"No smut this time around, just lots of trans feels."

Chapter II- Awakenings

I woke up the next morning feeling groggier than I ever had before. With a slow start, I realized I was still wrapped in my demonic master’s arms. Luckily at some point during the night they had slipped out of me which left me feeling a bit empty. Though I would be lying if I said I wasn’t more than a little sore. I tried to pull out of their grip and initially got a rumbling growl which seemed to resonate from their entire body. I felt a slight shudder run down my spine. It was the rumble of a predator not wanting to relinquish the prey in their grasp. Some small part of my mind tried to say how insane this was, but I did not care. Azrael had defended me twice to savage and vicious effect. A better person may have condemned their actions, but after a lifetime of being bullied, used, beaten, and worse. Well, I felt I could enjoy retribution that was for my sake.

           I pulled free despite more low rumblings that continued to send shivers up my spine. However, I was coated with cum and sweat; to say I needed a shower was an understatement. I padded over to the door that looked like it led to the bathroom from the master suite. I felt some remnants of last night’s fuck drip out of me. I felt a warmth blossom in me as I cupped my hands behind me and hurried into the bathroom. 

           It was massive and luxurious. The soaking tub was massive and the shower dominated the center of the room. Off to the side was the toilet behind a sectioned-off room of frosted glass. I sprinted to the toilet and handled my morning business. Afterward, I froze in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection for a moment. Across my skin was darkening bruises of varying shades. My neck and chest were covered in bite marks including a few scabs where teeth had broken the skin. A handprint was a slight red shade of purple around my neck and my legs had more bruises from their grip. It looked like I had been abused, but it had all been consensual. I knew if I had asked them to stop, they would have. I idly traced the bruises until my gaze landed on my face. I stared at it for a long time.

           Twenty-five years of life had not been kind to me. A faint scar split one eyebrow; it had been after a girlfriend hit me with a beer bottle. My face had a ragged five o’clock shadow. Dark enough to be extremely noticeable, and I hated it. I always had. I hated my face; how angular and almost sharp it was. Before I had been kicked out of my parents’ house for kissing a boy, my mother had often said how handsome I looked. Not that it mattered now. I looked down at the dark hair covering my legs and felt a wave of despair wash over me. No matter what I did I would always be trapped in this ugly body. It is not like I had a choice, no matter how much I wished otherwise. I laughed at the realization that for some reason Azrael still liked me enough to claim me. 

           I stood under the giant rainfall shower and cranked up the heat as high as it would go. The water burned when it hit my skin, turning my entire body a bright cherry red. I sat down in a ball and cried. Azrael had been nice to me so far, but how long would it last. How long would they want me? 

           Not long. The voice in my head warned. You’ll be tossed aside soon enough, just like before. Better enjoy it while it lasts. I cried harder, biting my arm so I would not scream out in an agony that was so bone-deep it seemed etched onto my soul. It always happens, every single time. You’ll be tossed aside with the rest of the trash. Broken promises were scattered all around. I knew it was true. Not even my own family wanted me. I was only kept around as long as I was useful or entertaining. Then I would be moved aside. Cheated on, left, ghosted, abandoned. Just like before. There was always someone, something better than me. And I knew it. I knew it in my soul. I was worthless just like my parents had said I was. I had no value in this world and it was only a matter of time before people figured it out and left me. A long list of names of family, friends, and even lovers rotated through my head. Remembering their voices, their words, the betrayals, the mocking, the broken promises. All of it. It all was crashing down on me. I felt my desire to stop existing grow. 

Then I saw it. The straight razor. It was perched on the edge of the sink. An elegant handle for the wealthy. I saw salvation. 

I crawled over to the sink and grabbed it before climbing back under the water. It would be rude of me to leave a mess after all. I held it in my hands and flipped it open. For a moment I just stared at it. The gleam of that silver blade. I knew immediately it would cut deep. Not like the shitty razor blade I had popped out of a single-use razor. It would part my skin and veins in a heartbeat. I would bleed out and it would all be over. Finally, over. No more hurt, no more pain, no more betrayals. It was better to leave myself before I was hurt again. No one would come to my funeral. I knew it. Heck would my parents even care when they eventually heard the news. Azrael might be a little disappointed, but I was saving them the effort of getting rid of me later. This way they would not have to listen to my pitiful crying. I Held out my left arm and held the blade to my wrist. I winced at all of the other scars there. I saw the demonic script and ignored it. I tried to push the blade into my wrist and drag it up.

Nothing happened. The blade just stayed there. It was like my arm was frozen. I tried again. Nothing happened. I moved the blade away and made a stabbing motion at my arm. Again I slashed at myself, the razor froze upon touching my skin. Then I looked at the line of demonic script laid down along the vertical scars on my arms. It glowed faintly with a reddish glow. I suddenly remembered what had happened yesterday. When I tried to slash my own throat. Azrael had bound me to keep me from harming myself. 

I hurled the razor in anger against the wall and felt vindicated when it broke into separate pieces. I curled back up into a ball under the water. I cried even more for the fact I could not even end my existence. The tears came freely and suddenly I heard the door slam open.

I looked over and saw Azrael’s fully naked and demonic form there. They looked around the bathroom and saw me there, but not before they saw the broken razor. They knelt under the water and cradled me against their chest. They demanded no answers or made accusations. They just held me there.

I clutched them and cried into their chest. I cried because I hated myself. I wept because I was worthless. I screamed because I was useless. I just stayed there. Bawling into them. I coughed and cried more. Snot dripped from my face and I had trouble breathing. Still, they held me. 

Finally, the tears stopped and I just sat there. Held in their arms. I did not know what to say. 

I felt their arms pick me up princess-style and carry me back to bed. They wrapped me in a blanket tightly. So tightly that I could barely move. It was surprisingly comforting. Then their arms wrapped around me. They rocked me back and forth slowly while humming a gentle tune under their breath. Slowly sleep took me again.

