Devin and Elise walked back into the Gerding household with a loud slam of the front door.

“Geez.” Ronald said. “You don’t have to hit it that hard, it’ll close.”

“Sorry.” Devin muttered.

Ronald’s eyes went back to his laptop.

“How did it go?” Julie asked.

“Oh, it went…” Elise’s voice trailed off as she looked over to Devin. She then smiled. “It went well, actually.”

“Really?” Julie questioned. “What did they say?”

Devin remained silent, unable to find any words. It just felt… uncomfortable to be in the middle of a family drama, particularly one of a family you’re not a part of.

Hopefully Elise wouldn’t mind having to do all the talking here.

“Well… grandpa was a bit iffy.” Insane understatement. “But grandma seemed to come around.”

“That’s good.” Julie replied. “Is he… mad?” She then asked in a bit of a worried tone.

“Grandpa? Yeah, a bit.” Elise admitted. “But I think he’ll be over it soon. Grandma’s gonna try to talk to him.”

Ronald almost let out a scornful laugh, but he controlled himself.

“I don’t think they’ll be having as many political problems in the future.” Elise finished.

“Good, hopefully we won’t have to have those… conversations with them anymore.” Julie responded. “You did very good, Elise.”

“Oh, actually, Devin did all the talking. He was the one who was supposed to change their minds, remember?” Elise motioned toward Devin.

“Oh, right.” Julie replied. “Thank you, Devin.”

Devin smiled and nodded his head. “No problem. It was nothing, really.”

Ronald glanced outside through the living room window, and saw the sun on its way to setting. “You should probably head home now.” He said to Devin. “It’s getting late.”

“Oh, umm… actually I texted my parents and they said if you two were okay with it, I could stay here for the night.”

Ronald paused, the proposition immediately floating around in his mind after being stated. His gut instinct was to shout ‘no’, to forbid any boy from sleeping with Elise in her room. But those days of being an overprotective father had passed. He was trying to be better, to loosen his grip on his daughters and let them live a little more.

No boy had ever slept over at their house for the night. It seemed that if he allowed it, a big line would be crossed and they could never go back. Was Ronald ready for that?

Elise gave her parents a sweet smile, with both her sets of teeth showing. Ronald looked over to Julie and saw her nod at him, as if to say she was okay with Devin staying over.

Ronald turned to Devin with a stern expression.

“Can I see this text?”

Devin went to his pockets and pulled out his phone. He opened the messaging app and handed it to Ronald. To his surprise, Devin was not lying. He really had texted his parents, and they really had said it was fine.

Ronald handed Devin back his phone. “Okay, you can stay the night, and you can sleep in the same room. But not in the same bed, you understand?”

“Yes.” Devin nodded.

Ronald turned back to his laptop while Devin and Elise headed out to the car, driving to Devin’s house so he could pick up a few things.

“You know, I was almost tempted to correct your mother’s bad grammar, but I didn’t want to be a smartass.”

“Are you talking about her saying ‘you did good’?”

“Yeah, it bugs me. That’s not what ‘doing good’ means.”

Elise laughed. “My old spanish teacher always got mad at people misusing ‘doing good’ and ‘doing well’. Most people misused those terms just to piss her off. Maybe I should start doing the same for you.”

Devin scoffed.

***

Devin came back to the Gerding household an hour later, with a bag, a phone charger, a change of clothes, his hormonal medication, and, at Elise’s behest, swimwear. It looked like it was going to be an eventful night.

Elise’s parents didn’t really care if she used the pool without telling them. Their only rules were “it has to be over 80 degrees and be inside by 10:00”. And with how hot it was, even with dusk on its way, the first requirement was surely fulfilled.

Devin took a seat down on the couch in Elise’s basement. Her inground pool was just outside the screen door. It was quite a sight. A large, clean body of water with a deep end reaching to about seven feet. It was a wonder the Gerding family managed to afford it.

There were many things Elise had that Devin was jealous of, most of which he would never admit to her, but jealousy of her pool was something he didn’t care to keep a secret. He let her know about it, probably a few too many times.

Elise stepped out of the bathroom wearing a red bikini. It was very eye-catching, and it certainly got Devin’s attention.

“You look… umm…” Devin was at a loss for words. Seeing her like this had caught him off guard. This was the first time he had seen Elise in a bikini in person. Elise was known to host a few pool parties over summers, but they had only been dating for a little over a year, and the lockdowns last summer made pool parties impossible.

Elise giggled at his inability to form words. “It’s just a bikini. Have you never seen one before?”

Devin took an audible breath. It shouldn’t have been such a shock, and yet he was still very much enamored with Elise’s appearance. Perhaps it was because he actually hadn't seen a lot of Elise’s body. Their relationship was not a very physical one. So seeing her like this really put into perspective just how hot she was.

