EPISODE 19: WORTH
Time … it used to be such a constant in my life. Seconds ticking, minutes passing, hours slipping away. Days had their routines, nights had their dreams. But now … now it’s all chaos. The sun rises, the sun sets, and I’m left wondering how many days have melted into one another.
I used to complain about the monotony, the predictability of life. But now, I crave that stability. I long for the mundane. The relentless sun and the endless darkness have become my companions, and I can’t even tell you how many moons have waxed and waned since it all began.
These walls, this makeshift shelter, it’s all I have. It’s my fortress against a world that’s been turned inside out. Outside these walls, death roams.
It’s strange how the mind adapts. The fear, the panic, it’s become a constant hum in the background. My senses are heightened now, attuned to the smallest rustle, the faintest shuffle. Every creak of the floorboards, every distant moan sends shivers down my spine.
“Sh—”
Hunger gnaws at my insides, but it’s not just for food. It’s for normalcy, for the world I used to know.
I remember laughter, the warmth of a touch, the taste of a meal. They’re distant memories now, like fragments of a life that’s slipping away. There’s a heaviness in my chest, a grief for everything that’s been lost.
But I can’t afford to dwell on what was. Not when the present demands my attention. Each sunrise brings with it the possibility of danger, of survival, of another day of fighting against the odds.
“Shi-”
I’ve lost track of the seasons. The world outside has become a perpetual grey, a never-ending nightmare.
“SHIXIONG! I need to poop…”
The shidi I abandoned to their fates are probably eating each other right now…
“And I want to pee.”
“Me too.”
And the last survivor has gone crazy and thinks he’s multiple people.
Ahhh such tragedy…
“What the hell is this place? Oh, NANAYA, you’re here?”
The Japanese woman who once was our enemy has finally awakened after such a long coma… It must have left permanent scars on her brain…
“HAHA, you finally woke up! Good job, minion. I shall reward you with a cup of tea.”
The Japanese boy I’ve beaten up to a pulp is too healthy to be real.
“Who the hell are you calling your minion?! And where are we?”
“Shixiong… Can we leave this room now? We want some tea too…”
In the stillness of this desolate world, my heart aches for him. Every corner of this shelter, every quiet moment, it’s a reminder of his absence. The laughter we shared, the way his eyes would light up when he smiled, those are the memories that sustain me now.
“No clue. But don’t raise your voice, minion! As we have lost, we are currently prisoners!”
“What? I NEVER LOSE ANYTHING!”
His touch, his warmth, his voice—they’ve all become distant echoes in the void. I close my eyes and try to conjure his image, but the edges are fading, like an old photograph left in the sun for too long.
“Sh-shixiong…”
I miss his laughter, the way it would fill a room with its infectious joy. I miss the way he would hold me, like I was the most precious thing in his world. His scent, a mix of his shampoo and something uniquely him, is fading from my senses, and it’s as if a part of me is slipping away with it.
“Quiet! Or this tea is mine! You were knocked out like someone who had lost when I found you!”
“Wrong! YOU were the knocked out one! AND I AM THE ONE WHO FOUND YOU!!”
In these quiet moments, when the chaos outside momentarily subsides, I can almost hear his voice. It’s a bittersweet symphony that plays in my mind, soothing and torturing me at the same time. I long to hear him speak again, to have one more conversation, to tell him how much I love him.
“Hey, I think Shixiong is asleep… Let’s sneak out…”
“O-OK…”
I close my eyes and imagine him here with me. The way he’d wrap his arms around me, the way his presence would fill the room with a sense of calm. I can almost feel his heartbeat against my chest, steady and reassuring.
“HEY! This tea SUCKS!”
“Shut up, minion! Nothing I find sucks! YOU suck!”
“Hey, can we have some tea too?”
“I’m going to poop first.”
“WAIT! I need to pee before. It’s only going to take ten seconds!”
The nights are the hardest. As the moon rises and the world outside grows eerily quiet, I lie awake, haunted by the memories of nights we spent together. The soft whispers, the shared dreams, the feeling of his body pressed against mine, it’s all an ache that never truly fades.
“Do you know where Shixiong is?”
“Uh? Right there. He hasn’t moved for the last ten minutes.”
I know he’s out there somewhere, fighting to survive just like me. And I hold on to that hope that one day we’ll be reunited. But the days stretch on, and the ache in my chest grows stronger. I whisper his name into the silence, hoping that somehow, in some distant corner of this broken world, he’ll hear it and know that I’m still here, missing him with every breath.
“Shixiong, are you okay?” The hand of someone I thought I had long lost gently strokes my shoulder. Proof that I am truly losing my mind.
