I made it. I made it into the forbidden land. The holy land of the ladies’ onsen. The godly view stretching in front of me made my heart skip a bit. Even though I was there all alone, the sheer realization of the fact where I currently was, was enough for my eyes to moisten with tears of joy and accomplishment. I’ve been this worlds’ Protagonist™ for a while now, but only in moments such as this does this realization hit the hardest. Those are the moments every filthy weeb dreams about… And I’m about to embrace all their desires, give in to their guidance and fulfill my duty.

I didn’t have much time. The girls might come any moment now. I took a deep breath. In my head, a plan for the Hot Springs event was taking shape. The Creator, my dream world alter ego, helped me the yesterday’s night to prepare for the event and pointed out things to look out for in order to recreate the most basic, cliche onsen scene ever. First, I need to hide. Most common choices would be behind a rock or underwater, with a hollow piece of bamboo or a bucket so I could breathe… But the rock usually is where the Protagonist™ ends up after something lures him out of his previous hiding spot… Underwater, it is then.

Fortunately, I quickly located a sturdy-looking wooden bucket. As expected from the harem novel’s hot springs. Okay, so after hiding in the water, a certain event has to be triggered so that I change locations and end up teaming up with one of the girls, who convinces the others to leave early, thus creating a window of opportunity for me to make a glorious escape. The last part should be easy enough, but there's one thing with which, and I hate to admit it, I’d have to rely on Mai’s help. And speaking of which… Numerous footsteps and bubbly voices started making their way into my ears. It was time. I stuck that bucket on my head like it was a medieval steel helmet and lowered myself into the warm water, careful not to make too much noise, and hid in the back part of the main bath. Now… I just had to wait. And put faith in Mai’s weeb instincts. The onsen scene isn’t the one where I can do all the work by myself.

Soon after I positioned myself neatly like I was a stalker crocodile, the wooden door leading to the outdoor onsen slid open. I took a dive outside of my little bucket-air pocket to take a look from under the water and confirm that those were indeed the girls I’ve been expecting. Though I obviously couldn’t see clearly, and the omnipresent steam wasn’t helping either, I had no trouble recognizing the four familiar silhouettes.

‘So yes, I’d say cold soba is probably my favourite comfort food!” Their voices were muffled, but it was Saki, without a doubt.

‘Ara ara, what a coincidence! Rin also loves cold soba. Right, Rin~?’ Kaichou and Saki must’ve been in the middle of a friendly little chat, though knowing the cunning Saki, it was all part of her plan to gather some information about Kaichou through acting curious. 

‘...’ Hiyaoka, with her usual unimpressed expression didn't answer, probably not being a fan of meaningless small-talks. I kinda get where she’s coming from, not gonna lie.

‘Hora, Rin! Don’t be rude to Mikazuki-san! Our Student Council is supposed to be open and friendly towards our students~.”

‘Ah, no, it’s okay! But maybe… we could go to some soba restaurant together and-

‘I’ll pass.’

‘Is that so, haha…’ Saki couldn’t help but let out a disappointed and fake laugh to play it off.

‘Rin!’ This time Kaichou seemed really mad.

‘...Sorry.’

‘There we go~ I’m terribly sorry, Mikazuki-san, Rin needs time to take to people.’

‘No no, it’s okay, I shouldn’t be asking so directly.’ Saki apologies for something that didn’t need any apologies, in true Japanese fashion. ‘But I have to admit, this onsens’s beautiful!’

‘Fufu, the Student Council should spoil its pupils every once in a while~’

Their chat was going smoothly as ever, and yet there was one person in the group that seemed absent-minded. Mai, instead of at least trying to pretend she’s listening to the other three, was constantly looking around in mildly panicked, or rather careful manner, as if she was confirming her surroundings and… looking for something?... Oh. That must’ve been me. As expected from an otaku with 15+ years of experience. She knows very well I’m here, even though I haven’t uttered a word about me planning to hide here, nor did I write that in my lost notes. But her instincts weren’t lying to her. I guess knowing that there’s a guy lurking beneath the surface of bathing water made her reluctant to enter it. Who would’ve thought.

