“H-H-H-H-Eero… Do we really have to do this? Can’t we just go back to the ryokan? Pretty please…” Hayato clung to my side trembling in fear of what was to come. The inevitable part of every shitty anime field trip - The Test of Courage™.

“How can such a pile of muscles and manlihood be afraid of some trees?” I ask teasingly.

“I’m not a pile of muscles anymore! I’m a little boy and I need my mommy…”

“Jesus Christ…”

The two of us plus Saki and Mai were waiting by an entrance to the forest, waiting for the rest of our ‘unit’ - Kaichou and Hiyaoka, who were still discussing something on the side. The goal of our Kimodameshi was simple. Go into the dark forest and find a way out. Classic. Although the real objective for the four of us was to not only escape the depths of the woods, but more importantly to recreate the ‘separation from your pair’ cliche and hopefully get some information about this whole world from Kaichou and Hiyaoka who seem to know something more regarding the nature of this place and why were we even brought here in the first place.

Even though the Sun has set a long time ago, the Moon still lit the surrounding with its pale glow, creating an even more mysterious, or even transcendent atmosphere. Saki was also gazing with awe upon the picturesque scenery. Her sighs were audible and filled with admiration of nature’s beauty. Mai, on the other hand, was just standing there in complete silence with a face clearly expressing that she too, would like for the Kimodameshi to be cancelled and just go to sleep in the cozy ryokan room. After a short while the Student Council came back from their little meeting.

“Okay, Sekuhara-kun, you’re right. As a school’s representative, I should be the one to accompany our new transfer student.”

“Glad to hear that.” According to the plan, we need someone to go with Kaichou and Hiyaoka. I proposed that Kaichou, as the Student Council President, should take care of Mai and after some thought, she fortunately agreed. When it comes to pairing Hiyaoka with Hayato though…

“Please excuse my tactless remark, but I would rather eat a cockroach alive than go with that little baby.” She said coldly, referring to the frightened Hayato.

“Rin-chaaaaan, don’t do this to me!” 

“Don’t worry, Oogawa-kun, we have a replacement.” Kaichou cut in.

“Our paths have crossed once. I am honoured to be able to accompany you during the walk in the dark depths of fear and despair.” One of the infamous Harem Club members, and our roommate - The Virtuous One - suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Well, this complicates our situation.

“Understandable.” I said dispassionately.

“Wait, don’t do this to me Hero! I don’t wanna go there with him, he’s creepy!” 

“You heard Hiyaoka. Sorry to have bothered you with my brazen request.” I bow at Hiyaoka as I say the unnaturally polite line. 

“...” She didn’t answer but seemed flattered, or even proud, in a way.

“But Hiro…” Saki, who was now standing right next to me, joined the conversation while pulling my sleeve gently. “Is it really okay? We were supposed to stick to the plan.” She whispered so that the rest wouldn’t hear.

“I know, but it was unlikely that they were gonna agree to any of the pairs, so let’s take what we have. We know less about Kaichou than Hiyaoka, so it’s fine. Mai doesn’t seem to oppose the idea either.” I point at the pinkish-haired girl still standing on the side idly.  

“I guess so…”

I then turned back to the Student Council.

“Okay then. I’m gonna go with Saki, and Mai will be in pair with you, Kaichou. Please take good care of our friend.”

“Of course! Gotou-san, let’s do our best!” 

“Yea, yea, comin’. “ Mai let go of the trunk of the tree she was leaning against until now and joined Kaichou without any signs of enthusiasm.

“Remember that we have to-”

“I know, shut up.”

“...” I tried to make sure she realizes we have to split up from our partners at some point, but in her typical manner, she totally ignored me. Let’s hope she knows what she’s doing…

“Will she be alright?” Saki asked.

“Mai?”

“Yea…”

“Dunno. We’ll have to wait and see.”

“You don’t sound too confident…” Saki was getting worried about whether our plan had any chances of success.

“Okay, everyone, are you ready? We will be going in the forest one pair at a time every 5 minutes. Make sure to follow the path and you will be alright~” Kaichou announced the beginning of the Test of Courage. “So, good luck to everyone. Watch out for the ghosts~”

“G-g-g-ghosts..?” Hayato gulped his saliva down audibly. He was close to losing it.