“Shixiong…? We feel much better…”
I stare into the fake XIAO SHUI’s eyes and slowly push him away.
“You aren’t real,” I tell him.
“Uh? What?”
“How is Shixiong doing?” Another ghost, wiping his hands, asks.
“I don’t know… He seems lost for some reason? Hey, Shixiong, are you okay?”
“Maybe he caught the virus?”
“It couldn’t be a virus, dumbass. How come we feel better so quickly?”
“Maybe our antibodies are super strong!”
“…”
The ghosts of all my previous shidi are now gathered in this place and are casually speaking with our previous enemies.
“So, what’s life at the yakuza office like?”
“Uh? Nothing special.”
“IT IS SPECIAL!”
“Do you have a canteen that makes Sichuan cuisine too?”
“Of course, they don’t, that’s our country’s speciality!”
“UHHHH… YES, WE DO!”
“No, we don’t. Stop lying, minion.”
“I’m hungry.”
All ghosts turn around as they hear me pronouncing those words uncontrollably.
“Shixiong, do you wanna eat something?”
“Is there anything to eat in that kitchen?”
“Yep. There is rice and all, just next to the tea. I can make some if you want,” the dark-haired Japanese guy says.
“No way, NANAYA. You can cook?”
“Better than you, minion.”
“I swear to God, if you call me minion again, I—”
I slowly stand up and walk all the way to NANAYA, who is seated next to the shidi, in a circle all around the living room, like in a strange mystical reunion.
He looks up at me and gives me a questioning stare, while the shidi get on the defensive, thinking that I might go back to slug him.
“Make the rice,” I simply order him. “Enough for ten dead boys.”
“Kako was mean again.”
No…
“What did he do?”
“He broke my toy.”
It’s not true!
“I’ll give him a beating.”
NO! DON’T!
“Kakolongo! Why don’t you get it?! You’re the older brother, so you must protect your sister! Not hurt her!”
I GET IT! I GET IT!
STOP!
…
Her evil eyes look at me in the dark.
I see them shine as she tears one of her stuffed animals apart.
I sit in a foetal position. Praying for the pain to subside.
“Kako, let’s play!”
I shake my head.
“Let’s play! Kako, let’s play! Kako!”
She grabs my painful hand, making me scream in dolour.
Maliciously smirking, she lets go of it and runs out of the bedroom. “Kako doesn’t want to play with me.” She announces.
My hair is being torn off my skull.
“Why do you never do anything for your sister?! She’s your family, do you get it? There is nothing more precious than family! Nothing! When you’re be in trouble, they’re the only ones who will make sacrifices for you! No one else!”
I get it… Please stop…
My feet and palms bleeding, I cannot move any longer.
“What are you doing, Kako? Why aren’t you going to school?”
I try to stand up but tumble.
Go away.
Her smirk. Her eyes. Her voice.
“Kako won’t go to school!”
Be quiet! Stop! I beg you!
“Hihihihihihi~!”
My stomach is in so much pain, I can’t handle it anymore.
I can’t.
Go away.
GO AWAY!
…
“Where did you get those bruises, Kakolongo?”
“Maybe he did it to himself, hihihihi!”
FIRE!
FIRE!
CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE!
!
Ohhh, how beautiful!
“KAKO!”
Look at me.
LOOK AT ME!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BURN!
BURN!
BURN!
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!
Her face contorting in terror gives me the most rejoicing bliss.
“KAKOLONGO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”
“KAKOLONGO!”
BURN, YOU TWO!!
Engulfed in flames, I admire the work.
“There is nothing more precious than family!” I burst into an erratic laughter.
The last words a family will ever hear.
So…
So then…
Why is she back?!
Why is she here!!
Tell her to go away!!
TAKE HER AWAY!!!!!
.
“Hey, back off. Leave him be.”
Who, me?
“Well, fine then… I guess I’ll go~.”
No way … she actually listened?!
She’s gone now!
The hand that reaches out to me is ice-cold, and I can’t even be sure it’s real.
“Feeling sore?” The guy who chased her away asks, his voice calm.
“Yeah.” I give a slight nod.
“Same here. Feels like a constant burn.”
I lift my head, trying to make out the face of the man who rescued me, but the glaring light stings my eyes, leaving me bewildered.
Then, a shadow looms over me, and my entire head is enveloped by some sort of helmet.
“With this, you can shut out the world. It’s just you and your own shadow now.” He explains. “Tell me, Kako. What’s the one thing you detest the most?”
“This whole damn world.” My response comes as I tear up, my mask concealing my abundant tears.
“That’s quite the task, but how about we start small—like tearing down your hometown?”
“Yeah.” I nod in agreement, my tears refusing to dry up amidst the lingering heat.
