Chapter 60: One Big Happy Family

 

Samantha wasn’t unaware of what people thought of her. For the most part, it was largely positive and she took pride in her reputation. Everyone knew her as the sweet, innocent one. A bit dim, maybe, but always kind and bright and cheery. Even when she missed some things and others laughed at her, she didn’t let her get it down. Why would she? Samantha was genuinely a happy person, and she had plenty of friends. What more could anyone ask for?

 

“Thanks for coming again,” Samantha said as she and Razia pushed their way past the midday crowd. The streets were busy that day and she and the other girls were taking a much needed break for the. After operating for nearly two weeks, it was agreed they should have at least one day off a week where no one worked and the house was closed for the night. It was an obvious choice to make it the day of worship, when business was at its worst anyways.

 

“Of course,” said Razia as they turned the corner off one of the bigger streets and into one of many small neighborhoods crammed together. “I know you’ve been meaning to visit the kids more and I’m happy to come along. Have you been balancing everything okay?”

 

“Of course,” Samantha echoed brightly. “It’s been a bit tiring, but it’s been easy to split my days and nights. A bit of taking care of family, a nice meal and a nap, and then work at night. Easy peasy!” It was exhausting, but it was a rare night that Samantha went to bed feeling unsatisfied and unhappy with her lot in life. “Sorry it’s not going to be more exciting. After a couple weeks working the Garden, you must want to do something fun.”

 

But Razia just shook her head, smiling. “This is fun. I like seeing you in your natural habitat, barking orders and taking no shit.”

 

The two of them laughed together, leaning on each other for support. No one who dealt with Samantha for any amount of time could picture her raising her voice, let alone demanding anything of anyone. There were a lot of things people didn’t expect from Samantha, and that was their loss. They came up to a nondescript clay house tucked away in the corner of the neighborhood and Samantha led the way inside.

 

“Saaaaam!” Little Lana looked up from her spot on the floor and called out, face lighting up. She jumped up and threw herself into Samantha’s waiting arms.

 

Samantha lifted her little sister up and swung her around in a circle, laughing along with the child. At 7 years old, Lana was her youngest sibling, and the one who needed her the most. It didn’t matter that Samantha had been there just a few days before, the fact that she didn’t live at home with the rest of them made her in some ways both family and a stranger.

 

“How have you been, kiddo? You listening to Jack and Tricia?”

 

“Yeeees,” Lana said with a sigh and a roll of her eyes.

 

“Hey, no attitude from you,” Sam said as she put her back down on the ground. “You’re the nice one, don’t let the others corrupt you.”

 

“She’s been mostly fine,” Jack said, coming out from the kitchen. “Hey Razia,” he said, face turning a bit red. 

 

All at once the small, unassuming house was swarming with children. In addition to Jack (15) and Lana (7), there was also (in descending order) Tess (14), Tricia (also 14), Millie (13), Stephen (11), and David (9). They all dropped what they were doing to come out and greet her. It was something that always made her feel equal parts great and guilty. She opened her arms and they all rushed in to join for the big family hug.

 

“I missed you all so much!” said Samantha, squeezing them against her. “I’m sorry it’s been a couple of days. Work has been SO busy. Are you all hungry?” The answer was a resounding yes as each of them started talking over each other.

 

“I’ve been making sure they at least get some bread and soup in them each night and --”

 

“Could we have something new for dinner? I don’t want --”

 

“Stephen’s been being mean to me, could you get him to --”

 

Razia looked at Samantha with amusement and a small amount of alarm. Samantha just shook her head, smiling and feeling right at home. She let it go on for another few seconds before she put two fingers in her mouth and let out a sharp, blaring whistle. The children all fell silent. Pride surged through Samantha as she looked at all their eagerly expectant faces.

 

“Let’s start from the top,” she said, pointing at Jack.

 

Jack cleared his throat and straightened up. He was nearly an adult now and usually didn’t care for being bossed around, but since he was second in command this was his time to shine. “Everything’s been good! Mostly. I’ve made sure the kids are washing up and get fed at night and in the mornings. Middle of the day, they’re on their own.”