And while Mai clearly wasn’t fond of such a bath, the oblivious others didn’t hesitate for a moment. They took off their towels and quickly lowered their naked bodies into the geothermal waters. What a magnificent view that was. Although I was too far away to see anything in detail, especially through the water and that goddamn Anime Fog™, my imagination made up for it, using the countless amount of times I’ve experienced such scenes in anime, manga and games to create a half-real half-artificial simulation of what the girl’s must’ve looked like now. I know I shouldn’t be imagining those things, especially since my girlfriend’s amongst those girls… But let’s not kid ourselves, every other straight male on this planet would be at least slightly excited if he were in my situation. Or at least that’s what I was telling myself to justify my contemptible behaviour. For now, I decided to just wait, observe, listen from a safe distance and wait for my chance to push the story forward.

 

…

 

‘Oh crap, this is bad this is bad this is bad.’ While Hiro was completely spellbound by girls willingly undressing in front of him for the first, and possibly last time in his life, Hayato who has been left behind on the other side of the wooden barrier, was lamenting over his friend’s bitter-sweet status. As he was told by Hiro, he was now peeking inside the women’s section through the conveniently placed hole between the planks. As majestic as the view bestowed upon his eyes was, he was currently too worried about his companion to be impressed by merely three (and a half) naked girls. ‘Will he really be alright…?’

‘Fearrr not. That boy’s got himself some balls, I tell ya. To willingly invade gurrl’s bath only to look at some boobies… What a legend, that boy is. We owe him alota respect, ya know?’ A deep voice suddenly spoke up with a thicc accent.

‘...Huh?’

‘Haha, lucky bastarrd. I too wish I could join the ladies… Speaking of which, why arren’t you on the other side? Arre ya a boy or a gurl?’

‘Ya-Yanus-sensei…?’

‘What’s wrrong? Oh, sorry. arre ya one of those, ya know, gender… liquid, was it? Nah, sounds wrong, I must’ve got something wrong-

‘WHY ARE YOU PEEPING ON HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS, YOU’RE A TEACHER???’ Hayato wanted to shout, but all he could do was to whisper angrily. The absolute unit of a teacher that Yanus-sensei was, was gradually pushing Hayato away from the peeping hole, eventually taking control over it completely. His beer-swollen belly was pressing against a poor wall of thin wood, putting its endurance to the test. His arms, back and legs were all covered in a jungle of curly, pitch-black body hair. In combination with his monobrow, the face that longed for reason and gaze unblemished by intelligence, you could mistake him for a new, yet to discover, kind of vaguely European gorilla.

‘I rremember, back in high school, me and my friends would also do this. Ah, good ol’ times…’ Yanus-sensei was giving in to nostalgia as his gaze consumed the natural beauty of his unsuspecting pupils. ‘Though we chickened out and in the end didn’t even get to see a single boo-

‘YANUS-SENSEI, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Where’s my phone, gotta make a phone call real quick…’

‘Haha, who’d ya wanna call at such a moment?’

‘I don’t know, THE POLICE????’

‘Haha, you’rre a funny one!’ With his eye still glued to the hole he patted Hayato’s back with his massive, hairy hand.

‘When did you come here?! And why?!’

‘What, ya mean a foreigner can’t indulge in the most Japanese-y relaxation?’ 

‘...You think stalking minors is a Japanese form of relaxation?!’

‘Eh? Is it not, though? HAHA, just kidding, chill out, princess! I just luv hot springs… And de gurls are a nice bonus too.’ With every second passing by, Hayato, in his head, was running out of reasons as to why this guy wasn’t yet fired. ‘Oho, hold up… Com’ere, com’ere. Dat’s de stuff.’ Hayato looked at Yanus-sensei’s back in disgust, but remembered Hiro’s words. He promised to oversee the situation. And though reluctantly, he joined Yanus-sensei by the hole to sneak a peek himself.

‘Gotou-san, what’s wrong?’ Kanazaki-kaichou asked the restrained Mai, who still hasn’t entered the bath.

‘I-I just… I just… you know…’ Mai’s face turned red, but you could tell there was much more than just embarrassment to her complex expression. But in order for the scene to continue without any troubles or worse, anomalies, she couldn’t just tell the rest that there were numerous perverts stalking them from under the water and behind the wooden wall.

‘Come on, Gotou-san, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, we’re all girls after all~’

‘...’

‘Besides…’ A devilish smug smile appeared on Kaichou’s face. Hiro, still hidden under the water, knew very well what she was going to say. And so did Mai. ‘I can see you have a lot to show beneath that towel~’

‘...!’ If Mai was red as a beetroot until now, she just went into the infrared light territory, as the eyes of the remaining three stared at her at-least-D-cup-sized breasts.

‘Hora, they’re D-cup, aren’t they?~ I can’t tell for sure without touching~’ As if she were a psychic creep, she closed in on Mai with her hands mimicking the ominous kneading motion.