“From the moment the major woke up in the hospital, it was crystal clear that reasoning with him was off the table.
Wrapping his head around the fact that he had lost everything in such a short span was like trying to catch smoke. He transformed into a figure swathed in the shroud of his own sorrow.
As he moved, each step seemed to drag along the weight of his heartache, reminding him of the absence of his closest comrades and the sanctuary he once held dear.
With his arm and leg shattered by the explosion, he now sported prosthetics that seemed to add to the frostiness that radiated from his core.
Upon waking, his first move was a determined push into the desert on a wheelchair. It took a whole day to track him down, completely spent and parched, almost incapable of moving forward any longer.
Once he regained his stride, he seized a car and made a beeline for his former military encampment, tracing the same path he had been found on. The urge to witness the aftermath firsthand was undeniable.
Yet, upon arrival, the encampment had become an eerie ghost town. The soldiers had been relieved of their duties, and any evidence of the vehicle he had been discovered in had been meticulously erased.
Still, there was an undying quest in him. Rifling through confidential military files without clearance, he eventually managed to make contact with me—a member of the secret services.
At that juncture, my own investigation into Omond was already well underway, as I had infiltrated the Triads as an integral member. This provided me with a fair degree of liberty and protection.
The major was in search of a vanished girl, and he generously funded my efforts to locate her. In my spare moments, I embarked on the task and was amazed to uncover her presence in Omond—a fortunate twist of fate.
But at that point, I was oblivious to the repercussions of my actions. It hadn’t struck me that the major might harbour sinister intentions towards her. As I delved deeper into her background, however, the realization dawned upon me that she deserved to live.
When I finally met her face to face, I witnessed the radiance of her soul. It wasn’t a mere coincidence, but rather a trial to gauge her worthiness of my assistance.
When I laid eyes on her, that day marked a turning point in my perspective. Her presence was like a breath of fresh air in the midst of a storm, a glimmer of light in the darkest of times.
Her physical beauty was undeniable, but it was the aura around her that truly captivated me. There was a quiet strength in her gaze, an unspoken resolve that spoke volumes about the challenges she had faced. Her eyes, a captivating blend of warmth and wisdom, held a depth that suggested she had seen far more than her fair share of life’s trials.
Her short, white hair cascaded like silk, each strand seemingly whispering secrets of resilience and grace. Her posture exuded a mixture of vulnerability and tenacity, as if she had been sculpted by adversity yet hadn’t allowed it to break her spirit.
As we conversed, her words were like melodies, weaving a tapestry of her experiences and dreams. She carried herself with a poise that belied her circumstances, making me acutely aware that she was no ordinary girl.
In her presence, I found myself torn between the duty I had initially undertaken and the growing realization that she deserved more than to be hunted down like a target. Her very existence seemed to challenge the assumptions I had held about the world I navigated.
It was then that I understood the gravity of the major’s intentions. If he truly aimed to harm her, it would be an unforgivable act against this soul that exuded a unique and precious light. The decision that lay before me became more than a matter of duty—it was a moral imperative.
In the midst of our conversation, I realized that she wasn’t just a test for her worthiness of my help. She had become a symbol of hope—”
“Boobies got nice boobies, doesn’t she?”
“… Yes… BUT DON’T INTERRUPT ME!”
"Well, for a perfectly concise and condensed abridged course, this is dragging on way too much!!" DIANA exclaims.
"IT NEEDS SOME CONTEXT!"
"Skip, skip, skip." She waves her hand dismissively.
"FINE. But don’t complain if you don’t get it." I retort. "I was the guy who blew up the building!"
"What building?"
"The one where ARTEMIS was during your fight against ESMERALDA."
"Who?"
"ESMERALDA… The woman who wanted to kill the prince who was not a prince?"
"WOOOOOW, I had totally forgotten about her! What a good memory you have!" DIANA laughs.
I shake my head in disbelief. "Anyway, back then, ARTEMIS met the major, but I didn’t want him to kill her as I thought she wasn’t ready to face him. So, I’m the one who blew up the building."
"Wow, you’re so cool for solving the plot holes!" DIANA replies.
"You’re baffling."
"I know. So, how are we going to save Boobies?"
Finally, getting to the part that interests me, I turn the whiteboard around to reveal the other side, which already displays a map of the parking lot that I sketched myself earlier today.
"Check it out, ARTEMIS is currently here, but charging in isn’t an option. The place is crawling with overpowered, trained mercenaries who could one-shot you, got it?" I explain, taking my time as if I were explaining to a child.
"Yeah, they’re like OP. I gotcha."
"The solution is simple… We wait for the agency to create an opening for us!"
