Okay so jumping out of a second floor window in the middle of the day would definitely get people’s attention. Especially since I just went into a dash right after I did a roll landing. So, fun fact, being approved for a sports club so you get out of the house more and avoid your abusive father is extremely helpful when you end up getting into gymnastics and he doesn’t ask for details on the sport or show up to check on you. Especially if you learn acrobatic moves you never expected to use in… okay I couldn’t call this an everyday situation. This was anything but an everyday situation.
Seriously! Being chased by a zealous angel with a personal vendetta against your family is not something that should be an everyday occurrence! I’m just a nineteen year old trans girl and college student majoring in media history! I’m supposed to be hanging out with friends and doing research and college papers and experimenting with substances and what’s enjoyable in bed, figuring out myself further and developing a sense of independence and freedom from influence! I should be making mistakes I can recover from without much difficulty so I learn life lessons! I shouldn’t be destroying my windows in an attempt to escape murderous assholes!
In all the running I did I had completely forgotten to put on my glamour, but fuck it. I didn’t care enough. I needed to get away from the building. I needed to find a place to hide and plan.
Turning a corner into an alleyway, I was more than happy to see a familiar sight. It made me start wondering whether the doors to Wisteria Way had a sentience to them, whether they liked messing with May, and knowing my plight decided to help me out. I didn’t have much time to think about that though. I had no clue whether Khazmiel was chasing me, but I was fairly sure he must have heard the glass shattering. I ran through the door, rushing through the gorgeous wooden streets of Wisteria Way, dodging its inhabitants, all in the pursuit of a specific exit.
The shift from dusk to night wasn’t as jarring now as it had been the first time, and the crisp night air invigorated me into running faster and faster, until I was dashing through the woods, approaching what I hoped would be sanctuary. Now to see whether I had gotten it right. “Chaloupko!” I yelled out, cringing at my accent when speaking Czech, but I carried on. “Otoč se zády k lesu a dveřmi ke mě!” Christ the ř sound, how the hell did Czechs manage to learn that sound, it’s like saying R in the way they say R which isn’t like arrr but like rh while putting your tongue in the same position it goes in when you say zh. Horrible mouthfeel. But, I said it well enough for Kyblík to understand my intention and turn to expose its door.
Which did have the side effect of Katka stumbling out of said door in just her panties while rubbing her eyes sleepily. “Lily, what the fuck? I just managed to fall asleep, do you know how hard it is to get comfortable in bed when you sleep on an extra pair of pretty much arms?” She moved from rubbing her eyes to scratching her cheeks while yawning, unbothered by her casual nudity. I just jumped right inside.
“Khazmiel showed up in physical form back home! He’s probably still there, waiting for me, I need sanctuary.” The fridge beckoned to me with it’s shelves of chilled bottled water, and I gulped an entire one down in a single glug.
“Ugh, seriously? I sent that fucker over the Moon when he showed up here, demanding my deadname snitches on your grandma.” Katka rolled her eyes and, thankfully, grabbed a t-shirt from a pile nearby, putting it on.
“Wait he got a crush on you?” Katka’s choice of phrase was odd, but my question made her snort and laugh pretty heartily.
“No, I literally sent him to the Moon. Portals, remember? Clearly that got him off my ass for two weeks but not your ass.” Katka sat down, stretching, getting herself a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge with a portal, to demonstrate her ability. “So, what now?” She asked, before taking a sip.
“I have no clue, I was so focused on just getting away I hadn’t considered what to do afterwards. I had a whole team to deal with him when he was possessing a Fae Wolf, but I can’t ask everyone again, who knows what he’d do to them.” I held my head in my hands, looking down at the floor, my shoulders slumped. Katka gave me a nod and a shrug.
“Well, you can stay here while you sort that out. Don’t forget to text May about the situation. Would very much like to avoid having her rush in here in a panic, looking for your whereabouts. I’m off to bed again though.” Katka stood up and started making her way to her bedroom, I assumed. “Protip: don’t play a JRPG straight through in one sitting to completion.” She yawned, knocked on an empty spot on the wall, which manifested a door, before she kept walking. “Your room.”
