Edited by: Kuro

---

A tall, handsome man with black hair and brown eyes stood by the window. His once tan skin slowly turned pale from the lack of sunlight. Heavy eye bags sat under his slightly red eyes, resisting the urge to close them. He wore a simple white t-shirt and blue striped boxers. His facial hair was prickly and unkempt. The only thing that seemed to have some life in the room was the flowers that he was holding in his hands. They were freshly cut flowers, ones that would look more beautiful when carefully placed in a vase. 

The man’s name was Cole. The flowers were for his partner, Zain. However, his partner was nowhere to be found.

He forgot how long he had been awake, forgot when he last ate, forgot when he last showered or brushed his teeth. It was like the days dragged on and on, hours and hours, but he still felt empty. It was as if something was missing;  like someone had gouged his heart out leaving behind a large hole, painful. 

He stood by the window for a couple of hours more but didn’t feel the protest from his eyes or his legs. He just persisted until he felt a bit warmer. 

When he finally turned away from the window, he saw Zain, standing by him, smiling. 

Zain was beautiful. He had light brown hair; hazel eyes that seemed to look like ambers. The man was a head shorter than him, but somehow, when Cole brought him into a hug, he felt that Zain fit perfectly in his arms. He didn’t know if it was just him, but the way Zain smiled lit up his whole world and brightened his whole day.

Cole mumbled to himself, “Zain…” 

“Cole, why do you look like that?” Zain asked him, head slightly tilted, but he still kept the smile on his face. “Go wash up and shave your beard. Don’t you remember what today is?” 

“Today?” 

“That’s right! It’s our anniversary? Did you really forget?” 

Cole looked at his phone. May 19th. It really was their anniversary. 

“I’m sorry, I forgot. I will get ready now!” 

Cole put the flowers on the window sill. He stumbled across the room, tripping on empty bottles and scattered clothes. 

Zain looked around the room and shook his head. Without him, Cole was a mess. 

After shaving his beard, brushing his teeth, and showering, Cole walked out of the bathroom. He looked through all of his clothes, some scattered on the floor, others on his bed or office chair, and finally found a set of clean clothes. When was the last time he wore clean clothes? 

He put on a white dress shirt, no tie, a navy blue blazer, some slacks, and a brown belt that matched his shoes. He put his watch on and grabbed his wallet and keys before finally walking out the door. 

Ah, He forgot the flowers.

He sat in the car and Zain was already there in the passenger seat, waiting for him. He was wearing a tight-fitted black shirt, khaki pants that fit his legs, and black shoes. The same ones when Cole saw him in the room. There were a couple of bandaids on his arm, but Cole knew what they were from.

Cole asked, “Where are we going first, Zain?” 

Zain replied, eyes sparkling in excitement, “Let’s go to my favorite food truck at the park. It’s only 10 AM, so it should be open.”  

“Okay, are we sharing food again?” 

“Of course, you know I can’t eat a lot.” 

“Okay.” 

Cole, ignoring the tiredness in his eyes, drove to the park near their house. He parked the car in the free parking lot and walked to the entrance.

It was a small park designed for people to walk through. There were park benches scattered around. There were a lot of bushes along the brick pathway; trees every few bushes as well as solar-powered lamp posts for when it got dark. Near the entrance, there were three food trucks. 

The one that Cole and Zain liked to go to was a nacho taco truck. As the name implied, they put loaded nachos into taco shells. He got three tacos, two for him and one for Zain. Zain couldn’t eat a lot, but he insisted on eating these nacho tacos. 

Cole found a nearby picnic bench and put the food and drinks down. Zain was already sitting at the table, staring at the food with drool in his mouth. Just smelling the food made him full.

“These look good as always.” 

“Then let’s eat.” 

Cole downed two of the nacho tacos but found the third taco still on the tray. 

“Are you not going to eat?” 

“I can’t eat.” 

Cole forgot that Zain was ill. 

“It’s okay, I will eat it for you.” 

