Chapter Twenty: Safe Word
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Since the moment Shade had grabbed that man by the arm, something had stirred in Midas and he felt he couldn't hold it back. "Shade," He moaned needily. "I want it so fucking bad now." Shade's stomach did a somersault. He grabbed Midas' arms, just above his elbows, clear of Golden-Touch, and pushed him hard against the door. Midas let out a surprised gasp; I never realized how fucking strong he is. Midas was confident Shade was still holding back too.

"You sure about this? Because I'm still fucking pissed," Shade warned in his ear.

The way Shade had pinned him to the door made Midas nervous but he also felt a desire so strong he couldn't possibly ignore it. "Do I need a safe word or something?" He asked; just in case...

"Watermelon?" Shade whispered.

"Watermelon," Midas repeated, nodding. "I'm sure."

Shade took Midas' tie from him. "Clothes off," He ordered. Midas disrobed while Shade removed his own tie. "Chair." Midas sat in his chair and Shade tied both of his hands this time, one to each arm. "You get to make a choice now," Shade declared; let's see which way he wants it. "Do you want a single explosive finale or a series of one after another?"

Midas' brain buzzed; last time we were in my office, he kept denying me... That- I want that. "A finale," He answered.

"Perfect choice," Shade removed his converter and kissed Midas' neck. Then, he began biting him. Midas moaned; it hurts a bit, but I like it. Shade was being aggressive but not nearly enough to break the skin. Shade stroked Midas while continuing to bite and lick at Midas' neck, shoulders, and chest.

As Midas approached the edge, he moaned out, "I'm-"

Shade stopped everything, putting his converter back on. "Not yet, you aren't." Midas groaned. "Now tell me," Shade raised Midas' chin so that he was looking at his face. "How many times have you managed in one session before?"

"F-four," Midas found he could barely speak.

"Really?" Shade couldn't hide the genuine surprise, "Impressive..." Midas blushed; I've been told that before... Why does it feel different when he says it? "Well then, we need to bring you to the edge at least that many times." Shade began to build him up again slowly. "Last time you said it was torture, remember?"

"Ahhh. I was wrong," Midas moaned. As Midas was close, Shade stopped again, denying him release. Midas squirmed in his seat.

"Now, for this round," Shade untied Midas' left hand as he spoke. "You do it yourself- But make sure to stop," He instructed firmly. Midas nodded and began to stroke himself, but Shade grabbed his arm. "That's too fast- Apologize," He commanded; I want this to last a little while...

"Sorry, I'll go slow," Midas breathed. Shade released him and then sat on Midas' desk to watch him. Midas moved slower, stroking himself and moaning.

"Fuck, Midas, what a glorious sight," Shade moaned. Midas blushed and looked away from him; so he really does like watching me? Midas glanced back at him for a moment; his gaze always feel so intense. "Say my name."

"Shade..." Midas moaned, finally looking at him directly again.

Shade's heart skipped a beat. "Keep saying it," Shade insisted.

"Shade," He panted; so close... "Sh-Shaaade. Shade- Please- I-"

"You know not to." As instructed, Midas stopped before completing. "Good job," Shade stood again, then ran his fingers through Midas' hair. He held his face for a moment as he spoke to him, "Just twice more." Shade released Midas' other hand. "You'll be able to keep your hands on the desk, right?" Midas nodded and took the same position he had the last time they were in his office. Shade removed his converter and wrapped his arms around Midas. He bit the back of his neck and shoulders as he built him up again. As Midas was once again at the edge, Shade stopped. Midas instinctively moved his hand from the desk to reach for himself; I have to- Shade grabbed Midas' arm and slammed it back on the desk, harder than he had intended to.

"W-Water-" Midas gasped, barely starting the word.

Shade had immediately released him and taken several large steps away from him; fuck! What the hell is wrong with me? He hastily put his converter back on. "Shit; Midas, I'm so sorry."