I woke up with them still wrapped around me. The only difference is they were awake. I stared up into their orange eyes for a moment before looking away. I was ashamed of what I had tried to do, especially after everything they had done for me.

“Are you hungry my little pet?” They asked softly.

I shook my head no even though it felt like my stomach was caving in on itself.

“Well, I am, come on.” They picked me up again still wrapped in the blanket and carried me downstairs. I did not fight them. I just buried my head into their chest. Ashamed.

They placed me in a chair and draped an apron over themselves as they began to cook. 

Despite myself, the smells of bacon and eggs overwhelmed me. They wordlessly sat a plate in front of me and I devoured it. They smiled slightly as they ate their food.

I looked up after eating and saw them looking at me with concern in their eyes.

I was filled with the desire to lash out. To be spiteful. To ask why they were so worried about their useless property. To share the pain I had. For a moment I opened my mouth. Then I shut it and looked back down at the remains of my food. A crust from the toast and some egg yolk. I pushed it around with my fork silently.

Azrael sighed heavily and placed a hand on my shoulder. “When you are ready to talk, I am here.”

Something inside me broke again and I felt tears streaming down my face. “Why?” I whispered, “Why bother? Why bother with me?”

They ruffled my hair affectionately, “Because I like your little one. And I wish to see you happy.”

I laughed humorlessly, “Happiness is beyond me Azrael. Might as well get rid of me now in that case. Not like I worth anything to keep around.” I snorted, “No one else ever bothered.” I looked up at them with tears on my face, “You really should just leave me. You’ve been nice to me, but I am not worth it. I am not. I am broken and wrong and worthless. I will just end up screwing up and I am just not worth it.” I looked away. “I will just go get dressed and go home. I stood up and went to walk away.

“Sit.” Azrael’s voice was full of command.

I instantly obeyed. 

They spun my chair around to face them, “You do not get to decide who or what I find worth my time.” They leaned down so their mouth was at my ear, “And I decided yesterday that you were worth my time, my effort, and my care.” They whispered. “So, get the notion of that you get to tell me what I do out of your head. After all, I own you, not the other way around.”

I nodded meekly, “Why though?”

“I have a feeling that no matter what I say, you will find a way to argue with it. Instead, I will say it is simply because I want to.” They replied, “Now let’s go finish that shower.” They beckoned to me and I followed them back to the massive bathroom. I entered the bathroom after to see them pick up the razor and toss it in the trash. They smiled at me, “Are you going to shower in that blanket?”

I blushed and dropped the blanket. I nervously covered myself.

They smiled softly, “I saw all of you and more last night. You should not be ashamed of yourself.” 

“I’m ugly though,” I muttered. It was a low tone. A human would not have heard it. Azrael was most definitely not human. 

They snorted, “Who told you that, so I may go gently inform them of the error of their ways.”

I shook my head and forced myself to stand under the water. It was still blissfully hot despite being on during the entire breakfast. I still faced away from Azrael. “I don’t need to be told that. I know that I am. I am hairy and out of proportion. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I exercised.”

“I did not realize I had done such a poor job last night that you would have already forgotten.” The fallen angel had a glint in their eye and they smiled to show they were joking.

I smiled slightly despite myself, “Ok well aside from last night.”

“And if you are concerned about hair, well I will take care of that now.” They held out their hand and a black flame appeared. They reached into the flame and pulled out an obsidian straight razor. They retrieved some conditioner from the sink area and came back to me. “Kneel.”

I obeyed. They tilted my head back and applied the conditioner. They then began to shave my face. They worked gently moving my chin back and forth as they shaved every angle. Then they finished.

“Stand.”

I obeyed and watched as they knelt before me and lifted my leg onto their thigh. They slowly and gently began to shave my legs with it. Their skill was sure and they slowly removed every speck of hair from one leg and then the other. Then they gently shaved my chest and stomach. Had me bend over so they could get every bit of hair from my ass. It took a long time, but the water continued feeling hot and I was not complaining. Despite my mental distress, their hands were comforting and even though they were touching me in my most intimate places, I did not feel threatened. Instead, it was comforting, I had never had anyone show me this much care and attention in a personal way. 

They stood up finally and rinsed themselves off, “How do you feel my little pet?” They asked as they used their hands to guide the water over their body in very interesting ways.

I blushed from their display and rubbed my legs together. I sighed at the feeling. I had not shaved my legs before and the sensation of my bare skin rubbing together was intoxicating. I turned to the mirror and froze. I did not quite recognize myself. My facial hair was nonexistent and seeing my body without all of that hair was…refreshing. I felt more comfortable than I ever had before, but something still felt wrong and I looked away in shame.

Azrael was behind me and I fell into their chest crying as they held me.

“What’s wrong my little pet?” They asked softly.

“I hate myself!” I yelled into their chest, “I am just wrong, I hate my body! I hate being a guy!”

They were silent for a long time, “Who said you had to be a guy?” They asked softly.

I chuckled wryly into their chest, “Uh genetics, can’t change the stuff I was born with. I am just stuck as a man.” The words caught in my chest and I felt like I was pulling them out.

“What about transgender people?” Azrael’s voice had an odd tone to it. Almost disbelieving it seemed.

“Well, they’re different and cool.” I answered with a sniffle, “I wish I could be like them. But I can’t.”

“So, you hate being a guy and wish you could be like the transgender people you’ve heard of?” Azrael’s tone had shifted straight into incredulous. 

“Well yeah,” I looked up at him. “I always wished I could be a girl. But I can’t. I am stuck like this.”

Azrael’s eyes were flickering and seemed wide-eyed as they looked down at me. “Are you listening to yourself?” They asked slowly.

I looked down in shame, “Yeah, I know it’s stupid. I should just shut up. I’ll never be a girl.” I chuckled dryly, “But one can dream right?” 

I felt their hands grip my shoulders as if they were about to shake me, “My pet.” Their voice was strangled, “You are a girl.” Azrael’s eyes were blazing.