“Thank you, Cole. You always finish my food when I can’t eat it. I always feel bad.” 

“It’s okay, I have a big appetite, so another taco won’t hurt my stomach.” 

After eating the last taco and drinking the large soda they always shared, Cole sat up and decided they should walk through the park. They usually did this after eating. 

The weather wasn’t too hot, around 60F (15C), and there was a nice breeze that went through the park. The temperature was always like this at this time of the year. When it got a little warmer, he knew spring would end.

Zain grabbed Cole’s hand. His hands were cold so he liked how warm Cole’s hands were. “You need to go outside more. How long has it been since you have gone outside?” 

“I don’t know. I lost track of time.” 

“That’s not good. Doesn’t your job nag you to come out?” 

“No, they gave me a month off.” 

“Why did you get a month off?” 

Cole looked over at Zain a little confused. Why did he get a month off? Since Zain was right next to him, he should be fine, but he wasn’t fine and he didn’t know why. He felt the same again, he was missing something.

“Well, since you have a month off, you need to take care of yourself more.” 

“I will.”

“Promise?” 

“I promise.” 

Zain seemed happier to hear Cole’s promise. There was a slight skip in his steps, his arms swinging back and forth, and a grin on his face. 

Cole felt happy seeing how happy Zain was. His lips lifted up unconsciously when he saw the brilliant smile across Zain’s face.  

Zain was his happiness. 

---

After they slowly walked through the park for an hour, Cole lifted his hand that was holding Zain’s and couldn’t help but kiss Zain’s hand. 

Zain’s hands were cold, but this was normal.

“Where to next?” 

“I want to go to the movie theaters. I heard there’s a new romance movie.” 

They were movie fanatics but he couldn’t remember the last time he watched a movie with Zain. 

“Alright, let’s go watch a good romance movie.” 

Cole sat in the car and looked through all the movies with Zain. Finally, they settled on a movie called “My Letters to You.” It seemed to be a tragedy but Zain was adamant about watching it. 

“Okay, let’s go watch it.” 

Cole slowly drove them to the nearby movie theater and asked for two tickets. 

The movie theater worker seemed confused at Cole’s request. “Sir, are you sure you want two tickets?” 

“Yes, two tickets for me and my husband.” 

The worker at the booth didn’t see anyone else but assumed that the man was buying the tickets in advance. Maybe his husband was late. He charged the man for two tickets and handed them to him. 

“I hope you and your husband enjoy the movie!” 

“Thank you, sir.” 

Cole walked into the movie theater and bought a large popcorn and drink. He then waited for the designated time for the movie. It was only lunchtime, so there weren't a lot of people there. 

When he walked into the theater room, there were only two other people. They were sitting alone. 

Cole walked Zain to their seats and put the drink in between them. 

“Do you want some popcorn?” 

“Sure.” 

The two ate popcorn as they watched the commercials. It only lasted about five minutes before finally getting to the movie. 

The popcorn was already halfway done. 

“Cole, you always eat a lot of popcorn even before the movie starts.” 

“Isn’t that normal? You only ate a few pieces.” 

“I’m not that hungry.” 

After that, the two turned their heads toward the large screen. 

---

The movie, My Letters to You, was about a couple, a man and a woman, who were exchanging letters during a time when phones didn’t exist. The two were separated by the woman’s parents who hated that the man was from a different social class than them. Even so, they secretly sent each other letters, still so in love with one another. 

A couple of years later, the letters stopped coming. She didn’t receive any letters from him. 

Even so, she still sent him letters, telling him about her yearning to meet him. She still thought about him every single day, and she hoped that he still felt the same way. 

When her parents finally gave up on her marrying another man, she headed back to the town where she met the love of her life. At the door to his address, letters were piled up in his mailbox, all were sent from her. 

She stared at the mailbox in disbelief until a neighbor, who saw her standing at the door, told her about the man who once lived in that house. 

“He moved away some time ago… Was it like a year or so ago? One day, he just up and left and no one has heard from him since.” 

“Really? Nobody? Not even his parents?” 

