It has been an interesting, and yet boring, month or so. All of my coworkers kept accidentally calling me Zoey, and for some reason I don’t hate it. It makes me feel included as part of the group. Whenever anyone calls me that, I feel happy, but I don’t know why exactly.
I downloaded that app that Chloe recommended. I learned that the Tiktok algorithm is effectively magic. I got sorted into the side of Tiktok that shared the same flags that my coworkers all had. I also learned what those meant.
Transgender. All my coworkers are cute transgender women, and I think I am jealous of them.
The month is basically the same boring routine. Get ready for work, (making sure to take special care of my hair), go to work, go home, go to sleep. The only real change is one day, the exact day has been lost to time, amidst me figuring out what I want.
That day started the same. I picked up a ticket and spent the entire first half of the day working on it, getting nowhere. I message Alice for some assistance, she comes over and looks over my head while she rests her hands on my shoulders “Hmmm, I don’t know cutie. This does look super complicated.”
Leaning on the barriers between the cubicles “Hey Chloe, Zoey over here needs your help. She has an issue that has stumped her.”
I feel the same warmth and anxiety fill my soul at the statement. I have been getting very used to being called Zoey while at the office.
Chloe comes over, pushes me out of the way and kneels in front of my desk. “Hmmmm, this is, like, a fun one. Good thing you have, like, the best tech here.” She then takes the mouse and starts working. About 20 minutes pass “AHA! Got it, stupid cute little bug. But I squashed the thing.” At some point Alice went back to her desk, I don’t know when I was distracted.
Chloe then turns and looks at me, still on her knees “I bet, like, you enjoy this view don’t you hot stuff.” She says giggling “But, like, the real good POV can’t be had at work.” She winks then stands up going back to her desk.
Finally, after the new year, I decided that I am going to talk to Luna. About my thoughts and feelings.
Arriving at work, I summon all of my courage and send Luna a message. “Hey, can we talk? I have some things on my mind. Important not work related things.”
I see on the messaging app dots appear and disappear. As if she started a message and deleted it multiple times. Finally a message gets sent. “Let's talk tomorrow at my place after work.”
I send a quick reply of “Ok”, and start working. My mind isn’t entirely focused on work, but I quickly end the day. Getting home I distract myself with memes and video games, eventually going to bed.
The first part of Friday the 3rd is the same. Get ready, have a brief existential breakdown, go to work. The only difference is the growing anxiety and heading to Luna’s after work instead of going to my home. I admire the large house again, wondering how Luna can afford it, and Luna invites me in. Following her she takes me back to the spare room I had spent a night in.
Cautiously Luna asks “What did you want to talk about Zoey, sorry Z?”
“Actually it is about that…” I start and then ramble out without breathing “I love it when you girls call me Zoey. It makes me feel like one of you. And I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if I want to be with you, or be you, and I don’t know if you feel the same. I’ve always felt listless and don’t know where I am going. I’ve hated the mirror for years and years without knowing why. Spending time with all of you I felt good for the first time in my life, when you and Chloe have given me makeovers I suddenly didn’t hate my face. You treat me like one of the girls, and I love it. I don’t know what any of it means, I don’t know if I just enjoy your company and will do anything to have it or if it means something more…” As I go on and on I realize I start to tear up and cry “I… I… I think I want to be one of you, I think I want to be a girl. But I am scared. I…. deep breaths, I can do this. I… think I am trans, like you and the rest of the department. Also…. Ummm, I think I’ve fallen for you, I can’t keep you out of my head”
Luna hugs me before replying. “I know sweetie. We all did, you just couldn’t see it yet. Lily knew from day one, it is why she had you join our department.” She then grabs my head “And as for that last bit, I am going to kiss you again, unless you say something or stop me. Because I like you as well, we all do.”
“Please?” Is all I can manage to squeak out. (Later I was told I was also the personification of the pleading emoji.)
She pulls me close and kisses me gently. I lean into the kiss and fall over onto the bed. Luna follows and lays on top of me. She continues kissing me, our tongues meet and dance in my mouth. We make out for what feels like hours. “Let's get ready for bed, you have had an emotional night. And before you ask, I am going to stay here with you.
“I told you I would get you in here removing layers instead of adding them.” She laughs as we both disrobe and get into bed. She pulls me in close and takes the big spoon position. I lay there in her arms and my emotions that were being held back by the makeout session came flooding back. I spend the rest of the night crying and resting in her arms before finally falling asleep.
Awwwwwwwwwwww poor Zoey she had so many emotions building up for so long. I’m so glad she got figured it out in the end instead of being told! Made it hit a lot harder
That was always the plan, for her to figure it out herself. Her coworkers might have tried to force the realization, but let it come "naturally" outside of that.
I appreciate your comments. And I really enjoy your writing as well.
An emotional night for her but I’m glad she’s finally figuring herself out and Has people there to help her.