I shook my head, “No I’m not, I am too ugly to be a girl.”

They let go of me and walked over to the wall and lightly began hitting their head against it.

I felt a sense of worry begin to grow in my chest, “Master what’s wrong? What did I do?”

In a flash, they were in front of me and had their hands on my shoulders, “You. Are. A. Girl. You. Are. Trans.” They said very slowly.

I shook my head, “I can’t be though. I would have known.”

“You said you wanted to be a girl!” Azrael exclaimed. “Literally, not five seconds ago.”

“But I am not.” I responded, “I can’t change that.”

They stared at me with their mouth moving soundlessly. Then they held up a hand, “Stay there.” Azrael left the bathroom at a dead sprint. They reappeared in seconds, holding a package. “Here.” They gave it to me and pushed me out of the water. “Look.”

I frowned at them and opened the package. It was the dress from the tailor’s shop. I gasped and stared at it. I was filled with an intense longing to wear it, to be pretty, to leave my masculinity behind. To just be a girl. I slowly set it down on the counter. “Why did you get this?” I asked looking at my master.

“For you, only a fool who was blind could have missed the way you stared at that dress. I made sure to get it for you in your size as a gift.”

“I can’t wear it though; I am not a girl,” I responded as I gently set the dress down. “I can’t be.”

Azrael looked as if they might blow a blood vessel. They grabbed a robe from the door hook and threw it at me. “Put that on, until I say otherwise that is all you are allowed to wear.”

I put it on, “Yes master.”

“Good girl.” They responded and I felt my entire body shudder in pleasure. 

“Hey-” I started, but they had already left.

I looked at myself in the mirror while I waited. I could not be a girl. There is just no way. I would have known if I was trans. I mean it was not like I knew a lot about trans people. Just that they existed. My parents had said they were evil, but they honestly just seemed awesome. Defying everything to be who they truly were. It was something to be respected. Something I wasn’t though. I was not cute or beautiful just an ugly guy. All guys hated being guys. Didn’t they?

I wandered out of the bathroom lost in thought as I looked for Azrael. I saw him standing by the door pacing. I walked in his direction and called out. “Master?”

There was a knock on the door and I heard them say, “Finally.” They opened the door to the most beautiful woman standing there.

I was frozen in place. Her face was framed by hair that was white and glowed. Her eyes were the deepest violet and her face was that of an angel. Her beauty was flawless and seemed to radiate from her. She looked at me with a gentle gaze that seemed to pin me in place.

“Lucy, could you turn it down a little. You are about to melt my pet.” Azrael asked softly.

“Oops,” The woman exclaimed and immediately seemed less bright, but no less beautiful. “My apologies Azrael. I did not know you had company.”

My master nodded and looked at me, “Should have told you to wait, but oh well. This way Lucy.” They led us into the sitting room where they sat down and had me sit beside them.

I was still lost staring at the beautiful woman. Who was she? How did Azrael know her? Was she their wife? An ex?

She sipped from a glass of water, “So Azrael, it has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

“Lucy-” They started.

“No.” She said and set the glass down. “You left heaven and came to me. You then wandered into the wastes to fight the outsiders for literally centuries. It has been three of those centuries since I have seen you. You do not get to simply brush this off. Especially when you call me to the mortal realm no less, asking for a favor.” She crossed her legs and I felt sheer power and charisma radiate from her, “You will answer some of my questions before we get to your favor.

I gulped as I realized this was a demon, and a demon who had power on par with that of Azrael, the former angel of death. I got up, “I will go get us drinks.”

“Sit.” They both spoke at the same time. I obeyed instantly.

The woman’s eyes flickered down to my neck, “I will have questions for you too in a moment.”

I gulped nervously.

Lucy, this demon looked back to Azrael, “First question; why have you been avoiding me? I understand you needed time, but it is just ridiculous at his point. If it was because I offered you a place in my court, I need you to understand I was doing that to make sure you knew you had a place.”

Azrael sighed and for the first time, I saw their shoulders slump, “No Lucy, it was because I was not ready to face those, whom I once fought for all the wrong reasons. Even though I knew even back then, that I was in the wrong. I was ashamed.”

The woman smiled sadly, “You have nothing to be ashamed of, you were not the first of us to be betrayed by hope. That honor goes to me.”

Azrael snorted, “You saw the truth of our creator before any of us, the lies, the grasp for power. You defied it all.”

“Yet before all of that, I had hoped I was wrong.” Lucy responded, “And many paid the price for that hope. Such as Lilith, yet she has managed to forgive me.”

Azrael laughed, “Forgave you? That is downplaying your relationship with her quite a bit.”

The woman laughed and it was the sound of the dawn itself. “Indeed I am. But my point remains. It is time you came back to us Azrael and made a home. Instead of wandering the wastes and trying to appease for past misdeeds.”

“You know what I have done in His name,” Azrael said in a dark tone.

Lucy snorted, “You act like I have done any less. We all have atonement to make good on, but that does not mean you have to punish yourself at the same time. We have been and always will be stronger together.”

“I will consider it Lucy,” they said looking off out the window for a moment. “I have to think about it.”

Lucy smiled sadly and drained her glass of water. “Well better than I had hoped for at least.” She set the empty glass down. “So, tell me Azrael, what was so important that you would request my presence in the mortal plane?”

“Them.” And pointed directly at me, “They need some help from someone similar to them and I am not getting through to them. You were the only one I could think of.”

Lucy looked me up and down with a critical eye, “Ah.” She said suddenly. “I see. Tell you what Azrael. I want to hear how you met them. And I want to hear it from them. Go take a walk. I will call you when we are finished.”

Azrael nodded and stood, “I am trusting you, Lucy, no harm should come to them.”

“None will my old friend. None will.” Lucy stated.

Azrael nodded and left the room. 

I was suddenly painfully aware of the fact I was alone with a beautiful woman who was most likely an extremely powerful demon.

I swallowed nervously, “Uh, Hi!”