“His parents? I heard they died a couple of years ago.” 

She was speechless. He didn’t tell her that at all. She had no idea what to say.

She grabbed all her letters and put them into her purse. It made her once slightly empty purse bulge out. It was stuffed to the brim with all of her letters. 

After that, she looked over at the door. She knew it was probably locked, but she couldn’t help but try to open it. This was the house they had once lived in together. She still had her key with her. 

The doorknob twisted and the door clicked, signifying that it was opened. 

She opened the door and slowly walked inside. The place was organized but covered in dust. It looked as though no one has lived in it for a year.

She slowly walked through the three-bedroom, two-bathroom house. Each step reminded her of their time together. In the living room, they huddled by the fireplace, talking about their future together. She wanted three kids, but he only wanted two. Afterward, he compromised and said three kids were good too. 

Then she walked into the kitchen where the dining table was. She could see them sitting with the food she made. It wasn’t good at all, but he still ate it as if it was the finest dinner in the whole world. Since then, she learned to cook, and now, even to herself, the food she cooked was quite good.

Next, she walked into the bedroom that they shared then. She stared at the well-made bed that didn’t have a sign of life in it. Even so, in her memories, she saw them lying next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, skin to skin, eyes closed, talking about how their day was. They also talked about their expectations not only for their future, but about their parents, their jobs, and their marriage ceremony. They had long night conversations in the moonlight. 

Tears slowly fell from her eyes as she closed the door. There were no clothes, no pictures of them, nothing from when she was living there. The house was an empty husk of what was once there. 

~~~~~~~~

At this part of the movie, tears slowly dripped down Cole’s face but he didn’t realize he was crying. He felt a cold hand wipe away the tears on his face, but he didn’t know if he was crying too much, but the tears were still there. 

“Don’t cry. We are only halfway through the movie.” 

Cole nodded and brought his attention back to the screen. 

~~~~~~~~

After the woman left the house, she returned to her parents’ home. They thought she went to look for her lover because she was always sending letters to him, but she came back by herself. She didn’t say anything to them, but she was determined to find her lover. 

After asking many people and going through investigation agencies, she was finally told about her lover’s whereabouts. Apparently, he had moved to a neighboring city the month he stopped sending letters. 

So she went to that city, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at least. 

And she did. 

But he was holding the hand of another woman. They both were wearing rings, so one could see that they were already married. 

The woman ran up to him in a hurry, emotions out of control, but the one she felt the most was grief. She yanked on his sleeve to get his attention. 

He turned to see who grabbed him and his eyes widened in shock. He didn’t expect it to be his former lover. He never thought that he would, one day, meet his former lover, especially in front of his new wife like this. 

His wife, Eva, looked over at him, clutching his other arm as though she was stating her territory. 

“Adam, who is this?” 

Adam patted Eva’s hand to reassure her. 

“Eva, this is Lillian, my former lover. Lillian, this is my wife, Eva.” 

Lillian knew that they were married the moment she saw them, but she was still shocked to hear him say those words. She thought he still felt the same as her, so she waited and yearned for him…

It was too late.

“It’s nice to meet you, Eva. I… I stopped Adam because I wanted to say hi.” 

Eva didn’t believe Lillian, but she still said, “Nice to meet you too.” 

“Lillian, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but there’s been a lot going on. Well, we have to go now, we have an appointment.” With that, he shook her hand off his sleeve and turned around. 

“Lillian, I have moved on, it’s time for you to do so as well.” 

And with that, Adam and Eva walked away from her, leaving her behind. 

Lillian didn’t know how she got home, but she was already sitting at her desk. She pulled out a piece of paper and an envelope from the drawer of the desk.

She decided to write one last letter: 

Dear Adam, 

This is my last letter to you. 

There are a lot of things that I want to say…

I have never stopped loving you, even after my parents split us apart. I looked forward to your letters every day. All my thoughts were about you. 

