While the four of them were waiting, Fan Mei and Si Qi had made their way over to a nearby restaurant, managing to get a table. Usually, the places around the hotel where ‘Golden Spoon’ was being filmed, were fully booked but it seemed that they had gotten lucky and snatched up the one table that had still been left unoccupied.

Si Qi almost heaved a sigh of relief when they sat down. Even though he had resolved to talk with Si Shi Qi’s sister, that didn’t mean that he was eager to spend more time with her than he needed to. After all, there was always a certain liability in interacting with her.

Fan Mei was a suspicious person. Every word you said to her would be considered twice and then for a third time if she found any new information related to it at a later point. At the moment, this whole story surrounding their master was already something that she had sunk her teeth into.

After running into a wall again and again, most people would be dissuaded from continuing but for her, it would even make her be more reluctant to give up. No, she would continue to investigate until she found the ‘truth’ or whatever she could accept to be the truth.

Really, he wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing. Maybe he should have left it at what he had said in the studio. But then, if somebody was open and honest with her and actually had a calm conversation, then maybe she would be more likely to accept what they said.

Fan Mei might sound unhinged to casual bystanders but actually, she had a keen intuition. She had grown up in a family with a huge secret. Her own father and brother had a secret identity that was being kept from her. Even if she didn’t know, she had always felt it. This was likely what had inspired her to become a reporter in the first place.

In a way, he couldn’t even be angry at her. Yes, she continuously made trouble for them. Yes, she was working on exposing them and their master. But he understood why she was doing this.

She had been lied to her whole life and she had realized early on enough that it had deeply affected her. In a way, this was a self-fulfilling prophecy: Because she caught onto the fact that something was wrong, she became suspicious and began to investigate. Because she investigated, her father grew more cautious, not wanting to expose anything to her because he couldn’t trust what she would do with the knowledge. But the more he tried to hide it, the more she wanted to know. And thus, they had landed themselves in this never-ending cycle of her interference.

He didn’t know for sure but he hoped that showing her some sincerity would break this cycle. Even if she wasn’t told everything, it might be enough for her to put her suspicions to rest. At the very least, that was what he hoped for.

The two of them didn’t start talking immediately and instead ordered their food first. Even after the waiter left, Si Qi didn’t start the topic immediately and instead tried to ease into it by mentioning the show. “It’s been the first day of ‘Golden Spoon’ today. Compared to the casting, I felt that it was much more difficult. Suddenly being confronted with the tasks … it made me realize how lacking my skills actually are.”

Fan Mei looked at him, not sure what to think. This person seemed more open than her brother or that Si Jin and his assistant who she had been eating with the last time. Even compared to her brother’s wife, there was more of a conversational tone to what he was saying. Well, of course, she would try to make use of that. “You know my brother, don’t you?”

Si Qi looked at her, not surprised in the least that she would directly get to that question. He gave a faint nod. “Not very well but you could say that he’s an acquaintance.”

Fan Mei gave a hum. She kept quiet for a moment but then propped her arms up on the table and leaned forward, feeling that she might as well inquire further. “How do you know him? Through your job?”

Si Qi shook his head. “No, that’s not the case. But I can see why you would think that.” The clan had prepared stories for how each of them knew each other, including how close one person was to another. Those cover-up stories usually reflected how things were in real life. And the degree of closeness between him and Si Shi Qi … well, it really wasn’t high.

He leaned back and tilted his head, keeping quiet for a moment as well. “I am not sure how to say this. Anyway, you’re his sister. Even though it sounded today as if there were some problems, I’d assume your relationship would usually be quite good.”

Fan Mei raised her brows. “Why? Do you have something bad to say about him?” She could understand if he did. Usually, she felt like her brother was obnoxious. She really couldn’t see why others didn’t share that feeling.

Si Qi chuckled. “Even if I had, I wouldn’t admit to it this freely. I don’t feel any pressure admitting that I am indeed not close to him though. It’s not that I have anything against your brother, just that … I guess I wasn’t really interested in getting to know him better.”

Fan Mei felt a bit disappointed. She had hoped that this Shi Ru Qiu would turn out to be the one normal person around but it seemed she had thought too much. In fact, she couldn’t help but notice how he hadn’t answered her original question. He was dancing around it, just like that Mister Si and his assistant had.

She gave another hum but it was the kind that made her suspicions even more obvious. “You still haven’t told me how you met.”

Si Qi nodded and finally sighed after all. “I hoped that I would get around this matter for a while longer at least but I guess I can’t.”

Fan Mei’s brows shot up. Had she just struck gold? Was he actually going to tell her something important? She didn’t dare to trust her good luck yet but there was a certain chance that it might actually be true.

