The birds will hear you
Please do not cry for me
The other birds will hear you
And their tears as well
Will be shed, but for you
I am but an ageing crow
Whose wing can fly no more
But you are a young swallow
Who has yet to see the shore
So do not cry for me.
The other birds will hear you
I have seen many dew
And have flown many winds
Yet when I’m with you
I forget it all, but your grins
So do not cry for me
Do not grieve for me
Do not shed tears for me
I want you to feel the wind
And your laughter to fill the clouds
When this dreams becomes true
Only then, please sing a song
And I will shed your tears
While the other birds love you for me
Without a moment's warning, Silika collapsed right before my eyes just as I entered the house.
“What’s going on?! Alzan! Call the doctor immediately!”
I ordered the head butler who, without hesitation, rushed out of the door.
I looked back at Silika, but her expression was blank.
“Uhng…”
She let out unintelligible noise as tears pooled in her eyes.
Panicking I tried to reach out to her, but she fell backward, a terrified look in her face. At her side, I noticed Gelsare’s daughter panicking as well.
Was today the day she was starting as her playmate? I should have been there for that…
The girl tried to reach out to Silika, but I stopped her with a hand movement.
“Don’t. It might make it worse.”
I turned back to Silika.
“It’s okay sweetie. There’s no bad people around.”
I said out loud as I approached her.
I knew she couldn’t hear it, but Delian had recommended doing so anyway.
He explained that acting in a calm and kind manner when Silika panicked would help her feel less threatened and keep me from panicking as well, but her eyes remained the same, focused on an empty point in front of her.
“Hnnnnnnngggg…..”
She started wheezing and moaning painfully.
A passerby could easily mistake it for the cries of a dying animal. Never would they have guessed that its true nature was much more morbid.
“There’s no monster, Silika. I took care of all the bad people today. No one can hurt you now.”
I said as I carefully walked toward her, but she panicked again and fell over to her side as she tried to back away.
“Uh Syieee!”
She suddenly yelled in my direction, fear plastered across her face.
Was she afraid of me?
“It’s me, Silika! Marshall! Lionheart! Dad!”
I said, but felt a pang of guilt at the last one, but dismissed the feeling. Now was not the time.
I kept walking slowly in her direction, but I could see her panic was climbing, what do I do? What would Delian do? What would the Bishop do?
“Ulh gooooo! Uh ta nu tu! Plea don…”
Her breathing became erratic. It’s about to happen. I need to act.
She opened her mouth, tears completely clouding her eyes and a painful expression straining her face.
There was no time left for hesitation.
It was only at that moment I realised that my hands were clasped tight from stress.
Without a moment of hesitation, I dropped everything, grabbed Silika and held her tightly.
“Oh Steinnher…”
I prayed and Immediately, Silika let out a piercing screech.
I rushed toward the second floor, toward her room, before anyone else got hurt.
“Oh Steinnher, lest I forget. Please, lest I forget.”
Luckily it seems Steihnner’s blessing was holding up, but how long?
I closed the door behind us and walked to the bed. Her screaming continued.
I’m scared.
Not for me, but for her.
What if this never ends? What if this pain never leaves her?
I shook away the thought. No not now. Silika needs me now.
There must be something.
I need a solution. I don’t know any blessings like the Bishop, so there must be something from the orphanage…
I remembered a story Delian told me about the first day he met Silika. The first time she panicked at the orphanage… It’s worth a try.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.
I need to be calm. I need to be steady. It won’t work if I’m not calm.
I took one last breath before starting.
“Please do not cry for me, The other birds will hear you…”
I sang as slowly and as calmly as I could
Her screams turned to wailing. I could feel the pressure on my ears becoming almost too much to bear but I couldn’t leave. Not without her.
I pushed on.
“And their tears as well, Will be shed but for you. I am but an ageing crow…”
She choked on her own voice and her breathing became raspy, but the screaming did not stop.
“...Whose wing can fly no more. And you are a young swallow, Who has yet to see the shore…”
Her arms started thrashing about uncontrollably and her head tilted up. I held on to her and gently grasped the back of her head so she wouldn’t hurt her neck.
