“Aahh! Fuck it stings so good!” I cried out. The unbridled pleasure surging through my body with each drip, each splash, each burn. Every drop of wax that singed my skin, only brought me closer to the edge. Of passing out, ecstasy or enlightenment, I wasn't sure. But I knew I just needed that last push. Fucking myself in my best lingerie, using a candle to cover my chest and thighs in wondrous painful bliss. I was ready for anything. I wanted to reach new heights, to let out everything I had been holding onto. To burst with feeling and succumb to my vices, I just needed to let go. 

I took the candle, lifted my mask just enough for air to escape, and blew out the flame before immediately grinding the recently lit wick into my thigh. Everything in my entire being released. I let go of everything, my frustration, my worry, my guilt, my screams of orgasm, everything. I collapsed on my bed, trembling and shaking as I let my mind go free. Simply basking in the afterglow of sheer decadence. 

I clicked pause on the video and ran my finger over the still bruised area on my leg. I had been going over every frame and making sure my cuts were clean and flowed well. It had been a couple days since I went to Lacy’s apartment and I had barely spoken to her. That night she sent me a few messages making sure I was okay. She even linked me to a couple things to “Check out and see how you feel about it”. What was I supposed to feel about a Twitter artist named “KenZdraws” who made comics about being trans? Yeah, some of the stuff she put out was relatable, and yeah the whole messy family life made sense. But what did she expect me to do? The fact remained, I was a guy. Sure, I could wear a lot of the clothes I had gotten, outside of my apartment. Yeah I could actually go along with it when people mistook me for a girl. And okay, maybe, I could stop feeling weird about taking the pills I ordered.

But the real issue, the one that had been burning in my mind for days. How did she know I was on Twitter too? It’s not like people just share those links with anyone and everyone right? And why were they all talking about eggs and sharing such private details about themselves with me? It made no damn sense. Compelled me though. I still couldn't shake the guilt of what I was doing. Which was why I was so intent on editing this video. It was going to be my last. I didn't need the money from it anymore. Yeah it was nice, and sure I’d have to ease back on expenses. But I hadn't been doing it for the money for a while. I was doing it because I wanted to. I enjoyed it. And you know what? I was good at it. But, just like everything else, I had to leave it behind. 

I’d eventually not be enough for the people who watched. That was my life in a nutshell. Make a new friend? After a year or so we’d stop talking. Take up a hobby? Six months in I wouldn't have the energy or drive to keep it up anymore. Family? Well, let's just say I’m not sure anyone could ever live up to those expectations. Much less me. My life was just one change after another. One transition to the next. No stability. The only thing that was constant was the change. I had no clue how I’d managed to keep up with this Alice thing for two whole years. I just needed to suck it up and be Lloyd. It’s who people wanted me to be, at least, it’s who I was supposed to be I guess.

My phone lit up and began to warn me of the encroaching call from the sith lord known as Jeff. I groaned with hearted disdain. I was already planning on being on time for work. The last thing I needed was some fucking youth pastor pep talk about whatever changes were made to my shift and how they would benefit me and the team. 

“Hello?” I answered. 

“Hi there. Is Lloyd around?”

“…this is Lloyd.”

“Oh right! I forgot. Anyways, heya bud. So we need you to come in today.” Jeff kept up his dead inside pep with gusto. 

“I’m already dressed and was going to leave shortly. My shift doesn't start for another forty five minutes. Why are you calling me?” I was absolutely fresh out of fucks for this level of micro managing.

“Well, we need you to close tonight. Long story short, about four people called out and we have a skeleton crew for the night rush. So you’d be helping out the team and getting more hours. Everybody wins!” 

Somebody should pick up that phone because I fucking called it. 

“Is Lacy working tonight?” I asked.

Jeff literally scoffed over the phone. “If what she does can even be qualified as work. I swear, if I was manager there would sure be some staffing changes.” 

“Yeah, but you're not, are you?” I hung up.

Maybe I was a masochist. Maybe there was a part of me that just loved doing things that would come back to bite me. Wake up one day and go, “Well well well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.” Either way, I had bigger problems than Jeff’s inevitable tantrum at being a used up crusty sock for capitalism. I was going to have to face Lacy.

“Excuse me miss? Can you tell me the difference between these two headphones?” An older woman tapped me on the shoulder.

