Agent Washington walks up to Doc

Washington: Doc. What did you find in your scan of the Meta?

Doc: Umm, it's hard to say. He's added so much non-standard equipment to his armor that I can't really get a good reading on him.

Washington: I didn't ask you to run an intelligence report on him. I wanted a medical one.

Doc: His power systems are stressed from trying to maintain it all. Is he missing some component that controls all this-

Washington: Physically. Is he fine, physically?

Doc: Yeah, I guess.

Washington: Good. Next time answer the question I ask. I'm watching you two. Give me any trouble and you're dead. Don't believe me? Ask your buddy about his friend Donut.

Doc: (to Simmons) Hey, he does realize that I'm the one who scanned Donut's dead body, right?

Simmons: I think he was just making a point. Hey! I have an idea! Give me your scanner.

Doc: My scanner? Why? It can't be used as a weapon.

Simmons: Maybe it can. If I can overload the power-cell, you may be able it will be able to fire an over-charged burst. It could short out the Meta's systems, either that or...

Doc: Or what?

Simmons: Huh? What? Na na na na, No 'or', just that, forget the 'or'.

Doc: You were going to say explode, weren't you?

Simmons: ...Nooooo.

Doc: Were you thinking explode?

Simmons: Just give me the damn scanner.

Washington and the Meta spot Sarge from across the canyon.

Sarge: Oh, Simmons... Simmons... Where are you? Yoo-hoo.

Washington: Looks like just one of them.

Meta: growls in response

Washington: I don't know if he has it. I can't see from this far.

Meta: growls in response

Washington: No you stay here, guard these two. I'll go out there.

Meta: growls in response

Washington: If he gives me any trouble, just kill the prisoners and come help me.

Doc: I hope your friend doesn't give him any trouble.

Simmons: If its one of my friends, he won't stand a chance.

Meta: growls at the two

Cut to the desert

Tucker: YO! Dudes! Sarge! Grif! Where'd you go? Aw, great.

Caboose: Hey, Tucker

Tucker: (faces the other way) Yeah, what's up dude?

Caboose: Have you seen Church?

Tucker : No, I'm looking for the red guys. Looks like the fixed one of the jeeps and took off

Caboose: Oh, well that's not good.

Tucker : Maybe Church went with them, or maybe they took him, I don't know dude.

Caboose: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I don't think that would happen.

Tucker: (turning around) What? How the fuck would you know?

The aliens are standing behind Caboose.

Caboose: Cause if he was gone, I think some people who were looking for him might be really mad that he's not here and we might have to explain to those people why he's not here and those people might not like our explanation and those people might hurt us with plasma guns and plasma grenades.

Tucker: Oh... Right......

Caboose: I mean the Aliens.

Tucker: Yeah, I figured that out.

Back to Valhalla

Sarge: Maroon 1, Maroon 1, where are you?

Washington: Great, this guy. *Walks up to Sarge.* Freeze! Stay where you are. Turn around.

Sarge: Well, well. If it isn't our good buddy, Agent Washington. And just what are you doing here?

Washington: Don't play dumb with me Sarge. I think you know why I'm here. Where's the rest of your guys? Where's Epsilon?

Sarge: Someplace safe.

Washington: You can either tell me, or you can tell the Meta back at the base.

Sarge: The Meta is here?

Washington: Yes, and he really wants a chance to repay you guys for all the trouble you caused him.

Sarge: I seemed to recall you caused him some of that trouble yourself.

Washington: Situation's changed. Now drop your weapons.

Sarge drops his shotgun and Washington picks it up

Sarge: Just so you know, I'm going to want that back in a minute.

Washington: I said, drop your weapon.

Sarge: All my weapons?

Washington: Yes.

Sarge: You sure? Maybe I can just keep the pistol. You know these things aren’t effective as they used to be.

Washington: Drop it. Now!

Sarge drops his magnum.

Sarge: That's what people say.

Washington: Good. Now march.

Sarge: Son. You can insult me, you can ambush me, you can even take away my weapons. But if you think I'm going to set one single pinky toe inside Blue Base without my “shotgun”, you must not know who you're dealing with.

Washington: I said move.

Sarge: And I said “shotgun”.

Washington: Yes... I have your shotgun.

Sarge: No, I mean, “shotgun”.

Washington: What is this? You think I'm going to give you back your shotgun because you asked?

Sarge: I said “shotgun”! *Faces the wall* “Shotgun”, damn it!

"Isn't that your cue?" Ash says from behind the wall.

Grif: (From behind the wall) Oh, yeah! Shotgun. That's my cue.

Washington: What? Wait, what're you up to? What is that noise? Do I hear a...

Suddenly the wall explodes into pieces as the Warthog bursts straight through it, with Grif behind the wheel! Sarge quickly dives out of the way, but Wash is taken completely by surprise.

Washington:...CAR?!?!"

The Warthog smashes right into him and drags him under the bumper.

Grif: How’s my bumper taste, asshole?!

Washington sticks his hand over the front of the Warthog

Grif: Uh oh!

With some effort and a near slip, Wash pulls himself onto the bonnet and raises his battle rifle.

Grif: Oh, no!

Grif ducks down sideways behind the dashboard as Wash opens fire, shattering the windscreen.

Grif: Yikes!

Quickly Grif slams his foot onto all six pedals at once and the Warthog swerves round sideways, launching Wash off the bonnet and across the valley. 

As he flies, Wash tosses his rifle aside and draws out the shotgun, but as he passes a large boulder, Sarge snatches the gun back from him in midair.

Washington: Huh?!

Sarge: See? Told you I’d get it back.

Washington crashes into a pile of Fusion Coils. Grif drives to the rock Sarge was standing on and Sarge hops in the passenger seat.

Ash walks out of the hole in the wall and heads towards Blue base.

Grif: How ‘bout next time we use a code word, we choose something you don’t say every five seconds?

Sarge: Just drive, numbnuts.

Washington staggers to his feet, dazed, as Grif drives in a big circle and heads towards him. 

Sarge stands up from the “shotgun seat”, and aims his shotgun one handed at Washington.

Sarge: Agent Wash...

Washington: Son of a bitch.

Sarge: You just got-

Fires his shotgun and sets off the Fusion Coils, blowing up everything

Sarge: Ah, damn it. I messed up my one-liner!

Cut to the Meta

Simmons: Ok, now's our chance Doc! Hit him with an overcharge. It should overload at least one of his systems.

Doc: Um, you do it.

Simmons: What? Me? I don't even know how to fire that thing.

Doc: Just pull the trigger and let go. It's super easy.

Simmons: No, no, no. You're trained with it. You do it. Go!

Doc: What if I miss?! What if it doesn't do anything but make him mad. I already made him mad once and that really didn't work out really well.

Simmons: We...Well, then we'll improvise.

Doc: Yeah, I don't feel very comfortable with that answer.

They see an explosion in the distance

Doc: What the heck was that?

Simmons: Uh Oh. I just have a bad feeling someone just caused him trouble.

The Meta faces the two as Doc charges the overcharge

Simmons: Oh no, improvise, improvise!!

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07-16-2022