‘C-Cut it out, you cheeky wanker!’ Mai, who until now was sitting on the edge of the bath with only her feet in the warm onsen water, tucked her legs and bent her body in a defensive position.

‘Hehehe~ Come to onee-san, Gotou-saAAAAAAANnnblblblb…’ As she was about to thrust herself at Mai in a manner that was almost surpassing innocent playfulness, Kanazaki-kaichou slipped on the bath’s bottom and fell head first into the water. ‘I’m fine, I’m fine~ Sorry about that, Gotou-san, I got carried away, must be the fault of the humid air in here~’ She announced after she regained her balance in the water.

In the meantime, Saki and Rin quietly observed the course of action from a somewhat safe distance of a few metres, both of them half disgusted, half jealous. Saki looked down at what was remaining from her previous worldly breasts with sorrow and sighed lamentably, as if she wanted to ask the gods why they took away the only part of her body she felt confident about.

‘Don’t worry about it. They’ll grow eventually. Maybe.’ Rin spoke up, seeing Saki sulking.

‘...’ Saki had no idea either what to say nor with what kind of a facial expression she should react to Rin’s remark. She couldn’t tell whether it was sarcastic or genuinely compassionate,

‘Just kidding.’ Rin made her intentions clear. ‘Damn those big-boobed monsters.’ She pouted slightly.

‘...Yea, to hell with them.’

‘Well said.’

As the bizarre Flat Justice Alliance between Saki and Rin took shape, the innocent looking wooden bucket covered up by the steamy fog, that moments ago was floating by the back edge of the bath mysteriously made its way near the girls, as if it had a dirty mind on its own.

 

…

 

My body was moving on its own. Led by disgusting cravings, not hindered in the slightest by common sense. I slowly but surely made my way closer to where the girls were seemingly having a heated argument about their… natural beauty. The fog was almost as thick as Kaichou’s and Mai’s thighs, which made for an extra cover. Since my head was either completely underwater, or stuck inside a bucket at best, my hearing was heavily impaired, but I could still make out most of what they were saying…

Ah yes, the classic case of a Girl Being Too Shy To Undress In Front Of Her Friends™. Although this time, it was most likely caused by the fact that Mai knew very well I’m lurking somewhere within the onsen’s waters, and not just her being a Shy Anime Girl™. 

And even though I was now so close, even though I could’ve easily sneaked a peek at the girls’ naked bodies from up close, and not a single soul would ever discover my crimes… I just couldn’t. Was it the power of love and faithfulness to Saki, or were those the spirits of dense harem MCs guiding me, I didn’t know. But my body simply wasn’t able to take a dive outside my trusty old bucket and open my eyes, although I did so multiple times just now, when I was further away and couldn’t see anything clearly.

My thoughts next drifted to Saki. There was no way she was at ease right now. I didn’t have to see her completely naked to realize that her precious thing, or rather precious things, had been brutally taken away from her by some random truck, and she was obviously anything but happy about it. She didn’t let it show too much, but I could tell she wasn’t comfortable with the new body. I’ll have to somehow find a way to reassure her that I don’t mind, later. Though, come to think of it, she probably wouldn’t feel comfortable mentioning it even in this context. So that’s what they call a ‘stalemate’, huh.

As I was trying to come up with a plan of comforting Saki about her womanhood, a loud splash of water followed by a stronger than expected underwater wave stopped my train of thought, as it hit my body. Judging from their conversation, or rather from Kaichou teasing Mai about her breasts, the impact I felt and the sheer fact that Kaichou was a clumsy goofball in disguise, she must’ve slipped and fell into the water with her whole body. In my mind I saw a pair of extraordinary bumpers. Some serious honkers. A real set of badonkers. Massive dohoonkabhankoloos. Big ol’ tonhongerekoogers. Absolutely stunning embodiment of male hopes, dreams and fantasies… But all that was just a mere projection of my mind. No matter how tempting was the option to swiftly peek from outside the bucket, the same thing as before was stopping me from doing so. At those moments men wish they had less control over themselves. But I mustn't think of such trivial things. Both Saki and my Protagonist heritage doesn’t allow such indecencies… Said a dude hiding underwater stranded in a girls’ hot springs… 

‘I’m fine, I’m fine~ Sorry about that, Gotou-san, I got carried away, must be the fault of the humid air in here~’ The sound of Kanazuki-kaichou crawling her way out of the water echoed outside the bucket. Thank god the shock caused her to close her eyes when she fell in the water, or I’d be a goner by now. My head might be stuck in the bucket, but the rest of my body, including my, at best medium sized you-know-what (which in contrast to Saki’s breasts, retained its original size) were in full view from underwater.