Lucy smiled sweetly at me, “Why don’t you introduce yourself little one? And then tell me how you met Azrael. I am dying to know. He is so resolute I thought none would get through to them.”

“Well, my name is Alex and up until yesterday, I used to be a cashier at Dart Mart,” I answered.

“What happened yesterday?” Lucy asked with her violet eyes sparkling.

“Master, I mean Azrael, uh beat the hell out of my manager and ripped out his tongue.” I answered and realized how bad it sounded, “I mean my manager had it coming, he wasn’t like a good person and was cruel to me.”

Lucy nodded, “Sounds like Azrael, he always had a low tolerance for cruelty.” She leaned towards me slightly and despite the distance between us I felt like she was right in front of me, “Now how did you come across my recluse of an old friend?”

I told her everything, well almost everything. I did not feel like revealing that Azrael had fucked me silly the night before. I told her about accidentally summoning him. About what happened after. How I tried to have him kill me and he used my wording to bind me instead. About later that day they gave me a choice to walk away and I chose to stay with them. I even told them about my episode this morning.

Lucy nodded sagely listening intently and interestingly enough I felt zero judgment from her.

“I mean, for some reason, Master thinks I am trans.” I snorted, “Like yeah, I wish I was a girl, but all guys do the same. Being a man sucks and I feel so ugly. But I can’t be trans, I would have known sooner. Besides even if I was, I am twenty-five now and it is way too late for me to transition. I would just be an ugly guy pretending to be a girl.” I rambled, “I mean I wish I was trans to be like them, but I simply am not.”

Lucy leaned back and giggled, it sounded like musical bells, “Oh myyy. No wonder Azrael called me.” She cocked her head at me, “So tell me since you are such an expert on all things trans, why you could not be trans?”

I waved my hands and shook my head, “Oh no, I am no expert on being trans.”

“Then how are you so sure you are not trans?”

“Because I am not, I just wish I was a girl. That’s it.” I responded confidently.

Lucy leaned forward again with a broad smile, “Well I happen to know a bit about it, and there’s only one requirement to being trans.”

“What’s that?” I asked for some reason I felt hopeful.

“Well, you just have to want to be trans. Boys don’t want to be girls and girls don’t want to be boys. So, if you find yourself desperately wishing you were a girl. Congratulations, you have always been a girl. Therefore, you are a trans girl.” Lucy smiled as if she knew had just imparted some grand secret to me.

“It can’t be that simple,” I said defiantly.

“But it is.” She responded.

“Me just wanting to be a girl means I am trans?” I asked.

“Yep, if you had some wish not to be acknowledged as any gender or find gender icky, I would say that leans more towards nonbinary stuff. I wouldn’t know about that; I am not nonbinary.” Lucy responded examining her nails which were painted golden.

“That can’t be it, how would you even know?” I said shaking my head. “It can’t be that easy.

She chuckled and stood up, “Allow me to properly introduce myself. I imagine Azrael did not tell you whom they were calling.”

I shook my head as I watched her stride over to the windows and look back at me.

She faced me and smiled before bowing low, “I am Lucifer, once favored son of the Lord Almighty, the Lightbringer, the Morning Star. Once called the most beautiful among the entire host in heaven. First of the Fallen.” For a brief moment, the world fell away and I was staring at a being whose light burned so bright it washed away all shadows and she had six brilliantly white wings emerging from her back. Then everything was back to a relative sense of normal. 

She winked at me as she walked back over to me and knelt in front of me. She gently tapped my nose, “And if you can’t tell from all that. I got rid of the son part a while back. I am trans too.” Lucifer, now Lucy sat down and shook her hair out of her face. “Granted with demons, gender is a bit more eh, fucky. We can change ourselves pretty much at a whim and some exist constantly bouncing between one, both, some, all, and none. I had always felt out of place in my skin, and my,” she made air quotes with her fingers, “‘Father’ had a thing for male domination so most of us were made originally male. Most of us fallen now exist on the trans spectrum somewhere. I was never comfortable as a boy and once I changed my body to fit who I was on the inside, I was much happier.” Lucy giggled, “Plus the knowledge that it most likely infuriates the Almighty is just icing on the cake.”

I stared at her in shock, “So do you believe me now that just maybe I know a little bit about being trans?”

I nodded wordlessly, “So me wanting to be a girl means I can be a girl? I can be trans? I don’t have to be a guy?”

“That’s right girl,” Lucy said with a smile, “You don’t have to be a guy.”

I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. A binding on my very heart had been released. I could be a girl, but then it came crashing down. “It doesn’t matter though. It is too late for me. I can’t transition now. I will just look like a girl pretending to be a guy.”

Lucy flicked me between my eyes, “Not true, just a lie your society pushes. It is never too late, pretty girl.” A business card was pushed into my hand. “This is a therapist here in town that specializes in trans care and on the back is a doctor who will get you your hormones no questions asked. Azrael will undoubtedly cover both for you.”

I looked down at the card in my hand and back up at her, “Isn’t there anything to be done magically, like can you or Azrael just fix me?”

She shook her head, “Contrary to popular belief our powers are greatly limited in the mortal realm. We can influence physical things through our bodies and some little tricks, but healing and reshaping flesh or reality is beyond us here.” Lucy looked very sad for a moment, “It was the final curse from on high that we would forever be forced to watch those on Earth struggle and not be able to help.”

“Oh,” I looked down at the card that still represented hope.

“I texted Azrael, they are on the way back now,” Lucy told me. “May I hug you?”

I nodded and she hugged me tightly. It was warm and comforting. I was dimly aware of crying. Azrael came back at some point and they sat on either side of me and talked. Part of me wondered what about. The rest just was buckling down in my head. I disconnected from the world.

I vaguely remembered Lucy leaving, then master getting me dressed. I think there was a cab ride somewhere, then I asked for some time alone at home. Another car ride. A short walk and I was back in my apartment.

A new cell phone pressed in my hand with Azrael making me promise to call him when I needed anything and was ready to see him again. 