Even when I felt that all hope was lost, I remember all the times we spent together. I remember our nights together by the fireplace. Even when it was cold and snowy, you still made sure to bundle me in a blanket and hand me a cup of hot chocolate.

I love you so much and I thought you felt the same way. Seeing you today made me realize that I should have run away together with you. 

But I don’t regret loving you. I don’t regret thinking about you. I don’t regret our time together. 

That’s why… thank you for being a part of my life. 

I hope you are happy now. 

Love, 

Lillian. 

Lillian sent the last letter to their old address, even though she knew he would never see it. For her though, it was the only way she could think of to help herself move on. The other letters she retrieved, we burned in her fireplace, never to be read.

After that, Lillian met another man who loved her just as deeply, if not more than how much Adam had loved her. Even so, there were times she thought back to her fleeting first love, just like the wind. 

It was the last time she had written a love letter to another person. 

---

At the end of the movie, Cole couldn’t stop the tears pouring out of his eyes. 

Zain took a napkin and did his best to pat Cole’s face dry. “Honey, why are you crying so much? Isn’t it a happy ending?” 

“It’s a happy ending but… I guess I am crying because I am touched.” 

“Well, I’m glad you liked the movie.” 

Cole couldn’t exactly say that he liked it, but he didn’t hate it either. He just… understood the grief that Lillian had for Adam. He was glad that she found someone better. 

Cole cleaned himself and the area around him before finally walking out of the movie theater with Zain. 

The worker who gave Cole his tickets saw the man walking out of the movie theater alone. He could see that the man’s eyes were much redder than when he came, so he knew Cole had cried. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if Cole picked a sad movie knowing that he would get stood up… 

When Cole got into the car, he looked over at the time and saw it was 2 PM (14:00). 

“Where to next?” He asked. 

Every time he and Zain went on dates, he let Zain pick where they should go. Cole didn’t care where they went. As long as Zain was happy, anywhere was fine. 

Zain put his hand on his chin, a habit of his while he was thinking. “Let’s go eat a late lunch and then go to the mall and get you some new clothes.” 

“How about clothes for you?” 

“I can just wear your clothes at home.” 

Cole couldn’t help but imagine Zain in his hoodies and shirts. With how thin Zain was, it would probably be really baggy on him. He thought it was very cute. 

Home. That’s right. They shared a home. 

“Alright, I will listen to you.” 

“Are you sure there isn’t any place you want to go to?” 

Zain wanted Cole to decide for himself instead of going along with everything he wanted to do. 

“No, I am happy if I’m with you, so it doesn’t matter where we go.” 

“There will come a time when you have to decide where you want to go. For now, though, I don’t mind directing us. Think about it okay? Think about where you want to go and then take me with you.” 

“I… I will think about it.”

Cole thought it was alright if he just followed Zain wherever he wanted to go. For him, anywhere with Zain was already magical. They also had a lot of similar interests and hobbies so he never felt repulsed about the places they had gone to or the things they ate. They did everything together. As long as they were together, he was happy. 

He didn’t know if there was a place that he wanted to go to. He wanted to go everywhere with Zain. Anywhere was good as long as they were together... 

Zain directed them to their favorite hot pot restaurant. They always shared a pot. This time, however, Zain wasn’t hungry, he just wanted to smell the food, so Cole got enough for himself. 

There were a lot of people in the hot pot restaurant as the temperature outside was perfect for this dish. Most people were with friends or family, as this dish was meant to be shared with others. It was only Cole who was alone, but he wasn’t truly alone. Zain was with him. 

Cole dipped his beef brisket into the pot along with vegetables like watercress and Chinese water spinach. He also threw in a bunch of mushrooms. 

In the end, Cole ate four plates of meat and a ton of vegetables. He was full to the brim. 

“It seems I am too full for dinner.” 

“You can just have a light snack for dinner so you won’t get hungry at night.” 

“That’s true.” 

It took Cole two hours to eat all of his food. He had a huge appetite with Zain in front of him. 

After that, he drove to the mall. The closest one to their house was a mall that was a city away. It was quite large. Most of the building was two stories high, but some stores had a third floor. 

