"I'm telling you it was here!" Simmons starts. "It drove by while you were talking. You had your back turned and it went zoom right behind you!" He says to Sarge.

"Well it really sounded like:" Donut makes a machine noises."

Simmons turns to Donut. "That's not the important part of the story Donut!"

"Sure Simmons, I believe you." Sarge starts. "You saw an enormous tank that appeared miraculously and then just as quickly disappeared. And you're the only one that can see it. Just like signs of Donut's heterosexuality."

"No I'm not!" Simmons yells. "Donut saw it."

"Yeah." Donut says.

"Donut's impressionable." Sarge says. "He'd agree with anything you said."

"Yeah." Donut says.

"Aw hell, he'd eat a spoonful of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate."

"Huh! That's not true!" Donut says.

"Haha. So that's where you draw the line?" Sarge asks.

"No, I mean it's not true that dirt tastes like chocolate. Right?" Donut asks. "Seriously, right?"

"Okay, well Grif and Ash saw it too. We all saw it." Simmons tells Sarge.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't see a damn thing." Grif says.

"I'm not the insane one this time, Sarge." Ash says. "I didn't see a fucking thing."

Simmons turns to them. "What?!"

Ash turns to Simmons. "I was busy planning on how to build my MAC cannon."

Grif turns to Simmons. "Tank you say? I have no idea what you're talking about. I was too busy paying attention to out Sergeant while he gave us our orders."

"Oh really?" Simmons asks. "Well what did he say?"

"Something inspiring about beating the blues. And the base or the flag, or something. I'm pretty sure he mentioned a pole cat too. I was getting a little emotional at the end."

"See Simmons?" Sarge starts. "Some soldiers know how to pay attention.

"Wow," Grif starts. "that might be the first time you ever actually complimente-"

Sarge interrupts. "Shut up dirtbag."

"Grif, you just told us all two minutes ago that you saw it." Simmons states

"Yeah, I know. But it's a lot more fun this way." Grif says

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Come one Donut!" Simmons yells. "Give someone else a turn."

"I want one!" Ash yells. "I wonder if I could build a hammer out of plasma?" 

"Wait, wait, I wanna show you guys the bunny hop I'm working on." Donut yells. "Look! No wait! Now look! Aww. Aw man. I was totally doing it earlier. Why weren't you guys watching then?"

Donut drives around.

"I need it to find the tank!" Simmons yells he follows after Donut.

"Weeeee!" Donut shouts as he drive off.

Sarge turns to Grif. "Grif. I wanna share something with you. And you can't let Simmons know."

"Whatever." Grif says.

"I think that Simmons has gone mad." Sarge says.

Sarge continues. "It's probably some kind of time travel post traumatic repetitive stress syndrome."

Sarge continues. "In scientific terms: he's developed cranial insanatosis."

"Basically, he's gone bonkers." Sarge finishes. "Like Ash." He looks at Ash. "No offense."

"It's fine sir." Ash says. "I know I'm insane. But I'm not that insane." He turns to his left. "Right bomby?" There's no one next to him. "I knew you'd understand me."

Simmons comes over the Radio. "Saaarge! I'm not crazy! I really saw a tank."

"And apparently he's developed some kind of mutant telepathy power." Sarge adds. "Clear your mind Grif! He can hear your thoughts."

"No... you guys just left your mics on again." Simmons explains. "I keep telling you guys not to do that because you're just wasting the batteries. Oh and guess who recharges-"

Sarge turns off his mic and radio. "Clearly he's sabotaging us with his superior technology. Grif, I need you to step up to the plate. You're my number two man now."

"What about Ash?" Grif asks.

Sarge and Grif turn to Ash and he's talking to himself.

"I should build a machine that uses electromagnetic fields to propel charged particles to very high speeds and energies, and to contain them in well-defined beams!" Ash says. "LASERS! HAHAHAHA!"

Grif and Sarge look back to each other.

"I see why now." Grif says. "But does that mean more work?"

"Or course." Sarge states. "You'll have to do Simmons regular duties on top of the responsibilities I normally entrust you with."

"So basically just Simmons duties then?" Grif asks.

"Right." Sarge agrees. "Luckily we still have Donut. So no one has to fill hi shoes."

"Donut!" Sarge yells. "Combat situation!"

"Yes sir, I'm on it." Donut says as he drives away while screaming like a girl.

"What a pro." Sarge compliments he turns to Grif. "Simmons! I mean Grif! Establish a perimeter."

"Huh? What's that?" Grif asks.

"Make a border around us, and make sure no enemy crosses it." Sarge explains. 

"Eugh. That sounds like a lot of effort. Can't I just go back to being number three again?"

"Number three?" Sarge asks. "What do you mean number three?

"Oh right. Ash. Can I go back to being number four then?"

"That's Donut." Sarge says.

"Then number five?" Grif asks.

"That's Lopez."

"Fine. I'll be number six I don't care."

"I don't know..." Sarge begins. "that O'Malley guy can really work a rocket launcher."

"But he's the enemy!"

"I'm not real particular." Sarge says. "Now get to work on that perimeter!"

"Bogey approaching!" Sarge yells.

"Sir I really think we should be looking for that tank." Simmons suggest.

"Hold on a minute. Let's just take it easy there Private first class Dick Simmons." Sarge says as Grif walks away.

Grif draws a line in the dirt with a sniper rifle.

"But I- Hey what?!" Simmons starts. "Why did you use my full name?"

"Grif!" Sarge yells. "What in Sam Hell are you doing?"

"I secured your perimeter sir." Grif says. "Now I'm going to go over to the chow hall and secure some Oreos. I got a diet to keep up. Break time."  Grif walks away.

"Honeymoon's over numbnuts!" Sarge yells. "You're back down to number seven!"

"Oh yeah?!" Grif yells. "Well I saw the tank too!"

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07-01-2022