Then I was alone. Alone with my thoughts whirling. The possibility that I could be trans. A girl. The information that Lucy revealed. I got myself up and began searching the internet for information. Information on being trans. It turned out that Lucy was right. Things in my life began to make sense and the more I researched the more pieces clicked into place. I went back to my couch and stared up at the ceiling for several hours. Then I called the therapist Lucy had given me. I booked an appointment for the next day once I said who had referred me. The therapist would squeeze me in after hours to see me as their schedule was fully booked, but they owed Lucy some favors. I texted Azrael and told them I was ok and still figuring things out. It was odd to see a fallen angel send a heart emoji back, but it gave me warm feelings inside. 

The next few days passed in a blur. My therapy went well and I learned a new term called dissociating which is apparently what I was doing. A check of my bank revealed that Azrael was indeed taking care of me and I afforded the therapist with no problem. My therapist also confirmed my feelings without confirming them directly. I was trans. There was no if about it. And I looked and looked hard for a reason not to be trans. I could not find one. I was trans, a trans girl. I went to the doc the next day and poof I had hormones. I took them as soon as I got them. I went home and did more research. I used some of the money Azrael had given me to buy some outfits and clothing to wear online. Just little things like tights and some shirts. I even got a bra. The day after I had the energy to play video games and logged on to play my go-to fantasy game. It was technically an MMORPG, but I played pretty much with just one other person. I giggled when I saw my very female character load in that was customized to look as much like me as possible. Immediately I got a ping on my in-game messages from xXMajesticFire69Xx. 

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU MISSED OUR RAID AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED!!! 

I gulped and realized there had been a dungeon raid we had planned and I ended up leaving our team without a tank. I laughed at my username as it popped up.

DefinitelyaGuy13: Sorry Sorry I uh had some stuff come up.

xXMajesticFire69Xx: FUCK, I was fucking worried sick that your creep of a manager had offed you or some shit. Are you ok?

DefinitelyaGuy13: Yeah yeah I am ok I think.

xXMajesticFire69Xx: Be honest with me, did you try again?

I paused. Despite never knowing their name or even gender, MajesticFire knew everything about my life. We had played together for literally years on this game together. They knew the good, the bad, and the ugly. Heck, I did not even know what their voice sounded like. I would not lie to them though, just maybe leave out the demon bit.

DefinitelyaGuy13: I did, but I am ok

xXMajesticFire69Xx: Welp that’s it I am coming over.

Ohhh shit, that’s right, after my last attempt they had dragged my address out of me in case it happened again. That was a year ago though.

DefinitelyaGuy13: ITS OK REALLY. Like you don’t need to Like you probably live across the country.

xXMajesticFire69Xx: I live across the city ya douche. I played nice last time, not this time. I am sitting on your ass until you get help!

DefinitelyaGuy13: I DID. I just went to the therapist yesterday I am on meds now and everything.

All was true my therapist had made me choose between meds or being placed in a psych unit. I chose antidepressants. The hormones were really nice too.

xXMajesticFire69Xx: Is this like the last time you said you would get help and never did?

DefinitelyaGuy13: I did seriously!

xXMajesticFire69Xx: Here is my discord, you got five minutes to send me pics of the meds or I am on a train over. MajesticFire 

DefinitelyaGuy13: SHIT fine, gimme a sec.

I quickly logged into my all but unused discord. I only played one online game and I hated talking to people. I knew my voice was annoying. This login I was proud of, it was a reference to an older popular RPG that I played way too much of.

Nevarar: Here’s the pics (File Attachment)

MajesticFire: Huh, you actually did it this time thank the gods

Nevarar: Yeah found out some stuff about myself

MajesticFire: Like what?

I chuckled; my therapist was already assigning diagnoses like nobody’s business. But MajesticFire could already figure that out. Just hope they did not block me or anything. I knew trans people had a tough time with such things. Luckily my circle was small and my demon daddy was pro-trans.

Nevarar: Well, I’m trans

MajesticFire: I FUCKING KNEW IT

I blinked in surprise, the hell?

Nevarar: The fuck you mean that you knew?

MajesticFire: No cisboy picks the tag of DefinitelyaGuy

Nevarar: You don’t know that!

MajesticFire: Except I fucking do!

Nevarar: BULLSHIT

MajesticFire: Oh look at me I’m DefinitelyaGuy nothing non-cis here just a fuckton of denial.

Nevarar: C’mon that’s not fair.

MajesticFire: Be honest, who the fuck told you that you were trans. No way you figured it out on your own yet.

Nevarar: I could have figured it out on my own!!

MajesticFire: Yeah right the simple fact you said could have means you didn’t Now spill bitch.

I paused with my fingers over the keyboard. How the fuck do I talk about Azrael without revealing I accidentally summoned a Demon into my apartment and they were now my dom or something. I learned a lot over my googling spree.

Nevarar: I uh met somebody he kinda clued me in on it, caught me staring at a dress and I kinda said I hated being a guy and wished I was a girl. They had to call in a trans friend to get it through my head.

MajesticFire: No way you’re glossing over this person you met, better be better than the last bitch. But the fact they had a trans friend is a plus in their favor,

Nevarar: Yeah I met them on accident and it all kind of just worked out. I just needed some time to figure things out and see docs and stuff.

MajesticFire: That’s good news. BTW I’m Fyre He/They nonbinary

Nevarar: I guess I will still be going by Alex, I mean there are girls still named Alex right, and uh she/her trans girl.

MajesticFire: Well what does your new boytoy call you then

Nevarar: They’re not the toy!

MajesticFire: So youre the toy then?

I blushed and typed out several things multiple times and deleted them each time because I couldn’t figure out what to say before I just smashed the keyboard.

Nevarar; dfkladsfjkdas;hfkjadsfhdsajklfhadsk;jfhdasfkjadshf;jkdshf;

MajesticFire: Always knew you were a bottom. Listen I am still worried about you, Can we get lunch. At that Korean bbq place off of Mainstreet?