Cole and Zain went to their favorite store. It was a store that had a lot of suits, but they did have some casual clothing here and there. 

“I think you will look good in this sweater.” Zain pulled out a dark blue sweater from the rack. 

Cole didn’t have a lot of colors in his closet. He typically wore black, white, or gray. Navy blue was one of the colors that were different from the monochrome colors in his closet. 

“If you think I look good in it, I will get it.” 

“Alright, let me get your size.” 

Zain knew Cole’s size like the back of his mind. He gave it to Cole and had him try it on. It was a little big on him because Cole lost a lot of weight. 

“I didn’t realize you lost so much weight…,” Zain said a little distressed. 

“This… I haven’t been taking care of myself, but don’t worry. I will be sure to gain the weight back.” 

“You better, I don’t want you to be all skin and bones like me.” 

Cole looked over at Zain and then at his body. There was no judgment or lust, but his heart hurt to look at Zain’s body that was as he described. He wanted Zain to eat more, to have a bit more meat on his bones, to have rosy cheeks, and healthy skin. Zain was pale, a sickly pale that made him seem like he would disappear the moment he took his eyes away from him. 

He could not remember the last time he saw Zain healthy, but he was always lively. There was never a moment when he saw Zain cry or with a frown on his face, even when he was in pain. 

“It doesn’t matter if you are skinny, fat, average, or whatever. As long as you are Zain, I will still think you are always beautiful however and whenever.” 

Zain was a little shocked to hear Cole say that. He paused before smiling at Cole. His smile was so bright, just like the sun. 

“Thank you, Cole. You always know how to make me feel better.” 

“I’m just telling the truth.” 

After that, Zain hummed his way through the store, picking out clothes he thought would look nice on Cole. 

When Cole asked again if he could buy Zain some clothes, he declined. He was always sick, so there was no need for nice new clothes. 

Cole and Zain left the mall with four bags of clothes. They were all for Cole. Cole hid a scarf that he thought would look good on Zain. He knew Zain was always cold, so he wanted him to stay warm with the scarf. 

They sat in the car at the mall’s parking lot. Cole looked to Zain for where they should go next. 

It was getting close to dinner time, but he wasn’t that hungry. Cole didn’t know where to go. 

“Let’s go back home and clean the place up. Then we can cuddle on the couch and watch TV.” 

This was something they did often. As long as they were together, they could do nothing and Cole would be content. He just wanted to be with Zain all the time because there were days when Zain was in the hospital, unable to come back home. 

“Alright, let’s do that.” 

Cole knew their home was a mess because of him. When Zain wasn’t there, he didn’t feel the need to clean up. Now that Zain was back, he had to make sure the place was spotless so Zain wouldn’t be uncomfortable. 

When they got home, Cole immediately got to work. Zain couldn’t do much, so he sat on the couch to give Cole some moral support. This was normal. Cole didn’t think much more of it. 

It took him a couple of hours to clean their whole apartment. Cole was quick and efficient. Even if things piled up or got a little nasty, he didn’t hesitate to clean it. The once dirty apartment was now spotless and lived in. It felt a lot more spacious and comfortable. 

Cole washed up once again while Zain waited in the living room. Zain somehow changed his clothes into long-sleeved pajamas. He was looking around and felt that a clean house was much more pleasing to the eye and good for Cole as well. He was upset when he saw the state of their home when he first came back. It was good that Cole could still take care of himself. 

Cole came back into the living room after his shower. He had already dried his hair and changed into his casual home clothes. He wore a plain white T-shirt and black boxer briefs. 

He saw Zain sitting on the sofa, hugging his legs to his chest. “Are you cold? Do you want me to turn on the heat?”

“I’m okay. Sitting next to you will instantly warm me up anyway.” Zain stretched his arms wide calling him to cuddle with him.

Cole grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Zain. Then he sat next to him embracing him in his arms. It was the most comfortable he had felt in a long time. 

