After a couple months of worshipping Fairy Liang, I’d realised a lot. When I was, well, fucking her, we were both filled with yin energy—that much was obvious. But, after a few times when I wasn’t so overwhelmed with pleasure, I felt that some of the yin energy was moving from her to me.

That only happened where our bodies touched, especially my fingers or tongue when they were down there. More importantly, the “wild” yin energy around us mostly left afterwards, but her “tame” yin energy stayed with me. Part of cultivating was sort of refining spiritual energy before taking it in, but I didn’t know the same was true of yin (and I guess yang) energy.

So, after a month, I was brimming with yin energy. I was already gorgeous, but I was now fairy levels of gorgeous. Even trying not to attract attention, dressing modestly and covering up, what I did show was enough to entice people—men and women.

First goal, complete.

But yin wasn’t the only energy she gave me. She had fire and metal roots, and I soon realised I was having a breakthrough with my fire and metal roots, and it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. At my early stage, it wasn’t anything dangerous or amazing, but the change in my body was noticeable—feeling warmer and full of life, as well as “sturdier”, like my bones were stronger.

A small growth, but, for someone with four roots, it would’ve taken me years of meditation to have a breakthrough on my own, never mind two.

That did have some worries, though. If we kept going, I’d end up unbalanced and, well, that’s a complicated thing that can be summarised as: Never be unbalanced. But I had the breakthrough after like a month, so it would take probably a year before the next. Plenty more time to indulge without risking trouble.

The other things I realised were to do with Fairy Liang. How she liked to be touched, teased, where else she was sensitive, how open she was to other things.

Those were just as important to me because, well, I liked worshipping her. Even without the benefits, I would have been ecstatic to keep pleasuring such a gorgeous woman. And without pleasing her, well, I had nothing to offer.

I mean, she wasn’t interested in me. Every night, I got her off once or twice, then finished myself off and basked in the afterglow. She never really touched me or spoke to me, and we’d never kissed.

I was happy with that. How can you even dream of a goddess liking you?

That was what I thought until I lined up with my teacher’s other disciples, all of us waiting on him to give us a “motivational” speech and mention some event going on soon that none of us lowly disciples would go to. Maybe Gou Dan if he’d found the treasure while I was busy getting busy.

Right in the middle of the rambling speech, a domineering figure strode over: Fairy Liang.

“Master Wei,” she said, her words cutting him off and stilling the crowd.

“Elder Liang,” he said, bowing his head. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Her gaze scanned across the crowd and, once it settled on me, my heart stopped. “I am here to take Disciple Xiaoxiao as my wife.”

Needless to say, this was controversial. My fellow disciples forgot all about their fear, breaking into excited whispers, glancing between me and her, and even my master couldn’t hold onto his wise expression, face scrunched up in so much confusion.

Before things got out of hand, I rushed over to her and whispered, “Please, let’s talk about this tonight.”

She gave me a pointed look, then begrudgingly left.

Which left me alone to deal with everyone else’s pointed looks—and I mean everyone, even Master Wei staring at me. Fortunately, I had read a ton of xianxia novels and had a kinda common trope to fall back on.

“I couldn’t sleep last night, so I went for a walk, but I wasn’t paying attention and ended up seeing Elder Liang bathing.” Acting sheepish, I rubbed the back of my head. “I guess I’m so weak that she thought I was a bug. When she realised I was there, she promised to suitably punish me—I guess that’s what she was doing? I only saw the back of her head, so I guess she went easy on me.”

It was rambling and I cringed at saying “I guess” over and over, but I got through it and it was believable enough to convince the crowd. Of course, they ruthlessly teased me for it, if only for not agreeing to marry Fairy Liang. And there were some jokes about how it was no wonder Fairy Liang was unmarried if she liked such pretty women, and some about the sizeable age gap. They weren’t too bad, though, Fairy Liang still not someone to joke about lightly.

Obviously, I was pretty out of it all day. Hard to focus with that looming over me. But, when darkness fell, I didn’t think of running away. A bit earlier than normal, I walked over. Instead of “warming up” after I undressed, I just went into the pool.

In the little that she’d talked, she told me some of the enchantments on the pool, that it stayed clean—what a waste of my regret—and that it helped with healing and it kept the perfect temperature. That said, we didn’t have sex in it much. It wasn’t that good. Harder to use my fingers, water not a good lube, and I kept getting water in my mouth when kissing or sucking her boobs.

But it was comfortable and, I thought, a good place to talk.

When she came out, she saw me and silently joined me in the pool. Also naked. Heavens, she tempted me. It was like instinctual to fuck her by now. But that was why I didn’t get myself started, knowing I couldn’t resist if I did.

This conversation was too important.

“Were you serious?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I rubbed my face, feeling like everything would have been simpler if it had been a joke, yet so glad it wasn’t. Even if our relationship was only physical to me, my thoughts of her were coloured so vividly by the intense pleasure. It’s hard to not like a dessert if it’s sweet.

As for her, all I could ask was, “Why? I’m just a sex toy, I’m happy being your sex toy.”

The water rippled, my attention pulled over as she crossed her legs the other way. I gulped.

“Is it really that hard to understand? I do not have such intimacy with just anyone, and I wouldn’t continue engaging in such intimacy with you every night if it was not something exceptional. Is it strange to want to claim you?”

I felt validated in the greatest and worst ways, my smile bittersweet. “Is that marriage?”

“Is that not marriage?” she asked back.