“So are you gonna keep staring or are you gonna put on your swimsuit?” Elise asked.

Devin was shook out of his shocked phase. “Sorry… I’ll, uh, change now.”

Devin grabbed his swimwear and went inside the bathroom.

Elise opened the screen door, taking in the setting summer sun. She sat on the edge of the pool, dipping her feet into the water.

There was a part of her that wanted to get Devin in a bikini, but intellectually she knew what an awful idea that was. If her parents caught the sight of it, they’d absolutely start asking questions. Devin would likely be outed before he was ready. Plus, she could tell Devin was still pretty uncomfortable with his new feminized body. Definitely more comfortable than before, but not at a level where he was okay with showing it off.

Elise heard someone walking down the stairs. She turned to the basement to see Emma standing there.

“You are not going swimming with us.” Elise told her sternly.

“Like I’d want to do that. I just wanted to see what your boyfriend will wear.”

“Go away!”

Emma groaned. “Fine, but I’d love to see your boyfriend try to put on a bikini and hide his big ass bulge.”

“I really wish you’d shut the fuck up.” Elise said harshly.

Emma smirked and walked away. As she did, the bathroom door opened and she made eye contact with Devin, who was wearing a swim shirt and swim trunks. She could clearly see breasts through his shirt, albeit not very big ones, and she could also see that his whole body looked really smooth. He certainly had the skin of a woman, if nothing else.

Emma chuckled. “You look stupid.” She then ran off upstairs. Devin raised an eyebrow, wondering how she could possibly think that was a good insult. She was trying way too hard to make him feel bad, and it wasn’t working. Well, it had worked a little, but he didn’t want to admit that

Devin soon began walking toward the opened screen door, seeing Elise already there waiting for him. She had an infectious smile on her face as she pushed herself off the edge and went into the water. He couldn’t help but smile along with her.

He got to the pool, and took the steps into the water, meeting up with Elise. Together, they probably looked ridiculous. Here Devin was with one of the hottest girls in school in her amazing bikini, wearing a swim shirt, trunks, and water shoes, covering almost his entire body. He might as well be wearing a huge sign on his back saying “I am insecure about my body”.

Devin always had problems with swimwear, ever since the onset of puberty. He couldn’t be shirtless, ever. It made him very uncomfortable and self-conscious. The thought of people being able to see his body made him recoil in fear and disgust. And as for the water shoes, Devin essentially had whatever the opposite of a foot fetish was. He hated his own feet so much he’d absolutely refuse to be barefoot. Unless he was in the shower, there was always something on his feet. He didn’t know why he was so repulsed by his feet, maybe it had to do with dysphoria, he couldn’t figure it out.

To give himself some credit, it wasn’t like he could be shirtless these days, even if he wanted to. It was probably illegal for him now, anyway. So at least he had some excuse for his clothing.

Elise wrapped her arms around Devin’s neck and gave him a deep kiss. Their tongues pressed together and they proceeded to make out for a long, long time.

***

The sun had just set, leaving the sky covered in a dark blue that was getting closer to black every second. Paired with the lights that had turned on around the patio, it made for an incredible atmosphere.

Elise was half-floating, half-swimming around Devin in a teasing manner. They just had a race. Who could swim to the end of the pool and back the fastest? Elise won, easily.

“My grandma can swim faster than you.”

Devin snickered. “Yeah, I’m not an athlete. Never was. I’m always going to blame my asthma.”

“What happened to all that male strength?” Elise asked, smiling.

“Eight months of testosterone suppression evaporated it all pretty quickly.” Devin answered, despite knowing Elise didn’t ask that question in earnest. “I basically had no muscles before and now I have even less.”

“Hmm.” Elise replied. “When did you notice it?” This time the question was genuine.

“Don’t know, it’s hard to tell.” Devin responded. “I remember it was about… four months, I think? I was having a noticeably harder time moving heavy things around than I used to.”

“Did your parents notice?”

“I’m sure if my parents noticed that, then they noticed every other weird thing I did.”

Elise giggled for a bit, imagining all the dumb hijinks Devin got into trying to hide his changes.

When she stopped laughing, her face turned more serious.

“Will you tell your parents?”

There was a pause, one that lasted for far too long, after that question was asked. The answer was given in a tone that felt more like defeat than anything else.

“I don’t think I have much of a choice.”

Elise stood straight up and swam next to Devin, taking his hand in her’s.

“I’m scared.” He said.

Up to this point Devin had viewed telling his parents as more of an abstract concept rather than an inevitable action. He had thought about it a ton, and he dreaded the day it would come, but it never really crossed his mind that it was something that needed to happen. There was no way he could go into school the next year with his body looking like this. No way he could go into the guy’s locker room and change clothes alongside them. He would need an explanation. He needed to tell his parents, and soon.

