It was just after morning court as Prince Qi sat quietly and sipped the tea his mother handed him. Recently there was a lot of things stressing him. His little brother was the least of his worries, he still had to worry about Second and Fourth Prince. Fifth Prince wasn't a danger for now, as he blatantly wasn't interested in the throne.
He sighed, honestly he was contemplating just giving up the fight for the throne. But it wasn't his decision to make, and anyway if he was the Crown Prince he didn't want to be useless. Jing Qi felt tired of dodging hidden knives. There were very few people he could truly and safely let his guard down around, and his mother the Empress was one of those few. Hence him being here now, relaxing in the stability her presence gave him.
“Xiao Qi, stop sighing so much. It makes you sound older than me and I’m your mother.” The Empress Yan Rihuo scolded her only blood-related son lightly, he really was a handful.
"I'm sorry mother, I'm just thinking about everything that's been going on." He rubbed his forehead.
Yan Rihuo frowned, what was her boy burdening himself with now? In all his life Jing Qi hadn't cut himself any slack, only pushed forward. He was always seeking his father’s approval, no matter how shallow. When he was young, before Jing Shu had been born, the Emperor had doted on Jing Qi most heavily. But after Meng Xia became pregnant and bore a child, no one could catch his attention any more.
Thinking of her once dear friend, the Empress sighed. Meng Xia was born under an unlucky star to end up as she did. It was truly too pitiful, and she couldn't help but remember Jing Shu growing up. He had never known his mother, but she thought it was better this way, Meng Xia wouldn't have been able to love him properly.
And now, her two sons, one adopted the other from her very own womb, they were both adults. They faced and fought their own battles, won their own struggles. They wouldn't rely on her for very much any more. Her heart ached; she missed two little bodies coming up to hug her, drying the tears of a chubby face, kissing a soft forehead. Time had truly passed and it brought many wonderful things, but most of all it brought Yan Rihuo a hidden bitterness. She had never really been able to shield these two small souls from all the evil in the world, even though she had promised. And things just kept getting worse. It was all that b*stard's fault.
“Mother, what are you thinking about?” Jing Qi’s voice broke into her thoughts. Aiyah, she had just been scolding him for that self-same thing and here she was doing it herself!
“Hm, I’m just getting old, don't mind me.” She smiled as her son squawked with indignance. He was still fun to tease.
“Mother! Don't say things like that! You still have many years to live, there is no reason to jinx yourself.” His brow furrowed and his nose crinkled, turning up cutely. Ah, her son still had that same habit from when was a child, he couldn't even pout like a regular person.
“As you say Qi-er, I’ve jinxed myself and have aged a lot recently.” She tittered happily a bit as her son’s frown intensified and took a sip of tea. It was of fine quality, she should acquire more of the leaf.
“Mother, stop teasing me like this! If any of the servants saw their Crown Prince--" before Jing Qi could finish he was interrupted by his mother scolding him.
"Ai, Qi-er, there is nobody here, stop being so paranoid. In any case there's some business I need to tell you." She huffed and folded her hands in her lap. She had hoped for a little more lightheartedness before she said what she had to… but it seemed Jing Qi was having none of it today. Yan Rihuo sighed again, she really was getting old.
Jing Qi leaned forward and gave her his full attention. "What is it mother?" What could she have to say that was serious enough that she had been stalling this whole visit?
"Qi-er, I have reason to believe the Emperor is going to depose me as his Empress." Her tone was serious but light, as if she was trying to break the news in the calmest possible way for her. If she truly felt distressed by her own statement, she didn't show it.
“That joke, is one of the worst you’ve ever told me.” Jing Qi’s tone was anything but light, and there was no mirth either. Despite his words, he truly believed her.
“Ah, I also think so, that’s why I didn't say it as one.” His mother didn't dare look him in the eyes as she played with her sleeve hem. Such acts of nervousness, they didn't fit her resplendent appearance. She was the Empress.
A fist came down on the table, rattling the tea cups.
