Before the next Transfiguration class, the twins, Terry, and I snuck in and covered the room with lettuce leaves. We also left a dildo on Professor Soot's desk and set our piglet on the floor, letting it run off behind his desk. 

"You four are here early." Professor Soot said as he entered, the rest of the class streaming in behind him in a sea of chatter. He glanced around the room, taking in the lettuce, dildo, and piglet, sighing. "Of course. That's why. Not because any of you have taken the initiative to do better in class. But because you wanted to make my day worse." 

"Of course, sir." I said brightly, ruffling his hair as he brushed past me. He shot me a look as several of my classmates gasped, but just sat down at his desk, brushing the lettuce leaves aside and setting his briefcase down. 

I unzipped my own bag, bringing out the parrot that the Insurgents had taught swear words and letting it loose. It flapped around the classroom, squawking "Fuck, shit, bitch, dick, cunt," and Professor Soot buried his face in his hands. 

"Sir," I said, getting down on one knee beside him, "will you marry me?" 

"No, Miss Potter." Professor Soot sighed. "As I am sure that your two boyfriends would not be very happy about that. Now please, class, settle down and pay attention." 

I snatched his wand, replacing it with a trick rubber chicken one from our shop, and I skipped back to my seat, beaming. Professor Soot got up, clearing the blackboard, and started writing up today's aims while the rest of us tittered and messed around. 

"Now," He said, glancing around the classroom, "where's everyone's homework?" 

We all passed up our parchment, me grinning as he glanced down at mine and frowned. I'd written the whole thing with a glitter gel pen and signed it at the bottom with my autograph. 

"Professor, don't you like my stylish pen?" I raised my hand, making sure my tone was argumentative. "How dare you?" 

"I would, of course, prefer it if my students used black ink when writing assignments." Professor Soot said, his eyes on me. "But as long as you get the job done -" 

"Er, EXCUSE me, sir, but you were like, glaring at my homework." I said, letting attitude drip from my words. Half the class turned and gaped at me. I shrugged. 

"Miss Potter -" 

"Sir, you're dumb." 

The class was silent. Someone snorted in the corner then slapped their hands over their mouth. 

"Are you trying to get a detention, Miss Potter? Is that your game here?" Professor Soot raised an eyebrow at me, some hidden meaning behind his words, and I shivered. "That can be easily arranged. Detention next week, in my office. Anyway..." 

For some reason I was excited by his tone and the way he looked at me before he turned back to the board. What was he going to make me do in this detention? 

"Sir, can I have your autograph?" Terry put his hand into the air. Professor Soot ignored him. "Sir, that shirt looks really good on you. You also smell really good today." 

Despite himself, I could see Professor Soot's lips twitching as he scrawled out a question on the board. He turned to pick up his wand, only for it to squawk and turn into a rubber chicken in his hand. He sighed, struggling against himself not to laugh. 

"Give me my wand, please, Miss Potter." 

"There you go, Professor. By the way, what's your workout routine?" 

Professor Soot's eyes glinted at me. "We are talking about Transfiguration right now, Miss Potter. I shall tell you all about it during your detention." 

Several of my classmates went like, "Oooohh..." and Terry smirked. Fred and George glared at our professor. I went onto Facebook and sent him a friend request; Professor Soot looked down at his phone as it chimed, and as I glanced back at my phone screen, I saw that he'd accepted it. I sniggered, pocketing it again. 

Fred brought out his laptop and set it on the desk, just as George brought out his DJ machine. My sniggers turned to snorts and giggles as Terry and I lost our shit; Fred had started watching Stranger Things on Netflix instead of our professor lecturing at the front of the class, and George had slipped on some headphones and a second later, random remixes were playing from his machine. 

"DJ Bushy in da house!" I cried, collapsing sideways into Terry as tears streamed down my face. Our classmates were all chattering and watching George as he bopped along to the music, raising his hand into the air. 

"Enough." Professor Soot flicked his wand wordlessly at George's DJ machine and it silenced; he then flicked it at Fred's laptop, making it slam closed. "Pay attention, please. I don't ask much." 

"Sorry, sir." I said. "But can I just...?" 

I darted up to the front of the class, right in front of him, and pulled my tape measure out of my pocket. I stretched it out, measuring him from head to toe - damn, he's very tall - and my professor stared at me with amusement in his eyes. 

"Do you want to measure anything else while you're at it?" Professor Soot said in a low voice, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. 

I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. 

"Maybe in detention, eh?" I squeaked out, and scurried back to my desk. Terry high-fived me. 

