Fade in to Tex beating Church with his old round body

Church: Ow. Ow! Ooow! Stop it! Tex, you are embarrassing me. Ow! Stop!

"Ah!" Church looks towards the Reds. "Hey! Are you guys gonna... Ow! Are you gonna help me or not?"

Ash is moving the fingers on his robot arm, making sure they function perfectly.

"Nah, buddy, I think you got everything under control." Sarge says. "We'll just hang back here."

Ash grabs the DMR off his back and holds it.

"Yeah, you've got some catching up to do." Grif says.

Church: The whole- stop.

Grif tosses the med pack away and grabs the gun off his back.

Sarge: Hey, what's she beating him with?

Simmons: I think that was his old body.

Sarge: You mean he ain't a floatin' cue ball any more?

Church: Aw-

"Can I eat it now?" Ash asks. "I still haven't eaten in days."

Sarge continues. "That's too bad, had a few more nicknames in my side pocket. We'll certainly miss you lord hack 'n sack of the round a lots."

"Beating him with his own body?" Grif asks. "That doesn't seem physically possible."

"I thought that too." Ash says.

Over with Caboose.

Caboose: Uh-hu- we have to do something.

F.I.L.S.S: I am sorry, as I said, I cannot operate outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols.

Caboose: What if I said... pretty please.

F.I.L.S.S: Private Caboose, is there a reason why you don't want to use one of the standard safety protocols? In this scenario, I would strongly recommend locking down the armor of any rogue unit.

Caboose: Wait you can do that?

F.I.L.S.S: Of course. Armor lock is a standard safety feature since the Freelancer break in.

Caboose: Well why didn't you tell us that?

F.I.L.S.S: Why would I need to tell the Director that? He wrote the protocol himself.

Caboose: Oh, right. Yes of course he did. Um Sheila, could you do the armor lunchable thing that you said?

F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.

Ding dong

F.I.L.S.S: Now initiating standard safety protocol. Armor lockdown in progress. All units, stand by for lockdown.

Tex becomes immobilized

Church: What- what's happening? Caboose what did you do to her?

Caboose: Yes! Yes! I did it! I am the biggest hero ever! I beat up the girl!

Sarge: Hah hah, yes! See, that's how you do it Grif; face your enemy man to man. Or in your case, woefully inadequate man to woman. And then when she's distracted, use superior technology to take her out. *sniff* Reminds me of prom night.

Grif: We didn't do anything, she shut down.

"I have a bad feeling." Ash says.

Caboose: I am the best!

Simmons: Uh, hey guys? What do you think that voice meant by "all units"?

The Reds become immobilized

Sarge: Hrr, h-gr I can't move.

Caboose: I did it, I- not my fault! Not my fault! I did not do this! The computer made suggestions! And the default option was yes!

Grif: Well this is just great.

"This feels familiar." Ash says.

Church: What's happening? Caboose! Make it stop! Make it-

Church becomes immobilized

Church: st-ow! Rrruh!

Caboose: Uh, Sheila, is, is my armor gonna lockdown too?

F.I.L.S.S: No Caboose, your helmet does not have that particular protocol installed in it. I had assumed, that was the reason why you were wearing that-

Caboose: Yes. That is totally the reason.

Cut to the desert, where Wash is overlooking a bunch of dead aliens.

Washington: Well, so much for the "leave one of them alive" strategy. Doc, where are you?

Doc: Here!

Washington: Still alive. I thought maybe you'd been killed in the battle.

Doc: No, don't worry, I'm still alive.

Washington: I didn't say I was worried. Get down here, see if any of these things are still breathing.

Doc: Me?

Washington: You're a medic, get- medical.

Doc: I'm a human medic. I don't even understand Alien physiology.

Washington: I want you to see if they're alive, I don't want you to check their cholesterol levels, just get down here.

Doc: Geez!! Fine. What's with the anger?

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Meta, you search the camp. See if you can find anything useful for us. Any clues where Epsilon went.

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Don't start with me. I've already reached my tolerance level for management issues.

Doc: He's getting fussy.

Washington: Tell me about it.

The Meta walks between two closely-spaced cliff faces that essentially form a cave

Doc: Maybe we should take a break.

Washington: Excuse me? A break?

Doc: Yeah, like a three-day leave! Everyone go off, recharge their mental batteries, come back refreshed, and like, ready to tackle our challenges.

Washington: You want a vacation?

Doc: I call it a Soul Sabbatical.

Washington: What are we, mailmen? This is a military mission. We don't get a vacation. We don't take sick days, we don't get paid overtime.

Doc: What, Freelancers don't get overtime?

Washington: That's right, we have a job to do and we're expected to stick wit- wait. Why, wh- do you?

Doc: Get overtime? Yheah. Time and a half over forty hours, time and a half and a half after sixty.

Washington: ...really?

Doc: You guys don't get that? That's crazy, you work so hard.

Washington: Tell me about it.

Doc: You guys should strike.

Washington: We're not unionizing. Stop instigating.

Doc: ... Tell me they at least match your 401K.

Washington: Shut up.

Meta: "Growls"

Doc: What was that?

Washington: Quiet. What did you find, Meta?

A grenade has its pin pulled and is thrown at the cave entrance, where Wash has moved to

Washington: Hey! Watch it. Meta, come out here, now.

Meta: "Growls"

Washington: Doc, get in there and see what he found.

Doc: Which Doc, there's a, is there another Doc here? I know you're not talking to me. Yeah, you know, probably better if you go in? Historically, I don't really have the best success rate going in caves. They tend not to work out for me. Before your time, but trust me. I-uhy- you don't want any part o' that.

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07-16-2022