 

Razia nodded approvingly, but Samantha shook her head. “Are you not keeping track of them throughout the day?”

 

Jack scowled. “You try keeping up with Millie and Stephen! I’ve got my hands full making sure Lana and David are okay when you’re not around.”

 

Not for the first time, the pressure of having to take care of so many kids threatened to crush Samantha. Guilt whispered in her ear that she wasn’t here enough, wasn’t doing enough to make sure they were happy and healthy. She stomped it down, focusing instead on the positives. Smiling she said, “I’m proud of you for making sure Lana and David are looked after.” Jack’s scowl turned into a relieved smile.

 

“How about you two?” She asked the youngest of her siblings. “You been listening to Jack? You’ve been studying your letters and numbers?”

 

David made a face and Lana rolled her eyes. She was going to be trouble in a few years, Samantha just knew it. “Yes mom,” said Lana with a long suffering sigh. “Yesterday Jack made us write out our names and everyone elses’ names like a bajillion times.”

 

Razia snickered and spoke up, “Does that mean you’re good at reading and spelling now? Think you could spell my name? Try it: Razia.”

 

David mouthed the name, screwing up his face in concentration. All around, the order Samantha demanded slowly started to crumble. The other kids shifted in place as David gave an attempt. “Ar, Eh, Zee, Why, Ee, Eh?”

 

The islander shook her head, sucking on her teeth theatrically. “So close. But you’re getting there. Good job anyway!”

 

“Don’t patronize me.” David sulked.

 

“What about you two?” Samantha pointed towards Millie and Stephen. “What’ve you been doing with your days?”

 

Stephen spoke up brightly. “I’ve been running messages between people in the neighborhood for shards. I made a whole castura this last week!”

 

“I’ve hung out with friends and played,” Millie shrugged.

 

Samantha was proud of both of them just the same. “That’s fantastic, Stephen. It’s never too early to begin thinking about making some extra money to help when things are tight. And spending time with friends is good too!” She flashed Razia another grateful smile, but her friend just shrugged with a smile of her own. She looked happy enough to be there, even though it was work all on its own.

 

“And you two?” Samantha nodded at Tess and Tricia, who were standing together fairly closely. As far as Samantha could tell, they’d become fast friends. It was exactly what she hoped would happen, and made her optimistic about the future. If all they had was each other, then they were better off than most in Orchrisus. So long as they all looked out for each other, the worst of the world couldn’t touch them. Not in any way that mattered. “You settling in okay, Trish?”

 

Tricia smiled, but it was bittersweet. “I miss my mom,” she said. “But so do all of you, right?”

 

All the kids muttered their agreements. Most of them shared the same mother, and her loss was still fairly fresh and painful. Samantha’s own mother died before her father met their mother and they had the rest of the family. Some pains never truly faded, but it helped to be surrounded by people who understood and cared. “So I’m surviving, yeah?” Tricia shrugged.

 

Tess spoke up. In some ways she was the most like Samantha, always looking on the brighter side of things though she was a lot quieter and less boisterous. “We’ve been making big plans. We’re going to open a school and make sure all the neighborhood kids learn their letters and numbers and do well. There’s no excuse to not be able to read in this day and age!”

 

“That’s a really good idea,” Razia said, beaming. “We’ll have to make sure to get you girls some more books. Can’t have a school without books to learn from, right?”

 

Inwardly, Samantha cringed a little. “We’ll see what we can afford first,” she said. “We might be able to get you a new book every couple of weeks.”

 

“Or we could ask Quentin to donate some of his old books,” Razia countered. “He’d be happy to know others are using them.”

