Chapter 5 – Muddling Insecurities
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1

"This isn't real. This isn't real..."

Like a recorder playing on repeat, Kazuki uttered those words while walking alongside his two little sisters.

He was not sure which one he found more unbelievable. The fact that he's really doing this or the fact that Ms. Sadohara actually approved of it when he talked to her in secret last night.

---

"Hooooh? That's great! Something to take your mind off Amagi, I guess. Maybe invite her in and have her play mommy, too."

"But Ms. Sadohara, the Magna Arbiter! We're free now, but what about the coming days?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it. Still, won't a little break help? Who knows? That girl could help us in our investigation."

"Yeah, what are the odds of that? And no, I'm not dragging Hikari and Sana into this."

"I didn't say you give your powers to them and have them fight! Sheesh, maybe some intangibles you get from taking on the responsibility. They've also been having those dreams, right?"

"So does everyone else who was at the festival."

"Ehh, maybe a learning experience won't hurt," she finished before hanging up. "Besides, you'll be going to the mall tomorrow, right? I'll send someone over to check on you."

---

"Sssshh! Play along!"

On his left, Hikari playfully skipped, her footsteps making a sound against the mall's marble floors. Her hand maintained a firm grip on Kazuki's, and he found himself being swept away by his sister's enthusiasm.

The same cannot be said for the little girl that held his right hand.

Sana Kurashiki. No, Sana Arata quietly walked along. Her hand gripped Kazuki's hand even more tightly, while she had most of her features hidden underneath a large hat.

Looking down, Kazuki admired the silky red hair that peeked past the bottom part of the top hat.

"Hikari, I swear if we encounter those people, they'll see through this paper-thin disguise. Is this really the best we can do?"

His actual sister stopped before turning to him with a pout.

"And what's your idea? Leaving Sana alone at home while we go shopping?"

"No, but I could have done the shopping myself and—"

"We're here to celebrate a new member of our family. Of course we have to go all out and buy all her favorites at the grocery. Ain't that right, Big Sis?"

Sana nervously nodded.

"Wait, who decided on who's the older one? By all means, you seem to be much older, Hikari."

"But Sana's older. She's older by a few months."

"Two months..." followed Sana, raising two fingers.

"Right. You learn something new every day."

The three of them continued the trek to through the mall, eventually reaching the supermarket. With people lining up for the carts, Kazuki can see that people have come in droves.

"Kazuki and Hikari? It's been a while since I've seen you two together," said one of the entrance clerks they're familiar with.

Acknowledging him, Kazuki simply nodded.

"And who would this be? I think it's the first time I've seen her before."

"Oh, it's our long-lost sibling, Sana!"

That's fast! And she said it so seamlessly, too.

Kazuki swallowed hard as he saw the clerk lean down and give an observant expression towards Sana.

"Sana, huh? Nice to meet you."

He offered his hand, which the girl with the red wig timidly accepted.

"How come I've never heard of a long-lost sibling of some sort?" he jovially asked Hikari.

"Well..." Hikari put her fingers on her chin before Kazuki urged her to get a move on.

"Arata!"

Much to everyone's surprise, a person emerged from behind Kazuki.

"Shizaki?!" questioned Kazuki. "What are you doing here?"

That last sentence came out more as a suspicious whisper before the blonde youth smirked. On the bright side, the sudden appearance of Shizaki provided enough distraction for the conversation with the clerk to end.

"Errands, errands, errands. The always graceful Ms. Sadohara gave me lots to do for today, being a weekend and all."

He then produced a list from his pocket. It was a small sheet of paper until Shizaki slowly unfolded it. It had apparently been folded into two...

And four...

And eight...

Sixteen.

Kazuki scoffed as he was faced with a list that's almost half as tall as Shizaki. He did not bother reading the instructions, but it already looked completely daunting as it was.

Of course Ms. Sadohara sent this guy. Who better to send than her unofficial manservant? If he's not doing errands, he's there in her office doing maid work.

"Big Bro, is he a friend of yours?" asked Hikari.