Midas could hear some panic building in Shade's voice. "Hey- It's fine- That's why the word." Midas was still panting slightly, he took a slow breath. "It's okay; you just got a bit carried away. I'm the one who dragged you in here while you're all pissed off." Shade took a few deep breaths; I'm getting so fucking sick of these attacks. If this is still salvageable, I want to continue. Midas approached him, speaking softly, "Please. This is a time-out, not an I'm done. I'm okay to continue if you are- Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Shade lied.

"Alright; if I'm remembering right, that time was the fourth- Wasn't it?"

Shade nodded slightly. "Big finale then..." Shade stepped over to the desk and cleared it off. "Lay down." Midas laid on his desk. Shade removed his converter temporarily and kissed Midas passionately. "You ready?" Shade asked.

"Desperately," Midas answered. Shade took hold of him again, slowly building him up. Midas gripped the edges of the desk moaning and writhing. Shade finally took him over the edge, Midas' body shaking with the release. As Midas laid on his desk breathing heavily, he looked at Shade. Shade seemed entranced, looking over Midas' body. Midas wanted to ask again if Shade wanted something in return; that never seems to go well though. Then, he had a slightly different idea; being that we set up a safe word and everything... Maybe... "Thank you, Master- What do I do next?" Midas smiled; there, the ball is in his court. I made no suggestions, just a clear offer to follow his lead.

Shade froze; Master!? The panicked feeling was flooding back, he choked it down and looked at Midas. "Y-you may go clean up now," Shade said weakly. Midas frowned slightly; guess not then. Midas tried to hide his disappointment as he gathered his clothes. He stood momentarily, thinking. "S-something wrong?" Shade asked.

"Oh, just debating the safety of me streaking from here to my room." Midas smiled slightly.

Shade slipped into the hall, then called back to him, "Coast is clear; go for it." So Midas did, carrying his clothes, he moved swiftly to his apartment.

 

Midas went straight to his bathroom, tossing his clothes in the hamper and then showering. As he toweled off, he looked at himself in the mirror; his upper body bore several bite marks. As he finished up, Midas heard Shade's shower running. He wondered again what Shade looked like without the mask; without his clothes... Then, he heard something else. He listened carefully; the sink is running too? Then, he heard a third sound, just barely; vomiting? He's not showering- He's covering up the sound because he knew I would hear! Midas quickly threw on some clothes and went to Shade's apartment. He checked the door; it was unlocked so he went in. He saw that the bathroom door was open. He approached, seeing Shade sitting on the floor next to the toilet. His stilts and vocal converter were off and he was wiping his mouth with a cloth. When he saw Midas, he put his converter back on. "What are you doing here? I thought I locked the door this time?" Shade only ever locked the door when actively thinking about it. He wasn't used to having the option, so he'd never formed a habit of doing it.

Midas didn't respond right away; he turned off the sink and shower. "I went too far, didn't I? I think we skipped a step too..."

"What?"

"More than one, probably; I'm not sure... The one I'm thinking of is aftercare."

Shade sighed. "That's not supposed to go this way, right? Wasn't I the one who should've been taking care of you or something?"

Midas sat beside him. "Maybe... Except, you're the one with sexual trauma. I'm good with everything because it's exactly what I wanted... Can I hold you?" Shade nodded and Midas pulled him close. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked gently.

"Just... Please, don't call me Master ever again." Shade was looking at the floor.

"Okay; I won't..." Midas frowned. "Is this just because of me and tonight or is there more to it?"

"It's not you; you didn't do anything wrong. I even know what you were trying to do by calling me that..." Shade sighed, then rubbed his hands on his neck.

Midas thought of Shade's scars and what Marco had told him. Midas gently took Shade's hand and moved it away from his neck. "Please, don't."

Shade looked at him and loosened his collar so the marks were visible then he rolled up his right sleeve to reveal restraint marks and more scars. "Midas... I was a slave." He put his head between his knees.

Midas' heart dropped, "Slave..."

"For five years, before I got hold of that coin and changed my destiny. I was kept prisoner and used by many different men. 'Master' is what I was told to call them." He began to cry, "Then, you called me that... And I remembered biting you, pushing you, hurting your arm. I just-"

"Hey..." Midas squeezed him. "I will never use that word again but you are not them. We aren't them." He fought against his own emotions, wanting to stay strong for Shade.

