Chapter 19: Haggling With A Goddess

“I suppose now we can discuss payment,” I said, a small smile on my lips.

“You just made a goddess kneel and lick your boots," Athena growled out. “That should be payment enough.”

I chuckled. “Hardly. That wasn't a reward. It was a condition, to make sure we'd actually agree to this quest of yours.”

She pursed her lips. “Well, what do you want?"

“If we're already in Olympus I want to be able to get some artifacts from your vaults.”

“I suppose that can be arranged," she said.

“Not so fast," I said. “I know how legendary items operate. I don't just want magical items, I want a guarantee from you that they'll actually work for us.” Legendary and mythic items were temperamental and would often refuse to work for someone like me. The only reason Helios Edge worked for me was that I had technically won it through trial by combat. Well, and because I treated it far better than its previous owner had.

“I can't do that," Athena protested. “If you pick up an item that requires magical aptitude then of course it wouldn't work for someone like you.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean. I want a guarantee that the items we pick out won't refuse to work for us. Obviously I'm not going to be able to pick up a magic catalyst.” Items like my dispelling stilettos or the wand I used for changing the size of my ballista were different since they didn't require the user to have magic. They drew ambient mana into themselves and that ambient mana could then be used by anyone, even the magically inept. In exchange they had to recharge for a long time after each use.

“Very well, the items you pick out won't refuse you," she said. “Now why don't you make your utterly unreasonable starting demand so I can haggle you down to something only faintly extortionate?”

I cracked a smile at that. “So you do have a sense of humor after all.”

“I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?" she replied, a surprising amount of humor in her tone.

“Two mythic items for every member of our party," I said, not quite managing to keep a straight face. It was, as she'd said, utterly unreasonable.

Legendary items like Helios Edge were incredibly powerful. Nearly indestructible, chock full of powerful enchantments, and built in such a way that the individual enchantments enhanced each other, making it impossible to break them without excessive force.

But mythic items were the kinds of artifacts that made legendary items look like garbage by comparison. The weapons the gods themselves wielded were mythic tier. Thor's famous hammer was a mythic item. Athena's spear Palladion was a mythic item. Zeus' lightning bolts were mythic items. There were only a handful of mythic items in mortal hands and wars were fought over control of them. Asking for ten of them was abjectly ridiculous. And, sure enough:

“This entire kingdom isn't worth ten mythic items," Athena said, then winced as she looked at Anna. “No offense.”

Anna shrugged.

“Two legendary items per person and one mythic piece of gear," Athena countered.

“One piece of mythic gear per person," I threw back.

“You're still being unreasonable, Tailor," Athena said. I gritted my teeth at that. “Two mythic pieces of gear, no more.”

“Three pieces of mythic gear and two pieces of legendary gear per person," I said.

She scowled at me. “Two pieces of mythic gear and three legendary items per person.”

“Done," I said. In all honesty that was much better than anything I would have expected. And of course, this was just the reward. There was every chance we would get something even better during the quest itself. We were headed to both the underworld and Olympus, after all. The trip to the underworld alone would likely net Anna enough materials to fund an entire career as an herbalist.

“Wonderful," Athena said. “How long will it take you to prepare?”

“Give us a day," I said, then turned to look at Anna, who seemed to get what I was asking and gave me a nod. “And if you want to lie low then I would suggest you stay at our home. We can travel there via the Homeward miracle so there's no way for you to be seen walking the streets.”

“That sounds prudent," Athena said. “Thank you.”

I looked back at my other women and saw Selene and Yume looking a little worried. “What's wrong?" I asked them.

Yume stayed quiet but Selene spoke up: “So, we are going down into the underworld, right? And we know there's a traitor among the gods, right? Wouldn't it make sense for that traitor to be your god of the underworld?”

I frowned at her and as I looked around I saw Anna and Athena doing the same. Alisha just seemed confused. And that's when I got it. “Oh," I said. “The queen of your underworld is Hel, so you assume all gods of the underworld are evil, right?”

Selene blinked. “Aren't they?”

I gave her a little smile and then looked over to Yume. “I'm assuming whatever deity rules your underworld is also not really a nice person?”

“She's a vengeful corpse of a goddess so hideous that her own husband left her in the underworld, so no," Yume said.

“I see," I said. “Don't worry. Hades isn't a bad guy. In fact, you might be surprised to hear that he's one of only two Olympians I have absolutely no problem with.”

Selene, Yume and Athena blinked.

“What?" I asked when I noticed their reaction. “He doesn't care for grandstanding. He merely does his job of running the underworld and he doesn't engage in the gods' petty games. He punishes evildoers and he rewards those who did well by sending them to the Elysian Fields. Of all the Olympians he is the absolute last one I would suspect of being behind this.”

Athena let out a sigh. “The phrasing aside I have to agree with him. Uncle Hades is far and away the most diligent and trustworthy of my kin. The underworld is a dangerous place, but its ruler is... well, not exactly benevolent, but just.”

