Sarge is addressing the group. "Okay, listen up, dirt bags. If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good game plan."

Sarge continues. "I've got two options we could use: Number one, we all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs.

Sarge continues. "The enemy will be so flabbergasted, by the time they have the chance to regroup, we'll already be inside."

Tucker speaks up. "Oh, yeah right, they're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down!"

"That's the inherent beauty of the single-file line. They can only kill the person in the front!"

Sarge continues. "so, if we order from least important to most important, with Tucker being in the front, and me being in the back, then we just might make it through."

Simmons speaks up. "Don't you think Caboose should be in the back, since he's the one carrying the bomb?"

"Nope, Caboose is in front of me. We need someone in the back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working!" Sarge explains.

Tucker speaks up. "How're you gonna know if it's not working?'

"If Caboose dies, I'll know we're in trouble, and immediately abort." Sarge explains.

"I think that's a good plan." Caboose says.

Grif speaks up. "Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line."

"Don't get misty, Francine." Sarge says. "We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill."

Sarge continues. "I think we can all agree, given our current situation, It's the perfect plan." 

It's completely silent as everyone stares at Sarge.

"Boom." Ash whispers.

"Okay, well, let me tell you about my other plan." Sarge says. "Using parts from the warthog, we can build something I like to call,"

Grif turns to Tex. "I'm hoping you've got a better idea."

"The Grif cannon." Sarge finishes.

Grif sighs. "Ah man..."

Sarge continues. "Utilizing the power of the Grif cannon, " Grif turns around and walks away.

"we make a Grif-sized hole in the outer wall." Sarge explains.  "Or we... paint it a very disgusting color."

A little later

Ash is standing next to Sarge at the top of some stairs.

Sarge turns on his radio. "Okay, is everyone ready? Donut, Caboose, Ash and I will move the bomb down the staircase, and along the left side of the base." 

Caboose is struggling to hold the bomb and he speaks with a strained voice. "Please, hurry... I don't know how much longer I can talk like this..."

"Man, that does look heavy." Donut says to Caboose. "You really should consider wearing some kind of supportive undergarments."

"Uh--no thanks, I can do it..." Caboose says.

"Come on now. Don't be shy! You can borrow one of mine! I'm thinkin' something with lace. Lace is totally in right now."

"What the hell?" Ash mumbles to himself.

Over with Tucker, Simmons and Tex.

"Ooh, sniper rifle!" Tucker walks towards it.

"I got it." Tex says and she picks up the sniper rifle.

"Fuck."

"Copy that, Sarge." Simmons says on the radio.

Over with Ash and the others.

Donut is walking towards Sarge and Ash.

"Simmons." Sarge speaks on the radio. "You and two bullet-magnets move up the right side, and try to cause some kind of distraction."

"Any suggestions?" Simmons asks.

"As long as it draws their fire away from us and towards you, I don't care." Sarge says.

Donut reaches the two and talks into his radio. "Try some dance moves! Ooh! You can do a musical number!"

"Stop using the radio, Donut!" Ash yells.

Over with Simmons and Grif

"All right, it looks like we're on our own, guys." Simmons says. "Tex. How does it look from up there?"

"I don't see any movement...." Tex tells Simmons as she looks around with the Sniper rifle. "but the guns are definitely online."

"You know what?" Tucker starts. "I miss the old days, where we didn't risk our lives, and you guys were all just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Church."

"It's okay." Grif says to Tucker. "We hate you too, man."

Over with Ash, Donut and Sarge

Sarge puts a shell into his shotgun and pumps it. "Okay, let's move out!"

Ash's group charges down the stairs.

Over with Simmons, Grif and Tucker.

"Alright, so far, so good." Simmons says into his radio. "Sarge, we are in potion."

Over with Sarge, Ash, Donut and Caboose.

"Roger that." Sarge says into his radio. "We are also in position.  No sign of the enemy."

"Man, this is the easiest fortress invading mission of all time." Donut says.

Ash turns to Donut. "Shut up! You've jinx us!"

Caboose is struggling to hold up the bomb. "Maybe for you... This thing is heavy for me..." He falls to the ground.

Sarge turns to Caboose. "Careful with that thing, Caboose!" 

