Chapter 20

Not The Toast

Taking a deep steadying breath William was relieved to see he didn’t need to sort himself out again. Thinking keeping him self busy was the best plan, he went back to the kitchen, plunged his coffee and poured three cups. Then turned to the bread and started cooking toast and laying out jams, honey, peanut butter and marmite.

Still slightly asleep, with huge circles under his eyes and his pitch black hair sticking up at all sorts of angles, Luke walked into the kitchen. Staring blankly at the kitchen table full of spreads, he asked, “are you cleaning the cupboards?” Not waiting for William’s response he said, “ah! Coffee you goddess of the morning, come to your humble servant.”

Lifting the coffee to his nose, Luke took a long sniff, then took a sip as if he really was drinking the nectar of the gods.

“what’s got you this morning?” Ask William cheerily.

Luke’s eyes were lost in darkness for a moment, then he said, “I guess talking about the past brought up old memories. William I can never thank you enough for the time you hugged me when I...”

All other thoughts forgotten, William wrapped his strong arms around his friend.

“William how could I have been that person?”

Hearing his friend on the verge or tears and knowing he was spiralling into guilt, William said comfortingly, “you were brainwashed from such a young age, how could you have known any different?”

William felt the wetness of Luke’s tears seep into this shirt collar. His voice cracked right next to William’s ear, “I... so many people... if Boss Dolton had told me to, I would have done the hit that took out Mathew’s parents without blinking.”

Gently stroking Luke’s back William said, “it took them years to brainwash you but it only took one act of kindness from me to make you question it all, that shows you are good. Luke you can’t blame yourself for all those people’s deaths, you were but a tool to be commanded.”

“I know what you say is true, but I remember them all, every face, every death, every plea I didn’t understand at the time, that now rips my heart to shreds. Put that together with everything you went through to get me out! How do I live with it all? My life isn’t worth all those peoples lives or what you had to go through.”

Taking Luke’s face in his hands, William said sternly, “like I told you while I was cuffed to that ceiling, you make your life worth it, you do everything you can to make a difference, I believe in you Luke, you have as much good to give this world as the darkness you started in.”

Holding his friends wrists Luke smiled sadly up at William and said, “thank you, thank you for everything you have done for me, I will keep doing my best.”

Pulling Luke in for another hug William said softly, “and we will keep picking each other up when it all becomes too much. That’s what family do.”

Holding each other in mutual emotional support, neither of them noticed the smell until Mathew came in saying, “are you cooking toast or trying to cremate it?” Seeing the state of the pair, a calculating look passed across Mathew’s face and he jokingly said, “I know you said you are like brothers, but I have to say if you ever decide to become lovers, you will be the sexiest couple in the world.”

Laughter shook Luke’s body, his face changing in a moment, as his dark mood was broken, reaching up he caressed William’s dumbfounded face and lightly kissed his cheek.

“Wow! Yep sexiest ever!” said Mathew with a smile.

With another smile at the frozen William, Luke joined Mathew in salvaging some of the toast.

Rather confused, William asked no one in particular, “what just happened?” But he didn’t need an answer, his heart sighed in relief seeing his friend back on the side of happiness.

Their day of work went smoothly, the only thing that had William scowling was that Mathew’s cup was again filthy.

When they got back after work, Mathew went up to the flat and William went to his office to finish his work. But he got distracted online looking for a new cup for Mathew, with a huge smile he brought a pair.

When he got back to the flat later he found Mathew watching TV waiting for him, “welcome home, you all finished?”

William’s heart thumped every time he heard Mathew greet him after work, he was thrilled, it was such a small pleasure but it made him so happy.

Nodding William replied, while walking towards his bedroom to get changed, “all done for the day, what do you want to do this evening?”

Some what shyly Mathew said, “I kind of just want to have an evening in and watch TV,” he hurriedly added, “not that you have to keep me company.”

The idea of an evening with Mathew was like a dream to William, and he shyly asked with a soft smile, “would it be OK if I stayed with you?”

Mathew’s eyes lit up, “It would be wonderful, what would you like to watch?”

Thinking he would probably watch Mathew no matter what was on the TV, William said, “I don’t mind what ever you fancy, you pick. I just need a shower and to get into something more comfy.”

Disappearing into his room William selected some clothes and went to the bathroom, he was relieved to see his body was less lively than it had been.