He turned on the TV and flipped through N*tflix. He found a decent show in a different language. 

He couldn’t focus too long on the show and looked at the person in his arms. Zain was intently watching the show about a man who was trying to find the creator of the contacts that brought people into an augmented reality. He didn’t even notice Cole was staring at him instead of the show. 

After a while, Zain fell asleep in Cole’s arms. Cole picked him up. He was really light. It was like the blanket weighed more than he did. 

He brought Zain into their room and onto their bed. He tucked Zain in and then crawled into the bed bringing him into his arms once more and finally closed his eyes. He didn’t know what time it was, but the moment he closed his eyes, his tired body and mind instantly put him to sleep.

---

When Cole woke up, his arms were empty. The bed was empty and cold. He looked around but still could not find any sign of Zain in the room. 

He quickly sat up, his brain and body woke up faster than usual and ran for the bathroom. 

Zain wasn’t there either. 

He ran out of the bathroom and their room and into the living room. Zain was not in the apartment at all. 

It was like all the signs of Zain yesterday disappeared into thin air. His once warm apartment turned cold. 

“Zain, where are you?!” He desperately cried out, trying to hold his tears back.

Cole frantically lifted the blankets and pillows on the couch and tossed them to the ground. He went into his room again and opened the closet. He moved through all of his hangers and found nothing. He went on to his bed and lifted all the blankets and pillows. He even looked under the bed. 

He couldn’t find Zain. He couldn’t find his husband, his partner, the love of his life was gone again. 

Again? What did he mean by again? 

He grabbed his phone and wallet. He was about to call the hospital to ask if they had seen Zain when he saw the flowers and the scarf on the window sill in the living room. He slowly walked up to it and held on to the scarf that he had bought yesterday. It was a white, wool scarf that was soft and warm. It was plain and simple, but he knew it would suit Zain very much. White always looked best on Zain. 

“Zain…” 

He looked at the flowers and finally realized why he bought them. 

It was to place it at Zain’s grave because it was their anniversary yesterday. 

Zain passed away a week ago. A week before their 10th anniversary together. 

Cole felt his eyes sting and saw droplets of water landing on the flowers and scarf. He looked up but didn’t see any leaks and it was not as if it would rain inside not to mention it was actually sunny outside. He looked back down and saw the water droplets on the flower petals. 

He wiped his eyes and felt they were wet. Ah, now he knew where the water droplets came from. He was crying.

He was crying again. He clutched onto the scarf and the flowers, bringing them into a tight hold. The slightly dried-out flowers crumbled in his embrace. He did not know how long these flowers would last so he decided to keep these at home and buy new ones to put at Zain’s grave. 

Cole slowly tidied himself up and put on some decent clothes. He wore the navy blue sweater that Zain helped him pick out, black slacks, and shoes. He grabbed his wallet and keys as well as the scarf he bought for Zain. He walked out the door and didn’t look back. 

Even if he looked back, Zain would not be there. 

He drove to the place where Zain was buried. It was in a nearby cemetery, just 15 minutes away from their home. He chose a place that was nearby so that he could always go there whenever he wanted to. 

On the way, he bought fresh new flowers. He bought pink camellias, red and pink carnations, and red chrysanthemums. The pink flowers were scattered within the red flowers. On the side, he also grabbed a small bouquet of heliotrope. They meant devotion and eternal love. The flower bouquet he bought the day before was dark crimson red flowers that signified mourning and red roses that meant love, or “I love you”. 

The florist saw this man the day before and was concerned with his flower choices. She didn’t say anything but did her best to make the bouquet beautiful. Each of these flowers had different meanings. 

Pink camellias meant “longing for you.”

Red carnations meant “my heart aches” and pink carnations meant “I’ll never forget you.” 

Lastly, red Chrysanthemums also meant “I love you.” She wondered why he didn’t choose roses, but she didn’t say anything.

She put it all together and gently handed them to Cole. She didn’t say much but her voice was gentle. “Thank you and have a good day.” 