"Get out the soot." He hissed, and I giggled, ignoring my flaming cheeks. I felt around in my bag, getting out the small jar of soot, and tipped some into Terry's then my palm. 

We turned to Professor Soot, whose eyes were on us as he lectured, and licked broadly up our palms. He started, his jaw dropping as I withdrew my tongue, covered in black, into my mouth and winked at him. 

"Er - um - that concludes our lesson, class." Professor Soot announced, turning away; but I'd seen it. His cheeks were turning pink just like mine. 

During the chaos of our class getting up and gathering their things, the twins, Terry, and I passed around the Polyjuice Potion laced with Fred and George's hairs. We all took a sip, then ten minutes later came back to the classroom to harass Professor Soot. 

He was just leaving the room after gathering up our assignments into his briefcase and heading for his office, and he took a step back as he saw the sheer amount of Weasley twins heading his way. 

"What - what is the meaning of this?" He demanded, his eyebrows contracting. 

"Homewrecker!" A George nearby yelled as he advanced upon the suddenly afraid Professor Soot. 

"Stay away from our girl or else!" A Fred shouted, running at him. 

Professor Soot took off at a sprint down the corridor as we all followed, those of us at the back laughing our heads off. 

~~~ 

The prank war continued on as the weeks passed, and we were soon well into November. Toilet paper had been charmed to trail from Dean's school trousers for a whole day; Shannon's hair was cursed to turn pink for an hour every time she went to the bathroom; Terry had started selling 'sex tapes' of me and the twins, only for the horny people who bought them to discover they were tapes of me and the twins reading out a GCSE Biology lesson plan about biological sex. 

And during the karaoke night in the Great Hall, the twins, Terry, and I sniggered as we exchanged Harry's tape with a 'Wrecking Ball' one. 

"He's gonna shit himself." I cackled, stepping back into the crowd. We blended in with a bunch of seventh years, grinning cheekily at Colin and Louis, and watched as Harry climbed up onto the stage. 

"Alright, guys?" Harry asked the crowd, and we all cheered. I cupped my hands around my mouth to whoop, and the four of us fell about in laughter. "Tonight I'm gonna be singing -" 

He cut himself off, looking in shock at the speakers as they started blaring the instrumental to 'Wrecking Ball.' Then my twin brother shrugged, raising the microphone to his lips once more, and started singing the beginning of the song. We all cheered louder, the twins catcalling and me and Terry screaming with laughter. 

And as for the songs that the four of us sang… well. Terry and I sang a somewhat normal song together, ‘Best Friend’ by Conan Gray - 

“That’s my fucking best friend, 

That’s my fucking right hand, 

That’s my throw up in the bathroom but still love them, 

That’s my fucking best friend, best friend,” Terry and I sang, facing each other and clasping hands, “that’s my fucking best friend, best friend!” 

- and I sang ‘Guys My Age’ by Hey Violet by myself, and I had captured everyone’s attention; multiple bras and BOXERS were thrown at me as I sang - 

“Guys my age don't know how to treat me, 

Don't know how to please me, 

Don't know how to read me, 

Guys my age don't know how to touch me, 

Don't know how to love me good,” I sang, making eye contact with Fred, then George, “Guys my age don't know how to tease me, 

Don't know how to leave me, 

Don't know how to need me, 

Guys my age don't know how to touch me, 

Don't know how to love me good…” 

“They’re not that much older than you, though.” Suzanne said as I stepped down off the stage, her eyebrows raised. “Was that about someone else? A hot new professor, perhaps?” 

“Maybe a little bit about him.” I admitted. “And Luke… but mostly about the twins, TBH. Two years is a lot older to me. Especially considering I’ve screwed most of the people in our year.” 

“True.” She shrugged, and we both sniggered. 

- but the twins and I decided to sing a risqué song; ‘3’ by Britney Spears. We ground against each other and danced provocatively as we sang, evoking a very excited and horny response from the crowd - 

“Merrier the more, 

Triple fun that way, 

Twister on the floor, 

What do you say? 

Are you in, 

Livin' in sin is the new thing,” We sang, Fred pressed up against my front and George against my back, “YEAH!” 

“YOU’RE ALL SO HOT!” Someone screamed from the crowd, and there was an eruption of laughter. 

“We know.” I spoke into my microphone quickly as the twins sang the next two verses, evoking more laughter. 

“One, two, three, 

Not only you and me, 

Got one eighty degrees, 

And I'm caught in between, 

Countin', one, two, three, 

Peter, Paul, and Mary, 

Gettin' down with 3P, 

Everybody loves, oh, countin’!” 

We finished the song in a twister pose, laughing our heads off. 

And then Fred, George, Terry, and I finished off the night with ‘Best Friends’ by Five Seconds of Summer. 

“Memories I hold to keep safe, 

And I live for that look on your face, 

I got the best friends in this placе, 

And I'm holdin' on, 

Memories I hold to keep safe, 

And I lovе to love you, for God's sake, 

I got the best friends in this place, 

And I'm holdin' on…” 

And I meant every word of it. I truly did have the best friends in the world. 

