Chapter 30: Monster Mash

While Charon's men had gotten the ship ready we'd talked over strategy so that we would know exactly what we were going to do when the time came. We'd planned for a few eventualities but we'd all agreed that the most likely outcome would be the beast slamming into the side of the ship and then trying to attack with its tentacles and so it was the possibility we'd planned for most extensively. I was glad to see that it had come true and wondered if it had something to do with this allegedly huge Luck stat of mine.

Either way, once the beast had two tentacles draped over the deck of the ship Athena summoned forth Palladion, not the weapon but the divine miracle, and used it to stake the beast's main body onto the ship while Anna used two massive sapphire swords to pin the tentacles onto the deck, effectively trapping the monster in place. The beast started thrashing, trying to rip itself free, and Selene sent her ice storm miracle at it. We didn't dare use the icicle crash here for fear of puncturing our ship but the beast's wet body should make it a perfect target for the ice storm. Alisha sent a dozen tornado lances at it, the air spells collecting some of the ice from Selene's miracle and carrying it forth, making the already powerful spells even more devastating. I already half expected the beast to be dead but then it hauled up a dozen tentacles and swung them wildly and blindly at us, though its reaction seemed a little slow.

I used a Qi Burst to carve through a tentacle and Selene and Yume did likewise, but it took a good two seconds for the monster to jerk the severed stumps away in pain. I caught Yume's eye and she nodded, telling me that this was what her spell was about. It didn't confuse or blind the monster, it slowed its reaction time way down. Later I would learn that she had placed an illusion between its mind and its body, making it sluggish to react to physical inputs. Sadly she also told me that the technique worked best on dim-witted monsters and was mostly useless on people. That was also why it had taken a while for the effects to start showing, because clearly a monster capable of manipulating mana, even on an instinctual level, was a cut above your average slavering monstrosity in terms of intelligence.

We kept slicing through the tentacles it sent at us, one after the other. The appendages seemed huge but compared to some of the bosses from the Crystal Crown's dungeon they were almost flimsy and offered little resistance to our blades. Even Charon managed to carve through some of them though it took him significantly longer even with how sharp his oar was.

But there were too many of the tentacles for the four of us. Athena's spear tip wasn't wide enough to hack through the tentacles and so she instead stabbed at its main body while Alisha kept sending air spells at it and Melinoe dispelled the occasional magic the beast tried to send at us and tossed purple bolts of magic at it whenever it gave her an opening. But even with all that the beast managed to swing more tentacles at us and eventually one of them tried to grab Yume. Fortunately it passed right through an illusion and the real Yume stepped in from right beside the tentacle and lobbed it off. Alisha on the other hand wasn't so lucky and a tentacle snatched her up, the barbs on its suckers tearing painfully into her skin, and dragged her towards the wolf heads that were apparently getting tired of being unable to reach Athena at the other end of the spear she kept stabbing them with.

I dropped everything and flash stepped over to where Alisha had been grabbed and sliced through the tentacle, severing it. Thanks to Yume's magic it didn't react right away and I used those few moments to ram Helios Edge into the wound, sending a lance of white-hot fire into its body. The entire tentacle exploded violently, the shock rippling all the way into the main body, making the wolf heads howl. But I had no pity for them.

I ran to Alisha, then slowly and carefully pried the tentacle off her, removing one barb from her skin at a time.

“Gods below, it hurts," she whimpered.

“It'll be fine," I soothed, wincing every time a barb tore a wound wider when I pulled it out.

“They need me," she hissed. “I need to help.”

“You aren't helping anyone until you're healed up," I told her. And she couldn't heal herself until the barbs were out of her skin or she would heal around the barbs, trapping them and making removing them even more painful.

I damn near wanted to cry as she kept wincing. The only kind of pain I wanted to see my little elf in was the fun and sexy kind, not this shit.

Behind us the battle kept raging but I kept ridding her of the tentacle and finally, finally, I managed to remove the last barb. I was about to toss it into the river in anger but Alisha growled:

“Keep it. I'm making dinner out of this thing. Out of spite.”