Cole thanked her and walked out of the flower shop. He was very careful with the bouquets. Even if he knew that it would eventually die no matter how much care, he still wanted them to be in pristine condition when they got to Zain. 

When he arrived, he grabbed the scarf and flowers and walked into the cemetery with them. Zain was buried more toward the middle of the cemetery, so he had to pass by other graves. 

Every person buried had memories that the living carried. It was up to those who were alive to remember those who had passed. 

Arriving toward the middle, he saw a newly placed headstone, it was Zain’s grave. The grass hadn’t grown back all the way. Even the green tent that was usually placed on new graves was gone. 

He got Zain an upright, rooftop headstone. It was large with a missing space on it. He brought it as a package deal for when he passed away too. Under Zain’s name, there was a small quote. 

You will always be the light of my life.

It was true. Even now, when he felt all hope was lost, Zain was the one that kept him moving forward, kept him on his feet.

Cole placed the flowers down in front of the grave and then he wrapped the scarf around the headstone. It looked a little awkward, but he was able to get it to not fall. 

He looked up and he saw Zain, wearing the scarf he bought him. The Zain he saw was livelier, healthier, and brighter than what he remembered. There were no bandaids on his arms, no IV tubes attached to him, and no bruises or scars. He looked just as he did before he got ill. 

Zain mouthed something, but Cole could not hear him. But somehow, he knew what Zain wanted to tell him. 

Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me. Take care of yourself, you promised you would. Live for me, Cole. Live for me. 

Cole tried to reach out to grab him, to hold him one more time, just one more time, but Zain only held out his hand. They could not touch each other but Cole felt a warmth for the first time in Zain’s hand which always used to be cold. Slowly, Zain began to disappear. First from his hands, to his arms, and both his legs, until finally, all Cole could see was the smile on Zain’s face.

After that, Zain disappeared. 

He knelt on the ground, using the headstone as support. He put his forehead on it, tears slowly dripping down his face. He wanted to say something but he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

He closed his eyes as tightly as he could. His hands gripped the headstone until his knuckles turned white. 

After a while, Cole finally found the words that were stuck in his throat. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, Zain”

“I love you so much.” 

He wanted to say that he couldn’t live without Zain. He wanted to tell him to come back to him. He had thousands of words that he wanted him to hear. He wanted to tell him so many things but he knew that he was gone from this world. 

He slowly stood up without wiping his tears. His eyes were red, and his eye bags were prominent, but there was something different in his eyes. 

There was a light in Cole’s eyes. 

“I will live for you, Zain. I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you. I will take you everywhere I go, so you must never forget me.”

“Please, watch over me…” 

He paused. He felt like there was a stone in his throat but he forced himself to say, “And wait for me to come back to you.” 

Cole brushed the dirt off of his clothes, cleaned the grave up a little bit more, and slowly walked out of the cemetery. 

His whole body felt a bit lighter. He didn’t feel as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He didn’t feel empty. His whole body felt a bit of warmth, the one that Zain left for him. 

Even if Zain was gone from the world, he knew that Zain was watching over him and living in his memories. 

---

Many years had gone by since Zain had left this world. Cole went back to work, worked his way up in the company, made friends, and took care of his parents. At first, everyone was worried about him. 

Cole and Zain were married for ten years. Although, Zain was sick for four of those years. 

They thought that Cole would take some more time to grieve, but after a month, he looked as though Zain was still living in this world. The only one who knew that he was still struggling was himself, but he did his best to keep moving forward. After all, he couldn’t break his promise. His love was still watching him, he had to do his best.

He printed and framed pictures of himself and Zain throughout their 10 years together. He put them all over his apartment. Some would think it was a little creepy to have so many eyes staring at them, but Cole felt more at peace seeing Zain’s pictures. He even had pictures of Zain in his wallet, on his phone, stuck to his phone case. He still wore their wedding ring. He kept Zain’s wedding ring and engagement ring on a dresser in his room.

They constantly reminded him of Zain. He did not want to forget him nor did he want to move on and get another partner. 

