Chapter 34: Late night musings

After a dinner with Beth, the three went up to the bedroom to rest up. Arthur was conflicted. Andrew's words rang in his mind. He knew that it was hard on the boy, living apart from his father.

Yet, what could he do? To separate him from Audrey was heartless. She had not been the one to give up the search. Spending her paychecks on private detectives, who came up with cold leads. She had been tenacious in her desire to get her son back. She deserved his love more than he did.

"What are you thinking about?" Tagas asked, as he rested his head on Arthur's chest. Harry was spooning Tagas, and already asleep.

"Did you hear my conversation with Andrew? When we were leaving?" Arthur asked, and Tagas hummed his agreement.

"I did. He is holding up well, considering that he can't live with you," Tagas said, and Arthur sighed.

"What would you have done, if you were in my shoes?" Arthur asked, and Tagas kept silent for a long while, before answering.

"The same as you. Leave the boys with their mother, pay child support, see them as often as she would allow," Tagas said, and Arthur nodded.

"Andrew asked me if I didn't love him," Arthur murmured, and Tagas looked up at him.

"That is a hard question. More so because Andrew is young and honest to a fault," Tagas said, staring into Arthur's blue eyes.

"I know that. I gave up the search. I don't deserve to even see him. Audrey is generous in letting me spend time with him," Arthur said, and hugged Tagas closer to himself. "But, do you know what? A selfish part in me tells me to fight her for the boys. I can provide them with a better life. Better schools, better college."

"You can still provide them with all that, even if they don't live with you," Tagas insisted. "The boys have to stay with their mother."

"Yes, but why?" Arthur didn't know why he was even asking. He already knew the answer.

"For her sake," Tagas said. "I have watched mothers who lost their children, when I was in Heaven. They were never the same people as before. Not even when they got more children."

"You must think me selfish for even asking," Arthur said, and Tagas shook his head.

"You have the right to be bitter. You made a mistake, and that cost you everything. I saw how you narrowed your eyes when you saw Sam at the table," Tagas said, and snuggled closer into Arthur's warmth. "You have to think of it that way. That chapter of your life is over. You have two children by Audrey, help her take care of them. But don't think on what would have been."

"I love you," Arthur told the angel, whose breath hitched in his throat. "And Harry too. But a part of me still loves Audrey. We were together since kindergarten."

"That is a long time to forge a bond," Tagas had to admit. "Still, just because you have a divorce, it doesn't mean that you can't stay friends. You have to forgive Sam as well."

"Why should I? He stole my children from me because he couldn't have any of his own," Arthur snapped. The mention of Sam making his blood boil.

"He can't?" Tagas asked, and Arthur nodded.

"He got diagnosed a couple of years back. I remember the night because I took him to a bar crawl, and we got wasted," Arthur remembered the night, when he had tried to console Sam. The man had been a wreck. Mopping as he drank too much. He had even broken up with his fiancé soon after because she wanted children as much as him, but he couldn't give them to her.

"People make mistakes," Tagas said. "The children can still be a part of your life."

"I know that," Arthur said. "It still hurts that I can't tuck them into bed, like how I used to. I have never tucked them both, one after the other. I fear I never will."

"We can speak with Audrey, ask if we can't stay at her house until their bedtime," Tagas suggested. "Play with them until they get tired. Then, you can carry them both to their rooms."

"If Sam is there, she will say no. I think they will get married," Arthur said with a broken voice. It hurt to know that Audrey was moving on from him so fast. Then again, he had moved on as well.

"It is better to have two father figures, than none," Tagas spoke from experience. To him, Michael and Lucifer had been the parent figures. As different as night and day, and one of them having to hide his visits. But between them, he had barely felt his father's absence.

"If Sam is good to my boys, I suppose I can forgive him, in time. Nonetheless, we will never be as close as before," Arthur told him. "My friendship with Audrey will never be the same again, either."

"Still, even a cold acquaintance can put the children at ease," Tagas said, and then kissed Arthur's neck. "You should get some rest."

"Will you be here, when I am old and gray?" Arthur blurted out. He dreaded the time when Tagas would be called back to Heaven, and Harry back to Hell.

"Even if my banishment ends up being forever because of that," Tagas promised him. "I will be with you, in sickness and in health. In happiness, and sorrow."

"Are you giving me a wedding vow, angel?" Arthur asked, amazed.

"We are soulmates, and Harry loves us to bits. Nothing will separate the three of us. Don't you worry," Tagas closed his eyes, and drifted off. Arthur held him and listen to his breathing, as it evened out.

The farmer thought about his situation for another half an hour, and decided that there was nothing he could do, but keep things from spiraling out of control. He had Tagas and Harry; Audrey had Sam. They both had the kids. He could live with that.