Kazuma and Smaug burst into the Axis Church.

"Damn it!" Kazuma yells. "I wanna talk to whoever's in charge!"

Flames burst out of Smaug's mouth. "NOW!"

A priest girl  comes over. "Oh, my! Whatever is the matter? Are you here for conversion? Baptism? Or.. are you here for wa ta shi?" She innocently smiles.

Kazuma blushes. "F-For you?"

The priest girl laughs. "I'm just joking! Come now. don't take me seriously! Are you alright in the head?"

Kazuma gets mad. 'What do I do now? I want to hit her with a fist!'

"Pfft, virgin." Smaug smugly smiles.

"SHUT UP!" Kazuma yells at Smaug.

"Our high priest, Zesta-sama, is out screwing around while proselytizing..." The priests informs. 

"Wait, what did you just say?"

"That is, he's out spreading the glories of Aqua-sama's name."

'If anything he should spread the name of the Great Smaug!' Smaug yells in thought. 'I will become the god this world needs! A god of the dragons for the dragons! And all the Waifu's will be mine!'

The priest continues. "I'm sorry, but you'll have to come back another time."

Kazuma then speaks. "Hang on, did a magic user and an arch priest come by here?"

"Oh, if you're looking for them..." The priest points to the side.

Megumin's shaking and she as Axis Cult applications sticking out the back of her cloak.

"AHHH!" Smaug yells. "Megumin!" She runs over and shoves the loli's head into her breasts and begins to stroke her head.

The priest turns to Kazuma. "By the way, the woman you cam here with is being stoned by children..."

Kazuma runs outside to see kids throwing stones at Darkness. He then runs towards the children. "Hey! What're you doing?!" The kids run off and he takes a few deep breathes. 

"Kazuma..." Darkness blushes. "Even the women and children in this town are pretty advanced."

Kazuma points to her. "Just put away your Eris sect charm already! Are you doing this on purpose?"

Darkness turns to him. "Kotowaru!"

----

"KOTOWARU!" Darkness yells.

---

Darkness is now inside and she's leaning against the wall next to Smaug and Megumin. Darkness is taking heavy breathes with a blush on her face.

"Smaug, this place would be perfect to raise a child!" Darkness says.

"No! No Me please no!" Smaug yells. "No! NOOOOOO!!!"

Kazuma knocks on one of the doors of a confessional booth. "Aqua! Hey, Aqua!" He doesn't get an answer. He sighs and goes to the other door and enters the confessional booth.

Kazuma sits down and looks in front of him to see Aqua on the other side of a small curtain. 

"Welcome, my lost lamb." Aqua greets. "Now, tell me your sins. God will hear them, and will surely grant forgiveness."

"Listen, it's me! Y'know, me?" Kazuma says. "Me! What's with this town? Do something about your followers already."

"I see. You've preformed the 'It's me' scam, then." Aqua says. (Freddy's coming for you!) "You must think deeply upon your sins. If you do, surely the merciful goddess, Aqua-sama, will forgive you."

Kazuma slams his hands on the little counter in front of him as he stands up. "Why are you trying to stonewall me?!" He sits back down. "I know what this is. You're enjoying this, aren't you? You're tickled that you get to do something priestly for once, aren't you?"

"Do you have anything else to confess? If not, then leave here, and live a forthright life once again."

"Damn it, listen! Aren't you an arch priest, which are revered around here? If you'd say something to your followers, it'd take care of all of this! Control your people a little!"

"...Nothing else, then?" Aqua just keeps ignoring Kazuma. Well, I must wait for the next lost lamb."

"Hey!" Kazuma calls out.

"Now, go fourth."

Kazuma stands up and leans forward. "What're you saying?! I said get out of there, damn it!"

"You get out!" Aqua yells. "You're done confessing, so get out! Hmph!" She pouts. 

'That little...' Kazuma sits down and thinks for a second. Then he clasps his hands together. "There is actually something I'd like to get off my chest."

Aqua gasps and smiles. "Well, please, share it with me!" Then she goes back into priest mode. "Confess now, and admit your sins. Do you have an unhealthy interest in a crusader's laundry? A naughty habit of peeking in on a dragon as she bathes or has her 'alone' time. A desire to stick a magic user's black hair up your nose? Inappropriate carnal feelings for a beautiful and noble priest?"

