Chapter 16 – God
…
I looked at his side profile. Charming and serious. Girls always loved a handsome and cool feminine boy. But grownups always picked the serious type with a sense of humor. Just like Daimon. His eyes closed. The flutter of his eyelids seemed more elegant than a woman’s. His tasty lips. Well-fit body, as masculine as Adonis. I could look more and more, and I couldn’t get enough!
My problem was just… he was praying a little too serious. Was he that desperate to be close with God? What for?
Heh!
My previous impression of him decreased. No, destroyed even. Fuck God! A middle finger to all those who believed in him!
Did you believe in him? He was nothing! Where was he when I needed him the most? My father neglected me and the only one I could reach out to was him!
And yet he abandoned me!
I went to the stage, feeling frightened. No one was there with me. But I prayed for luck and strength. After that, I put on a strong front despite my nervousness. I played using my best despite I was alone, neglected, and frustrated.
What did I get? The kids booed and threw papers at me. They said I was ugly! Damnit! I was only chubby back then because I was all alone at home! Even parents and teachers laughed at me! They condoned their children’s behavior, the worst!
People picked on me. Just because I was easy to bully? No! Because I was afraid God wouldn’t love an unkind child if I fought back! No matter what they did, I endured it! And no matter what I did had to be righteous! My father was the president and my pillar was God. I am powerful, I thought.
He didn’t intervene when those fuckers became bold.
They disfigured my face with a pen.
“…”
I cried, seeing my face destroyed from side to side! I cried, thinking I was suffering injustice but adults only deemed it as nothing!!
Now, people called me Plastic Princess!!! Just because I had the money for fixing my face? I wanted to be beautiful, yes. But more than it, I wanted to be normal!!! They envied me so they spouted nonsense to paint me as a villain! What was wrong in this world?!!
I loathed my younger self for believing someone who might not even exist! So, fuck him! He was the true reason why I am full of spite and anger toward the world!
Truth be told, God was the main cause why the world was evil and divided. If not for him, religion wouldn’t exist. Each religion taught us that their group was the only ‘saved ones’. They mocked LGBTs, other beliefs, and non-believers; and yet they pushed their slogan ‘respect begets respect. Lunatics! They were nothing but hypocrites! Living off from the alms but biting back at those who feed them!
I wanted to rip them to shreds!
No other way, though. Other than becoming the most powerful person myself, I couldn’t think of anything I could do to topple religions. My father sided with them. Faith, just like love, had been a powerful tool wielded by the authorities. It was the divine baston of God – the worldly form of his divine powers. And father wouldn’t let go of such power.
I looked at Daimon again and my heart calmed down. He was a good person. No matter how rotten the church’s pillars, a person remained innocent unless proven guilty.
Nevertheless, the only thing I had was greed. I wanted him to be mine. Seeing his smile gave me comfort. He would be a collectible. The prettiest son of God would be mine.
A big joke to the old dude up there! My revenge against him!
How merciful he could be when people suffer on daily basis? He was no God. He had forsaken this world. Forsaken the young me and those in far worse situations.
So, I had no God. I won’t believe him nor the lies of his followers. Better, I would become God and steal his minions! I should be the ruler of my choice and destiny!
This war between me and God… drove me to disregard everything! No matter what it took me! I would show no mercy!
…