"Right. I forgot to introduce myself," Shizaki awkwardly cleared his throat before giving kneeling on one knee and giving a courteous bow. "Jay Shizaki here. Your brother's friend from school and his best assistant."

"How come I've never heard about him if you're so close to one another?" Hikari turned to her brother.

"W-well..."

Before Kazuki can answer, Shizaki had raised his hand. "Because I'm not just an assistant to your brother. My heart longs for someone else, and my feelings for her are stronger than anyone else's. I love someone who's the epitome of kindness, beauty, and intelligence."

Kazuki fought hard to not laugh or facepalm. A cringeworthy introduction.

What's with this over-the-top introduction? Is this guy serious?

"You're funny. Right, Big Sis?"

Sana nodded when Hikari nudged her.

While that was happening, Shizaki leaned closer to Kazuki and whispered to him.

"As you've probably guessed, Ms. Sadohara also told me to check on you. She told me about your situation and all, so she sent me to check up on you and make sure that everything's fine."

"As expected of her."

By the time the conversation finished, the clerk had returned to serve the customers, leaving the siblings free to continue on with their grocery shopping.

But the day's far from over. After getting home and having their lunch, Hikari wanted more. She wanted to take Sana for short trips to other places. Places a bit more mundane, like the hardware store, the ornamental plant shop, and the like.

By the middle of the afternoon, Kazuki and the two girls found themselves enjoying books at a comic and book café.

Just then, Kazuki's phone vibrated, and when he saw the name, he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten something last night. The whole incident with Sana had caused him to forget about Amagi, and her name showing up on the screen shook him a bit.

He immediately wondered what it was about, but he already had an idea.

The contents of the message did not surprise him one bit. With a sigh, he checked his schedule for 5 pm before turning his attention back to Hikari and Sana.

2

"Sayaka! Sayaka! Stay with me!"

The boy pressed his arm in rhythmic motion. His messy black hair swayed with each press. The little girl, through her blurry vision, failed to see any more details on his face, but she knew for sure what kind of expression he had.

She also knew that he was on the verge of tears.

The petite girl tried moving her hand, but they lay limp. It was better that they have turned numb. She did not have to feel pain any longer. Still, her brother's worried wails scared her each passing second. She urged her body to move once again, but they refused to budge from the sticky pool of blood she lay on.

"Bro...ther..." she tried to call out. When she failed to hear her own voice, she knew that even her throat had given in.

It was helpless. At this time of need, all she did was become a burden to her brother. After all he had done for her, he had to see her last moments in tears.

Should she not have gotten mad at him and stormed off from the room?

It was all her fault. Had she not acted like such a spoiled brat, this would not have happened.

Sayaka began to try to fight her way up. She wanted to surprise her brother, get up and give him a warm hug. She knew that she did not have too long to live, but she at least wanted to comfort her brother before she goes.

Alas, her body would not move even an inch.

What the girl did feel was her brother's body collapsing onto her. Finally given in to grief, her brother leaned against her before crying out to the gods.

The scene broke her heart.

Brother, don't cry anymore. Or else... or else...

Tears rolled down her wide-open eyes, and she finally uttered a word.

She did not even know what she said, but she knew that her voice went through, as her brother quickly stopped crying.

"Wait... It's not too late," her brother suddenly spoke. The next lines said in his rough and trembling voice were barely comprehensible to Sayaka, but his figure got up. "Sayaka, can you hear me?!"

Yes!

She mouthed, yet what came out was nothing more than incomprehensible gurgles. Nonetheless, her brother's excited shout caused her heart to leap in joy.

Despite not being able to see much of his details, she then very clearly saw a light engulf her brother's arm. Out of the light came a long, pointed object.

It was the very same weapon that had saved her from those scary-looking things. Seeing it once more was enough to calm her heart down, and she shut her eyes.

A soothing warmth embraced her body.

It was the prelude to a disaster. Past her brother's shoulders, she saw a figure from the distance.

She motioned to talk, but the next thing she knew, blood splattered onto her face as she lay dumbfounded.

