As the day turns to night, my staff slowly awaken from their slumber. They were not harmed, not in any way that is lasting. It seems that Aldramodore used a lighter touch, and for that I am… I do not quite know what I am.

It was still unacceptable.

I understood that he would survive. The enchanted heat and flames that had engulfed him were insufficient to see him dead, I knew as much seeing Lysis try to kill the man. Saving me.

Seeing him act as anything but a monster still bothers me greatly. It would be so much easier to accept had he just torn through this house leaving nothing but corpses strewn about. It would be easier to accept if he would simply kill me again. Instead, I must deal with Aldramodore the person.

“My lady?” Therina approaches the bed where I lie, though sleep is something that escapes me. “Is there something troubling you?”

“Could you tell me about yourself?” I ask, rubbing at my sternum as I slowly breathe. I must be back to my training, but there is something more important for me to do with this time.

“Me?” Therina asks.

“I… I know that you were a servant in that terrible house that I destroyed and that you were left in a bad place after,” I say, sitting up and patting at the bed beside me. “What is it like to live as a commoner?”

Therina adjusts her dress, settling down beside me. She smiles nervously, and I feel small and weak beside her. She’s remained focused and determined for as long as I’ve known her, but much of that strength is found through her faith in me.

“It was desperate,” she says, turning to glance through the window. “Every day was about finding something to do to find food, but worse for me was the hopelessness. Seeing that the nobles weren’t noble at all was… there is no future for us to look forwards to if our leaders aren’t trying to improve this city.

“That’s why I’m so happy that I found you,” she says, her lips turning up into a smile as she turns to look at me again. “You’re still figuring things out but I know that you’ll grow into a wonderful person. You care, Christina. That’s more than so many others.”

The moon shines through the window as we return to silence. I know what it is that I must become, but I do not understand the path that I’ll walk to get there. I do not understand, not perfectly, the struggles of the commoners. The person that I want to be understands the struggles of the farmers working their fields, the mercenaries fighting the beasts, and the beggars on the streets.

“Therina,” I whisper her name, staring down at my hands. “Could you hold me? I… I think I need…”

She leans into my side and wraps an arm around me. It’s not anything in the flavour of romance, and even as I lean against her side and feel her hugging me properly, it is a simple affection. It is more as a friend or a sister, and why should I not see her as a friend, she’s been by my side through much of this mess.

“Could you tell me more?” I ask. “The mundane of your life? The others, your friends? I just want to know the world that you would want changed? What is the world like? The world that I’ve been blind to?”

My chest feels hollow, even for all the hope that I’d found this morning. There is so much that I can find in my future, but I cannot be the person I wish to be until I understand myself and my past. Until I can mourn for all that I’ve lost.

Therina stays by my side through the night, telling me stories of her life. She tries to keep it amusing, talking about a boy that wanted to be a smith and the things that he would do to gather metal scrap. How he’d spend days training his fire magic because he knew he’d never be able to apprentice or afford a forge. He was quite the charming young boy from how she tells it, but she turns silent by the end.

Something bad happened to him, but she’s not wanting to share that part. She moves on, telling me a few more stories until she finally grows weary and returns to her room.

I close my eyes and meditate on her stories.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

It has taken me some time to prepare myself today, to create the image that I would want to show to Aldramodore upon his return, but in the end, I wish to show him my strength and resolution to be free from him. I wish to prove that he cannot collar me, as if I were a slave, and that my fate is not his to decide.

“You’re trimming too many leaves,” Piper says, taking the clippers from me and marking a branch closer to the base of the dappled moon flowers. “You want to cut here, it’s growing too wide.”

“Okay,” I take the clippers back and put my weight into cutting the limb free. The slaves had kept the gardens for as long as I can remember, and as we have no slaves any longer, it has been left to become overgrown. I would not expect my guests to tend to the flowers, but Piper has been kind enough to show me how this should be done.

“Have you changed your mind?” she asks, clipping out a flower and holding it between her fingers enjoying its scent. “Are you going to stay?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Though, escaping might be more complicated than I hoped for. Do you intend to stay? Or have you your own plans?”

Piper shakes her head, weaving the flower over her ear.

“There are too many people rushing out of this city,” she says. “Without your noble riches, we won’t find enough food to survive. Or we’ll have it stolen from us.”

“Then we’ll be leaving together,” I say, forcing a smile. I know that she still directs some ill feelings towards me, and the power that I have over her only makes it impossible for her to open up to me honestly.

“You may want to return to the house,” I say, smiling at her. She hurries her step onwards, escaping the sight of Aldramodore before he returns.

Pulling down my hood, I let the warmth of the morning light burn against my chilled skin. The ice fragments my skin, the shattered parts of me burning up as if sparks taking flight from the fire.

It pains me, but no longer is it pressing me down into my own dark thoughts, it feels as if a challenge to overcome. I will not let this threat destroy me, even if I am made vulnerable by it. This vulnerability proves that my death is still within reach, and should the worst come, Aldramodore will not be able to take this from me.

The man, the monster, walks through the gates. My guards are cautious but they do not even try to stop him, as I’ve already warned them of his arrival.

By his side is another person. A young man with a straight back and a clean look to him. He is not a vampire, but someone living.

“Good day,” I say, nodding my head to them as I continue to work on my garden. “Please do excuse me, but there is still work that must be done. I find the task quite calming.”

“Do as you wish,” Aldramodore grunts, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away from me. His cloak is something enchanted and it’s clear that he allows no light within. If he were to be struck with a sword, as Lysis had done, while standing in the sunlight, I dare say that he would die for sure.

“Before we begin, I should ask one thing,” I say, clipping a red flower back and carefully taking the flower. I would not wish to simply imitate Piper, but it is too pretty to let waste. I take it and let it hang from my pocket. “Lysis, what was done with him?”