 

“We’ll talk about it later,” said Samantha, face heating up. She was insanely grateful to Quentin, and Razia too for that matter, for getting them out of the crippling debt they’d been in. Mr. Cicero had a lot of people indebted towards him, and getting out from under that freed them up to have a better future. That didn’t mean they weren’t still in debt, and as grateful as Samantha was, she didn’t want to press her luck with Mr. Q. There was kindness and generosity, and then there was asking for too much. Even Samantha could recognize that.

 

“But more importantly…Everyone’s good and hungry?” She looked around eagerly. Just as she expected, all of the kids started talking all at once again. Everyone, it seemed, was good and hungry. Of course they were. Samantha cooked dinner when she could and made sure there was enough bread and fruit so that their bellies were never empty, but when she couldn’t come by for a couple of days, they were always ravenous.

 

“Then I guess you all better get cleaned up,” said Samantha brightly. She lifted her purse and jingled the shards inside. “We’re going out tonight!”

 

Half of the kids let out the scream that all kids seemed inclined to do when they didn’t have the words to describe their excitement. Stephen punched the air while Lana and Millie did a little dance in place. Tess whispered something in Tricia’s ear, making her eyes light up. Jack was the only one who didn’t lose his head, but he was at the age when he was beginning to understand the cost of a family that size eating out together.

 

“You sure about that?” he asked, looking around.

 

“Absolutely!” Samantha crowed. “It’s been a good week. That’s why I haven’t been able to come around much. We’re going to get dinner and when we’re all good and fat and sleepy from too much food, we’ll hit up the grocers for the days leavings and then bring it all home so you’re good for the week!” That would probably clean out most of what she had, but most days she didn’t need much in the way of fun money and she had few bills to pay. She could thank Razia and Mr. Q for that. “What’re you waiting for? Go get cleaned up!”

 

Another excited scream that was sure to piss off the neighbors, and then they all disappeared into the back, into the rooms they shared with each other. Jack was the last one to go, sighing and walking calmly to the room he more or less got alone, now that Samantha was living at the Moonlit Garden. That left her and Razia alone in the main room. Razia waited until Jack was all the way in the room before she spoke.

 

“I’ll never not be impressed at how you manage so many kids. I don’t even really know my youngest siblings,” she said, shaking her head. “And you’ve got them all trained. How do you do it?”

 

Samantha laughed, shaking her head. “I wish I could tell you. Dad’s…busy, most of the time, so it kinda fell on me to watch out for them. It was either sink or swim, you know? They’re good kids. They don’t need much, and I try to give them as much as I can. I want them to have a real chance. A chance to live for themselves and not…”

 

“And not be roped into being a mom to their siblings,” Razia finished for her with a sad smile. “You’re doing a good job of it.”

 

Pain struck Samantha. She hated thinking of it like that. It wasn’t like it was a bad thing, looking after her siblings. They needed her, and she loved them dearly. But it was still a lot of pressure bearing down on her, looking after 7 children during the day while spending six nights a week pleasing her clients and making sure they had enough fun to keep coming back so she could support her family. The thought that she was the only thing keeping them from starving or being left to wander around and fall into a bad crowd was enough to make her eyes prickle and water, and this wasn’t the time or place for that.

 

“Hey,” Razia said, smile falling. “I didn’t mean to make it sound so bad. I’m honestly envious of how strong you are.”

 

Samantha shook her head, letting out a short laugh. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m just worried about dad is all. He’s been in a rough spot since Mia died.” That was seven years ago and he’d never recovered. It hit him harder than when her own mother died, a dark part of her whispered. “In a few years Lana and David will be older and able to watch out for themselves and the rest of the kids will be old enough by then. The way I see it, another five years and they’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay.”

 

“And where will that leave you?” Razia asked, cocking her head to the side. “You good with spending the next five years working your ass off to keep your head above the water?”

 

“What other choice do I have?” Samantha said. “Not like I could ever just leave them alone. What kind of sister would I be, yeah? Besides, another five years and I’ll be nearly thirty and can maybe think about either settling down or finding something else to do. I can handle this for a bit longer. Besides,” Samantha drew herself up with exaggerated importance. “What would you two do without your star?”

