The potions wore off at about the same time the weather did. And somehow, having to go back into our boy bodies hurt even more after getting a taste of being girls… Snake in particular was having a very rough time. She wasn’t so much frowning as straight up dying inside, according to her face. I could see her fingers jitter over the pocket she had put her potion in, itching to just drink from it again.

Lucille had sent us on our way, with the demand that we prod our parents’s “opinion” on transgender people, and if the way seemed safe enough, to come out to them. She’d explicitly stated she was making us go through this process at mach speed, but to be honest we were so desperate for getting to permanently have girl bodies we’d sworn to keep up with the pace.

Still, Snake requested a detour. She led me through unfamiliar, claustrophobic neighbourhoods, rundown concrete buildings contrasting with the well-to-do houses I was used to. I was aware I had received a luckier lot in life than most, but never had it stared me so hard in the face until now.

I was a bit confused as she led me to a building that seemed as if it had been abandoned midway through its construction, grey bricks and mortar left apparent, and just ahead of us, small wooden stairs that were clearly meant to be temporary having long since started to rot.

After a short climbing up that took me way too long to feel confident the stairs wouldn’t give underneath me, Snake brought me to a corner of the second floor equipped with gnarly looking decorations and three beanbags that had been for sure lifted from a landfill, and given the barest pretense of a cleaning before being brought here. I could see Dean and Lukas’s heads pop out of the two that were facing away from us.

Hearing our arrival, Dean was the first to turn his head, a lit cigarette at his lips. “Sup Snake, avoided the rain have y-” He had a double take at my presence and tugged at Lukas’s sleeve, prompting the latter to finally glance up from a broken game console he was tinkering with.

“Why’s he here?” Lukas asked, frown on his face as he put his screwdriver in his pocket.

Snake threw me a sympathetic glance, seemingly sorry for the way Lukas had just addressed me. “Jamie’s here because…” I heard her voice crack a bit. “Because we have something to tell you.”

Dean gave us a snicker, shifting onto his belly and puffing his cigarette once. “Heh, knew it. Welcome to the misfits club, Jamie.”

“No, that’s not- that’s not what’s happening.” I quickly corrected, shaking my hands in an apologetic manner.

Dean’s smile drooped back down. He then said something, without malice, something that surprised me. “Wait a minute… Is this a coming out? Are ya two gay together or something? Snake shakin’ like leaves…” Lukas was as much a man of few words as usual, but he definitely seemed to be paying extreme attention. Dean continued, “S’fine if y’are, Snake. My uncle’s one of the gays too.”

“I’m not into men!” Interjected Snake. “I mean- I don’t- It’s not- I don’t need to, I think…” I could clearly picture the stereotypical image of the housewife she was struggling against right this moment.

“Why would you have to be into men, dude?” Lukas asked, now sporting concern on his face.

Snake continued to stumble on her words for a moment while I fruitlessly tried to calm her down by squeezing her arm. She got her potion out of her pocket with a shaky hand, stammering out “I’ll just show you!” as I failed to stop her from drinking twice the dose she needed for a single presentation of her new self.

“Will you please help me, she’s panicking!” I screamed at the two boys, before grinding my teeth at accidentally outing Snake. They rushed to our aid with a slightly confused expression on their faces, helping her stay standing up as she seemed ready to puke at any moment.

If I had to use one word to describe how her transformation went this time, it would be unstable. Wriggling despite herself in the grasp of her friends, she seemed to be screaming and groaning in pain as her body kept shifting rapidly everywhere, lost and confused just as much as her between what she wanted herself to be, tall, muscular, rough, and what she thought she had to be, tiny, pretty, defenseless.

It was by total chance that the potion ran out of juice and settled at about a midway point between the two - her hair not as long as before, but still considerably lightened, her height pretty much equivalent with her male form, limbs sporting both muscles and curves to a small degree each.

Lukas seemed stunned for a short moment, before he inched her slowly towards one of the bean bags, sitting her down and gasping for air in relief.

Dean followed suit, taking a glance at his defunct cigarette that had been dropped to the ground during the struggle, wheezing and taking a breath between each word. “Yeah… Well… It went… Way smoother… With my uncle, in comparison…” He smacked his lips and spat on the ground.

I swiftly walked over, grabbing Snake’s hand between my own and gently caressing its back. “Are you okay?”

“Like the whole fucking ceiling’s falling on my head, Jamie.” She replied, holding her forehead in pain.

