"What took you guys so long to get here?" Tex asks.

"There's seven of us, and this is only a three-seater jeep. Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap." Simmons says.

"I had to stand on the roof." Ash says.

"It was a great road-trip!" Donut says. "My favorite part was when Grif tried to change gears, and he accidentally-"

Grif sighs and interrupts Donut. "Please, let's not tell the story. Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?"

"My least favorite part, was where Grif drove extremely fast under a low hanging rock." Ash says as he stares at Grif. 

"I said I was sorry." Grif says to Ash.

"Sorry doesn't fix the pain I feel." Ash say.

"What'd you find, Tex?" Sarge asks.

"Well, O'Malley's holed up in this fortress." Tex says. "He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now. And he's got some help. One of those religious nuts you guys picked up."

"Oh I like them." Caboose says. "They were funny."

Tucker turns to Caboose. "Caboose, they tried to kill you because of a flag!"

"I try not to remember the bad things about people."

"That's all they tried to do. There were no good things!"

"That's ok. I have a really bad memory WOW LOOK A BEACH!"

"I liked killing them." Ash says.

Tucker turns to Ash. "'Casue you're an insane psychopath."

"At least Red team has actual kills and not team kills." Ash retorts. 

"Can it, both of you." Sarge says. "What's your plan, Tex?"

"Well first we have to breach an outer wall." Tex explains.

"Ohh, I love breaching!" Caboose says.

Tex continues. "Then we have to get past another wall."

"Two walls?" Grif asks. "some people are so materialistic."

Tex continues. "The second wall has a guard tower and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade.

"What, that thing?" Simmons asks. "It's spinning like two miles an hour!"

"I didn't say it'd be hard to get past."

"After that, we have to pass the gun turrets and break into the building." Tex explains. 

"And then we attack O'Malley!" Sarge says.

"No." Tex says. "That's where we plant this." 

Everyone looks to the side to see a bomb.

"We're planting a volleyball." Caboose says.

"It's not a ball, it's a bomb." Tex states.

"Ooooohhhh." Ash says. "Me likey!" 

"We're planting a volley-bomb?" Caboose asks Tex.

"I scouted a location inside the base, where we can set it off and take the whole place down." Tex explains. "I marked the sport with a big X."

"You scouted it?" Tucker asks.

"Yea."

"If you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets and made it all the way into the fortress." Tucker starts. "Why didn't you just plant the bomb then, Instead of putting an X on the floor?"

Tex is silent then she mumbles. "I can't carry it."

"What." Grif asks.

"What was that?" Simmons asks.

"It's too heavy." Tex says. "Okay. You happy?"

"Yeah, kinda." Grif says and Ash snickers.

"I need one of you idiots to carry it." Tex says. "I don't have the upper body strength to lift it on my own."

"See? Girls act like they're so tough." Grif says. "But the first time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call?" Tex looks at Grif and he becomes scared. "Please don't kill me."

"Ahhhh, go ahead and kill him." Sarge says as he walks over to the bomb. "We could use the armor for spare parts." He reaches the bomb. "Here, this thing doesn't look so heavy. Let me try." Sarge tries to lift it up but he can't. "That thing ain't movin'."

Tex looks at Ash and he notices. 

"What?" Ash asks.

"You try Ash, you're pretty strong." Tex says.

Ash looks to the bomb then to Tex. 

"Okay." Ash walks over to the bomb and he grabs it and starts to lift it up. "I got it! I got it!" He then begins to lower. "I don't got it! I don't got it!" Ash drops the bomb and Ash groans.

"Huh? That's strange." Tex says.

Caboose walks over. "I can carry it!"

"I can guarantee you'll need two people." Tex states.

"No, it's true." Tucker starts. "He's got crazy strength. Church and I think it's God's way of compensating."

Caboose picks up the boom. "See."

"GREAT PAUL'S BUNYAN, he's like an ox!" Sarge exclaims.

"But I have no horns." Caboose is struggling. "Or lumberjack friends. 

"Wow." Ash says Owen Wilson style. 

Grif walks over. "Come on, no way it can be that bad. Let me give it a-" He grabs the bomb from Caboose and he drops it and takes a deep breath. "Ok. You can carry it."

"Alright. then we'll storm in there, blow up O'Malley, leave Grif for dead, and maybe find some clues about what happened with Church and Lopez." Sarge says.

"You mean your robot?" Tex asks. "He's in there with him."

"Lopez is in the building?"

A little later

Tex is talking to Grif and Simmons while Sarge, Caboose and Ash are in the background.

"Wait, let me get this straight. The biggest threat we know of is in that building. And... you don't want me to blow it up?" Tex asks.

"We can't!" Simmons exclaims. "We need Lopez's head. It has valuable information stored in it."

"Sorry, I'm going with the bomb." Tex says. "But hey, here's an idea: maybe you can find your buddy's head in the rubble when we're done."

"Come on." Grif says. "We can't lift a bomb but we can dig through rubble?"

"Sorry." Tex apologizes. "But there is no way I am letting O'Malley get away this time."

Tucker speaks up. "Just hire her."

Donut is playing with the steering wheel in the Warthog.

Grif turns to Tucker, confused. "What?"

"Hire her to help you get Lopez back." Tucker says. "She'll do anything for money."

"That's not true." Tex says.

Tucker turns to her. "It's not? I'll give you Ten bucks to tear off Grif's arm!"

"Which one's Grif?" Tex asks as she turns back to Grif and Simmons.

"SEE." Tucker says. "She's not really even on the blue team. She was just payed to come help us."

Grif whispers and signals to Simmons. "He's Grif."

"How do we pay her?" Simmons asks. "We don't even have any money. We don't even know what money is in the future."

"Yeah, they could have shells or laser beams for currency." Grif says.

Simmons turns to Grif. "Laser beams..."

Grif turns to Simmons. "Yeah. That would be the coolest wallet ever." 

Tucker speaks up. "Why don't you trade her a favor?"

"Huh?" Grif asks confused.

"Have her do this for you and then you guys owe her a favor. That's how these Freelancers get stuff done. Right?"

"That'll work." Tex says. "I'll help you, and then the two to of you have to do something for me."

"Ok, we'll do it." Simmons agrees.

"Wait just a second, what would we have to do?" Grif asks Tex.

"It all depends." Tex says.

"Depends on what?"

"Umm... What I need, to do some future job." Tex says.

"But... It could be anything."

"That's right, anything."

It's silent for a few seconds then Grif speaks up. "Like gay stuff?"

"I have no idea." 

"Well, can we rule out the gay stuff?" Grif asks.

Donut then walks up behind Grif and Simmons. "Hey, how come I never get to help?"

Over to Sarge, Caboose and Ash

"No, no, what are you doing?" Sarge asks."Don't lift with your legs, your back's the strongest muscle in your body."

Ash turns to Sarge. "No it's not."

Sarge turns to Ash. "Shut it." He turns back to Caboose. "And loo man, your knees aren't even locked. How do you expect to stand up straight? Come on! Put your groin into it!"

Sarge continues. "And stop exhaling on every lift. The goal is to hold your breath for as long as possible."

Sarge continues. "Under stress, the body produces all the oxygen it needs." Sarge grunts. "Heeeer. Grind it out."

Caboose speaks with strain in his voice. "Can't I just lift this up once we are ready to go?"

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Caboose drops the bomb and gives a relaxing sigh. 

"It's a heavy bomb." Ash says.

Tex then yells to them. "Ok! We're ready to go!" 

"Crap." Caboose says.

"I would feel sorry, buuuuut you're a blue." Ash says. "So I won't."

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06-30-2022