Si Qi could see just what was going through her mind but he didn’t want to show that he had picked up on it so he pretended not to notice. He had his own agenda for this talk just like she did. As long as he was able to communicate what he wanted to make clear, it was enough for him.

He kept quiet for a moment longer before starting to speak slowly. “I’m not sure how to explain this. It is a bit of a complicated story. In fact, hearing it, you might feel that there isn’t a point to it.”

He fell silent once more, shaking his head with his brows faintly furrowed. “I don’t think I can make it shorter. I’m sorry for that. I know I can be a bit … talkative. It’s an occupational disease, I guess.” He smiled faintly at her, wondering if this was something she could understand.

Actually, what he was saying wasn’t wrong. While he usually kept quiet in the Si clan, that was also because he wasn’t close to the others. If it was with somebody he felt comfortable with — like Si Yi —, then he could also talk a lot. He wasn’t like their master who valued his words like gold.

Fan Mei didn’t indicate either way. She only perked up, feeling that if he was going to talk in circles, she had to pay even more attention. She couldn’t let him get away with muddling his way through! She wouldn’t let him leave without giving her an explanation!

Yes, originally, she had not expected much. But now that they were sitting here and this man seemed quite open, she wasn’t willing to let go of the opportunity.

Well, Si Qi wasn’t about to disappoint her. Since she didn’t answer, he immediately got back to the story. “To put it simply, my parents have high expectations of me. They always had. And I’ve always had this feeling that I would never be able to live up to them.”

This much wasn’t wrong. They had never been too harsh on him but with being a member of the Si clan always came this expectation that you should dedicate your whole life to the clan. Every decision you made or that was made for you was always in consideration of what would benefit the clan the most.

A lot of the ninjas thrived on that. Having a purpose, being able to follow that your whole life without wavering, being part of this community that stood for something bigger … it made them happy. But unfortunately, he wasn’t like that.

Connecting with the others or with the clan as a whole had always been a problem. He had heard the stories of the previous generation but they had been just that to him: stories. In fact, they were fascinating but they hadn’t inspired him to become a ninja himself. Instead, they had inspired his love for stories.

Still, since his parents wanted him to, he had also taken part in the training just like all the others of their generation did. He just … he sucked at it.

Their numbers were assigned based on the ranking that would regularly be tested. Back then, he hadn’t been the seventh but instead only managed to snatch place number nineteen. And that was only because the person in the twentieth place was even more reluctant than him.

Yes, back then, Si Shi Yi — or rather Si Er Shi who he had been back then — had been in a similar situation. Compared to him, his life might have been even more miserable because contrary to him, Si Shi Yi had known what he wanted to do instead of becoming a ninja. That was why he had always flaked on training: He had wanted to protect his hands because he knew that if he somehow injured them, his dreams of becoming a musician would be for naught.

That kind of person, even the him of that day had been able to best. But the gap between him and the eighteenth place had still been large, clearly showing that he wasn’t suitable for this life. His parents had surely been disappointed but he was their only child. What could they do?

Realizing just how bad he was and how little talent he had for the skills he should bring to the table as a ninja had made him feel even less at home. And seeing the others at least joined in the wish to better themselves and become a valuable member of the clan, he had no direction. He just hadn’t known what he was doing all of this for.

Just thinking back now, Si Qi couldn’t help but sigh. What had he done this for? Yes, this question, he still asked himself quite often. Clearly, he had done it for his parents’ sake so they wouldn’t feel that he was a failure. He wanted to make them proud but he hadn’t enjoyed it at all. If he could have, he would have abandoned his task at that time.

Well, at the very least, it had been like that for the first few years. Only when he was older did he finally find his reason to do better: the person he had fallen in love with.

Thinking of that man, Si Qi smiled. “For most of my life, I felt out of place. Whether it was my family or the friends I tried to make, I felt like I couldn’t fit in. I was an outsider, somebody who … wasn’t understood and couldn’t understand others.

“No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change it. I couldn’t … turn myself into another person and I couldn’t get them to relate to me in any way. It felt like … I was adrift in the ocean with nothing to hold onto and the more I struggled, the more difficult it became to keep my head above water.”

He fell silent, feeling that not too much had changed since those days. No, in a sense, he was still in the very same position. It was merely that he had managed to gain a better ranking by now. As for relating to the others and being close … it hadn’t happened.

He gulped and pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about it for the moment. Instead, he looked back up at Fan Mei. “I was pulling away further and further, feeling like it wouldn’t matter at all. But then, I met a person that was … different from anyone I knew and I fell in love.”