“Compared to his mother-in-law he's a gods-damned sweetheart," I muttered, my voice not quite low enough.

Instead of getting angry, though, Athena let out a snort and then hastened to cover her mouth. It would appear even the goddess of wisdom didn't like the psychotic goddess of the harvest much.

“Alright," Selene said, “I'll trust your judgment.”

Yume nodded in agreement.

“So, which entrance to the underworld are we taking?" I asked.

“I...” Athena paused, then blushed. “Normally I just take the portal in Olympus, but that isn't exactly an option right now, is it?”

I chewed my lip. “Do you at least have an idea which region of the underworld we need to be in?”

“Of course," Athena said with a huff but didn't elaborate further.

I held her gaze and asked: “You actually don't have a clue, do you?”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Fuck you, Tailor.”

Nobody seemed shocked at the goddess' sudden outburst. Alisha, Selene and Yume had all seen Athena cussing me out before. Anna, though? Well, judging by what we'd seen of her mother she was clearly used to authority figures speaking indecently.

“If I didn't know better I'd think you've been friends for years," Anna said.

Athena and I turned as one to glare at her.

Finally Athena broke our staring contest and then did something. She had her eyes closed and started drawing some sort of power to herself. It reminded me a bit of Qi but that wasn't quite it. I was certain that if I hadn't spent the last few months learning about Qi I wouldn't have been able to even sense it, though.

Then I realized that it felt a lot like the power swirling around Alisha when she was invoking one of her miracles, but where the power Alisha conjured up was warm and comforting this one was cool and controlled.

Was this what divine power felt like? Was she using some sort of miracle? How did that work? I mean, I knew intellectually that if gods gave miracles to their clerics that they must be able to cast something similar on their own but I'd never seen it happen. Until now, apparently.

Athena opened her eyes again and for just a moment they were a stormy gray rather than their usual piercing blue. When the moment had passed she said: “If we take the well near the capital we would need to travel through the underworld for roughly two weeks. If we take the well to the east we can cut the travel time underground down to five days.”

“I'll gladly spend more time above ground than under," Anna said.

“Agreed," I said. “We've spent too much time living like mole people chasing those cultists.”

“Can I ask what you mean when you're talking about wells?" Alisha asked, reminding me that not everyone in the room was familiar with the concept.

“The underworld has a vast network of rivers," I explained. “Just in the Olympian part of the underworld we have the Styx, the Lethe and the Acheron. Probably some others, too. In certain parts of the world these rivers actually come up to the surface world. We call these places wells. Next to these wells there are entrances that lead down into the underworld. The well in the east is, I think, a tributary of the Styx, right?”

I'd asked the last with a glance at Athena but it was Anna who answered: “Exactly.” She looked around at the surprised looks everyone was shooting her. “What? The crown keeps careful note of which wells are part of which river. We don't want people to accidentally drink Lethe water.”

I considered that, then nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“I don't get it," Alisha said.

“Lethe is the river that the dead drink from to forget their past lives," I explained. “With every sip your memories fade away a little more. Apparently the effect is reversible if you don't drink too much of it but it is said that most of the dead who weren't heroic enough to reach the Elysian Fields relish the idea of leaving their old lives behind.”

“The effect is much diminished for the living," Athena said. “But still, the crown has the right of it. Nobody should drink it by accident.”

“I see," Alisha said. “Thank you for explaining it.”

“No problem," I said, then added: “By the way, there is a certain beer that is brewed with Lethe water specifically to make you forget your woes. In effect it's as good at making you forget the night as hard liquor but without the hangover afterwards.”

“You mortals never cease to amaze me," Athena said in the most unimpressed voice I'd ever heard.

“You're not a drinker?” Yume asked.

“Naturally,” Athena said, sounding mildly disgusted at the idea.

“Why am I not shocked to learn that you don't drink?" I asked.

“Because you are capable of basic pattern recognition?" Athena bit back. “I like to be fully in control of all my faculties at all times, as befits a goddess of wisdom.”

“Maybe you should try drinking sometime," I said. “Might help you loosen up enough that you can finally pull the stick out of your—”

“I think it would be best if we went home," Anna interrupted me. “We have a busy day ahead of us.”

“Yeah," Alisha said. “Should I get the receptionist back?”

“We should probably pay her for everything she did tonight," Selene said.

“No need," Athena said. “I paid her more than enough for her assistance.”

“I suppose in that case we can just leave?" Alisha asked.

“Probably better," Selene said.

It didn't escape me that they had just kept talking without my input to make sure Athena and I wouldn't go at each other anymore and I couldn't decide if I should be grateful or annoyed. I enjoyed insulting Athena and every insult I got back from her kept my hatred of her fresh, but on the other hand it wasn't exactly productive, was it?

Enjoying to fight with her is just enjoying her company with extra steps, Syr said in my mind in a teasing tone of voice.

I felt my eye twitch in anger and in response she tittered.