I checked the time, it would be a late lunch, but doable.

Nevarar: Sure, when you thinking?

MajesticFire: A couple of hours, I gotta get ready and so do you I imagine. Get all prettied-up girl I will see you then!

I blushed and sent a quick goodbye and did as they instructed. I went with a simple outfit of tights and a baggy hoody. Not a lot I could do with my hair, but it was still chilly out so I would wear a beanie. I did a quick thing of makeup and checked my facial hair. It still had not grown back from that very intense shaving Azrael gave me, but I was not complaining.

I took public transport that way and reached the restaurant right on time. Fyre had messaged me and let me know they were already there. I looked around and spied them right away. I had never seen Fyre in person before, but they had always described their appearance as extra queer. Fyre had brilliant red hair with hair that was shaved on the sides of their head. The red hair was braided very efficiently. They were wearing a denim vest that look like it had been torn from a larger jacket and was covered in all kinds of patches. All of them that I could see related to antifascism and queer things. I couldn’t help but giggle at all of the older people giving them a wide berth and odd looks. He looked like he was reveling in it.

I approached and nervously waved, “Hi Fyre right? I’m Alex.”

They looked at me and smiled. They surged up from their seat and wrapped me in a giant hug despite being slightly shorter than me. “Gods, I am so glad you are ok, girl.”

I hugged them back tightly. I felt seen and it was so nice, “I am too.” I sank into my seat opposite them.

Fyre was grinning ear to ear at me, “Nothing like seeing a newly cracked egg.”

I blushed, “Shut up!”

“By the way, I had always assumed you were cute, but damn you are a hot girl,” Fyre said with a wink at me.

I felt a blush creep up my neck, “Th-thanks.” I stuttered.

Fyre just looked at me for a long moment basking in the fact I was just there.

“What? Is there something on my face?” I asked worrying that I had smudged my makeup.

“Not at all-girl, I am just super happy you are safe.” They leaned back and rubbed their neck, “I was worried these last couple of days.”

“Thanks, it’s really good to hear that.” I whispered, “It has been a wild time.”

“I can imagine, you meet a new person and suddenly they reveal you are trans,” Fyre said with a smile. They pointed to my neck, “What’s with the tats?” They frowned, “Look I was not going to pry too much about your new ‘friend’ but those look very much like ownership tats and that’s not a beginner thing Alex and not a first-day thing.”

I froze and did not know how to explain them in a way that would make sense, “Uhm they’re not normal tats.”

Fyre’s eyes narrowed, “So it is an ownership thing! Alex!”

“Look I know it looks bad,” I said nervously.

They sighed, “No responsible dom should jump into a collaring on day one, and you never seemed to be in the scene like that.”

“And you are?” I snapped back suddenly unsure of how to defend Azrael.

“Actually, yeah I am!” Fyre shot back heatedly, “Been learning and practicing since I was eighteen on all things BDSM I could learn. I am even a Dungeon Master for a local queer dungeon. So not only am I involved, I could be considered knowledgeable.”

I deflated, “Look Fyre I am sorry, they just saved my life. Twice.”

Fyre looked at me with compassion in their eyes, “They caught you?”

I nodded, “He’s not bad, just different.”

Fyre sighed, they looked up as the server came and we ordered our drinks.

After the server left, they looked back at me. “Have they asked you to do anything?”

I shook my head, “No not at all. Everything has been on my terms. They even made me breakfast.”

“Girl, no offense but your standards are way too low.” Fyre sipped at their cola, “But that sounds not so bad though a lot of assholes start out promising and degrade quickly.”

I nodded, Fyre had been through some shit themselves and they knew what they were talking about. “I know, but they have been giving me space and everything while I deal with things.” I sighed, “I know it still sounds shitty.”

“I am really glad you can acknowledge that.” He browsed the menu for a moment, “Can I meet them?”

I shrugged, “Don’t see why not, here I will call them.”

I pulled out my phone that Fyre squinted at in suspicion. I dialed Azrael’s number.

They answered on the third ring, “Yes, my pet? Are you ok?”

I smiled at the concern in their voice, “I am ok, just at lunch with a friend and they want to meet you. They have some concerns.”

“That is more than fair our meeting was not traditional in the slightest.” I could hear the smirk in their tone, “Where are you at?

I gave him directions to the place and hung up. 

“He got you that phone didn’t he?” Fyre asked.

I nodded and pulled out my old one, “Still got the old one too.”

Fyre cocked their head, “They’re an odd duck aren’t they?”

I nodded, “Yeahhh, they are a bit out there.

We continued to chat and I learned more about Fyre than I had known. He was heavily into kink stuff and not ashamed of it, he made his money through freelance programming. He was also trans nonbinary but on testosterone. I asked probably more questions than I should have. They were much easier to talk to than Lucy though and had more of a handle on a thing. They were surprised at my ability to get in so quickly, but I let them know it was via a referral thing.

Then Azrael walked in. Now this was a simple place for college students to eat at. Azrael was not a college student and now that I was not at his side, I got to see the effect they had.

They walked in with the suit that they wore which probably cost more than some cars and carried themselves with absolute confidence. Not to mention there was a very subtle aura of danger to them. They peered around with their dark sunglasses until they saw me. I saw that fanged smile that made me blush and they made their way to us.

Fyre looked at me in shock, “That’s him?”

I nodded.

Then Azrael was there. They extended their hand to Fyre, “Good evening, sir, I am Azrael.”

Fyre took their hand and shook it firmly as Azrael sat beside me and out of habit, I nestled up to them. I saw an odd look cross Fyre’s face as they looked at Azrael. “Fyre, so Azrael like the angel of death?”

“The same,” Azrael said with a smile and took off their sunglasses. I was relieved their eyes apparently could shift into a golden-brown color. “My parent had an odd sense of humor. We do not talk much any longer.”

“Huh, so Azrael, what do you do for a living?” Fyre asked almost aggressively.