I kissed the top of her head as she began chanting her minor healing miracle and by the time I removed my lips her wounds were already gone, tiny little dots of pale scar tissue the only reminder of what had just happened to her. I knew my scars and so I was relieved to see that these would fade away with time.

I turned away from her and saw the absolute chaos raging around us. I'd been on the front lines so I hadn't been able to truly appreciate the sheer scope of the battle. Selene, Yume, Anna and Charon were slicing the tentacles thrashing about the ship, Melinoe was still protecting us from the occasional spell and sending out purple bolts that sizzled deep into the beast's body and at the front lines stood Athena, splattered in black blood, her shield held high and her spear jabbing out at the creature as the wolf heads kept slamming themselves against her shield to no avail.

At this point two dozen severed tentacles were lying on the deck, one of the wolf heads was gone entirely, and two others were horribly mangled and yet the blasted thing just didn't want to die. I debated what to do and finally I had it.

Hurting the wolf heads seemed to bother it but it didn't really seem to damage it all too badly. Maybe they were mere decoration and whatever kept this beast going was buried deep within. Athena claimed that my Luck stat made it possible for me to strike weakspots I didn't know about and my Rogue's Ring allegedly helped with that as well. So I decided to trust her.

I reached deep inside myself and layered a Qi Burst onto a Qi Projection onto another Qi Burst, then ran up to the beast, dodging the tentacles that sluggishly swung down at me, and went for a massive two-handed diagonal slice, not at the wolves but at the slimy flabby body underneath, the one that had only barely come out of the water. Judging by how wide and round it was I had to assume that at least three quarters of it were still below the surface and so of course everything we'd done to it so far barely qualified as an inconvenience. But this attack wasn't aimed at the top of its body or at its appendages, it was aimed straight at the beast's main body. And the attack was devastating, carving into the beast as if it was a gigantic dark blue pumpkin, and its body split open as the powerful attack projected outward from my blade by several feet, carving a two foot deep furrow into its body.

The attack was so devastating that the light blue haze Yume had cast on it burst apart and thus the beast reacted immediately. It let out a scream that didn't seem to come from the wolf heads at all and a moment later it went still, the raised tentacles falling down with wet thumps and the wolf heads going slack. I was afraid it would sink to the riverbed but instead it floated up to the surface like a dead fish, which I supposed it was.

“We did it!" Anna cheered and after a moment of stunned silence the others joined in. Even grumpy old Charon seemed satisfied by our victory.

I felt more relieved than cheerful but after a moment even I joined in. This thing had been far from a dungeon boss in terms of strength and we'd had Athena and Melinoe with us to help but even so it was a tremendous victory, one many other adventurers could only hope to celebrate.

The first one to approach me was Athena. She placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to turn to look at her.

“What is it?" I asked.

“Well done," she told me. “Though I can't help thinking I created a monster when I told you about the way stats work.”

“How so?" I asked.

“You formulated a plan to use your quintessence techniques on its main body, trusting your extraordinary Luck to make sure you'd hit its vitals, right?" she asked.

I smirked. “Something like that.” I hesitated for a moment, then said: “You did pretty well in that fight.”

She rolled her eyes. “I barely hurt it.”

“You kept it distracted," I said. “Don't think I didn't see the beast missing half its attacks because you kept harrying it.”

She looked away. “I didn't manage to stop it from grabbing Alisha.”

“Everything worked out," I said, then turned to look at the little elf. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet.

“Go comfort her," Athena said. “I'm just your client, remember?”

“Don't want Melinoe to know what we did in that inn room?" I asked with quiet amusement.

“Fuck you Tailor," she said but she was smiling.

And so I went over to Alisha and hugged her, with Yume, Selene and Anna joining in until it was a little group huddle.

“Are you alright?" Yume asked.

“It still smarts," Alisha muttered. “But that's it.”

“Good," Anna said.

We just held each other for a while before I made eye contact with Selene, Yume and Anna.

“Wanna help me drag the monster onto the deck?" I asked them and they all nodded.