‘...’ There was no answer referring to Kaichou’s apologies, coming from Mai, but knowing her, she was just staring at Kaichou with murderous intent.

‘Gotou-san, come on-’

‘I’ll just sit at the edge, thank you very much.’ Ouch, that was a harsh tone.

‘Ara ara, no need to get angry, Gotou-san~’

‘I’m not angry. Leave me alone.’

‘Ara ara maa maa, how adorable~’

‘Shut. UP!’ 

‘Tehehe…’ Kaichou gave up at last, after Mai reached the end of her tether. In the end, Mai was the only one still dressed in a pale-coloured towel with only her feet in the onsen’s water.

As in response to the quarrel taking place on the opposite part of the narrow part of bath, Hiyaoka sighed. Soon after, Saki raised her voice.

‘...Is it safe?’ She asked in a troubled manner. What did she mean? 

‘It’s waterproof.’ Hiyaoka explained briefly. I still had no idea what they were talking about. And my filthy mind wasn’t exactly coming up with any ‘probable’ answers.

‘Are those pictures you took today?’ Saki asked again, as if trying to start a conversation with the unapproachable Hiyaoka once again. Okay, so Hiyaoka must’ve simply got bored and grabbed her old-school camera. I did notice she had something in her hands when they were entering the onsen. So that’s what it was.

‘...’

‘Oh, show me, show me~’ Aaaand, there comes Kaichou again. I could feel her dashing through the water swiftly in excitement to get a glimpse of Hiyaoka’s photos. Almost felt like I developed a fish-like lateral line at this point, thanks to my sight being essentially disabled and my hearing somewhat hindered. Kaichou didn’t slip this time, surprisingly. Mai too, got interested. She stood up and walked around the edge of the bath to crouch behind the group of three and also get a closer look at the photographs. Or at least that’s what I judged from the sound of her footsteps. Guess she didn’t fancy being left alone with a stalker, aka me, hiding somewhere around and chose the lesser evil of being involved in a group activity. I was actually somewhat proud of her making the decision to at least pretend to socialize.

‘As expected from Rin, nothing but kitties~’

‘It can’t be helped. They’re too cute.’ Although the tone was very Hiyaoka-like, the message wasn’t. But if I recall correctly, she also had a vaguely enthusiastic reaction when Kaichou brought up a cat the previous night, when me and Hayato overheard their conversation. 

‘Wow… So many pictures of cats… and they’re… s-so pretty, Hiyaoka-san! Good job…’ I’d known Saki long enough to recognize that fake, I-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings compliment. 

‘...They’re all blurred-’

‘They’re all wonderful, Rin! It’s great to have you on our scholl’s newspaper’s team!’ Kaichou cut in with a worryingly honest-sounding approval of Hiyaoka’s works, just as Mai was about to verbalize what she and Saki had in mind.

‘Thank you, Yuuri. I’m doing my best.’ Hiyaoka answered, equally sincerely.

‘Sorry, for asking, but I was curious for a while now, how long do you know each other?’ Saki said, out of the blue. ‘I mean, since Hiyaoka-san is calling you by your first name all the time, I figured you must be pretty close.

‘As expected from Mikazuki-san~. But in reality, we first met only a few years ago. We’re not childhood friends, unlike you and Sekuhara-kun.’ Saki wanted to say something, but bit her tongue in the end. I’m guessing she wanted to clarify that we weren’t childhood friends either, but fortunately remembered that in this world, we kind of are.

‘Is that so? You get along so well I was sure you knew each other from when you were little…’ Saki pursued the subject in yet another try to get to know the mysterious duo.

‘Well, let’s just say Rin’s dad knew me and asked me very, very nicely to look after his little princess. He… needed to move out of town suddenly! Right!’

‘Yuuri. Enough.’ Hiyaoka cut out the conversation bluntly, as if she wanted to prevent Kaichou from sharing any more private information.

‘Wait, could you rewind a few pictures back?’ Mai spoke up suddenly, louder than I would’ve expected from her. Hiyaoka must’ve been still scrolling through her pictures all this time.

‘Ara ara, did you see a ghost in the background, Gotou-san?’

‘No, but-’

‘Ara, you took a picture of the shrine too! What a shame I couldn’t be there with you! It looks so beautiful!’ Kaichou denied Mai masterfully. ‘And speaking of the shrine… Gotou-saaan~’

‘Wha-what?’ 