I turned and greeted her with my best attempt at a smile and joy. “Actually, I’m a boy. But I can happily go over the differences and see what would work better for you.” I felt a part of my soul die. 

After walking the confused woman through the differences of the products and explaining the fact that you can’t get a discount because the brand name is hard to pronounce, I was finally left alone. I truly did hate dealing with customers. Especially ones that kept looking at me weird after I explained I was a boy. I didn’t understand how anyone could see me as a girl outside of my videos. I mean, I did put a lot of effort into looking like a girl. I had to make things convincing. Or else the entire plan wouldn't have worked. But I was at work, in boymode. I guess it was another thing to add to the list of shit that eludes me. 

Okay, just another fifteen minutes. I was well on my way to making like a tree and getting the fuck out of the pit of despair we called work. I had somehow managed not to run into Lacy the entire night. I wasn’t exactly avoiding her, but I wasn’t looking forward to explaining my little episode at her place. I just needed to get a good night's sleep and maybe I could think of what I should say to her. I should at least apologize. 

A guy wearing sunglasses, at night, inside the store, walked up to the checkout counter I was manning and set a gaming console down in front of me.

“Sup dude!”

“Hi.” I said as I rang up the station made for play. “That’ll be five hundred…”

“Yeah yeah whatever, what's this places’ wallet code?” He waved his hand dismissively, cutting me off.

“The what?” 

“The crypto wallet bro. I got this sweet ass ape for you to pay for this thing. Honestly I’m taking a huge loss on it, but I'm strapped for liquid until Friday.” He stood there, dead serious. 

“I--we don’t accept NFT’s. They weren't worth anything back when they started.” He couldn’t be serious right?

“Nah dude. This one here belonged to Pauly Shore’s cousin who sold it to the cameraman for Boogie Nights nephew who sold it to me for cheap. This thing is like, priceless yo.” He was getting aggravated, and to be honest, so was I.

“I’m sure those words mean something to someone who’s my dad's age. But you’re right about one thing. It is priceless, cause you can't put a price on something that’s fucking worthless. Cash, card or get the fuck out!” I covered my mouth with my hands. I had raised my voice more than I intended to. 

Crypto Bro took his sunglasses off, revealing his bloodshot eyes with pupils the size of olives. “Oh dang, you’re not a bro. You’re a bronette. Yo, you sound kinda familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before?” He started squinting at me, trying to place where he’s seen me before. 

Fuck, fuck fuck. This can’t be happening right? “You need to leave, now.” I said as calmly as I could.

He was unmoved, still in his daze of trying to piece it all together. If he recognized my voice then there’s only one place he could have done so. I needed it to end fast. 

“Hey, we’re closed buddy. It’s time to go.” Lacy walked up and crossed her arms, looming threatenly over the guy. 

“I just want my console.” He protested. 

“Out, now!” She took another step forward. 

He looked at her, then at me, threw his hands up in frustration and left grumbling something about a blockchain. 

Lacy went and locked the door behind him and came back over to me. “You okay?” 

I nodded, “Thank you.”

I didn't know what to say. She still came to help me out. Even when I had essentially ghosted her. I was still a little shaken at the whole experience. She didn't say anything else, just went back to whatever she was doing. 

We closed up and I made my way out to my car. I hated closing. It was dark out, the lights in the parking lot never worked right, not to mention we were required to park in the back of the lot so as to not take up spaces for customers. As if we were ever that busy. I got in my car and went to start it up. But just like the startup of the Bing search engine, it failed. My car just made clicking noises. I let my head fall against the steering wheel in defeat. I just wanted to disappear. Maybe I could go and start a life in the woods, nothing but nature and a small cabin. Yeah, that would be great. No cars, no light pollution, no Jeff, and no…no Alice. No more streaming, no more being desired, no more anything. 

A knock on my window ripped me from my inner despair as I jumped and made a yelp sound. I looked and saw Lacy standing outside my car. 

“Need a ride?”

RavenKane

Thanks to everyone for reading! I really hope you're liking it so far. For everyone who's curious, this story takes place about 2-3 years after They Were Roommates. I'll be back to the main group from Gothic Nights soon enough after this is finished and a few commissions. Thank you to all my patrons, I genuinely appreciate all the support you've given me. Let's just hope things get better for Lo/Alice soon. This egg is not okay.