“Quite frankly I am a parasite, my family made a series of investments long ago in the middle east and I have been reaping the benefits ever since,” Azrael answered easily.

“You are from there?” Fyre asked.

“From long enough ago that it feels like a different lifetime.” They answered, “But originally yes, this tan is not from a bottle I promise.”

That got even a smirk from Fyre, “You understand why I am suspicious yes?”

“Approximately four days ago a very close friend of yours dropped completely out of contact. No matter how you could reach them they seemed out of reach to the point you were concerned they may be dead. Then they suddenly pop up again with strange tattoos and a new sugar daddy.” Azrael answered while glancing over the menu, “Is that about right?”

Fyre snorted, “Well at least you are self-aware. But yeah you are sus as hell.”

“Fair enough, what may I do to help assuage your worries?” They asked.

“What do those tattoos mean?” Fyre asked.

“Alex, may I give the details of our meeting?” They asked me softly, “I know it’s sensitive to you.”

I nodded, “Fyre may know anything, I trust him with my life.”

Azrael nodded, “When I met Alex, a future name possibly pending, they were not in a good place and ended up begging me to kill them. I instead had them pledge themself to me and then used that position to prevent them from hurting or harming themselves.” They reached down and gently lifted my arm showing the script that ran up my arms. “These represent the refusal to harm themselves and the one around the neck is for their pledge to me. Visible reminders if you will.”

“So a collaring,” Fyre said flatly, “You manipulated a girl within minutes of meeting her to be yours and then had your mark tatted on her.”

“If she wishes to be free all she has to do is ask,” Azrael said.

“Alex, please request to be free. If you want to re-enter the relationship, later on, you can. But as your friend, this is not safe as it is.” Fyre asked me watching Azrael carefully, “I need to see that this is true.”

I looked between them and gently rubbed my wrists afraid of what would happen without the bindings.

“Easy there my little pet.” They tucked my hair behind my ear, “Your friend here has a point, I will not be going anywhere. You know how to reach me and you are already doing better than you were. Ok?” 

I took a deep breath, “Yeah, Yeah,” I looked at them in their almost human golden eyes, “Azrael could you please remove the bindings?”

He bowed his head and gently touched my forehead. Moments later the bindings faded. I rubbed my arms and felt odd like a comforting bracelet had been removed. I dug my nail into my skin and Azrael placed my hand on the table. 

“None of that little one.” He placed my hand on the table.

Fyre was staring in shock, “What the fuck was that?”

“As I said, it is not a normal tattoo,” Azrael said with a smile, “Money can get all kinds of things, but that will not return unless she makes the request of me in the future.”

Fyre glared at him, “And if she doesn’t you withdraw all of your support so she has to ask?”

“Not at all, I assumed responsibility for little Alex here, and I will not let her suffer or return to her old circumstances,” Azrael said hotly before taking a moment and taking a deep breath. “Fyre, I know this circumstance is unusual, to say the least, and you are right in being protective. However, I do intend to court the pretty lady more traditionally.”

“Uh, I, Uh, what?” I asked dumbfounded.

“I have been missing you, Alex, would you be opposed to going out for dinner on Friday?” They asked with a smile, I could tell they were taking joy in my confusion.

“Ok, I am ok with that, but I will be keeping an eye on her.” Fyre said hotly, “and if you hurt her, I will fucking ruin your life. Understand?”

Azrael chuckled, “Of course Sir Fyre. I would expect nothing less from a gallant knight defending his lady’s honor.” They winked at Fyre then.

Fyre blushed hotly.

“Azrael, Fyre is my best friend, it’s not like that.” I tried to spare Fyre’s feelings.

Azrael ignored me, “You do realize she is completely oblivious and unless you say something she will never realize.”

“That’s not your business!” Fyre snapped.

Azrael continued like Fyre said nothing, “For the record of all parties involved I do not mind sharing. Alex here is indeed a lovely lady.”

I froze and glared at Azrael, “I know you did not just suggest a threesome to my best friend!” I felt anger rising, “That is so fucking tacky.

“I did no such thing,” They kissed my head gently, “I was simply stating that should you and Fyre here like to date I would not object.”

I pulled back and looked at Fyre whose face was completely red as they tried to look away. Then I looked back at Azrael. Then back to Fyre. “Fyre?” I asked in confusion.

“That’s none of your business.” They said a little less aggressively to Azrael. 

Azrael shrugged and leaned back, “I will tell you right now you would have been waiting another five years before she figured it out.”

“Fyre, you like me?” I asked in shock.

“Look,” Fyre said in a tone that made it clear they were about to try and deflect the question.

“Fyre answer the damn question.” I hissed.

“Fine,” They shot back, “I do like you, I have liked you for over a year now. I just wanted to make sure you had space and that I would not be taking advantage of you.”

“You know how fucked up I am Fyre.” I gasped feeling a strange feeling in my chest, “Like you know everything.”

“Damn straight I know everything.” Fyre said standing up, “I know exactly how shitty life has been to you. I know how poorly you’ve been treated and abused. I know you also sent an entire paycheck to help someone when you couldn’t afford it. I know how you have struggled with your addictions and how you worked past them.” Fyre’s face was full of compassion, “Gods, Alex you’ve been dealt a rough hand and you still manage to be kind.” Fyre’s eyes were sparkling with passion.

I was speechless. I just sat there staring at Fyre, perhaps my best friend in the whole world confessing their feelings for me while a demon I had been intimately involved with was sitting next to me wearing a broad smile.

Azrael stood up, “Mx. Fyre was it?” He asked as he pulled a card out of his wallet. He handed it to Fyre with a smile, “This has my contact information should you need to reach me, but I feel that the two of you need to talk without me present.” They straightened their jacket casually, “Unless you have any other questions for me?”

Fyre looked at the business card and then looked back up at Azrael. “You are still sus as hell and I will be digging into your background.” Fyre paused and looked at me then back at them, “You seem to be a decent enough sort though.”