 

“True,” Razia grinned. “We’d have suicides on our doorstep.”

 

Lana was the first to come back, her face and hands clean but the rest of her remained dusty and comfortably messy. It was about as good as she could ask of her youngest sibling. Samantha nodded approvingly. One by one, the rest came pouring in, marginally cleaner and in some cases wearing different, brighter clothes. There was a big difference between running around the neighborhood having fun and going out to eat.

 

“I’m thinking Maggie’s tonight,” said Samantha. It was one of the few taverns that was more or less family friendly. Maggie wouldn’t let anything happen to kids, and the food was good and plentiful. “You’ve done well, Jack. How would you like to have a beer or two tonight?”

 

The teens’ eyes lit up with excitement. Doubtless he could get beer of his own with money he made around the streets, but it wasn’t the same as big sister buying it for him as a reward. He was at that age when drinking seemed like the best thing in the world. If he followed after their father, he might never grow out of it.

 

The door opened behind Samantha, and she turned around to find her father there. Samuel Barker was in his fifties and looked older. He had a small, spindly frame other than the bulging beer belly that made up the majority of his bulk. His hair was graying and wild and his eyes and nose were bright red and watery. “Samantha?” he said. “Where’ve you been?”

 

Samantha bit her lip. Where she’d been? She hadn’t seen him in about two weeks, since she told him she got a new job and gave him some money to feed them. “Oh, you know, around. How’ve you been, dad?”

 

He smiled wide, but it wasn’t a happy smile. He looked like he was about to break down crying. Which was about how he always looked, to be honest. The kids fell silent at his entrance and stared at him. “Oh, you know, around,” he said blankly. “You’re looking good. Where are we going?”

 

Razia took the opportunity to catch his attention, stepping forward and extending her hand. “Mr. Barker, right? I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. Sam’s one of my best friends, and she speaks highly of you. I’m Razia.”

 

Samuel took her hand blankly, staring through Razia. After a few seconds it seemed like her presence finally registered and he shook it. “Razia,” he echoed. “I think Sam’s mentioned you. Said you got her out of the Silk Lounge, and me out of debt. Thank you.”

 

Razia bowed her head. “It’s been my pleasure. Sam has so much on her hands taking care of the kids, anything I can do to help I will.” Her tone was chipper, but Sam knew the spark in her friend’s eyes well.

 

“It’s really not a problem. I love looking after them, and I know how painful things have been for you, dad.” Eight years ago Samuel had been a large, jovial, energetic man. She hated seeing what he became, and how badly he hurt every day. The last thing she wanted was for him to have to feel guilty over things he couldn’t control. It wasn’t Sam’s fault he didn’t really survive the death of his second wife.

 

Samuel’s eyes slowly focused on Razia as things sunk in. Even in this state, he wasn’t stupid. Tears slid down his face but his tone never changed. “They’re good kids, aren’t they? Aren’t you?” He turned to his children, who stared back at him blankly. “I couldn’t have asked for a better family.”

 

There was silence, then Lana cleared her throat. “We’re going to dinner, daddy. Do you want to come with us?” They mostly saw their father late at night when he stumbled in, and then when he woke before he left for the day to wander the streets. Lana may have been developing an attitude, but she was too young to hate her father like some of them.

 

“Dinner? Out?” His eyes lit up, and for a second he looked like the man he’d been before. Then it was gone and turned to Sam with cautious hope in his eyes. “Do you want me to come?”

 

Of course she did. Samantha loved her father dearly. Being able to bring him out and make sure he ate a good meal would be good for him and make her feel good. For just one night they could pretend everything was fine and everyone was happy together. She could picture the way he used to tell long, rambling jokes that were only funny to other drunk people but she’d laugh at them anyways. For just one night he could be the dad again, sitting among his children and sharing a big hearty meal, and they’d all finish out the day fat and happy and lazy.