“The brat,” Aldramodore shuffles around uncomfortably. “He wasn’t able to be healed.”

As I’d expected.

“He was given proper funeral rights,” Aldramodore says.

“Good,” I whisper, lowering my head and running my fingers along the thorns on the nearest branch. “He was not a good man, but he sacrificed himself to save me, and for that, I will forever be grateful.”

“Saved you from what?” Aldramodore says, shaking his head in disgust. “From me? Here we are anyway. He died for nothing. Like an idiot.”

“I would ask that you not speak of him in such a way,” I reply, glaring up at him. “He deserves as much respect. If it is not an unreasonable request, I would ask that I be allowed to visit his grave.”

He nods, without saying anything more.

It is strange to think that I so feared this man.

I understand that he is terrible, and powerful beyond belief, but he is not some simple villain like out of a storybook. So long as I treat him as a simple monster, I will find myself unable to properly respond to him. I will be unable to survive his influence.

“This is Orland,” Aldramodore says, waving to the young man, who bows respectfully to me. “He’ll be taking care of you.”

“Taking care of me?” I ask sharply, lifting my clippers and brushing the dirt that’s stained my dress. “In what way must I be cared for?”

“I was made to understand that you weren’t raised to run the household,” Orland says before my villain can speak. “I am here to assist you and help you in understanding this kingdom that you might best use your power as a noble. Semi has told me that you have potential, and she is always upset to see such potential wasted.”

“Semi?” I recall the name and the face, but I cannot quite place when and where I met her.

“Yes, I am here under her orders, and with Aldramodore’s permission,” he says. “I intend to tutor you properly, in things that even most nobles overlook. The criminal and merchant elements are, in fact, more important to the running of this city than the noble class which exists more as an obstacle for the rest of us.”

“Indeed,” I nod slowly. “Then I will be glad to learn from you, but I intend to leave this city once I’ve done what I may to assist the refugees fleeing from here.”

“You’re not leaving,” Aldramodore growls, glaring down at me. “My other children are recovering, and I won’t have you running about. Not when you’re still so weak and stupid that you’d get yourself killed.”

“I am leaving,” I say, smiling and shaking my head lightly. Now is not the time for force or strength, but a calm resolution. It should work best against him now, like when I would do something against fathers will. “If I am to stay here, then I am sure that it will break me. I would let myself become a bloodthirsty monster, uncaring for what it is that I destroy. Or, is that what you want of me? A mistreated hound, baying for blood?”

“Why?” Aldramodore asks. “Why do you think that you’d become a bloodthirsty monster?”

“That’s what you have made me into,” I say. “Though I fight to retain the girl that my parents raised, I now have a rather distracting desire to cause others suffering and pain. I have a desire to slowly dissect you, Aldramodore. I wish to flay you and slowly torment you, until I can find what it is that you are afraid of, all to make you suffer.

“A hunting instinct, borne from my new undead nature,” I explain, clipping off another flower.

Silence holds firm over us for a time, as I move on to the next flowerbed. These do not need clipping, but there are enough flowers that it does not hurt to steal but a few. Violet sunsets, crumpled pippy-nests, and stoneheart blossoms.

“That’s not how it works,” Aldramodore says, sighing deeply as he turns from me. “It would be easier if it was.

“Vampires aren’t born hunters; we’re born as humans and our minds aren’t twisted at all. We enjoy the taste of blood, but most are still struggling with the experience of dying, it’s difficult to have my children grow accustomed to the hunt. Whatever you feel, the anger, resentment, or whatever it is. They’re your true feelings, not something magically forced onto you.”

I pause, blinking.

“Is that so?”

“It is.” He does not sound as if he is lying, but then that would mean that all the cruel thoughts in my mind, are what? I never thought these evil things before waking from my death. No, there’s something wrong with what he’s saying.

“I was told that you would cure me,” I say, kneeling in the dirt with a handful of flowers. “I was told that my madness would grow worse and that you were the only one who could help me.”

“It will, and I am,” he says. “Everyone… struggles with this change. Changing your life, and looking at people as food, it drives almost everyone to madness. I’m the only one that can help. All I need to do is give the right orders and it will make it easier to handle.”

“No!” I shout, glaring at him. “No, I would rather suffer through this madness, than let you twist me into… whatever it is that you would twist me into. If that is your cure, then let me stay sick.”

I’ve lost too much already.

“Fine,” Aldramodore growls. “But if you start to lose your mind, I will come and save you no matter what complaints you have.”

He turns and leaves, saving me the effort needed to come up with a reply.

“You dealt with him rather well,” Orland says, nodding to me.

“Could you wait a moment,” I say, gripping the flowers I’ve bundled together. “There is something that I must do. It should not take long.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

My mother died when I was young.

It was an unexpected tragedy, but not one that is bound to conspiracy. It had nothing to do with vampires or royalty. It was something that only truly mattered to those in our family.

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited,” I say kneeling over her grave. It is a simple marker in one distant corner of our estate, I’ve not wanted to visit, afraid that I would desecrate this place as I am now. That’s the excuse, but the truth is I’ve been afraid.

“I… there’s something wrong with me,” a laugh squeezes out of me. “There are so many things wrong with me. I feel like there’s something important that I’m forgetting, but I can’t quite think of what it is. So, I guess that’s what brought me here. I was worried that if I left this any longer, I’d forget you too.”

I place a flower on the stone marker, letting myself remember her. Beside her are the new graves that I never looked for. This is where they all lie.

“Shialla,” I whisper the name of the familiar goddess, drawing a faint light into my chest which threatens to burn my insides. “Let them be happy, wherever they are. Let them know that I’m thinking of them.”

The faith burns as it forms magic that slips away from me, passing from this world.