"But he can't do that! Not unless you have committed a horrible crime. You haven't done anything mother." Jing Qi’s response was him reacting first, and thinking later. Such an action was anything but good, and in any other place would land him in prison. He needed better control than that as the Crown Prince. No one could slander the Emperor.
With a stern look that chastised him, she answered his unspoken query: "And I don't plan to, but he's looking for a reason. He might even make one." The Empress shrugged, as if it didn't really matter.
But it mattered to Jing Qi.
Her whole demeanor was relaxed forcefully, and anyone who truly knew her would see the hidden tension. Living in the harem all these years she had seen concubines and consorts come and go, even her best friend wasn't spared. And now, it was her turn. What fateful end she would face, was unknown, but Rihuo didn't think it would be pleasant or happy. Her face was telling.
Jing Qi felt his heart go cold in his chest. He couldn't let this happen, it didn't matter if he was up against the Son of Heaven, or the world. He wouldn't let this happen.
“Mother, I will protect you. If I have to give up the throne to protect you, I will do it without hesitation. Nothing, nothing is more precious than the love and memories you have given me, given us, Jing Shu and me. In this whole world, I could never give you up for some finite and mercurial gain. Jing Shu would agree with me, I know, and--”
The Empress stilled his growing tirade with a gentle hand, placing it on his arm. Without her speaking Jing Qi already knew what she wanted to tell him, and why. But that wouldn't make him agree. It couldn't make him agree. The Empress must have known this, so she summoned up her fortitude. This world was cruel.
“You can’t, Crown Prince Qi, it isn't something you can gamble.” Choosing her words carefully and sounding them out measuredly, she began and gained momentum as she continued. “The lives of the people aren't some toy you can toss away; the throne isn't a chess piece you discard once you're done fighting your brothers over it. You can't abandon this Jingyan Dynasty for a feud with your father, you can't start a rebellion over sentiment. You must choose the greater good over your heart, you've done it before, and your life will continue to be full of such choices. I won't say, only and always choose the greater good, for no human could. But with foresight, choose what will support the people and better their lives. For your mother, for your brother. For the ones you love and live for…” Rihuo’s whole body shuddered and she lost her train of thought, or gave it up altogether.
She took a deep breath, holding back tears. “This path before you is not one you want to walk, I am sure. But the future is set, we can only follow.”
Tears slipped passed Jing Qi’s closed eyelids, he couldn't look at his own mother as she told him to send her to her death. There was no prison he could lock his sorrow and rage in that would hold if he did. There were no sobs, there were no sounds. His body was unmoving and his face was waxen.
Only his tears kept falling, the almost soundless pitter-pat of them dropping on the wooden table between them like a roar in his ear. The muffled weeping of the Empress bursting in his eardrums, ringing in his mind.
He wanted to damn all the consequences and force the Emperor to stop.
He wanted to storm the palace and raise it to the ground.
He wanted to curse and scream, let the obscenities and his frustration flow freely from his mouth.
He wanted to save her, his mother, his Empress.
But he only clenched his fist.
He only powerlessly grasped at nothing, and held nothing in his hand.
What was he? A prince, a Crown Prince? A pawn, a piece to be placed? A man… a powerless man. A waste of resources, he couldn't even hold on to this bit of happiness. He once again failed to protect someone he’d vowed would never see harm.
His inner fulmination ended, and his heart shattered.
He unclenched his hand, and opened his eyes.
When he spoke his throat hurt, and his voice was hoarse. “Mother I--” he didn't know what to say. What could he say in the face of his haven disintegrating? “There is nothing I wouldn't do for you.” He settled for stating.
Yan Rihuo smiled, eyes red and face looking beautiful despite everything. She was the same, as when he was a child, smiling through her pain. It made his everything hurt worse.
“Qi-er, there’s something I must tell you, that can't be repeated to your brother. No matter the circumstance you face, never tell Jing Shu.” Her face was desperate and sad as she held his hand.
“I won't mother, I will abide by your wishes.” At this point, there was nothing he didn't dare do.
“Good.” The Empress sighed, it was a long tale.