 

All it took was one look at her siblings and she knew it wasn’t going to happen. Jack glowered at Sam with undisguised loathing. Tess looked away, and Tricia put her arm around her shoulder. She’d been around enough to know how complicated it could all be. Millie and Stephen, thick as thieves, gave tiny, barely noticed shakes of their head to Samantha. David and Lana were the only ones who didn’t look against it, with David seeming to not care and Lana actually wanting it. It was up to Samantha, then. She could invite her father and make him happy for one night, all at the cost of ruining it for her siblings.

 

“I do want you to come,” said Samantha, smiling apologetically. “But things are tight this week. I’ve got enough to get the kids a little something out, but they’re going to have to share.” She caught Razia’s eye. The islander gave her a tiny, respectful nod. It wasn’t often Samantha lied to anyone, let alone to family.

 

“Oh.” Samuel deflated, shrinking to something smaller and sadder than he was before. “Would it help if I paid for myself? I got a little bit of money today.” He reached into his purse and pulled out a few half qala pieces.

 

“Take the hint, you…” Jack trailed off at a sharp shake of the head from Samantha. He frowned, looking away, face reddening by the second. His hands balled up into fists and shook from the buried anger. Samantha understood it, even if she didn’t share it.

 

“How about the rest of you go outside and I’ll be out in a minute?”

 

At first, nobody moved. Then Jack moved forward, and the rest of the kids trailed after him, pouring out of their house one by one. Razia slipped out at the end, pausing to make sure that was what Samantha wanted. She nodded, and Razia left the two of them alone. Samuel cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

“They all hate me, don’t they? I don’t blame them.”

 

“No,” said Samantha, grabbing him and pulling him into a hug. “They don’t, dad. Not really. Jackie’s always upset over something or another these days, and the rest of them just…Don’t know you too well. I know you’re having trouble, and I don’t blame you for any of it. Things’re rough, and you’re just trying to get by. It’s just…”

 

Samuel squeezed her tightly, shaking with a silent sob. “I’m trying, Sam. I really am. I see her everywhere I go, like she’s never left me. She talks to me as if she’s still there, like nothing happened.”

 

“I know, dad. I know.” Samantha’s heart broke, the way it did every time she heard it.

 

“It only stops when I’ve had a few drinks. I can’t hear her anymore, but then I think about her and --”

 

“It’s okay, dad.” Samantha gently pushed him away. She wiped away a tear of her own. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know. I’ve got it handled, yeah? I’m making sure they’re fed, they’re learning, and they’re growing up. I’m taking care of them. All you need to worry about is taking care of yourself, okay? And don’t get into any more debt. That’s all you gotta do, stay afloat and I’ll look out for the kids.”

 

All she had were just a few tears. She couldn’t afford any more, or to linger or think about this longer than she had to. It was too easy to just fall into the hurt like it was a pit, and if she did that she’d spend the rest of the night trying to claw her way out of it and back into being okay again. Samantha had to be okay now, had to be strong. She had to put a big smile on her face and show that life was fun. That’s what she was good at.

 

“Okay,” he said. He smiled at her sadly, wiping at his face, smearing dirt across his cheeks. “Okay. I won’t keep you. She…She says you’re a good kid, and she wishes she could’ve known you for longer. I wish I could’ve known her longer.”

 

Samantha forced a smile. “I wish I could’ve too. Hey,” she said, fishing out a five qala piece and handing it to him. “I’m not too hungry tonight. Why don’t you get something good for yourself, and maybe a bottle of something that’ll make it easier?”

 

Samuel took the shard and stared at it. Samantha patted him on the shoulder and left him there before he could refuse it or get emotional again. She took a deep breath and reset her face as she stepped outside. Her family and Razia were waiting for her there, looking like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. There would be none of that tonight. They were going to have a good night, dammit!

 

“Hey, get those frowns off your face! We’re going to eat until we can eat no longer and then take the world’s biggest nap!” Her kids all let out a cheer. There was nothing a good meal and good company couldn’t fix. For a few hours at least, they’d all be one big happy family.