“...So do not cry for me. The other birds will hear you. I have seen many dew. And have flown many winds…”
Between two screaming fits, Silika started coughing uncontrollably. I gently rubbed her back until her breathing started again.
“...Yet when I’m with you. I forget it all, but your grins.”
I took a deep breath as I held on to her. Tears were still flowing from her eyes as she cried, but the screaming seemed to have passed.
“So do not cry for me. Do not grieve for me. Do not shed tears for me. I want you to feel the wind. And your laughter to fill the clouds.”
Slowly the wheezing coming from her throat became quiet and her breathing became less erratic. I patted her back as I slowly rocked her side to side.
“When this dream becomes true. Only then, please sing a song. And I will shed your tears. While the other birds love you for me.”
By the time I finished the song, her breathing had steadied. She was still crying profusely and coughing painfully, but at least she wasn’t hurting anymore. I continued embracing her and sang back the song to her several times, until Alzan slowly opened the door and quietly walked to the bedside, water carafe in hand.
He poured a glass and brought it to me.
“For the lady, my lord.”
I nodded approvingly and slowly loosened my embrace with Silika. She sniffled and lazily wiped the tears from her eyes. They looked tired and unfocused.
She tried to look up at me, but it looked difficult and painful. I showed her the glass of water and she slowly nodded before grabbing it with both her hands. They looked unsteady so I supported the glass from the bottom so it wouldn’t spill. After a few long gulps, she gave the glass back to me.
“Shall I fetch the young lady Milie Gelzare, my lord.”
I glanced up at Alzan and then back down at Silika.
“Give us a few minutes.”
“As you wish.”
He bowed and gracefully left the room.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
Now that things have settled down, I need to understand what happened. I was about to ask something from Silika, but her eyes were focused elsewhere.
I followed her eyes and spotted her bunny rabbit plush on the nightstand, Alzan had probably picked it up and placed it there. I stretched my arm and handed it to her.
[Agh shf gnn.]
She mumbled some words as she hugged it tightly.
I sat her down more comfortably on my knees before I addressed her.
-Why were you scared, Silika?-
I asked her.
She looked surprised at my question and looked up at me, almost as if to tell whether I was being honest. She stared straight into my eyes for a few seconds before looking down and looking at her hands.
-The stick.-
She simply said.
-What stick, Silika?-
-The horse stick.-
Horse stick… Does she mean the horse crop? I was holding one when entering the house, but…
-Why are you scared of the horse stick?-
-It hurts.-
I guess it does, but so do swords and knives… She’s never been scared of those.
-Horse sticks are only for horses. They’re don’t hurt humans.-
She looked up at me again. Straight into my eyes.
-They hurt me.-
I suddenly felt sick.
As she moved her hands, the collar of her dress shifted and I saw the long streak on her collarbone. The same that covered her entire body.
I had spent many nights wondering what could have been used to cause such injuries, and now… I know.
I almost wish I didn’t, but I needed to.
I need to understand her pain so I can deserve to be called her father.
A small bit of tears formed in the corner of her eyes, but she whipped it away quickly and looked down at her rabbit plush.
“I gdw gnn.”
She whispered to it. Sometimes I wish I could switch places with it and be the one she whispered all those secrets to.
She sat there quietly.
I wanted to reassure her, but the words didn’t come to me, or rather, I felt as though I wasn’t the right person to tell them to her.
I looked up at the door. I could hear the sound of shifting cloth. The girl and Alzan must be waiting.
“You can come in.”
It was not a moment later that Alzan and Milie Gelsare entered the room. I could tell the girl had been crying. Despite being twice Silika’s age, I guess she’s still a child.
They approached us and Milie kneeled at the side of the bed facing Silika.
-I sorry! I sorry! You okay?-
Silika looked at her for a moment and nodded.
“You didn’t do anything wrong Milie, don’t worry.”
I told the girl as I lifted Silika and sat her on the bed.
“I’m glad t’hear it, m’lord. Will Sil–... Will m’lady be alright?”
Truly a Gelzare. She speaks the same way her father does.
I nodded.
“She will. Please take good care of her from now on.”