“Fear not, dear friend. For I am here to stay by your side whatever the odds may be.” The Virtuous One tried to cheer him up, but probably to exactly the opposite effect.

“Well then, Oogawa-kun, you and your friend can go first~”

“Nononononono, please no- WAIT, LET GO OF ME, AAAAAAAAH!!!”

“Let us depart into adventure and tighten the bonds of our friendship.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa!” Hayato screamed in terror as he got dragged into the dark forest by our overly poetic roommate. As his trembling voice was becoming fainter and fainter, the two of them completely disappeared into the woods. A few minutes after that, Kaichou and Mai went in, and later it was my and Saki’s turn. Hiyaoka remained before the entrance to ‘Wait for the next group and interview them’ hopefully for the sake of the school’s newspaper. And so, the Test of Courage has begun.

 

…

 

Me and Saki were slowly making our way through the forest path, while lighting our way with a flashlight. Each pair only got one so as to make the test ‘extra difficult’, but honestly, the path was so neatly laid out that we’d be completely fine even without it. You could tell that the generous Student Council didn’t want anyone to actually get lost in the dark.

Other than the sound of our footsteps and typical bug-ish sounds of a night forest, there was a tranquil silence filling up the still warm air. Even if the previous pair of Kaichou and Mai entered the woods only 5 minutes before us, they were far enough for us not to be able to hear them, let alone Hayato and that creep that went in before them. It really felt like we were all alone, trapped inside nature’s maze. Which might explain why Saki’s been clinging to my arm ever since we disappeared into the dark.

“...” I didn’t comment on it, but a teeny-tiny laugh must’ve escaped my throat and made Saki react.

“Wh-what? Something’s wr-wrong?” Her voice was shaking lightly. She seemed genuinely scared.

“Ah, sorry. I just thought that it’s kinda funny.”

“W-what about me being scared is funny?!” She half-yelled, but there was no real anger in her panicked voice.

“I mean, if something were to jump at us, I’d be the one to run, and you’d be the one to fight.” Let’s face it, I’ve never really fought anyone… or anything in that case. I’ve heard that you could meet a bear around here. “If some wild boar appeared you’d just karate chop his fangs off, while I’d be halfway through climbing a tree.” I do my best to keep my tone light to calm her down a bit.

“You can’t just chop off a boar’s fang with bare hands! Besides, look at all those bugs! What if they crawl into my shoe! Or under my skirt!” I miraculously resisted the urge to admit that I’d love to be that bug out loud. I don’t think that joke would work with the current Saki. “And… I haven’t practiced in a long time… I know my ankle’s all right now, but…” She didn’t finish her sentence, but something tells me she wanted to say that it’s because there was no time for any karate session between all the light novel-ish shenanigans happening around us.

“Still, I should be the one clinging to your shoulder.”

“I mean… I-I wouldn’t mind it… ”

“Hm, did you say something?” Her previous line was way too quiet even for me, who’s walking literally right next to her, to hear.

“No! Sorry, just… those bugs and… bugs!”

“Don’t worry, they’re more scared of you than you’re scared of them… Or are they? They don’t have brains, do they? But then again, that’d make them way too stupid to do you any harm. Hmmm, but on the other hand, since they’re stupid, and know no fear, wouldn’t that make them quite formidable opponents? Hmm, nah, you just step on them and they’re done for.”

“Stop it, what was that monologue, haha!” Saki has been successfully cheered up. Mission complete. Even if I made a moron out of myself. Not that it’d be a particularly rare occurrence. I smile involuntarily seeing her back in high spirits.

“Hey, no fair, you did that on purpose!”

“Did what?”

“You know what!”

“No, what?”

“Oh, come on!” 

“No, seriously, tell me.”

“Uugh, Hiro!” We continued to tease and push each other lightly while laughing, until eventually calming down at last.

Although the path was getting narrower and narrower, Saki let go of my shoulder and was now confident enough to walk on her own. A wide smile wasn’t leaving her face. 

“I didn’t think I’d say it, but… I’m glad I got to be in high school again and do all those events! Now that I have someone to share those moments with.” She said all of a sudden.

“Then I’m glad to hear it. You mentioned you didn’t really like school, right?

“Yeah… But now it’s different! This school is really fun!”