A loud scream escaped her, and she felt her heart begin to beat rapidly.

--

"You look troubled, Sayaka."

Sayaka Uehara snapped back to reality with a start. Leaned against a pillar, the black-haired girl tilted her head upwards. She had been sweating, and her chest continued to heave up and down like it did in her vision.

Standing in front of her was the leader of Euphoria.

Guren Izaya, flowing silver hair and all, had his usual calm façade. He carried a look that she had grown used to in just these few days. Despite his long coat having gotten tattered and dirty, the man had his usual confident expression, as if he was in complete control of any situation.

"Brother..." she paused, reflecting on her reality now.

Feeling self-conscious when those words left her mouth, she scoffed and picked herself up.

The time for break was over, and she had fallen into a slight lull. A burning sensation on her exposed abdomen reminded her of what happened beforehand.

She had gotten careless and got hit by a Nullity's trap. When that scythe-like arm connected, it was not the immediate pain that was concerning. It was the debilitating poison that the Nullity carried.

While not potent enough to be fatal, especially to an Awakener as strong as she was, it had the effect of draining her stamina. What should have been an easy trek through Shiroki City's Fragment had turned into a long trip filled with breaks, some which caused her to drift off and encounter those unpleasant memories.

"I was careless, and it won't happen again. Let's hurry."

"Doubt clouds your mind, yet you try to keep it all inside. You really are Senri's sister."

The black-hair girl pretended to ignore him and marched forward, setting her eyes on the archway and the tunnel ahead.

"Don't make a joke out of Brother. The brother I knew was headstrong, confident, and strong in his convictions."

She stole a glance at her companion as they descended down the decrepit stairwell.

"There's a side that he never showed anyone," calmly answered Izaya. "Especially not the dear sister he would fight the world for."

Uehara did not respond, but the silver-haired man's chuckle caused her to tighten the grip on her sword. However, that was not just an act of mild irritation.

The creeping sensations that crawled all over her skin returned, and her eyes shifted from wall to wall with utmost focus.

"The person's down there. Stay sharp," said Izaya, summoning his rapier.

"No need to tell me that," she retorted, twitching her eyebrows a bit.

"Anyone! Help!"

Following the sound of the scream, Uehara rushed down the stairwell. Right in time, an adult man slipped and planted his face on the floor.

"Help!" he pleaded right after his briefcase rolled across the rocky floor.

Amid his pleas, a rumbling sound echoed from past the tunnels. Uehara stepped forward, holding her sword with both hands.

Her eyes gazing at the tunnel ahead, the black-haired girl bent her knees.

Even her heart seemed to go still, not wavering nor responding to the melody made by the footsteps and the water dripping from the chamber's walls. Neither did she pay attention to Izaya, although she could make out bits of his conversation with the hapless victim.

Those calming words and his understanding tone had always been Guren Izaya's signature. He may have a whole slew of bitterness and frustration brewing inside, but his constant appearance of control over any situation was something to look up to.

No wonder he managed to attract those powerful individuals.

And even herself, she begrudgingly admitted.

Slowly, the footsteps grew louder. Yet they were nothing more than background noise to the hyper-focused girl.

Instead, she smelled prey.

A Class C was far from a match against her prowess, and she never felt a single ounce of fear when the bull-shaped monster emerged from the shadows.

Before it got a chance to roar, her feet had already gotten to a head start. She narrowed her eyes and stared straight into the jewel that shone on the bull's forehead.

This Nullity won't even require Crimson Lust to dispatch.

Letting out a battle cry, she took flight, and her sword went swinging...

--

"How's he doing?" asked Uehara while strutting towards Izaya. Behind her were the last traces of the freshly-slain Class C. Its body had disintegrated, and only bits of its horn remained.

Meanwhile, Izaya patted the fallen man on the chest. Using the sleeve of his longcoat, he wiped the blood on the man's body with tender motions.

"The trauma has caused him to fall unconscious, but he'll be fine."