“Since when’s Snake a girl?” Lukas asked pretty tactlessly. I shot him a glance, after which he elaborated. “Look, transgenderism I don’t know well but I at least know Snake. She was completely a dude.”

“Yeah, well, that has changed.” She uttered out with a groan. “My brain got mixed up and I don’t wanna turn it back, so I’m trans now. Deal with it.”

“So… Was the strength potion yesterday past its use-by or something?” Dean pondered while he moved back to his seat. 

Snake glared intently at me, causing her friends to do the same. I sighed, feeling put on the spot, and muttered as I walked to the last available seat. “It wasn’t a strength potion. I got distracted by a gender change one that was left on the counter and I didn’t get the time to warn Snake before she jumped on it.”

“Yeah well maybe speak up next time.” She grumbled in response, though to the tone of her voice it seemed clear she herself knew the fault was on her.

Lukas rolled his eyes. “Why d’you even grab that one.”

“At the time I wouldn’t have been able to get why, but now I know it’s because I misunderstood the label as sex change instead of gender change.” I pulled my own potion and drank a dose to illustrate, my body taking a few moments to achieve the same girl form I’d gotten at the alchemist’s house. I noticed the disorientation hadn’t been present this time.

Dean scrunched up his face slightly and pointed his finger in my direction, his eyes darting about in thought. “Wait… So… You were a girl all along?”

I replied with an uneasy smile, idly scratching the back of my head. “Well I didn’t know I was, but yes.”

Lukas started glaring at me pretty intently, looking me up and down while I felt my knees go weak under the scrutiny. “You don’t even make a pretty girl.”

“That’s cuz she doesn’t want to. Leave her alone.” Snake replied on my behalf, dropping her hand off from her forehead and onto her knee. Lukas got disinterested and went back to the console.

Dean chuckled as he pulled out a new cigarette from his pocket along with a lighter, fighting for a moment against it to light it up. “How’s it feel to be a girl, Snake?”

She shrugged. “How would I know? I’ve been a girl for barely a day, and like, the alchemist said I have sexism to get rid of before I really get to be myself.”

“That sucks.” He replied, taking a puff out of his smoke. “Oh, and does that mean you’re lesbian now?”

Snake blushed. I blushed. An awkward silence settled in.

“I-I mean,” I finally managed to blurt out, twiddling my thumbs to keep my voice from trailing off. “Gender and sexuality aren’t the same thing, so if... if... since Snake liked girls before, I don’t see why that’d have changed.”

Dean turned his head towards Snake looking for a confirmation he never got, as she very intentionally looked away, pretending to be interested in Lukas stripping the console for parts. He went back to me, an ominous grin on his face. “And what about Jamie?”

I felt caught like a deer in headlights and crossed my arms. I surprised myself by blurting out my thoughts, unable to stop. “I don’t- I never- I’ve never asked myself… There was Sarah in fourth grade I wanted to kiss on the cheek, but-” Finally regaining control of my mouth, I snapped. “Why are you asking anyway!?”

“No reason, just curious.” He replied as nonchalantly as possible, waving his cigarette between his fingers.

“Oh my god I fucking swear Dean if you’re scheming something again.” Snake clenched her fist, eyes fixated on Dean. I felt like she definitely had more trouble than usual keeping her goons in check, or maybe that’s how it always was for them when they weren’t busy making my life a nightmare? I realized I really didn’t know them well beyond how mean they usually were to me, and as that thought arrived, a sudden, anxious unease settled in my gut. Glancing at their faces gave me flashes of the way they treated me before, cold sweat trickling down my forehead. I found myself unable to enjoy their company once again, even the new Snake I suddenly didn’t want anything to do with.

“I need to go.” I muttered under my breath as I stood up from the beanbag in a single movement. Snake gave me a curious glance as I passed her by, and grabbed my sleeve. I was unable to hide how scared I was when we exchanged a look.

She took a moment to connect the dots, before sighing. “Fuck. Jamie, I’m sorry, we’re sorry for how we treated you. If I’d known that’s what your daily life was like…”

Dean muttered a “Sorry” between two puffs of smoke, and I even received from Lukas a silent nod of agreement.

I kinda broke down crying there and then. Snake did her best to comfort me, hugging me like when her telling me what the gender potion had done made me realise I was a girl. It felt liberating. For the second time today, I found myself wanting to put our past aside and just enjoy that we understood each other’s struggle now.