“Even though it’s just a shitty anime school?”

“Yup! Because… You’re here with me, tehe~” Ouch, an Adorable Compliment Out Of The Blue Attack + Surprise Hug combo. That was a good one.

“Stop it, I’m just a filthy nerd.”

“Hmmm, maybe. But you’re my filthy nerd~” …How could a man withstand such a line coming from his girlfriend, who’s hugging him and looking straight at him from below with heart-shaped pupils? My legs felt weak for a second, and I’m more than certain I blushed way more than I should have.

“And besides…” She continued, thankfully without noticing my manhood-lacking reaction just now. “You’ve gotten much more confident recently. Since we got here, you’ve finally started believing in yourself and are taking on challenge after challenge. Plus there was not a single anomaly since the beginning of the trip, meaning all your notes are correct! I’m really proud of you!” Okay, that’s enough, I can’t handle any more compliments, just let me die of embarrassment and happiness. “High five!”

“Huh…?” 

“High five! Come on!” Saki put both of her hands up in the air, in anticipation of a celebration of my alleged character development.

“A-ah, ok.” I answered with a double-handed high five, but my mind was still too focused on all the nice words from before and only after a second or two, I realized Saki’s deceit. A celebratory high five wasn’t what she was after. It was all a masterfully crafted mischief to force me into a trap. And that trap was…

“...”

“Hiro…”

“ *gulp* ”

Just as our hands were about to clap victoriously, she grabbed both my arms instead and pulled me towards her assertively. Our eyes met, and it felt like time had slowed down. And no, not because of some anomaly. We were just staring at each other, not sure of what we were supposed to do, even though we knew very well what we were supposed to do. As gentle wind was playing with her glistening in the moonlight twintails, I suddenly became way more conscious of our bodies clinging to each other in a tight hug. I couldn’t help but stare at Saki’s lips. They were tempting and inviting me. A weird sense of guilt flooded my brain, when I noticed that on the outside, it’s not my girlfriend that I’m lusting for. It wasn’t her original body, but a body of a petite anime girl. Only a self-made excuse that it really is Saki calmed me down. Her breath was getting rougher and rougher as we stood there quietly, alone in the middle of a dark forest, god-knows where in a world essentially made of my dreams.

“...Saki.” That was all I felt like was appropriate to say. At least that’s what I figured a harem protagonist would say.

“...” She remained silent, but was still looking at me with infatuated eyes. I caressed her cheek with the hand I freed from her grip. She finally closed her eyes and then stood on her tiptoes. Even a black hole-level dense piece of human garbage like me knew what she was demanding. I drew my face closer to her. At this point I can’t even say it was me doing all this. It was an instinct that I just followed without any conscious thinking. If there was a thing that could stop me right now, it’d have to be a solid Bonk and a trip to Horny Jail… And yup, that’s exactly what happened. True, a deformed shiba inu didn’t just randomly hit me with a baseball bat in the head, but a familiar, yet mysterious… Creature (?) flew just between my and Saki’s faces.

“Again?!” I reacted on a whim and shouted into Saki’s face, completely ruining the mood. “You saw that too, right?!”

“Huh…? What happened?” Right, her eyes were shut. I was the only one that saw that very same light-purple being I saw once on the school’s rooftop and once in the girl’s locker room’s window. Just what in the hell was that thing? My body sent a shiver down my spine, probably as a signal for me to watch out, because both times I saw that ghost-thingy I got hurt in some way. A split second before I was ready to kiss the girl I love, and yet here I am, searching for something I’m not even sure I actually saw. But I couldn’t help it. My weeb senses were tingling. The Protagonist™ I now was, took control over my mind and body.

“There!” I saw the purple light running away into the forest. Without hesitation I dashed straight after it, into the bushes, leaving dumbfounded Saki behind. I hope she at least caught a glimpse of that thing now, that I was chasing it. But I had no time to speculate. I had to give it all I’ve got and catch whatever-the-hell that thing is. I felt my legs being enchanted with Chadium as I rushed through the leaves, doing my best not to lose sight of my target. For I didn’t need kisses. I needed answers.