But it was at that moment that my phone vibrated. I grabbed it. A call from Leonard. I picked up. “Leonard, are you okay?”
“She is fine, I’m saving disciplining her for after I deal with you, whorechild.” The voice on the other line was unfamiliar, the growl as if from someone who FUBARed their voice from yelling, the tone angry. Even though I had never heard him in person, I realised who was on the other line. And he was misgendering my friend.
“Let him go you dickhead, I’m the one you want!” I stood off the chair swiftly, balling up a fist.
“Exactly, you’re the one I want. You and your ancestor. Which is why I’m keeping ‘Leonard’ here as bait, so you come try and rescue her.” There was disdain in his voice when he said Leonard’s name. “That cannot be your true name, granddaughter, that cannot be the name you were baptised with!” Khazmiel didn’t sound like he was speaking into the phone, but like he turned away, talking to Leonard who was off to the side. I could hear spitting in the background, along with a chuckle, followed by ‘It’s called a deadname for a reason, you fucking mad dog. And you’re never learning it.’ Leonard’s defiance surprised me. Usually he was the punching bag in situations like this, the comedy relief. But no, here he was spitting one liners at asshole angels. Unfortunately, what followed was a slap. “You will respect your elders, girl! Where was I…? Oh, yes. So, whorechild, you and your whore of an ancestor come back to your dwelling to face your judgement. You have until sunrise tomorrow. Or I will start going through every wicked thing in this building one by one, starting with the slime.” There was a sound of something hitting the ground. He must not have realised the call was still going on, because I could hear footsteps. “Now, granddaughter, we wait. Your defiance will prove to be for naught. I will complete my mission, and then I will make you right.” My blood ran cold at hearing that. I didn’t want to end the call yet. I wanted to make sure Leonard was okay.
But I couldn’t believe Khazmiel was his ancestor. Actually, considering everything, it made a bit too much sense. His wolfboy fursona and Khazmiel’s title of Hound of the Three. His ineptitude at magic, since a lot of it was infernal based as May let me know a while ago, because Demons didn’t mind sharing what they knew with humans. But why would Khazmiel keep misgendering him? Didn’t he know being a trans descendant meant your true form was gender affirming? I muted myself on my phone, put it on speaker and set it down on the table. I wasn’t really paying enough attention.
I heard Katka sigh, and instead of going to her bedroom, she turned to her alchemical lab. Not too long after, there was a puff of brightly colored smoke that came from the door, as she emerged, looking refreshed. “Okay you just got yourself an all-weeker Katka with the crisis situation. Keep the call going. Use my phone to call your grandma.” Katka’s outfit had shifted. From the comfortable t-shirt and panties to something more serious. A flowing short sleeved dress, fingerless striped opera gloves with fishnet ones over them, black tights, and steel toed boots you’d see on a terminator. She cracked her neck and stretched her wings, her halo glowing brighter, the portal summon sigil manifesting before her.
“Okay, got it, what the hell are you up to though?” The sigil finished drawing as I asked my question, which Katka smirked at. The portal opened, showing a now familiar landscape beyond it. Or rather, a now familiar landscape visible through the windows of the office the portal led to. Behind a solid stone desk with a nameplate that was too far away for me to read stood a rotating leather chair, its back currently turned to us.
“Kateřina Procházková, Daughter of Augusta Stillsteel and Barbora Jagová, Granddaughter of the Baba Yaga, Witch of Wisteria Way…” The chair rotated, and the figure sitting in it, asking these questions, was none other than General Odionyx of Hell’s Armies. “...what are you doing, entering my office so brashly?”
Katka stepped through the portal and spoke, answering both my and Odionyx’s questions at the same time. “I’m calling in a favor.”
Dial-a-devil to go roast an asshat pigeon. a classic!
Are we finally going to get the kill team together? That flying rat gas got to go, but like permanently
time to pluck us a religious asshat chicken man
Evil chicken man:*rick and morty bird man noises*
Well hey there Aunt Odie
Thanks for the chapter