"There's a special cup that a priest friend of mine uses for party tricks... I accidentally broke it." Aqua becomes shocked. "Also, she was bragging about how she had bought some rare, fancy liquor. So I figured, 'How good can it be?' and poured a little bit for myself... But it was better than I expected, so I drank it all, then replaced it with some cheap hooch since I figured she couldn't tell the difference. "

"What are you saying? What exactly are you saying, Kazuma?" Aqua asks in a worried tone. 

"And since the priest in question is constantly causing problems, I posted an opening for an Eris sect priest on the adventurer guild's help wanted board--"

Aqua moves the curtain and grabs Kazuma.

Aqua shakes Kazuma as she yells.

----

"You apostate!" Aqua yells.

---

Kazuma stands behind Aqua on her side of the confession booth. "Sheesh, I said I was joking."

Aqua is pouting with tears in her eyes. "And you're not really looking for another priest?"

"Putting aside the first two, that last one wasn't true at all."

Aqua looks back at Kazuma. "Wait, what was that about the other two?"

The other door opens.

Outside with the other three.

Megumin shakes in Smaug's hold. "Can we... Can we go home, like, soon?"

A priest comes by and brushes dust onto Darkness. Said girl moans, Chomusuke panics. A flame sways from Smaug's right eye.

Inside the confession booth a man sits down. "Please... Please, hear me out." The man says. "I have been a member of the Axis faith and worshiped Aqua-sama for a long time... But! The bountiful chest on the portrait of the goddess Eris... It leads me astray! That chest is the chest of a devil! Please forgive my sinful ways in being tempted by another goddess."

Kazuma sighs as Aqua gets into her priest mode. "Rest easy." Aqua says. "God forgives all." She puts a hand over her heart and brings up her other hand. "Thou shalt love big breasts. Thou shalt love small breasts. The Axis faith teaches forgiveness in all things." She brings her hands to her chest. "Whether you're a lolicon, a NEET, a horny dragon, or a questionably-human fan of animal-eared girls...  As long as you're not interested in undead or devil girls, you have love in your heart, and you don't break the law, all will be forgiven."

The man begins to cry and Aqua continues. "Faithful follower, I will share holy words that will help you avoid demonic temptation. 'Eris pads her chest.' The next time you feel you are being led astray, chant these words. If you know anyone being tempted, you can share it with them."

"Eris pads her chest..." The man mutters. "I... I feel as though my eyes have been opened!'

Kazuma sighs as he stares at Aqua.

"Let's say it once more, together." Aqua says. "Eris pads her chest!" She and the man say together. 

"Thank you for the wonderful incantation!" The man leaves the booth.

"Is it okay for a goddess to get along by selling out one of her younger co-workers?" Kazuma asks.

Aqua looks to him. "Hey, the number and intensity of followers is really important for gods! They directly influence our power. I may not have many followers, but their faith is really strong! I'd do anything for my adoring faithful!"

----

"KONOSUBA!" Ash laughs maniacally. 

----

The party gets back to the in. Megumin is still shaking, Kazuma looks tired of shit, and Chomusuke is on his head. Darkness is perfectly fine. Smaug is getting a piggy back ride from Darkness, she has a tired and pissed off look on her face.

"We're back." Kazuma calls out.

Wiz is drying her hair with a towel. "Welcome back!"

"Are you feeling better?" Kazuma asks.

"After taking a bath, I felt back to normal.

"That's good to hear." Darkness smiles.

"With no one else here, it was like I had the mixed bath all to myself!" Wiz smiles.

Kazuma then gasps and blushes. 'Does that mean...'

"So, everyone, how did the sightseeing go?"

Megumin shakes. "The Axis cult... scares me."

Flames spew from Smaug's eyes. "Genocide... I must commit... Genocide." Her tail is limp against the floor.

Darkness blushes. "I-I'm thinking about going sightseeing tomorrow, too."

Kazuma sweats and looks at Darkness. "Y-You... Well, whatever. Do what you want." Chomusuke hops off his head. "I'm gonna head into the bath." He walks over to the door and grabs the handle. "I'm heading into the bath."

"We heard you." Megumin says.

"Enjoy yourself." Wiz calls out.