Elise kissed Devin’s cheek and snuggled into him.

“They’re going to be so mad. I’ve been taking these hormones behind their backs for so long. They only know me as Devin. They might think Sierra popped out of nowhere. What am I going to do?”

Elise continued to hug Devin. She didn’t know what to say to ease the pressure off his mind, but she could still hold onto him and give him the physical contact he desperately needed.

“I think it’s good you’re gonna tell Amanda tomorrow. You need a warm up before the big race.”

Devin put his hand around Elise’s back. “If… if she takes it well, then I’ll tell my parents. How about that, does that sound good?”

Elise turned and looked deeply into Devin’s eyes. “Only you can judge that.”

Devin kissed Elise on the lips, then looked up to the night sky, taking in its darkness.

Telling his parents would be such a huge step. He’d be crossing a line, changing his life forever. Nothing could ever be undone afterward.

He wondered if he could truly do it.

***

By the time the two went inside to dry off, it was well past 9:00. Elise went upstairs to take a shower after Devin told her he’d be staying downstairs for a while, doing his daily voice training lesson.

Devin did his voice training in the downstairs bathroom. It was another tedious hour before he stopped. It still didn’t feel like he was getting anywhere, but he wasn’t going to give up. Not yet.

Devin shut off his phone and took his clothes off, stepping into the shower and feeling the warm, refreshing water hit his skin.

About a half hour later he turned the water off and went to dry using a towel he remembered to bring from his home. Afterward he looked at the clothes laid out on the sink. It included his normal sleepwear, along with a bra and a pair of panties.

He put the bra and panties on, then examined himself in the mirror. The reflection he saw was that of a girl. Of Sierra.

A feeling of giddiness immediately surged through Devin’s body upon realizing this. He was happy, satisfied, and fulfilled at the idea of being a girl, just like he always was. But soon that all faded, and he was left with nothing except a question.

“Who am I?”

Devin hated being Devin, he had known that for a long time. He hated being a guy, and having a male body was excruciatingly painful for him. These are things that had been long established in his mind.

The thought of being a girl made him happier. The idea of staying as Sierra forever was very appealing. A part of him was wondering what was stopping him from fully embracing her.

What did this all make him? Who was he?

If… when he told his parents about the hormonal medication, how would he explain it? “I just want to look like a girl, but that doesn’t mean anything.” That sounded ridiculous, even to his own ears.

There was a word for people like him. One that he had spent so long trying to avoid. It was a bad word, a dirty word that repelled him hard and fast.

Transgender.

There was no use in denying it anymore. Devin… wanted to be a girl. He just wanted to be a girl. This desire of his to be female, it had always been a part of him, ever since his earliest memories.

And since he wanted to be a girl, he wanted to be Sierra. Sierra was the version of himself he considered real. “Devin” was the mask, and “Sierra” was behind it.

This idea he had, for the longest time, of his mind having a male side and a female side at war with each other for control was completely false. It was more accurate to say he only had a female side that he cloaked under maleness in fear and shame.

What did this “female side” mean? What did it mean to have a “female mind”? It was extremely difficult to explain, but the best thing Devin could come up with was that being in a female body was what was right for him.

So, he wanted to be female. That was that. He was a transgender woman named Sierra Farrow. That should be the end.

But it wasn’t.

The shame, the fear, the self hate was still blocking him from accepting himself.

What was so awful about being transgender that made him feel so awful about himself? Why was admitting he wanted to be a girl like pulling thorns out of his back? Why couldn’t he just be happy with being Sierra and be done with it?

Self loathing had consumed his mind so much. He didn’t know how to start getting rid of it.

Maybe by accepting who he is. Accepting he is transgender and a girl wouldn’t solve everything but it would be a really good start.

Was he ready to do that?

Sierra put on the rest of her clothes, then she walked out of the bathroom and shut the door.

***

It was almost midnight when Sierra walked into Elise’s room. Elise was already sound asleep. Slowly and quietly, Sierra found a sleeping bag in the closet, laid it out on the floor, then snuck inside. With an extra pillow from the basement, she laid down uncomfortably on the hard floor and shut her eyes.

Somehow, she felt that tomorrow would be the start of a new era in her life. One where she might finally decide who she is and what her future shall be. Where she’ll stop denying what she really wants.

It was intimidating, yet thrilling at the same time.

Getting rid of all her self hatred would take far longer than one day, but to start traveling down that important path was a big step forward. She may have already started down that path and didn’t know it.

Whatever was at the end of that path, whenever she got there, was sure to be worth it.