Donut notices a red soldier aiming a gun turret at them. "Uhh... Sarge?"

Sarge ignores Donut. "You could blow us all to smithereens!"

"Sarge, I'm pretty sure that guy up there with the gun..." Donut starts. "Sees us..."

"Pfft. We're too sneaky to be spotted." Ash says.

Sarge continues to talk to Caboose. "If you wanna blow people to smithereens, at least make sure Grif is nearby."

"Duck!" Donut yells as the red soldier open fires.

"Ahh!" Ash yells. "That was my good shoulder! Now both my shoulders hurt!"

Caboose stands up. "A duck? Where? I love ducks."

"Get down, Idiot." Sarge tells him.

The four duck down.

Over with Simmons' team.

They are being shot at by Lopez on a machine gun as they hide behind cover.

"We're under fire!" Grif yells into his radio. "Sarge, we're under fire!"

Over with Ash's team

"Good!" Sarge says over the radio. "Now, jump up and draw the off!"

Over with Simmons' team.

"What'd he say?" Tucker asks Grif.

Grif turns to Tucker. "He was breaking up. I think he said something about staying here, and not doing anything risky."

Simmons looks up at Tex. "Tex! See what you can do about that gun!"

"You got it." Tex says as she snipers Lopez off the machine gun. "Yeah! Head shot!"

"Nice shooting, Tex!" Grif says.

Simmons turns to Tucker. "Tucker, you and Tex head up across that bridge. Try to take out that other turret. We'll head into the base and see if we can find O'Malley."

"Why do I have to go up against a machine gun, and you guys get to play hide-and-seek?" Tucker asks.

"The guy we're seeking has a rocket launcher." Simmons informs him.

"Oh, right. Uh, have fun doin' that."

Back with Ash's team

Ash is spouting profanities at the soldier on the turret while he's in cover.

"Caboose, we'll hold them off from up here." Sarge tells Caboose. "You take the bomb, and try to sneak in the front of the base."

"Okay..." Caboose responds in a strained voice. 

Caboose walks off. 

"Wow, Sarge..." Donut begins. "You actually decided to sacrifice yourself for someone else!"

"Quiet, Donut!" Sarge yells and turns to Ash. "Stop swearing at the soldier Ash!" Ash quiets down. "I'm gonna need your help. When the turrets kill Caboose, I'm gonna need you to carry the bomb into the base."

Over with Tex and Tucker.

"I can't see him from here." Tex says to Tucker. She moves forward. "Let's move up."

Tucker follows her. "Okay, but just-" He falls into a hole. "WOAH! Agh!"

Tex stops and looks down to Tucker.

"Tucker! Are you okay?" Tex asks.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Tucker responds. "I dropped down into some kind of hole. Can you gimme a hand?"

"Oh. Let me take out this turret. I'll be back for you later." Tex walks off.

Tucker spots something. "What is that? Hohoh, what the hell is this?" Tucker goes over to it and picks it up.

Over with Grif and Simmons.

"Okay Grif, we just need to jump through here."

OKay, go for it." Grif tells Simmons.

Simmons turns to Grif. "Me? Why me first?"

"Because... I don't wanna die."

"But this thing's moving super slow! See?"

They both look at the moving blades. After five seconds the blade slowly moves by.

"Nice knowing you, Simmons." Grif says.

Over with Ash's team

Sarge stands up and yells at the soldier on the turret. "No! Shoot the guy with the bomb! You're ruining the plan!"

The turret turns and shoots at Tex.

She then speaks over the radio. "I'm pinned down! I need assistance!"

Over to Tucker

He's behind the red soldier. "Hey, asshole!"

The red soldier gets off the turret and Tucker activates his sword.

"Huh?" The red guy is confused.

Tucker runs forward and does an upward slash and the soldier goes flying through the air.

Tex runs over to Tucker. "Hey! Where'd you get that?"

"I dunno, I found it in the hole." Tucker says. "Pretty cool. Look at what I can do."

Tucker swings the energy sword.

"Hey, wanna... trade it for the sniper rifle?" Tex asks.

"No thanks, I'm good."

"My shoulders hurt!" Ash complains in the far background.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

06-30-2022