He wanted to bring Zain with him everywhere he went. He wanted him in his everything, either be it happiness or sadness, despair or relief. Zain was after all his life, his everything.

With time, Cole was able to find places that he wanted to go. When he had vacation time once a year, he would pick a place he thought Zain would enjoy. He would pack up his things with a picture of Zain, and bring him on the trip. It was like he was bringing Zain to see canyons, mountain tops, and natural springs. Every time, he would ask other people to help him take a picture of him and Zain, together. 

When people learned of his story, they did their best not to say much, but they felt bad for him. 

Nevertheless, they admired his love, his loyalty, and devotion to Zain, a man who was no longer in this world. 

This continued until Cole grew old and the people around him slowly died, one by one. His parents left decades before him, some of his friends and former coworkers either died of old age or illness. 

When Cole turned 70, he felt that he had lived long enough, and saw all that he and Zain could see. 

He didn’t want to continue living without Zain. He couldn’t.

He never forgot him. He longed for him every day, every hour, every second. 

Zain’s passing still hurt him even after 40 years. 

His pain was like a room with a giant ball in it. There’s a button on the wall that would activate his pain and grief. At first, the giant ball would continuously hit the button, making him feel grief more often, making him miss Zain to the point that sometimes, he didn’t know if he could still keep living. 

As time went past though, the room slowly got bigger and bigger, and the times the ball would hit the button would get less and less frequent. Even now, the ball would, once in a blue moon, hit the button. 

They said time would heal all wounds, but it didn’t heal this one. It just made it easier to manage.  

Cole felt he was nearing the end of his life. It was a strange feeling, but he knew his body better than anyone else. 

He arranged everything before his death. He made sure that he would be buried next to Zain. He got all the funeral preparations done, wrote down his will, and informed his closest friends who were still alive about his plans. He also admitted himself into hospice because he knew that he was going to die within 6 months. The doctors were shocked that he knew, but Cole didn’t argue or say much. The doctor let him take a few of the belongings he had left into his new room. 

He brought a lot of pictures with him. The rest of his pictures were still in his apartment, packed up neatly for when the funeral would arrive. 

He had special plans for them. 

After a couple of months, Cole felt his heartbeat slow down gradually, his breathing getting slower, his eyes getting heavier, but still, he didn’t call for anyone. 

Just as he thought he would leave this world alone, a bright light shone in his eyes. It was the first time he had seen Zain in over 40 years. Zain still looked young, instead of old like he did. Even so, Zain did not hesitate to come to him.

Zain didn’t say anything, but he reached out his hand. 

His body didn’t move, but he felt that he was also reaching out to Zain. After that, Cole and Zain disappeared from the world towards the bright light that awaited them. 

Officially, Cole passed away. 

---

When Cole passed away, his close friends collected his body and arranged the funeral that he had already paid for. They made sure that all of his preparations were in order.

On the day of the burial, it was a little different from the usual funeral. A lot of people would have bouquets and each participating member would toss a flower onto the casket as it moved into the ground. They still threw flowers, but they also tossed environmentally safe, degradable papers with pictures of Zain and Cole together on them. Pictures of 10 years’ worth of memories were tossed in first and then the 40 years of Cole traveling around the world.

The real pictures were in a couple of boxes that were already on top of the casket. 

Cole said he wanted to be buried with these pictures, surrounded by them. His friends could only do as his will told them to do. 

When all the pictures and flowers were thrown in, his close friends and their families left one by one. 

They all thought about the man who devoted his life to one person even in death. At first, they felt it was a pity that a great man refused to move on, but then some felt a bit of jealousy for Zain. 

Had any of them been able to be on the receiving end of this kind of love and devotion? Some felt that they had but then felt it wasn’t as strong as Cole’s love for Zain. Some had not been able to feel it at all. 

But they all had one thought in the plethora of others.

Cole was finally able to reunite with Zain. This, they were certain about.

---

Grandpa Marky: Thank you for reading my short story! There's a Q&A chapter coming up soon.