"It's a scary, scary world out there." Smaug closes her eyes and rests her on on top of Darkness'

Kazuma glances back. "I'm--"

"Get going already!" Darkness, Megumin and Smaug says in annoyance. 

Kazuma leaves and Darkness grabs Smaug off her back and holds her like a child out in front of her. Smaug gives a light glare. "I know I'm 5'2'' (158.5 cm.) but this is demeaning."

"I think you need a nap." Darkness smiles. 

"I'm not a child. I'm like a year younger than you!" Smaug growls and Darkness walks over to their bed and lays Smaug down. "I don't want to take a nap!" Smaug shakes her arms up and down. "I'm-"

Darkness puts a finger on Smaug's mouth, shutting the dragon up. "Shush. We're taking a small nap before we go to the bath. And I don't want to hear any arguing." Smaug blushes as Darkness lays down with her.

"O-Okay." Smaug stutters a little. 'So hot!'

The two lovers stare at each other and Darkness boops Smaug's nose and smiles.

Smaug smiles and she grabs Darkness and hugs her close. She brings her head to Darkness' chest and hears her heart beat. "I love you." She whispers as she closes her eyes.

Darkness hugs Smaug and rests her head on Smaug's. She closes her eyes and whispers. "I love you."

The two lovers fall asleep in each other's embrace. 

(When I finally managed to save up some money I'm more than likely gonna get some art commission for this story. It really needs some.)

----

"Konosuba." Darkness and Smaug say together.

----

Kazuma is letting out a sigh as he sits down in the hot spring after a failed massage. "I wanna go home. I wanna go home already."

"Hup!" Is heard on the other side of a large wooden wall and a splash of water.

"Hey, Megumin!" Darkness calls out. "It's rude to swim in the bath!"

"Vrrrrrrrrrrr!" Smaug is heard blowing bubbles. 

"Smaug you too!" 

Megumin laughs. "Come on, don't worry about that."

"H-Hey!" Darkness shouts. "What are you doing?!" Kazuma starts to blush.

"Why are you acting so embarrassed? We're in a rough line of work. We can't afford to be so dainty!"

"Your logic doesn't make sense! Oh, my towel!"

Smaug is floating nearby. Her hair is covering the important parts of her chest and part of her tail is covering her crotch. 

The tip of Smaug's tail is above the water with a small towel on the top of it. The tail sinks into the water a little.

Chomusuke meows as Megumin looks at Darkness. "I was originally just going to drag the pair of lazybones outside, then hunt the crowds of undead that Aqua attracts with Kazuma, but..."

Smaug floats over and sits next to Darkness. Her tail leans against the wall next to Smaug, the tip out of the water.

Darkness looks at Megumin. "That's what you were after?" Darkness grabs Smaug's hand under the water and holds it, a smile forms on Smaug's face. "In any case, what kind of man is he? He seems conservative and cowardly at times, but he never lets social standing bother him, and will get aggressive against nobles... You could say he's odd, or maybe just strange---"

Megumin floats over and puts a finger on Darkness' mouth. "Shh!"

Kazuma listens in.

"Next to us is the mixed bath." Megumin informs. "If he had to choose either the men's bath or mixed one, which do you think he'd choose?"

"He might be timid and tend to blanch at the crucial moment, but with the right justification, he wouldn't hesitate to enter the mixed bath." Darkness says.

"His virgin mind would always choose the place where he could get a chance to see something." Smaug says.

The three girls look at each other and nod.

"Kazuma, you're there, aren't you?" Megumin calls out. Kazuma is indeed there, but he's not answering. "You're breathing hard with your ear against the wall, imagining if Darkness is going to Smaug, right?"

"M-Megumin, why make the example?!" Darkness panics.

"That's something a young lady shouldn't say!" Smaug scolds.

Kazuma is indeed breathing hard with his ear against the wall.

"Hey, Kazuma!" Darkness calls out. "Are you there? You are, aren't you?!" The three girls wait for an answer. 

"I guess he's not there." Smaug mutters.

"Maybe I shouldn't have suspected him..." Megumin says and she moves over to the edge of the spring and leans against the rocks. "I'll just surreptitiously treat him to a drink later."

Smaug leans back on the rocks and stretches. Her tail covers her chest for a second as she stretches, the goes back to normal when she's done.