Azrael bowed low and dramatically before walking out the door as if he owned the very earth itself. That demon certainly did not lack confidence, but something told me it was very well earned. I looked back at Fyre and caught them staring at me. “What?” I asked sheepishly.

“You are gorgeous Alex.” They said with a twinkle in their eye before leaning back, “I have to say I did not expect fancy pants like him to be open to poly.” Fyre shook his head in surprise, “Still want to get them to explain that tattoo trick, but for now I am satisfied you are safe.”

“Fyre?” I asked timidly, “Do you like me, I mean this is only the first time we met. Like-”

“Alex, just hush for a second.” They said as they flipped their brilliantly red braid over their shoulder, “Listen how long have we been gaming together on that game?”

I did some quick math in my head, “Off and on over seven years.” I answered slowly.

“In that time, we have shared things no other person knows. I came to you after that time when I finally broke free of my manipulative ex from high school. You came to me after you got kicked out from home. Every victory and loss we have had we shared while going through poorly designed dungeons with crappy avatars. If it wasn’t for you I would have stopped playing that game years ago and I am pretty sure you feel the same.”

“Well yeah, I mean the voice acting doesn’t even match the dialogue,” I laughed, “And yes, I came coming back to play with you. So many times, it seemed like you were the only person that cared.”

“Why is it then so hard to believe that maybe after all those years and tears we cried together, the laughs, the jokes, and the victories despite blatant cheating. That maybe, just maybe, I did care about you and have grown to like you.” Fyre was leaning forward, their eyes almost glimmering in the light.

“But you didn’t even know my name!” I protested.

“I knew you though!” They practically hissed at me, “You are not this bad person you imagine yourself to be. You are funny and kind though surprisingly dense. For the record, you are not even sure about your name right now.

“But-But-”

“Alex do you have any objections to me kissing you?” They asked suddenly interrupting me.

“What? Of course not-” 

I barely got the words out of my mouth before he had hauled himself up over the table, tangled a hand in my hair, and pulled my lips to theirs. They were firm and relentless, this made me melt into their lips and forget what oxygen was for a long moment. 

They broke the kiss and sat back down with a mischievous grin on his face. “There, convinced now?”

I sat there in bliss for a long moment before their words registered in my brain. I had not been kissed like that before. “Uh, yeah, totally convinced your insane for liking me.”

“Do you have any objections to being liked by an insane thembo?” They asked with mischief in their eyes.

I shook my head, “Not that I can think of.”

“Good then unless you object, I would like to call you, my girlfriend,” Fyre stated as they drained their glass.

“Uh no.” I blushed, “No objections here.

The smile on their face could have lit wood on fire, “Then after this, I would like to take my girlfriend to the movies and then home to cuddle.”

I nodded excitedly. The server came back and we ordered some food. I could not tell you what the food tasted like as Fyre and I talked and cracked jokes with each other. I learned they did some ethical hacking on the side and they learned I despised all things chocolate. Something they chided me for. The movie was some generic comedy and I could barely remember it as I was more focused on the feel of Fyre’s hand in mine and how they kept teasing me with their lips on my neck. By the end of the movie, I was squirming and very grateful for the oversized hoodie. I was barely aware of the fact they had already summoned rideshare to pick us up.

“My place?” They asked with a knowing smile.

I nodded; I did not trust my voice to speak. 

The ride over was incredibly long as they idly dragged their fingers up and around my thighs. I was biting my lip hard enough that I was afraid I might draw blood. Then we finally arrived. I practically leaped out of the car and was bouncing from foot to foot as Fyre with intentional slowness paid the driver and walked up to me. They leaned up and nipped at my ear. “Ready my pretty lady?” He asked in a sultry tone.

I blushed and nodded. 

Fyre took my hand and lead me through their much nicer apartment complex to their place. They let themselves into the place and I found myself in a sparsely furnished apartment. There was a couch and TV, but a massive PC setup dominated one end of the room. I barely had a moment to take it in before they spun me around and pushed me up against the wall. They grabbed my hoodie and pulled me down to eye level with them.

“So, my pretty princess.” Their words made my insides melt, “We can cuddle up with some ice cream and stuffies before sleep, or” Their leg was between mine and rubbing against me.

“Or?” I asked breathlessly.

“Or I could bring you to my room and show you my toys.” Fyre teased tracing my face with their hand. “But you have to pick.”

I whined for a moment, conscious thought was most definitely not on my to-do list, “Toys please.” I gasped.

“Good girl.” They praised me and used my hoodie to lead them back to their room. Fyre easily pulled me around and pushed me into their room which was decorated in a very gothic style. I barely noticed as their eyes captured mine, “Could you kneel for me, pretty lady?”

My knees made an audible thump as they hit the carpet.

Fyre’s eyebrow arched up, “Well you are more eager than I ever dreamed.”

I blushed and looked down. I did not know how to explain that all of the things he was telling me melted me right to my core and I had no defense.

I felt their hand under my face as he moved my head up to look into their eyes, “Now we are not going to do anything crazy understand? We have not had time to have a proper discussion about boundaries, and if we reach any of those, I expect you to say something, and I will do the same. No making yourself uncomfortable, understand?”

“What will I say?” I asked while nodding.

Fyre smiled, “I think that red will work nicely for now, ok?”

“Ok.” I agreed, I was desperately trying to focus on Fyre’s face and not the fact of how they were standing over me. I was also failing miserably at this task. 

“Now stay there and no touching yourself,” Fyre instructed walking around behind me.

           I started to look over my shoulder.

           “I did not tell you that could look at me. Eyes ahead.” Fyre said in a firm voice.

           I instantly obeyed and tried my best to ignore the sound of clothes rustling and being tossed into a pile. The sound of metal buckles jingling.

           “Turn around pretty girl,” Fyre commanded.

           I did and saw Fyre sitting on the bed with a mischievous grin on their face. They beckoned to me, “Come here and show me what that tongue can do.