It actually took all four of us using Qi Bursts to drag the monster's entire bulk out of the water and it filled up most of the deck. And only once we had it up there did I chuck a dismantling gem at it.

“Couldn't you have done that from the start?" Selene huffed.

“Sure," I said, just as out of breath. “If I'd wanted all the loot to sink down to the riverbed.”

“Oh, right," Selene said.

In the end we were left with a ton of blubbery squid flesh, dozens upon dozens of tentacles, the pelts and bones of six giant wolves and an enormous beak that had apparently been hiding on the beast's underside. Oh, and a treasure chest the creature had apparently swallowed but been unable to digest. I wondered if that chest being there had something to do with my Luck stat and when I looked over to Athena with a questioning look she gave me a nod.

“So that was a pretty cool finisher," Melinoe said from behind me and I turned around. Good gods but she was hot.

“Thanks," I said. “That magic of yours is fascinating. What element is it? I've never seen purple magic before.”

“And I've never seen what your girls can do with magic," she countered, looking at Alisha and Yume.

“Maybe we can compare notes?" Alisha suggested. Yume didn't say anything but she was smiling a little and her tails were wagging.

“Sounds like a plan," Melinoe said. “I'm sure we'll have some time once we reach mom and dad.”

“Right," I said. “Speaking of...” I turned to Charon. “Think we should get back on track?”

He blinked at me a moment, then the faintest blush colored his wizened face. “Completely forgot about that in all the excitement.” Then he moved back to the ship's wheel, thumped his oar onto the deck and called out: “Back to rowing everybody, danger's dealt with.”

There was a loud cheer from below deck and then we began to move again. We'd drifted off quite a bit during the fight and so what should have been about half an hour of travel turned into something more like fifty minutes with how far the current had carried us.

With no monsters left to harass us the journey was merely quiet, almost meditative. I wondered if this had been intentional, to make the souls of the dead come to terms with their lives ending. A calm ride over dark water, with nobody except their ferryman for company. The effect was a little lost on us, keyed up from fighting as we were.

Melinoe and Athena were both at the bow of the ship, as far away from the hold as it was possible for them to be. I wondered what they were talking about but I didn't want to intrude so I just sat with Alisha and Selene. The paladin was holding the cleric, gently rocking her and whispering in her ear. Alisha always got really cuddly after being hurt and it always seemed a little weird to me, given how much she loved being hurt in the bedroom, but clearly they were two very different kinds of pain to her. Once I sat down I leaned in and stroked Alisha's cheek, pushing a lock of her hair behind a pointy ear.

“That was an awful monster to fight," Selene said.

“It didn't seem that tough," Alisha said.

“She didn't mean it was tough," I said, “but that there was too much going on.”

Selene nodded. “Keeping mages and clerics safe is supposed to be our job as front line fighters but this thing had so many appendages that we couldn't keep them all distracted.”

“It's a fight," Alisha said. “People get hurt in fights. This time it just happened to be me.”

“That's the point," Selene said. “If anyone's supposed to get hurt it should be me.”

“You know," I said, “I vividly remember you girls telling me to stop beating myself up for this sort of thing before.”

“It's different," Selene said. “The whole point of having a paladin around is to block hits that would incapacitate others.”

Technically the point of a paladin was that they could attack and defend and also heal but I didn't want to say that out loud. Alisha had no such hesitations though.

“So you're calling yourself a paladin now, huh?" the elf asked.

Selene blushed. “I mean... if people keep calling me that of course I'll start thinking of myself that way.”

“Have you looked up what virtues paladins of Freya need to represent?" Alisha asked quietly.

Selene looked away and kept quiet long enough that I thought she wasn't going to answer but then she said: “Protecting the innocent. Slaying evil. Being honest with your feelings, especially with your love.” At that she looked up and gave me a loving look, which I returned. “But if I'm being honest with my feelings then I'm still angry at Freya.”

“Well that's a great dilemma," Alisha said.

“Is it, though?" I asked.

They both looked at me.

“If you live by the virtues she expects it doesn't really matter if you like her or not," I said. “She offered to make you a paladin knowing full well what you thought of her.”