"I suppose it actually was rude." Darkness says and she leans back into Smaug, resting her head between Smaug's breasts.

"He has his faults, but he's pretty reliable in the end." Megumin says.

Darkness sits up a little in Smaug's lap. Then she leans her head back into the crook of Smaug's neck and smiles. "He might not seem like it, but he always helps his friends when they need it."

Smaug sighs. "I guess he kinda does." She jumps a little and blushes as Darkness rubs a hand over her abs.

Kazuma is still listening to the three girls as Darkness speaks again. "He's not earnest about anything, but at his core, he's a good person. 

Kazuma has a blush on his face. 'I'm starting to feel embarrassed about eavesdropping...'

Kazuma gets up and starts to walk away, when Darkness speaks again. "By the way, Megumin, I was curious about how your butt--" Kazuma moves back to the wall and puts his ear against it.

"Hold it right there!" Megumin interrupts Darkness. "You may be my friend, Darkness, but one more word, and you will pay!"

"S-Stop it!" Darkness moans and Kazuma blushes.

"Megumin!" Smaug shouts. "D-Don't touch mine too!"

"Honestly, what is with these indecent breasts?!" Megumin complains. 

Kazuma tries to find a crack within the wooden wall to get a peak. Darkness and Smaug both moan.

"S-Stop!" Darkness calls out.

Kazuma finds a crack and he looks through it.

Only to find Megumin looking at him. "NOW!" She yells.

Darkness runs forward and punches the wall where Kazuma's face is. Kazuma gets flung back into the spring.

Smaug stands up with her hands on her waist and an unhappy look. Her hair is covering her chest as her tail covers her crotch. "How dare he!"

Megumin covers herself. "See, I knew it!" She yells. "He was there the whole time, after all!"

"It makes sense." Darkness says. "I feel Kazuma's lusty gaze on me every day. There's no way someone as oversexed as him wouldn't be in the mixed bath!"

"I may be a degenerate, but I have standards!" Smaug says.

Kazuma floats to the top of the spring and a bucket covers his privates. He holds his hand out. "Create Water!" A stream of water shoots out of his hand and over the large wooden wall.

The three girls shriek. "That's cold!"

Suddenly buckets and bars of soap fly over the wall. Even Chomusuke gets thrown over the wall. She lands on the bucket covering Kazuma's privates. "Hey, don't throw the cat!" He yells.

Megumin holds a couple bars of soap, as Darkness as a bucket and a bar of soap. Smaug is holding two large rocks in each hand. Even her tail as a bucket. 

"Wash her in exchange for your eavesdropping!" Megumin yells.

"Must suck for you, having such a weird owner, huh?" Kazuma asks the cat and she meows in response. 

----

"Konosuba!"  Tou caws.

----

It's nighttime at the Inn and Aqua is crying. "This is too much!" The useless blue thing yells. "I just went to the baths!" She hugs Wiz.

"Y-Your tears really sting when they hit me, Aqua-sama..." Wiz informs as she shivers.

Kazuma sighs. "So how many people did you make trouble for today?"

Aqua looks at Kazuma with tears in her eyes. "What do you mean, trouble?!" She shakes her hands up and down. "Why do you assume I did something wrong?!"

Wiz turns to Kazuma. "It seems, when Aqua-sama went into the secret baths at the main church, the hot springs changed into regular hot water..."

Aqua stands up. "And they kicked me out!"

Aqua walks over to Kazuma. "Why am I getting kicked out by the church that worships me?!" She starts to cry. "Tell me why!"

'Come to think of it, she purified the tea into water, too...' Kazuma says in thought.

"But the part that made me maddest was when I met the guy in charge..."

Flashback.

Aqua is apologizing to an old man. "I apologize for purifying the hot springs into hot water, but I couldn't help it. After all, it's because I am the goddess of water, Aqua, in the flesh!"

The old man doesn't believe her and he just makes a scoffing sound.

Present.

"I'm a goddess!" Aqua cries out. "I'm a goddess, and he did that!"

Kazuma just snickers and Aqua screams.

The next morning everyone's sitting at a table, eating breakfast. Smaug is sitting beside Darkness, she's also wearing a new dress.

"The town's danger is in peril!" Aqua informs and Smaug grows confused. 

