Simmons, Grif and Ash stop in front of Sarge.

"Grif, Simmons, Ash, where've you three been?" Sarge asks.

"Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge." Simmons tells Sarge.

"Did you find something?" Sarge asks. "Wait a minute, where's the jeep?"

"Uh...." Ash starts.

"Yeah, it's like this..." Grif begins. 

"Grif..." Sarge is not happy. "I just built that jeep.  I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed."

"Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking." Grif says. "Or you can stop listening." Grif says.

"Grif!" Sarge yells.

"Nonono, it's not destroyed Sarge, the engine just quit." Simmons explains."

"And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?" Sarge asks.

"Getting the jeep unstuck, and out of the ditch." Ask says.

"What was the jeep doing in a ditch?"

"Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, and that's reenacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever."

Sarge growls.

"Simmons was driving." Grif points out.

"No I wasn't, I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!" Simmons says.

"And I totally wasn't recording the thing so we can post it on YouTube." Ash says.

A little later

The group is now standing next to the Warthog that's in a ditch covered in shadows.

"Wait a second, this thing isn't busted, it's just outta gas." Sarge explains.

"It runs on gas?" Grif asks.

Sarge turns to Grif. "Of course not, moron. Where are we gonna get gasoline? I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy."

"So then why is it dead, sir?" Simmons asks.

"You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours." Sarge says. "What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?"

"Well I can tell you what we weren't doing..." Grif says.

"Ah, forget it." Sarge says and he turns to Ash. "Ash, push it in the sunlight."

Ash sighs. "Yes, sir."

Ash goes behind the Warthog and starts to push it. "Why is this so heavy!" Ash slowly pushes the Warthog into the sunlight.

"Grif, what happened to this fender?" Sarge asks.

Ash walks over and he's taking big deep breaths.

"It was like that when we took it out!" Grif says.

"And where's the hubcap?" Sarge asks.

"We aren't in a good neighborhood." Ash says as he's catching his breath.

"I gotta buy those in sets of four, numbnuts."

"The jeep's getting power." Simmons says.

The warthog's radio turns on and starts to play music.

"Turn that crap off." Sarge says.

Suddenly the radio makes a noise and Tex's voice comes over the radio.

"Come in, does anyone read me? Over." Tex says.

"What the- Who's that?" Sarge asks.

"It's Tex." Ash says.

"This is freelancer Tex, looking for anyone from the Blood Gulch Outposts, do you read. Over." Tex says.

"It's that mean chick from the blue team." Grif says.

"Hang up on her." Simmons says.

"Good idea." Sarge says.

"Do we have too?" Ash asks.

"I have found O'Malley's base." Tex says. "I repeat, I have found O'Malley's base."

"O'Malley?" Sarge asks. "Son if a-"

"Where is she?" Simmons asks.

"They seem to be holed up in some kind of fortress." Tex says. 

Tex keeps talking.

"Maybe we could use the radio to triangulate her position." Grif suggests.

"How?" Simmons asks. "We only have one radio. We would need a third point to triangulate." 

"Okay, well let's just pick a point between her and us." Grif says.

"That's a line, not a Triangle, fucking dumbass." Ash says.

"Right, a line that we'll follow straight to Tex!" Grif says. "It's the perfect mathematical plan!"

"Hey, Grif, why don't you just stick to criticizing other people's ideas, instead of coming up with your own?"

"It does seem to be my talent." 

Sarge speaks up. "I could simulate a third radio by using some of this sand, and the heat from the jeep's tailpipe to make an enormous refectory lens. And then-"

Grif interrupts. "Or we could just listen to the coordinates that she's sending." 

They listen to Tex's transmission. "My coordinates are two two niner delta, by one point three seven gamma."

"Uh yeah, we could do that too." Simmons says. "...What's wrong Sarge?"

Sarge sighs. "Nothing."

"You really wanted to make the lens, didn't you?" Simmons asks.

"You're damn right!"

"Well we can make it later, when we have more time."

"Awwww, don't patronize me." 

They go back to listening to Tex's transmission. "I need you guys to come right away. or better yet, send someone who can fight."

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06-30-2022