Uehara inched closer to the unconscious man out of concern. She carefully touched him on the forehead before heaving a sigh of relief.

"Senri also had a soft spot for people."

"When he was still alive, my brother told me that he wanted nothing but to save humanity from this world. He wanted to protect the weak and give them peace from the cruelty of this world."

"Which is what brought the two of us together, Sayaka."

"Let's head out and take this guy to safety," she answered, changing the topic.

Izaya supported the man up before walking towards the stairwell they came from. "Right. We got more work to do."

Uehara pursed her lips before unsummoning her sword. The Nullities in the area have been cleared out, and this part of the great Shiroki Fragment should calm down in due time.

She still cannot get used to this. She had been fighting Nullities in the city for months already, but this was the first week that she started coming in with this new companion.

She stood in place, giving Izaya a longing expression.

He had been nothing but graceful and understanding, and all he had done was give in to her demands. No requirement to work with the rest of Euphoria. Continued trips to Mu in order to prevent innocent citizens from suffering from these Nullities. With the exception of returning to school, she retained some semblance of an ordinary life.

She was still not sure whether she had done the right thing, but the two of them, at the very least, shared the same vision.

They both wanted a world free from sadness or pain. A new world where people could be gods of their own reality.

This was what her brother would have wanted for everyone. This also aligned with her goal of eliminating the Nullities for his sake... and for everyone else's?

It... can't be that bad, right?

What's done was done, regardless... Putting those thoughts to rest, she scampered forward, following Izaya.

3

"Arata!"

Amagi called out, waving her hands as Kazuki ran towards her.

"I-I'm sorry!"

Kazuki apologized while slowing down. He released a breath while looking at Aspira Hospital, the structure towering behind Amagi. When he reached the brunette, he looked left to right and quickly realized someone was missing.

"Wait, where's Kimura?"

"I didn't call her up."

"Why?"

"She'll just slow us down, Arata."

Those words confused him even more. He looked at his childhood friend in the eye, but all he got was a completely aloof stare in return.

This is insane. Even after a whole where Ms. Sadohara forced her to rest?

"Amagi, listen. I don't mean anything bad, so please calm down as you listen to me, okay?"

"What do you mean? I'm calm," she shrugged.

"No, you're not. You are still acting restless and rash."

Her words were firm and resolute, and Kazuki was not sure whether he wanted her to make a stand in this matter in particular. Despite her tough words, he can still sense a weary tone in her voice. It was not hard to tell that she had been stressing herself over the Fragments and their mission, and he was now unsure whether forcing her to take a break was the right call after all.

"Remember what Ms. Sadohara just said? We need to regroup for a while. Take a bit of time to get our minds in the right place. Going in at your state will just get us into more trouble."

"B-but... what about the Magna Arbiter? Euphoria? More importantly, what about Uehara?! It's so frustrating..."

He noticed her clench her fists.

"Am I not good enough? What should I be doing, really? Am I just not as reliable as Uehara was?"

What's this self-depreciating thing?

Kazuki wondered to himself, and seeing her form, something that had unfortunately become a regular occurrence the past week, he felt that he needed to do something.

He grabbed both of her shoulders.

He had zero hesitation in doing so even when faced with his friend's shocked face.

She stammered at this sudden action, but it was a sight that relieved Kazuki. He'd rather have this than the constant tough girl act she had been putting on recently.

"I understand how you feel, Amagi. However, we have to learn to pick our battles," he sighed. "I don't mean anything like surrendering to fate and just letting things come to us. It's that kind of complacency that got us into this mess in the first place."

"Arata..."

"If we had taken Euphoria more seriously earlier, Fujiwara could have been saved. If we had only become stronger, perhaps we could have defeated Reiya Utara and followed Uehara, saving her. You know it's been eating away in my heart whenever I think of these, but..."

Releasing his grip on Amagi's shoulders, he wrapped his fingers around her open palms. He felt his breath stop when he started internally questioning what he just did.

It came as an instinct, and while warmth overwhelmed his face, he held on, remembering Yuichiro Ishida's exhibit at Samsara and how Amagi used the same thing to calm him down.