She bowed respectfully.
“I will, m’lord. Thank you for trustin’ me.”
She declared before turning back to Silika and yet again asking her for her well being.
I looked at Silika as well.
I should say something here. Something that sounds reassuring and father-like…
I placed my hand on her small pink head which surprised her and she turned to me.
-Be strong, okay? I’m always there if you need my help.-
Silika seemed unsure about something for a second but then nodded.
-Okay.-
I turned to Stash and Milie and smiled.
“Why don’t we have Silika take a bath? I’m sure it would make her feel better after a long day.”
“Well advised, sir. I will have the maids bring a tub and hot water. I’m sure Ms Gelzare wouldn’t mind attending?”
Milie nodded at the suggestion.
“I don’ mind, sir.”
I turned back to Silika and smiled.
-I will see you at dinner, okay?-
She had a complicated expression on her face, but she eventually nodded.
-Okay.-
I stood up and after smiling at them one last time I left the room followed by Alzan.
We walked some distance before I said anything.
“Anything to report?”
The butler nodded seriously.
“I left a more complete report on your desk related to the ‘meat’ matter, if you wish to consult, but I fear it raised more questions than it answered.”
“Elaborate.”
Alzan opened the door to my office on the third floor and closed the door behind us. I picked up the report he left on my desk. As I started reading he explained.
“From my current understanding, I believe that the lady’s ability to digest meat products comes from the heavily carnivorous diet of her strong Seeir ancestry counteracting her obvious Meiriem descent…”
“Wait, Seeir? Are you sure you understood right?”
I interrupted him to which he nodded.
“Positive, my lord. As a matter of fact, it is the Scorn blood which appears to be completely absent from her family tree.”
I took a moment and read over his notes. There truly was nothing remotely hinting at Scorn blood. Perhaps she’s an illegitimate child. Could this be the reason behind...?
“There are two more things, my lord.”
I looked up from the paper, finally understanding why he had waited until I was seated to explain everything.
“Speak.”
He nodded and continued.
“The lady claims her eyes weren’t always gold but were instead silver.”
I nodded.
“Post-natal trait development. I’ve heard of it, although I heard it only occurs in infants.”
“As you just said, my lord. It is suspicious that this process occurred to a child her age.”
I rubbed the stubbles on my chin.
“Theories?”
He shook his head sadly.
“None that are too pleasant. We may wish to consult a physician… Speaking of which, the doctor you requested is still here. Shall we have him examine the lady?”
I nodded.
“Please do. Also mention the trait development, but double his pay to make sure he keeps quiet. We don’t need my daughter’s heritage becoming public knowledge on the information market.”
The butler bowed and started heading for the door.
“Wait. You mentioned there were two more things. What’s the other?”
“Oh, by Diid, I almost forgot! When I questioned the lady regarding her Scorn heritage, she brought up something interesting. Apparently, she has only ever met a single scorn descendant in her life before… Well before. A maid who lived in the same household who she grew very close to. She’s the one who made the rabbit plush the lady is always carrying around.”
Alzan turned to the door and started leaving, but turned back toward me one last time.
“She seemed… Quite fond of her.”
After a moment of hesitation, he gave an uncertain nod and closed the door behind him.
I once more read Alzan's notes and as he said, this answer brought on just as many questions.
There were a lot of information we had already gathered on Silika beforehand, but this was something new.
From her mannerism and the information Delian had disclosed, she appeared to be from a noble household, most likely in the eastern part of the kingdom. They appeared to have been assiduous Meiriem believer, which in turn has made Silika spiteful of the religion.
Her deafness is also not innate and would have been acquired as a result of some accident in the last year or so.
Lastly, we know for a fact that both her mother and father were the main perpetrator in her mistreatment.
I had tried to get more information out of Delian, who apparently had had a direct correspondence with at least one member of the original household, but he was bound by a blessed contract to never disclose past information regarding the orphans beyond what these ones had allowed.
For their own safety.
I let out a long sigh, dug through my desk, and pulled out a carafe of whiskey and a glass. I poured the copper liquid into the glass and spun it a few times before taking a sip.