"What exactly does 'danger in peril' mean?" Kazuma asks. "You were crying all night, and now..."

"The guy managing the springs told me this..." Aqua starts.

Flashback

It's the same old man from before. "The quality of the hot springs has been dropping a bit lately."

Present.

Aqua crosses her arms. "This is probably the Devil King's army realizing they'd never win a direct confrontation with my followers, so instead, they attack our source of income, the hot springs!"

Kazuma takes a sip of his coffee and looks away. "Really? Wow, that's something."

Aqua slams her hands on the table. "Believe me!"

Megumin is massaging Chomusuke's ears. "I admit it's true that most people are disgusted by and dislike the Axis cult, but why bother with such an elaborate conspiracy?"

Aqua slams her hands on the table again, but louder. "I'm going to stand up for this town! So, you'll all help me, right?" Her eyes widen and she starts to shake.

"I'm busy with walking around town and other stuff." Kazuma informs. 

"I already know how terrifying the Axis cult is, so I'd rather not get involved." Megumin informs and Chomusuke meows.

"I'm not going to deal with more crazy people." Smaug says as she eats some turkey. "I'm trying to not commit Genocide. Might take a Enthusiastic walk around town."

"Why?!" Aqua cries out and she slams her hands on the table. "Who cares about your dumb walk?! " She yells at Kazuma then turns to Megumin. "And you don't have to hate my followers so much, Megumin!" She turns to Smaug. "And my followers aren't crazy!" She turns to Darkness. "Wh-What about you, Darkness?" 

Darkness leans away from Aqua. "W-Well, I'm... you know..."

Aqua grabs Darkness and starts to swirl her finger in Darkness' juice, purifying it into water. "Please!"

"Fine! Fine, I'll help! I'll help you, so stop purifying my grape juice!"

'There goes my plans for a date.' Smaug gains a depressed look. 'Damn Blue thing keeps ruining things for me. I just want to spend time with Wifey.'

"Wiz is soft on you, so maybe she'll help?" Kazuma questions and he takes a sip of his coffee.

Aqua turns to Kazuma as Darkness looks down at what was once her glass of grape juice. "I was crying to her all night, and in the morning, she was fading away again... So I let her get some rest."

Kazuma stands up. "Why don't you save Wiz before the town?!"

---

"Konosuba!" Smaug says in a depressed tone.

---

Smaug was wondering the town and she found a group gathered around the Aqua fountain statue. "What's going on here?"

Smaug gets close and she sees Aqua standing on a box with Darkness next to her.

"Slay the demons!" Aqua yells. "Defeat the Devil King!" Aqua yells.

"Oh, shit... this isn't gonna go well." Smaug sweats and her tail also sweats.

"Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!"

Suddenly Kazuma, Megumin and Wiz run up beside Smaug. She looks to them. "Don't ask me, I have no idea what's goin' on."

Aqua holds her arms out. "My Axis Church faithful! The Devil King's army is currently plotting sabotage against this town!

"...town!" Darkness whispers with a blush.

Aqua continues her speech. "As for what exactly they're doing, they've put poison in the town's hot springs! Their villainous deeds have already been confirmed at a number of hot springs!"

"...Of hot springs." Darkness whispers.

Then the apple lady from the last chapter speaks up. "I just was in the hot springs, and nothing was wrong."

"That's because I've been making rounds to the hot springs and purifying them all!" Aqua states. 

"So she spent her morning doing a hot springs tour, huh?" Kazuma deadpans. 

Aqua leans forward. "But we can't rest easy yet! Which is why I'd like to ask for your help!" She stands up straight and holds her hand out to the crowd. "Until this case is solved, please don't use the hot springs!"

"But this is a hot springs city, priest lady!" A man says. "If you tell people not to go into our number one attractions, the hot springs, things are gonna dry up around here!"

"Why would the Devil King's army do that, anyway?" A woman asks.

"Because they intend to cut off the Axis Church's source of income!" Aqua says. "Yes, the Devil King's army fears those of the Axis faith!" She holds her hands to her chest. "It's definitely not because I'm trying to stop the rest of you because it's unfair that only I don't get to use the baths!" She holds a hand out. "Now, Axis faithful-"

"There she is!" Someone yells.

