“I came here to talk to you,” said Naavah, attempting to cover her mouth with her hand, though she decided against it at the last moment.
Despite how these few words alone had drained her of all the courage she had priorly built, the desire to remedy the situation from the night before kept her from running out the door behind her.
“What do you want?” asked Fyodor in a harsh voice, crossing his arms.
The look on her husband’s face made her heart pound, believing that he was furious with her. Nonetheless, she struggled to keep her calm and not let his gaze affect her state of mind. Besides, if she were to be a coward now, nothing was going to change for the better, she thought. Taking a deep breath, she put her hands together and squeezed her fingers tightly.
“The reason I behaved that way last night was because I panicked. I am sorry I couldn't tell you then,” she said, maintaining his gaze, which had eased a little after hearing her words.
“You panicked. Why?”
“It was not something I was aware of, the maid who accompanied me being the first person who thought to tell me about it. I read about intercourse in a book before, but I... I was scared. It would have been my first time, and even though I hoped I could do it... Before I could properly grasp the situation, you showed up, and I... lost my courage... I wanted to say ’No, I don’t want to, because I’m afraid’, but I felt sick to my stomach due to nervousness. The rest, you know,” she said, biting her lower lip, imagining what he would think of her after such a confusing and silly statement.
She had planned an explanatory speech for him in advance so that she would not make a fool of herself. Nevertheless, being under his scrutinizing gaze not only made her forget her every word but also made her fear that he would reject her because of what she said.
Fyodor looked down, his eyes unfocused. Naavah was losing her calm, thinking of the worst, but after a few moments, he looked back at her and waved his hand so that she would come to him. He embraced her in an insecure manner, his fingertips barely touching her. Sighing, he looked at her and licked his lips.
“I should admit that I exaggerated last night, as well. I am sorry for all the horrible things I said to you.”
Naavah blinked a few times in awe. She never thought that he would be this composed, moreover even apologize for his actions.
"Should I thank him?" she wondered, examining his features in an attempt to read his actual disposition.
She was hesitant in expressing her gratitude for his gesture, the reason for it being unknown. However, even though she couldn’t read his mind, what she could do was notice his fingers trembling. He didn’t touch her even once.
‘A-A-Are you that d-d-disgusted at t-t-the t-thought of me t-t-touching you?’
With wide eyes, she gasped, realizing his motive for not hugging her. Biting her lower lip hard, she glanced at him, admiring his calm demeanor.
“He deserves it,” she thought, taking his hands into hers.
"And I also wanted to say something else. I am not disgusted by you or your touch," she said, unsure, pronouncing each word slowly, one at a time. Seeing him focused on her, she continued. "I just don’t know how to... deal with this situation."
Parting his lips, Fyodor felt his heartbeats pounding hard as if bursting out of his chest. After leaving their room, he stormed into his own and smashed, broke, and destroyed everything in his path out of frustration and rage. When he finally managed to partially calm down, he began to reflect on what had happened, searching for an answer. Of course, he thought that she was scared, being her first time. Nevertheless, he was taken aback by her confession.
“You,” he began but then covered his mouth with his hand.
He wanted to avoid her gaze, still dumbfounded by her words. How could he respond to such a straightforward admittance? Fyodor never thought a woman would ever speak her mind so openly, much less from Naavah.
“I will be more attentive and sensitive to you from now on. I propose not to let the events of last night affect us anymore and to consider our first night as being on another date. If you want to, I will apologize again for my outburst. What do you think?”
“I agree,” said Naavah, blinking rapidly and with a big smile across her face. “Would you, perhaps… Want our first night to be soon?” she asked, blushing and weakening her grip on his hands.
“Whenever you want,” he answered, chuckling slightly.
“How late is too late?”
He giggled at her words and gently rubbed his head against hers.
“Well, do you need some time to think about it, or do you, maybe… want to try again tonight?”
She pondered both options for a few moments, taking into consideration her implicit feelings and fears, yet chose the latest. It would be better to not delay the inevitable and to not let him feel rejected again, she thought.
“Let us try again tonight. Hopefully, I will feel better, and now maybe I won’t, uh, freak out.”
Raising his brows, he couldn’t stop smiling. However, upon hearing her next words, his eyes narrowed, and his mood dropped.
“However, I hope our marriage is not doomed.”
“Doomed?”
“It is said that a couple’s first night will decide how the marriage will be, and us having a spar is... not a good omen,” she said, lowering her gaze.
“Only we can decide the way our marriage is and will be like in the future. As long as we want it to be good, it will be so. Besides, couples will fight from time to time, but more important is whether they reconcile or not,” he said with a faint smile.
She smiled back, nodding in approval. Although the meaning of a couple’s first night was foreign to her, she believed Linda’s words, thinking it was the perspective of the people of these lands.
Tilting his head, Fyodor stared intently at her. The fact that she came to him, trying to explain her actions from the previous night, stunned him. And even more so, she was not even slightly reluctant to agree with his proposal. He had never met or heard of a woman like her. Also, he was at fault too. If he hadn’t lost his temper so quickly, and if he had been the one to return to her, the situation would have been different at that moment. And yet, this thin and shy woman came to him and spoke with the intention of assuring him that he was not repulsive. Fyodor could not deny his attraction to her from the first moment he saw her. And now, he could not constrain himself anymore.
“Can I kiss you?”
“W-Well, I am your wife so... You don’t need to ask for permission.”
Hesitantly, he approached her little by little until their noses touched. He looked at her delicate and fleshy lips and bent his head slightly. Gently and patiently, he rubbed and captured her lips with his own. The moist and soft sensation emboldened Fyodor to part her lips open to let his tongue enter her mouth. As he touched her tongue and teeth, he caressed her back with his hand, making Naavah touch his right cheek with her fingertips. Slowly, both of them succumbed to the new sensation and began to feel tingles all over their bodies. Soon, their minds went blank. Hugging each other to shorten the distance between them, they both felt her breasts pressing against his chest. For a few moments, they forgot about everything and hadn’t even sensed they were choking.
Fyodor pulled away from the kiss, and they were both gasping for breath, their faces stained red. Naavah looked down, still panting with her mouth open, and tried to stand, but he pulled her back hard onto his thighs again.