I felt the alcohol spread from my throat to my whole body.
It might not resolve issues, but it sure made the symptoms more manageable…
What a day.
At least the Green Palace had paid off and the heir issue was taken care of.
As of today, Silika was officially recognised as Lilica’s and my daughter.
The official story was that Silika was born shortly after Lilica and I first got married in secret some six years ago and that she had been kept a secret and lived with distant relatives until we could get our partent’s approval for marriage, but Lilica died before this came to pass. After the fact, she had been sent in hiding at a local orphanage until she could be arranged to come live with me.
The story had just the right amount of lies, truth, and uncertainty to grease the right people’s pockets and let it pass as official in front of the court.
Of course, I could now expect the same doubts coming from Lilica’s family and my own, but I was confident it wouldn’t be an issue… As long as I get Silika to correlate it.
I’ll have to earn her trust first before we do that.
I let out a sigh and took another sip from my drink.
I think I underestimated Delian’s words from back then.
I had thought he meant that Silika was temperamental or simply moody, but now I understood the real meaning of his words.
It was one crisis after another. Anything could send her into a panic and one misplaced word could see her mood spiral down.
I always feel like I’m doing something wrong and I know I’ve been relying on Alzan too much…
I need to start acting like an actual father, but I’m afraid that I’ll fail…
Or worse, that I’ll hurt her.
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Separate comment thread for fluffy.
Poor Silika, good dadding. He needs to have a list of all the "makes Silika sad" items so he can ban them. I can see that heir issue backfiring when the skeletons escape the dungeon, hopefully he can do a "sit down and shut up" on them. It's not like her genetic donars want to be connected to her, so that's something, and they are technically distant relations and this would be a convenient way of disowning her from the "pure" bloodline.
Hmm, that document looks like you wrote it by hand? I can parse spme of the rules ok, I wonder if I can find enough diacritics and foreign code points in unicode to type it out and it not be all boxes.
The first half was written by hand, mainly as a proof of concept that this is a practical way of writing.
The second part was typed for the basic consonants. I then went over to add the correct accents as well as the Capital vowels.
I tried to fully type it at first, but some words (I'm looking at you double O's) were too much for the standard alphabet to handle :(
Yeah, those lyrics are incredibly ambiguous. They fit pretty well for the woman in question being gaslit, potentially even emotion abuse in general. They also fit for something at the other end of the scale, severe mental health issues. You could perhaps picture a young woman of that era suffering something like schizophrenia and bipolar depression... or maybe another diagnosis. I'll break down my logic, but I'll fold it in a spoiler so I can spread it out without taking a bunch of screenscroll.
This is long and contains discussion of suicide, dementia, difficult care giving situations, and various mental health aspects. Anyone reading it should be careful if these are topics that you need to avoid.
The first lines about not telling could relate to excessive expression of affection, that could be the up-side of bipolar, a sign of obsessive or dependent dynamics. The lyrics don't explicitly give the relationship the two are in but we assume it is at least a mutual romantic one, the "normal" expectations of intimacy and displays of affection might be inappropriate and the singer is trying to hint to that as a lead in to the less subtle suggestions.
It's hard to follow which direction the question about long words heads in, something that matters if we're looking at something other than the immediate modern jump to gaslighting. Or, perhaps phrased better, gaslight usage has drowned out other possibilities that might have been more acceptable 150-200 years ago than they would today. Specifically, this could be a direct reference to either education or sanity. Education in the sense that one of them could be less literate or educated than the other, with the result that they can't understand some of the vocabulary. It's not a new thing for "long words" to be a reference to speaking in a technical or convoluted way. It could also be referencing sanity, suggesting that one of them isn't of clear enough mind to communicate coherently. Think, an extreme level of temporary vocabulary loss or making up words, that type of communication impairment. Or, for that matter, it could be a mix and implies the girl has one of the statuses they euphemistically grouped as "being simple".
That chains to the following line, the girl being angry about that question, which is where the direction comes in.