Everyone looks to see three men standing to the side of the crowd. One is pointing at Aqua. "That's the pain-in-the-butt woman who's been turning all the hot springs into hot water!"

The crowd begins to murmur. "Wait--" Aqua holds her hands up.

Another man points at Aqua. "Catch her, everyone!"

"Tie her up!" Another yells. "Let's tie her up!"

Aqua tries to calm everyone down, but they keep yelling. "I thought it sounded fishy!" 

"You were trying to trick us, eh?!" 

"Is this some new kind of scam? What are you really after?! We work so hard to try and make the world a better place!"

"This is a wild change of events." Kazuma mutters.

"I knew Aqua would piss off an entire town." Smaug mutters.

Tears form in Aqua's eyes. "I-It's not like that! There's a good reason for all this!"

Wiz turns to Smaug. "I think Aqua-sama is about to start crying!"

"Everyone, calm down!" Aqua calls out. "Just listen to me!" She turns to Darkness. "Hey, Darkness, don't just sit there! Say something! Just like we rehearsed!" Darkness looks uncomfortable. "You're supposed to beg the Axis Church for its help!" Aqua's eyes gain a dangerous glint.

"Say it!" Aqua orders. "Quite being shy, and just do it!"

"P-Please help, Axis Church..." Darkness whispers and tears start to form in her eyes.

"I'm gonna kill, Aqua." Smaug says and her tail nods with her.

"We can't hear you, blonde lady!" A man yells.

"Poor thing." Kazuma mutters.

"Oh, fine!" Aqua shouts. "Then I'll reveal my identity!" Everyone goes quiet. "Honored followers of the Axis faith, my name is Aqua. Yes, I am the one you worship, Aqua, the goddess of water!"

Aqua holds a hand out. "I have come here to personally to help you all!"

Everyone is speechless for a few moments before. "Quite screwing around!" Someone yells.

People start to yell. "If you think you can pretend to be Aqua-sama because you have blue hair and eyes, you'll be cursed!"

"We still oughta tie her up! Tie her up and toss her in the lake!"

Aqua starts to panic.

"If she's really the goddess of water, Aqua-sama, she'd be fine in a lake!"

"Lair!" The little girl, that tripped a couple days before, yells.

"I bet you're actually a servant of the Devil King's army here to bankrupt our hot spring city, aren't you?!"

"It's true!" Aqua yells. "I'm actually a goddess!"

---

"Konosuba!" Naoko yells.

-----

It's late at night in the inn and Aqua's crying with her head down on a table. "But I'm the goddess of this town..." She brings her head up and tears fall down her face. "They're so mean!"

Smaug, Darkness and Megumin sit on a sofa together. Darkness clasps her hands together and sighs.

"Why did I get stoned by my own followers?!" Aqua cries out.

Wiz brings some tea over to Aqua. "Aqua-sama, p-please drink this and calm down." Aqua's tears splash onto her and she starts to fade in and out. "Otherwise, your agitated holy aura is going to hit me, and I'll..."

Aqua stops loudly crying. "I want booze."

Wiz falls to the ground and catches her breath.

"You're not really that upset, are you?" Kazuma asks.

"I understand you're desperate, but calling yourself a god is a bit much." Megumin says.

"But if they go into polluted water, they'll get sick..." Aqua says

Kazuma sweatdrops. "Why are you trying to help them after what they put you through?"

"But if I don't do anything, my dear followers will..."

Kazuma sighs.

"If you do more things, they'll probably try to kill us." Smaug mutters.

Suddenly everyone hears chanting coming from outside. "Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!" Outside is a large group of people with torches and other things. "Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!"

Kazuma peeks outside the window. 

"Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!" The crowd chants.

Smaug appears next to Kazuma "Gack! There's so many!"

"Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!"

Megumin walks over and looks out. 

"What is this?!" Kazuma questions.

"Slay the demons! Defeat the Devil King!"

Aqua comes over and looks out the window.  "Nani Nani? Have my adoring faithful decided to believe me and drop by?"

"There she is!" Someone in the crowd yells and points at Aqua.

"The witch who claims the name of a goddess!" An old lady yells.

"Ack!" Kazuma, Smaug and Aqua choke.

"Time for a witch hunt!" The crowd yells.

"I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" Smaug yells.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

03-09-2023

4777 words