“Yeah," Selene said. “And I've been doing my best to just be a paladin despite her, but...” She sighed. “I know I could help more if I made my peace with her but the idea of begging for her aid is... revolting.”

I considered telling them about the stats, about her Broken Pedestal effect. I didn't even know why I was hesitating. It was a secret Athena had shared with me but the more I thought about it the more it felt like something everyone should know. I was certain there were people out there trying to excel in areas their stats simply weren't built for, people with terrible Faith trying to be clerics or people with terrible Strength potential trying to fight with giant clubs, and that just didn't sit right with me. In the end I took a deep breath and said:

“There's something Athena told me when you all so kindly locked us in a room.”

“If it was about her confessing her undying love for you I don't think that's relevant right now," Alisha teased.

I gave her a look. “No, it's...” And so I began to tell them about the way the gods saw us mortals. I told them how it related to the gods ignoring me, to their utter shock. And then I told them about their own stats and finished by describing the Broken Pedestal effect.

“So you're saying that so long as I stay angry at Freya I get more results when I train?" she asked.

“Essentially," I said.

“That sounds like an easy system to game," Alisha said. “So long as she keeps saying that she's angry at Freya she keeps this ability?”

“I think it has to be genuine," I said, then looked at Selene. “But I don't think we have to worry about you forgiving her anytime soon, do we?”

“I don't know," she said. “I kind of understand where she was coming from. If someone had given me the choice of either having thousands of deaths on my conscience or getting tortured I would have chosen the latter, but that's not what happened. Freya decided for me that my suffering was better than the suffering of others. Every time I remember what that bastard Dark Lord did to me I get angry at her again, but... I survived. I got stronger. And the Dark Lord is no longer around to torment anyone. So no matter how awful it was, in the end she was right. He's gone and I'm still here.”

I nodded, then switched from petting Alisha to hugging Selene to me.

“But just because I can't disagree with her methods doesn't mean I like her for it," she admitted.

Alisha pressed her lips together and then admitted: “I don't agree with everything my goddess says or does.” I felt my eyes widen. “But I agree with most of it and I love her regardless. So I can kind of understand where you're coming from. In the end, this is something you need to decide for yourself. If you want I can show you how to begin a ritual to let you converse with your goddess. Maybe what you really need is to have an honest talk with her.”

Selene bit her lip. “I think that would be for the best, but...” She looked up at me. “If what Athena told you is true I think I should first train as hard as I can to make the most of this effect.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that's probably the best course of action. I'd also suggest you avoid thinking about Freya at all until then.”

She nodded, then locked eyes with me. “What do you think of her?”

I chose my words carefully. “Her callous way of thinking pissed me off, but there was real sadness in her. Any other god would have turned me into a fine red mist after what I did to her, but she didn't. And in the end, the fault for what happened to you still lies with me.”

She glared at me. “We already agreed...”

“We agreed that I wouldn't beat myself up for it," I interrupted her. “But that doesn't change the fact that, if I had paid more attention, that you wouldn't have been in a situation to be tortured. And then we could have stopped the Dark Lord from hurting the innocent and kept you from being tortured. There wouldn't have been any choice at all.”

She kept glaring at me.

I held up my hands. “All I'm saying is that maybe you shouldn't blame this entirely on Freya.”

“Wow, getting with Athena really changed your outlook, huh?" Alisha said in a cheeky tone of voice.

I glared at her at the same time as Selene let out a snort. When I heard the sound my look dissolved into a smile. She'd done that precisely to calm us both down and stop us from arguing and I was grateful for it.

At that precise moment we heard Charon call out: “Land ho!”

I wanted to leave the awkward conversation behind but I knew I shouldn't. So I leaned in until my forehead was pressed against Selene's. “I love you," I told her.

“I love you, too," she said back, then leaned forward to give me a very gentle kiss. “I'm sorry for reacting this way, it's just... It's easier to blame Freya than thinking that it might not have happened if we'd been a bit more careful. Nobody could have expected you to anticipate an airborne drug. That's not something anyone could be expected to think of.”

I nodded. “It's the first and only time I've ever had to deal with something like this, but I still feel responsible for not noticing it sooner.”