If the question is being asked of the girl, it could imply the singer can't understand her or is confused by words that don't make sense. That in turn would, at least for our more narrowed options, offer that the singer isn't as educated as the girl and when he tries to express that she gets annoyed, or that the girl has one of the communication issues listed and she's reacting badly to a poor attempt to understand what she's saying. This direction also covers a possibility that she's attempting to sound more sophisticated and becoming upset when it fails so directly... more on that idea later.
If the girl is asking the singer, it generally flips the equation, but since it seems like all the lines are the singer's part, we have two possibilities there as well. Is the singer confused at her question or mocking her question? Ignoring the options where the singer is just a jerk, it could be he doesn't understand why she's confused at his words and she's upset at the lack of tact; it could be that she's struggling to understand, but he doesn't get it, leading to her being frustrated or upset; it could be that the singer is the one not making sense and she's getting frustrated trying to talk to him; it could be a hint towards the depression, implying she doesn't see any point in trying to talk; it could be a combination I'm forgetting.
The point is, the why is complicated. The outrage, and we're going to assume she is acting expressively in some manner, could be a hint towards mental health though. If we're working on the basis that there's at least severe bipolar depression at play, the singer might want to convey that she suffers from a very unstable mental state. I'm talking specifically the kind where small triggers can cause a disproportionate response, something we'd often try to medicate for today. There's a few psychoses that can show triggered unpredictability.
Regardless, if we consider the "outrage" to be some type of short episode, passively calming her would make sense as the chapter pretty nicely explains. In particular though, if it is a psychotic type response, trying to be too assertive in calming or restraining could make the condition worse and potentially dangerous. A modern example would be a person who is in an episode of cognitive impairment being in or next to heavy traffic, poor handling could have them flee into the road or attack a perceived threat in a dangerous location.
The cruel and unfaithful lines are why I put the schizophrenia option in. Again assuming the singer isn't doing either of these things, they are both easily recognized examples of things like hallucinations or paranoia affecting her. It's a common enough issue these days for the target of the paranoia to be the carer, something I know happens with a number of conditions. I seem to have a memory trace of this kind of cognitive impairment being painful when caring for parents with some kind of dementia, but I'm not going to try tugging it for more details.
"Really you've lost your mind" is an elephant in the room, it would normally be clear gaslighting but we're excluding that so let's take it at face. We don't know if the singer says it out loud, but we could interpret this line from the perspective of someone watching the mental decline of someone they're caring for. It is heart breaking when someone close to you loses themselves and/or acts hurtfully. The accusations either side of this line, if untrue and aimed at a spouse/carer, are painful to hear, but part of bearing it is trying to keep a "they don't mean it, they're not thinking straight" belief to protect the memory of this person loving you when they were feeling better. Perhaps the singer is trying to keep calm and remember that she's only saying this because she's unwell right now. Interesting, the "shut up" line that completes this set of four could be saying the singer lost their composure at the accusation of being unfaithful, it hurt just a little too much. It could also be significant that this middle bit is the only place without mention of birds.
I don't think I need to touch too much on the suicidal lines other that to note that both schizophrenia and bipolar have significant self harm risk when a mood crashes, it's consistent with the other lines.
The odd response about upsetting the birds is actually a little painful in this context. I suffer from suicidal urges more often than I want to admit, it's just something I've been dealing with for much of my life. As a teen I encountered a therapist who told me I wasn't suicidal because of how I countered it, when I told my older brother who has some conditions in common with me, he told me he'd had the same response. The method, fundamentally, is to target the methods of suicide and rationalise why that particular method wouldn't work. One way you can eliminate overdose, for example, by knowing how low the chances are of it working before being found. The reason the line is painful... the watertight disarming of death by train and death by oncoming car is pretty much "think of how the driver will feel". It's not an option because it will hurt the people who are there. I honestly don't know if that's how the original author meant that line to be seen, but it makes a chilling fit with this version of the interpretation.
The following lines read like textbook caring for a vulnerable person... comforting physical contact if appropriate to the patient, get them to talk about where they are mentally and be clear you're listening, try to improve the situation by asking how you can help them feel safer, less painful, etc. If I were writing catchy reminders I'd say something like Comfort, Communicate, Counteract.