The gesture was what she had always used to calm him down. Her warm, tender fingers always had that magical feel to them that he had always liked. Now, seeing her in distress, he instinctively returned the favor even as he fought the awkwardness.

He lifted his gaze, only to see Amagi's wide eyes and surprised facial expression.

Amidst the light of the lamp posts, her cheeks shone with a pinkish blush. Even with her weary eyes, it gave her face a fresh look. The girl was as speechless as he was, and they just stared at each other, neither letting go.

This has turned into an awkward situation...

Anything better than her being needlessly stressed.

Eventually, he loosened his hold on her hands, and he finally let out the breath that he had held back for what seemed like minutes.

"S-sorry!" he immediately apologized.

Dead silence.

He was about to berate himself for going for such a reckless act when she spoke.

"Thanks, Arata."

She herself released a deep breath before looking at the surroundings. She did not speak after saying those words, allowing Kazuki to likewise think about the situation at hand.

He had calmed her down, but something else was amiss.

The signature chilling sensation that marked the presence of a Fragment... there was none of it. He tried closing his eyes, pushing all of his senses into trying to gauge the presence of the Shiroki City Fragment, but there was nothing.

Sure, they can locate the gate to lead to it eventually, but as it was for now, there was zero presence of even a Class C Nullity. Normally, they would have sensed its presence by now in the form of the cold embrace on their bodies.

"At times, there are things that we cannot control, and we just have to accept it. Maybe regret a bit like I just said, but we cannot change the past, you know."

"That's so unlike you to say that.

"H-hey, people have to go through some character development, you know?" he replied in a sheepish tone. "Like, you could have made a bad move, and there's really no erasing that. You could wish to go back in time all you want, all we can do is move forward."

"That's a lot... I appreciate it, Arata," she smiled.

"Since there's nothing more we can do here, how about heading home? I'll accompany you back."

She nodded with a slight smile.

---

Walking home with Amagi was something that he had not done in so long. Now that he found himself in the process of doing so, it filled him with a renewed sense of nervousness. He still remembered the way, but no longer was he the young, noisy brat from middle school.

For better or worse, he had turned a lot more... reserved. He had become someone who had a strong emphasis on the concept of personal space, which had led to the two of them drifting quite apart these years. After all, it was his overly formal self's idea for them to call each other by surname and all of that which were not things childhood friends typically do.

Once a while, he glanced at Amagi, his heart filled with uneasy anticipation. How was she feeling about this? Had she really gotten over those self-imposed pressures?

Those were questions in his mind, and he had no answers to them. All he knew was that the brunette girl was still uncharacteristically quiet on their way back.

Before he knew it, they had walked to the residential area and were a few blocks away from the Amagi residence.

It was a sight that filled Kazuki with nostalgia. How long has it been since he was last here? Lost in his memories were the times when he and Hikari would drop by regularly, much to the delight of Amagi's parents.

Seeing the wooden nametag that read AMAGI on the gate gave him an even more pronounced sense of nostalgia. So much that he failed to hear the sound of the door opening.

"Oh, look who came to visit."

Kazuki peered ahead when he heard that lovely voice that he remembered like the back of his hand. There's no mistaking that whimsical and upbeat voice.

"It's been so long, Kazuki~"

With brown, wavy hair and a mature figure for someone who's supposedly in their early thirties, she stood at the doorway. She took her time adjusting her turtleneck before giving them a nod.

"N-n-nice to meet you, Mrs. Amagi!"

"Hoooh? Is that how you greet your future aunt in-law?" asked Mrs. Amagi.

"Gah!"

Kazuki was taken aback by the sudden statement, and he could see his childhood friend's flushed expression.

"Hey, what happened? You were so much more fun before. It's been years since you've dropped by, so loosen up a bit, would you?"

His shoulders drooped, and Kazuki exhaled. Admittedly, the slight exchange helped lighten up the tension inside him.

"Come inside, would you?" Mrs. Amagi said as she held the door open for the two of them.

1