“And that's the problem," she said. “You are the only person who blames you for it.”

Alisha placed her hands on our shoulders, causing us to look at her. “The world will drown you in might-have-been's if you let it," she said. “It happened. It was awful. But it's over. Thinking about how things might have happened if things had been different doesn't help. The only thing that does matter is that we made it through it and that we love each other.”

Selene thought about that for a moment, then leaned over to give Alisha a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

I smiled at the two of them and then we all felt a jarring impact as the boat touched the pier.

“Let's get going, yeah?" I asked and the two of them nodded at me.

**

Once we got off the boat we had to help Charon and his men get the cage full of shades bound for Tartarus out of the ship's hold. Apparently they normally had a much bigger crew but Charon hadn't wanted to risk too many of his men on this trip, which I could understand. He couldn't have known how competent we were, after all. Either way, we quickly managed to drag the cage out of the hold. The cage was heavy and made of metal and the bars were lined with tiny little pieces of Erebos gemstone, but the shades occupying the cage were still weightless and so it wasn't too terribly difficult to get the thing moving. Melinoe and Athena were both plugging their ears with their fingers as we pushed the cage down the ramp and once we had it on solid ground we helped Charon and his men to get it onto a cart, at which point they wheeled it away.

He thanked us for our help with it and wished us good luck on the rest of our trip and soon enough we were alone, just my women and me as well as Athena and Melinoe. The goddess and the demigoddess let out a sigh of relief once the cage was out of earshot.

“That bad?" I asked.

“You have no idea," Melinoe said. “Be glad you can't hear them. All that anger, all that pain...”

“All the insults," Athena added. “Desperate souls lashing out can say harsh things.”

“It's their own fault," Alisha said. “They shouldn't have been bad in life.”

Selene asked: “Speaking of, what exactly makes people wicked in the eyes of the Olympians?”

“Betrayal, murder without cause, siding with the Outsiders," Melinoe listed. “That sort of thing.”

“So what about someone like Felix?" Selene asked. “Many of the Olympians hate him. Couldn't they send him to Tartarus for those sins?”

Melinoe shook her head. “It's not the Olympians who decide. My mother and father decide. And they aren't as petty as certain other gods, not mentioning any Demeters," she cleared her throat, “I mean names.”

I snorted.

“Thank you for noticing," she said. “So many people don't seem to find that one funny.”

“Isn't Demeter your grandmother?" Alisha asked.

“Yeah," Melinoe said. “Who better to tell you how much of a cunt she is?”

“You should have a sit-down with Felix," Alisha suggested. “I think you have a lot in common.”

Melinoe gave me a blatant once-over, then her eyes went back to Alisha and Yume and gave both of them similar looks. “I think I'd rather talk to you two first. You know, compare notes on magic.”

“Sure," Alisha said.

We'd kept walking as we talked and soon enough we found a massive gate. And when I say massive I mean it was absurdly huge. It reached most of the way to the cavern's ceiling, big enough that a giant giving another giant a piggyback ride could have fit through it with room to spare. And that giant gate managed to distract us from the white lump sitting in front of it.

Only when we approached the lump did it become clear what it was. It was a dog. A truly enormous specimen of dog that peeled itself off the floor when it heard our approach. The beast was of staggering proportions, thirty feet tall in the shoulders and the heads went even higher. Yes, heads, plural. It had three heads, all with teeth the size of my forearm and big blue-gray eyes staring at us intently. The beast was snow white, dotted with black spots all over its body. It had long legs and long snouts, with long, floppy ears on each of its heads, and it looked both fast and muscular. There was no way we would outrun this beast and I was almost certain there would be no way to subdue it without harming it. And I knew of this beast. I'd read about it, I'd heard about it. It was the guardian of Hades' realm.

“Gods below, what is this beast?" Alisha whimpered as she beheld the monster that made even the spawn of Scylla we'd fought before look like a whelp in comparison.

“This is Hades' guard dog," I said. “The most powerful beast in his employ. The three-headed guardian of the underworld. His name is Spot.”