~~~ 

“Just owl us if you need anything.” Ted Tonks told me and the twins as he handed over the squirming baby. “Thank you so much for doing this, guys, you didn’t have to.” 

“Are you kidding?” I said, taking Teddy and propping him on my hip. “We’d love to take Teddy anytime!” 

“Yeah, Daisy here is desperate to take on the role of ‘Mummy,’” Fred smirked, “aren’t you, baby girl?” 

I glared at him as George took the baby bag from Andromeda; she was telling him how much milk was in there and how to heat it up, where the nappies were, and how to apply the rash cream if he got any on his little bum. 

“I think I got it.” George said nervously. “Thanks, Mrs Tonks.” 

“No, thank you three.” She said, looking at each of us in turn. “It’s been a while since we’ve been able to get away just the two of us, for the weekend… and ever since Nymphadora…” 

Andromeda trailed off. Ted slipped an arm around his wife’s waist. 

“We’ll be back on Sunday evening.” He told us, stepping back from the door. “Listen, thanks again. Bye bye, Teddy!” 

The baby on my hip waved his fat little fists at his grandfather, chuckling. My heart melted. 

“C’mon, baby.” I cooed to the little one as we took him into the living room. “What do you wanna do? Do you wanna play? Do you? Do you?” 

Teddy made a, “Heeheeeee…!” sound, and I grinned, placing him on the little mat that I’d set up before they’d arrived. He gazed around, wiggling his butt as he leaned forward, reaching for a teething toy and stuffing it into his mouth. He looked up at me, waving his free fist in the air. 

“You like that?” I crouched beside him, beaming. “Is that nice on your sore little teeth, poor baby? 

Teddy crowed, kicking his feet. I reached out for him, tickling the tiny foot nearest to me, and he squealed, rolling onto his side to get away from me. I giggled, righting him, and he spat out the toy. 

“Oh, come on, you don’t want it anymore?” Fred sat down beside me, picking the toy up and waving it at Teddy. “But you were loving it a second ago, Teds.” 

Teddy chuckled again, reaching out for the teething toy, but Fred moved it away from him. I glared at my boyfriend. 

“Don’t be mean, give it back to the poor baba.” I pouted. 

Fred laughed. “Where’d it go, Teds? Eh?” 

He’d hidden it under the bright yellow mat. Teddy stared at Fred for a moment then placed his hand on top of the lump where the toy was. 

“Waheeey!” Fred cheered, whipping the mat off the toy. Teddy shrieked with laughter, waving his fists. 

“You hungry, Teddy?” George came back into the room, holding a heated bottle of milk. “Who wants to feed him?” 

My hand immediately shot up, and the twins shook their heads at me, grinning. 

“You want babies so bad, don’t you, princess?” George said, handing me the bottle. 

“Don’t worry.” Fred’s voice was wicked. “We’ll give you some. Won’t we, Georgie?” 

I ignored them, aware that my cheeks were flaming, and picked up Teddy. I took him over to the sofa, settling him in my arms, and his mouth latched on immediately to the bottle. I smiled softly down at the baby I was holding, at his wide, round, innocent eyes and the little hands that were holding onto the side of the bottle. 

Yes. Yes, I definitely want one of these. Or ten. 

Teddy’s eyes moved to the twins as Fred whispered something to George, then back to me. I nearly jumped as, suddenly, his fluffy hair turned ginger and his eyes gleamed green. 

“Oh my Godric.” I said quietly. “Guys - I forgot he could do that. Oh my - he looks like us…” 

I looked up to see Fred and George watching me and Teddy with surprisingly tender looks on their faces. I’d only ever seen those looks a few times in my whole time of knowing them. 

Fred smiled gently. George’s eyes were soft. And before I knew it, there was a slight pink haze in the air and little glowing hearts surrounded us. And somehow, I knew that they were coming from me. 

~~~ 

I have to give the fluff every once in a while because I feel like I’ve been too filthy with the smut lately LMAO 

Also for some reason I picture the twins as two ginger Steves from Stranger Things sometimes. Girls why is that?? Like half the time it’s James and Oliver Phelps, because omg hot, but I think I have a thing for Stevey’s actor too 😳 !

(Don’t judge me)