Shade took a breath, attempting to collect himself. "I... Do know that. I've spent the last decade avoiding dealing with my shit. I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with it. I literally didn't know I was capable of sexual lust anymore. It's why I kept trying to tell you I prefer being alone; and why I said I was incapable of bonding. I still found men attractive to look at, sure- But that wasn't translating into sexual desire for me before now... I thought that no sex meant no need to deal with... Everything I went through... I could push it down and forget all about it. But then- When you kissed me and that fucking moan..." Shade sighed. "I suddenly felt... With you, I want to so much- But then, I'll remember something bad- And..." He began to cry again.

Midas held him. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry you were ever hurt by anyone. I know there's nothing I can do to fix it- But I want you to remember, you are always safe with me and I feel safe with you. You are in control now and you can choose when and how or even if you confront what happened. I'll help you in any way you need- Including giving you space, if that's what you want."

"No- I want you with me. I do want to move past it... And you already are helping- But- It'll probably take some time..." Shade held Midas' hand.

"I have time..." Midas hugged him, holding him silently for a while. "Would you maybe, sleep with me tonight?" Midas asked him softly. "I want to hold you in my bed."

Shade nodded. "I need to shower and change."

"Okay; come to my place when you're ready..." Midas kissed his hand, then left Shade's apartment to wait in his own.

 

Shade entered Midas' apartment. He was his true height and was wearing a black silk pajama set, with matching silk glove. He'd also changed his mask, it was plain white with soft padding inside. "Huh," Midas was looking at him; that mask.

"W-what?"

"I guess I had just started thinking of the striped mask as your face, it's like you've got a new one."

"Oh; this one is padded for comfort while I sleep."

"I had wondered if you slept in your mask." Midas took his hand, leading him to the bedroom.

Shade crawled into Midas' bed for the first time; it was the most comfortable bed he'd ever felt. "Wow..." He ran his hand across the sheets.

Midas pulled off his shirt so he was wearing only gray sweatpants. He opened a drawer, pulling out a golden glove and forcing his hand into it. He got into bed on Shade's right side and drew the curtains, plunging them into darkness. He pushed a button on a cord above the headboard and lights on the top of the canopy flickered to life, imitating candlelight. Midas slipped his left arm under Shade, pulling him closer, hand at his waist. Shade put his right arm under Midas as well, wrapping his hand around Midas' right shoulder and resting his head and other arm on his chest. "How are you feeling now?" Midas asked him.

"Better."

"Was... What we did tonight- Fun for you at all or-"

"It was... I just feel guilty that it feels so good."

"You didn't hurt me, you know? Even when I used the safe word, it hadn't hurt that bad; it was just getting a little too close to that line. I don't want to be hurt and I know you don't want to hurt me. I really like the other stuff though, being told what to do. That's- Very new to me... I had no idea it was something I wanted, until you. I know it's not as simple as me saying this but, still- Please don't feel bad for something that makes both of us feel good."

Shade sighed. "Yeah... I still feel guilty... But a bit less than before." Shade yawned.

"Ready for lights out then?" Midas asked.

"Yeah, let's get some sleep." Shade turned on his side, laying back against Midas.

"Are you going to take off your converter? It seems uncomfortable."

"Sometimes I sleep talk... It's not as bad as it looks."

"Alright then," Midas turned the lights off. He felt elated to have Shade next to him; but, as he turned and wrapped his arms around him, he was struck with a sudden wave of guilt himself. He hadn't felt the kind of closeness he was feeling for Shade since his wife had passed. When he'd dated women more seriously, he'd sometimes fall asleep with them but it didn't feel the same. The way he felt next to Shade caused him to remember Anna. Even though neither the bed nor the home were the same ones he'd shared with her, he still felt her presence. There were small things in the room that were from their shared home and he still talked to her sometimes. He remained silent and buried his face in Shade's hair, breathing his scent. He tried to stop them but tears flowed anyway.

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