“I won’t say sexual attraction isn’t important, especially for me, but then what happens when that stops? What happens when you get bored of me? If you want to keep doing what we’re doing, we don’t need to get married. There’s no point if we don’t love each other.”

She didn’t say anything, not for a while. The wind gently rustled the grass, stars shone high above us, cherry blossoms fluttering down now and then, landing on the water and soon after dissolving like they were candyfloss.

“What kind of love do you want?” she finally asked.

Thinking, I fell into a pout, brow scrunched up. “I mean, we haven’t even kissed. We haven’t gone on dates. And I’m happy to get you off, but you’ve not really touched me back. That’s why I said I’m a sex toy. That’s all I am to you.”

More silence, but it was lighter. Or, at least, I felt better. It wasn’t that I was upset with her at all, but it was frustrating. She was like a man. I mean, from what I heard, men always confused sex with love.

I kinda understood. After all, I liked her a lot because my feelings for her were tied up with feeling good. If I didn’t get myself off too, I probably wouldn’t like her. I called myself a sex toy, but, to me, she was also one. An interactive fuck doll with lifelike realism. If I had a dick and used it, maybe I would have confused my feelings for love.

She spoke, breaking me out my stupid thoughts.

“I talked with a friend and she told me I was in love with you. I am sorry for the misunderstanding,” she said, an unusual softness to her voice.

“It’s fine. I already sorted it out with everyone. If anyone asks, I saw you bathing, so you played a joke on me,” I said, trying to sound funny. Tried. Her words hit hard, leaving my heart heavy. I wanted her to be in love with me. Selfish, but undeniable.

As if she heard that horrible thought, she asked, “If I did all those things you mentioned, would you want to get married?”

I wanted to say yes, but I couldn’t. “Maybe.”

“My friend told me anyone would be happy to marry me,” she said, not sounding like she was bragging, more like she was confused.

I had to laugh, still smiling after. “Mm, I would be happy too. But, can I ask you something personal?”

“Go ahead,” she said.

“Have you been intimate with anyone else? Not who or how many, just yes or no.”

After a bit, she said, “A few.”

I looked down at my knees through the water, barely a ripple to disturb the crystal clearness. “We live for so long, I can’t imagine that, out of all the people in the world, I just happened to run into someone I can spend the rest of my life with already. Even if you do all those things, I know there’s plenty of others out there who’ll do them too. I’m sure you can make me happy, but I want to have more experiences first, I want to discover what kind of love I need.”

Realising I was kinda going in circles, I stopped there and took a deep breath before continuing.

“If you don’t mind that I want to sleep with other women, I’m happy to stay with you too. Or if you want to wait, I’ll give you an answer when I’m ready, but that might be years away. Or if this is a deal-breaker, I won’t come back here,” I said, voice strained by the end, blinking away the tears.

Putting it out there so, like, multiple-choice question style, it dug up my emotions. Whichever she chose, my life was changed. While I waited, it felt like my brain was going through each choice, one second full of hope, the next second my heart aching like I’d lost her. Painful.

This wasn’t even love and it hurt so much? No wonder people were confused.

I didn’t dare look at her, my eyes slowly resembling the pool I stared into. Until finally, she said, “Okay.”

“Okay… what?” I whispered.

Her reply not coming, I turned to her. Like she was waiting for that, she leaned in and… kissed me.

She kissed me.

Her lips felt so hot, and my lips felt numb, but tingling, like when my legs fell asleep from sitting funny. Instead of painful, the tingling was weird. Ticklish, but not. Addictive. Addictive, that was the best word for it. I couldn’t think, felt everything, and I just needed more. Our lips just touched at first, but I opened up like a fish, our lips hugging closer. When that wasn’t enough, I gently sucked, my tongue stroked her.

More, I needed more. It wasn’t like sex. I wasn’t desperate to cum. It felt like happiness. Like eating ice cream or going to the beach on a hot day or waking up a little before I needed to, getting to spend a few minutes lying there.

A good orgasm left me refreshed. Kissing her made me feel alive, time blurred, but everything so vivid. I felt like I could feel her heartbeat through her lips. Her scent, not the musky smell from her vulva, but a subtly sweet fragrance, begging me to sniff her. Her fingers gently stroked my back, sending more tingles through me, fighting the urge to shiver. Her breath, hot on my wet lips. The little sounds of kissing, quiet squelches and pops, and growls, little moans, trapped in my throat, leaking from hers.

When I fucked her, there wasn’t time to, like, appreciate it. To appreciate her. If she moaned, I got closer, so I fucked her harder. Like it was a race.

But, now, it wasn’t anything like a race. It wasn’t like anything I’d done before. She kissed my lips and I felt it in my toes, my heart beating so softly without all that adrenalin. Calm. I could touch her so gently.

I could actually touch her so gently.

The urge to fuck her was still there, and kissing her definitely stirred it up, but it wasn’t in control. I felt her smooth, soft skin, and was overwhelmed by the desire to treasure her. Even though I’d been so rough with her before, I felt like I’d break her if I hugged her.

I never wanted to stop.

I never wanted to stop, but everything stops eventually.

She pulled back, so I chased her. Her lips curved, her laugh tickling my lips, then she rested her forehead against mine and, like, pried me off. I couldn’t chase her with her forehead in the way.

Slowly, I realised I could see. What I saw were her misty eyes, eyelashes fluttering. I stared into them for a long moment, heart pounding louder and louder, until I couldn’t hold on.

I didn’t fuck her—we had sex. Together.