Chapter 1 – Suicide

…

The wind was screaming, yet the world was still as a statue… waiting. Not for me. A figure stood at the edge of this mind-numbing world. Otherworldly; is the best word to describe her. As if with one caressed, the world would shudder and, with a frown, light shimmered from the heavens.

I looked at her side profile. Her eyes sparkled all the same. With her hazel hair swirling along the air stream. None differed from the first time we met. She might look like a normal beauty to others. But to me, she was still my goddess - always; before; and in the future.

Biting my tongue; pain shot through my skull and towards my spine. But the first muscle that moved despite the occurring tragedy in front of me, was not my hands, nor my feet.

It was my mouth.

“It wasn’t the end.”

She just smiled, noticing my will. And yet she still surmised our goal was the same. Even though it was different. It wasn’t the end goal, I said to her. But she didn’t listen. Stubborn, prideful, confident, passionate – all of these qualities made me love and hate her.

I wished I wasn’t drawn to her. But fate just kept making us stumble toward each other. Because of that, I’m hating myself more. For not being better. Unqualified. Below average. This led to her having ideas… a goal transcending our normal lives.

All for naught.

If only I could turn back the clock, I would work hard. No! It might be better to stay out of her world. Ever. So as not to disappoint her parents. So… not to make her decision on the last stand!

From my peripheral vision, the clouds were fat and black, and rain started to line around us. It resembled a final salvo. Which I hope, it wasn’t.

“Live a good life.”

“I won’t,” I said with a trembling voice.

A gush of wind pierced down below from the dome of blue sky. It was her body falling. No hesitation, just a slight force from her soles, and her body yanked. She didn’t consider the ‘me’ who was crying in front of her. The man she married for dozens of years! She didn’t even think about the remaining life we could still have despite everything that happened!

Selfish! Too selfish! Wait! WAIT!!!

My hand desperately reached out to her, only to be welcomed by the abyss. No. A simple yet heart-wrenching reality called the abyss! At the last second, I saw her head give a loud thud and then silence.

“…”

That's why I changed it. My reality! I had to! For I still didn’t want to believe it was true!

There was nothing left for me in the normal world.

“I killed her.” Bloodstains remaining from the previous fight with her against the world, I announced with a stiff-smug face to the dumbfounded police officers who soon woke up and detained me with fast-lighting actions. Pain transmitted to my knees, but I was numbed to it. And then things got blurry.

The last thing I remembered, red and blue lights intertwined. And a body, covered with white baggy cloth, was pulled and wrenched to a stretcher.

She was dead. A harsh reality I’m willing to dream of. Only if it was a dream.

Meanwhile, I could only look out the rear window of the police car, awaiting my new reality.

“If only humans have wings… we can transcend past the limits God gave upon us,” I beg and pray… for this to happen.

…