn’t find anything wrong with it. Malkav must not like the taste of his vitae. Nikola himself didn’t have a problem eating blood candy with his blood, but Malkav must have been different.

As he ate the last spoonful, he made to stand and was surprised when no one stopped him. He went to the shower and closed the door, then collapsed on the floor and dry heaved. This was his life now. Rough sex bordering rape. Actual rape if Dimitri’s beast reared its ugly head during sex. And he would just take it all.

He forced himself to calm down. He would take everything from these vampires, indeed. The good, the bad, the beautiful and ugly. Did they think that they were obsessed now? Fuck them! He was going to teach them about gentleness and love and kindness and ruin them as predators, and he was going to enjoy it just like they enjoyed toying with him. And then he would hurt them. He would break their shriveled hearts, just like their little act these past months have broken his.

But now he needed to wash up and go speak with Anna. She would understand the sort of fucked up he was enduring because of her Brujah lover’s “sad soul” fuckery, and they could both laugh about how their lovers secretly want to leave them, but they are too hooked to do so.

He was done crying. He had embraced this new life completely. He didn’t pick his hunts. He had vampire former crazies friends that lived in the same apartment building, even. He wore clubbing clothes all the time now, and he made candy for people who wanted to do diablerie on him. Or at least put him in a torpor. And what was more, he was indifferent to it all. He feared the day when he would like it. But if he had learned to love his two captors, he could learn to like it all, too. And at this day he would finally have a beast. And he would be free.