Chapter 102:
An Outburst of Love
My nerves were getting the better of me as I saw in the small greenhouse garden. A beautiful, indoor room with lush greenery and colorful flowers of all kinds. A stone gazebo built inside with a small pond that babbled slightly as it was fed water nearby. Inside the gazebo was a circular table where I sat with my mother-in-law, Yumei.
Her attendants were nowhere nearby, nor were there any servants or even my own attendant, Sadia. It was just the two of us, sat together for some tea. When I received the invitation, I was surprised, but decided to go regardless. However, I didn't know it would be just the two of us.
"Cecelia seems to know something...." I wasn't sure what was going on, but Cecelia seemed to be slightly exasperated as she told me I'd have to go alone. That mother wished to speak to me and wanted my company. Though she did tell me if anything happened, to immediately let her know.
To think even mother had no attendants, or servants nearby. In fact, I watched as she silently poured tea for the both of us. She wore a beautifully modest dark green dress, with a golden pendant hanging from her neck. Sliding the tea over to me, she smiled serenely, reminding me a lot of Scarlett. "They both went through a lot..."
"Alex," Mother spoke as she sat down across from me, "You seem nervous. Is everything alright?"
"Y-Yeah," I nodded, taking the teacup carefully in my hand as I began to place the right amount of sugar and milk inside of it, "I just...didn't think we'd be alone."
"Ah, well..." She pondered for a moment, a mischievous smile on her face, "I heard you don't like a lot of people. Big crowds or feeling crowded overwhelms you."
Blushing lightly in embarrassment, I nodded as I stirred my tea.
"Sometimes, yes," I answered softly, "It can be a bit much with all those eyes on me, or just moving around..."
"You realize you're part of this family, right?" Her words sounded kind, but they hit me like a knife to the chest, "You'll now be surrounded by many people...some with ill-intent."
"I-I know," Furrowing my brow, I took a sip from the tea to hide my uncertainty.
"So, what will you do?" She asked amusingly as she put some sugar in her own tea and began to stir it, "With all those people around you...What will you do?"
Flashbacks to that time in the office when everyone erupted into noise I couldn't handle. How could I tell her I'd break down? That I'd fall apart and not function like a normal person? Looking over at her, she seemed to be gauging me, an ever-present smile on her lips.
"Fuck it..." Taking a deep breath, I leaned back in the chair and answered honestly, "Depends on the situation, but truthfully? I'd freeze. My mind would begin to shut down."
She was silent, taking a sip of her tea as she watched me.
"I see..." Setting the cup down, she seemed to ponder it for a moment before speaking again, "Alex, that could be dangerous. You know this, yes?"
"...I do," I nodded, thinking of all the people out there to get this family, "That's why-"
"My daughters protect you," She finished what I was about to say, nodding in understanding, "They seem to love you a great deal...granted, I do know of their obsession. Particularly Cecelia's."
Her smile became even more amused as she leaned forward, resting her chin on the back of her hands.
"Is that why you seem so confident?" There was a glint in her eye as she spoke, "My daughters are precious to me...."
Meeting her gaze, I couldn't help but wonder if this was another test. "Didn't she already do this or...is she being serious right now?" Shifting uncomfortably, I reached for my cup I had sat down. In a moment's notice, mother's hand shot out and pinned my hand to the table. She was strong.
"Alex..." She called out in a warning, "Why do you love my girls?"
"Wh-Why?" I muttered, faltering over my words, trying to take my hand back.
"Yes," She repeated, "Why do you love my girls? You even call Scarlett by her first name...something she'd not let just anyone do."
Something in the way she spoke irritated me, and instead of struggling futilely with my hand, I returned her gaze with one of my own. Defiant and angry. A steel in my eyes as they passed over her piercing amber eyes.
"Do I need a reason?" I asked defiantly, feeling my heart beat fast in my chest, "When they love me so truly...when no one else has shown me the care that they've shown? Do I need a reason to care for those who care for me? To love me for who I am and not expect any more?"
The words tumbled out as I became angrier. "Testing me again...I hate tests."
"If this is a test, I hate it," I told her, glaring, "Something Cecelia and Scarlett both know. They know me better than I even know myself sometimes...and how could I not fall in love with people who are so considerate? Call it childish, call it stupid...I don't care."
She simply watched as I let forth spill everything in my heart.
"I love them for the way they smile at me. For the way they touch my cheek as they look me in the eye. For when they don't berate me when I can't meet their eyes. Every time I have a lockup, they're there to comfort me. They do so much, and I feel like I do so little, but they don't care..."
The words came like a stream unfiltered, as if the dam was just released.
"How they smile or laugh when they do something they enjoy. Scarlett and her anime...how excited she gets. Cecelia and the books we share together. That smile they have whenever they are happy. The glint in their eye when they're displeased, or when they see something they want...usually me, but that's not the point."
I flustered around trying to find the right words. There was so much to them that I didn't even know how to list everything.
"Everything about them. I just...I love and can tell when they're happy, sad, or frustrated. I feel connected to them more than anyone in this world. I can't explain it. I worry so much, but every time they reassure me. It must get tiring dealing with me, but they seem to not mind. That does something to my heart...something that is irreversible. If anything were to happen to them, or to me...I couldn't even fathom the backlash."
My hand clenched into a fist under her hold.
"To ask why I love them is to ask why the sun rises, or why birds fly. They just do. There's reasons of course, but those reasons are no more true than the love I hold for them. They care for me, and while I can't do much in return...my existence seems to just be enough for them, and that...All I ever wanted was to be able to exist and not worry. To hopefully make others happy along the way. They made that possible, at least to an extent. Chronic depression, anxiety, and autism is all still a bitch."
I laughed dryly as I shook my head. An anger I never knew I had. As if I had to justify the feelings I felt for those I loved.
"But you want details, don't you? When Scarlett sleeps, she curls up so adorably. Her hands under her chin as if they're the most precious thing, and in that moment...I realize she is the most precious thing. Whenever Cecelia walks...She walks with a purpose, yet a weight that holds her down. A heaviness to the life she lived, but it never stops her. She pushes through all, including the barriers around my heart and mind...she knows what I like, what I hate. I love every single movement she makes from the twinkle in her eye to the deadly glint. From the beautiful smile that makes my knees weak to the one that chills the blood."
Finally pulling my hand free as my mother-in-law let go, I didn't stop there.
"Cecelia does so much for me, that if I could make her happy for even the smallest amount...then I've done something in return for her. If I can, in any way, lessen the burden on her...make her feel loved and wanted, then I will, because she is. To ask why I love them...Sometimes I don't even know. They're intelligent, beautiful, strong women. And they love a man like me...how could anyone not fall for such stunning examples of people?"
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