‘I’ve heard from my trustworthy assistant that your relationship with Sekuhara-kun advanced to a new stage, fufu~’

‘HUH?! What the hell are you talking about?! It’s your guys’ fault that we got lost! Should’ve marked the correct way better!’

‘Please excuse my tactless remark, but there was literally only one path to-’

‘Shut up!’ This time, Hiyaoka’s comment was immediately denied by Mai’s very mature riposte. 

‘You know, Sekuhara-kun came to the Student Council room the other day… Seems like he wants to form a club but is lacking only one member… How unfortunate. Oh, right, Gotou-san, since you two have been getting along, why don’t you join his club?~’ 

‘Huh, why would I?!’

‘Kanazaki-kaichou’s right, Mai-san! Come on, it’s gonna be fun!’ Saki started to encourage her too.

‘Jesus Christ, leave me alone! You just need anyone to join, so why does it have to be me…?’ After cursing, Mai murmured something to herself shyly, that I doubt even the girls on the surface could’ve heard. ‘And b-besides…’ She stood up and pointed her finger at Kaichou dramatically. ‘Y-you have quite a r-rack there too, Yuuri-san! L-Let me squeeze those… those BOOBS OF YOURS!!!’ She somehow stumbled her way through that entirely not-Mai-like, but definitely anime-like sentence. Bet her cheeks yet again entered the infrared wavelenghts. I was honestly in deep shock, hearing Mai shout such a thing. Plus it made me want to watch even more, but I couldn’t give up now, after all the suffering I’ve been through.

‘Goutou-san, what are you- aaah!~’ … A sound that shouldn’t have surprised me, considering this setting was anything but new to my weeb-ass, echoed around my head like a catchy melody of an overpaid pop music artist’s song. It somehow hit differently, penetrating the parts of my brain that I’d prefer to keep unstimulated. Who would’ve thought that experiencing an anime-esque scene in person would be such a different experience compared to watching it on a small screen.

‘Mai-san! What’s gotten into you?!’ Saki was panicking, which was honestly well justified. Not everyday do you see a person who’s blurring the line between being shy and a sociopath randomly fondle the enormous breasts of her friend like there was no tomorrow.

‘Go-Gotou… san… Mmmh, stoooop~ ‘

‘We’re done when I say we’re done!’

‘Iyaaa, you meanie~’ …What the hell was going on up there? And why can’t I be on the other side of the wall peeping in from the hole? Hayato, you lucky bastard. Not only did he get all the girls in the previous life, now he’s got the VIP tickets to this marvelous spectacle.

‘Well done, Gotou-san. Please hold her still. Those lewd breasts need to be punished.’

‘You too, Rin? No, stooooop, aaah~’ It honestly sounded like she was enjoying it way too much. ‘Don’t underestimate the power of the Student Council President! There!’

‘Hey! Where do you think you’re touching?!’ Kaichou must’ve launched a counter attack on Mai.

‘Gotou-san’s also deserve some punishment.’

‘HUH?! Fuckin’ traito- STOP!!!’ A 2vs1 against Kaichou quickly became a 1vs2 for Mai... And soon after it turned to a chaotic boob-bath. Only Saki’s breasts remained unprofaned… It was hard, hehe, to think straight, hehe x2. The fight taking place mere metres away from me was bizarrely close to the usual scheme of a typical Onsen Battle™ scene. It felt as if every part of it was carefully choreographed and thought through well in advance… And then it hit me.

… It was Mai who started it… The battle felt staged… because it was. Mai has foreseen all of it. She knew she had to start the fondle-fight against her own will. And she had to start it in order to… Create a chance for me! That’s right! She caused a cliche fuss so that I could easily make my way out of the water and move to my destined hideout behind a large rock, from where I could seek Saki’s help! To think she’d really known everything from the start… She’d known all along, not only the fact that I was hiding there, but also that I needed her to initiate the Girls In The Hot Springs Touching Each Other’s Boobs For Some Reason™ scene! She’s a true weeb, without a doubt. That was exactly what I was hoping for her to do. That was the key to completing this god forbidden mini event. And she delivered, putting her pride at stake. A praiseworthy sacrifice. I am truly thankful, Mayo-nee sama.

But I mustn’t just stay here complimenting her in my mind. Now it was my turn to take action. From here on out, the most important part of the Hot Springs arc would begin. The great escape was about to commence.