“Hiro, wait! Wait, where are you going?! Hiro!” Saki was screaming in the back, but I didn’t heed. Soon after I was so deep into the dark I couldn’t even see the faint glow of Saki’s flashlight behind me. “...For fuck’s sake!” She yelled once again, much louder this time, but even so, I was already too far to make out what she said.

I was getting closer and closer to the purple-ish thing. Though it felt like I was faster while running straight ahead, the creature made up for that by swiftly dodging around trees and making sharp turns. I couldn’t shake off a weird feeling of deja-vu that overtook my mind. But now it wasn’t the time to be wondering about such things. I had to allow my legs to use all the oxygen there is in my body, not waste it on my useless brain. All I could hear was the wind humming in my ears and all kinds of leaves and branches brushing past my skin. My eyes were already somewhat used to the darkness, but the sheer amount of plants, bushes, trees and god knows what else made it impossible to navigate well and catch up to the ghost. When I was starting to lose hope as my non-existent stamina was running out, the thing I was chasing suddenly froze in place.

“...Huh?” I couldn’t help, but also stop myself. My instinct told me I should try and slowly approach it, like it was an easily startled animal. It was working for a short while, but my target dashed further into the woods again. “God damnit…!” Without hesitation, I rushed after it. But only to soon find out I was being lured into a trap.

“Haa haaa haaa…aaaAAA SHIIIIIIT!” I was gasping for air focused on the ghost, and before I noticed I literally stopped feeling the ground beneath my feet. I must’ve instinctively looked down and then back up into the imaginary camera, as they did in L**ney Tunes, before I tumbled down a hill that I had no idea was there to begin with. Fortunately for my stupid ass, there were little to no trees growing on the hillside, but the bushes scratched my face badly nevertheless. After what felt like an eternity I stopped rolling and ended up on something unnaturally soft. My first thought was that in true degenerate fashion I just unwillingly assaulted an innocent anime girl and grope her chest tightly. My second thought was that there’s no way for something so random to occur during the Kimodameshi™, and that I probably just fell into either mud or a very nice to the touch bunch of wild flowers. My third thought, however, was that I’m underestimating the power of bullshit of a cliche harem light novel and it absolutely must be an innocent anime girl. And if that’s the case, there’s only one character that's fit to be the poor victim. A powerful slap to my face of in combination with loud and an obnoxious insult confirmed my third and final guess.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOING, YA LIL’ CHEEKY WANKER?!”

“Ah, classic.”

“I’LL FUCKIN’ KILL YA! AND WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM?!”

“I just fell down- Okay, there’s no use in explaining myself, you probably know the drill, I just fell on you and touched your boobs, nothing to get mad about.”

“YA LITTLE…!” Mai, who finally made her way out of my obligatory grip, wasn’t particularly thrilled about this whole situation. For a second I thought she might actually lash out at me, but she decided not to in the end, and simply covered her breasts with her arms and looked away embarrassed to the brim. I stood up as well, and brushed off leaves and other plant-like remains from myself. Fortunately for the story, I was also bleeding ever so slightly from the nose. Hayato was the one who was supposed to be taking care of this, but I’ll take the forest’s help this time. 

“...Weren’t you supposed to be with Saki?” Mai asked me coldly.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with Kaichou?” I countered.

“Shut up! We… got separated…”

“Well, same for us.” I decided not to bring up the pale purple ghost that lured me into this situation. “And, yea, I sort of just fell down from over there” I guided her sight with my finger.

“...” She didn’t answer and was still looking hostile. “So everything’s according to the plan?”

“As expected from a weeb, you knew we were supposed to find a way to split up with our pairs, even though I didn’t tell you”

“Who are you calling a weeb?! Cheeky wanker.” She sounds like a broken record at this point. “...Yuuri-san suddenly just disappeared… I didn’t even notice.”

“Is that so? Well, guess we’re stuck with each other for the rest of the test. Just as the Protagonist™ and the Main Girl™ should.” 

“Woo hoo.” Mai simply couldn’t contain her sarcastic joy.

“Okay, we should get going, follow me.” I say as I start walking in the general direction of where the end of the path above our head should be located.

“Huh? You’re stupid or something? That’s where I came from. We need to go this way.”

“Uh, no, pretty sure the path was leading there.”

“You literally just fell down a hill, you moron!”

“...True.”

“Fucking idiot.”