And finally an interesting line I lack sufficient context for. "Return to your pipes" ... this seems like the musical version, implying the girl is a musician and giving us one last trope to work with.
I don't know what the stereotype in context would be, but if we put it all together we could be hearing of a young woman (let's say 18-25) who is being portrayed as the (and I know this is a somewhat offensive term) Musical Gypsy Girl. Bright, over expressive, easily sidetracked, seems like a fairy in human form. You could almost say disney princess with a flute. Below that, she's suffering due to a volatile emotional state and mental health issues. Think the tragic news articles telling us how a person was so bright, cheerful and loved, until they unexpected took their own life and it only then became known they were struggling. There's also something of a pattern for these stereotypes to be unconcerned with intellectual areas, being drawn to the artistic, but the is a less flattering take where people try to seem enlightened or intellectual by using more complicated phrasing. That could play into the "long words" part from before.
On the other side, there are two interesting patterns for the singer.
The first is the trope of the bird keeper. I don't know if it's appropriate to the period but there's an image of people involved in bird related tasks to be introverted, caring, and not very smart. The two easiest references are likely the bird woman in Mary Poppins and the bird guy in Home Alone 2 (it was 2, right?) who both seem cold and uncaring until the child stops being prejudiced and discovers they're warm and friendly. A little harder reference is the people who raise pigeons who are usually portrayed very in line with this, most of them supposedly loving their pigeons more than their family but really showing signs of not processing complexity well. This kind of tells on me, but I could absolutely see Jack Duckworth behaving similarly to this poem.
The other pattern is really interesting in how it breaks... a coping mechanism for carers, who are handling painful or unpleasant needs, is to not think about it... fixate on something else if you have to, just don't show anything but comfort and tolerance on your face. Since we're casting the singer as someone acting as care giver for a loved one, perhaps we are being subtly show that yhe singer is in pain, he's thinking about the birds as a distraction from his loved one. Perhaps the singer has been looking after this person a long time, likely with no help or direction to guide how, and it's slowly grinding him down as codependency sets in. We could guess he's vowed to take care of her as long as possible because he cares for her. The bird distraction stops only when she does something very painful or when he kisses her. It all fits cleanly with a carer out of their depth in a period where mental health wasn't well treated.
I don't want to say what the correct interpretation is... there's enough ambiguity to support both and not enough context to draw probabilities. Even the original name may have significance on how we are supposed to interpret the character. I just wanted to offer the possibility that the original author isn't a terrible person
It's very interesting to see this perspective on the song and really highlights one of the main issues I had translating this work into English. The song takes a completely other life of itself. Perhaps this was intended by the author as a sub-commentary or perhaps it is simple
All I can trully comment on, is the overall 'french' meaning.
French-romanticism (as I like to call it, I'm no scholar) is inherently macho and emphasizes actions over words (Which is often reflected in movies and plays by being much more physical than its English counterpart).
If I was to break down the general meaning behind the song, it would be that the singer is particularly. He is telling the woman that simply because his love for her is not "showy", it doesn't mean that the love he holds for her isn't true. So under this premise, the singer tells that he believes that a showy love life only serves to bother others (In other words, PDA is shallow and more problematic than anything).
The description of madness is also dramatised by (my flawed) translation, and, in the context of the song, is meant to instead describe the anger and frustration of the woman toward the singer who will not satisfy her wants for a show of love.
It's not meant as a comment on her overall sanity, and it actually came as a shock to me when I first started translating it and reread my work.
The description of her actions is also meant to be a direct threat to the singer ie: She accuses him of cheating, makes more noise and eventually threatens to hang herself (which is also related to his fear of drawing attention).
In other words, the song is meant as a metaphor for a man and a woman on a date. The man doesn't want onlookers to watch them express their love for each other, but the woman requests a sign of love.
In the process the man would sing this song, heavily dramatising the woman's request for affection for dramatic purposes and then holds her hand and quickly gives her a kiss before anyone notices.
It is meant to be romantic, which is really strange when reading the translation, I concede
I do have this illustration of the song (from the 1956 transcription) which I added to the author's note. You might find it interesting to understand the french 'take' on the song.