Chapter 103:
A Heart to Heart
I realized now that I had not been breathing properly as I took deep breaths. Silence befell us as I just couldn't fathom what else I could say.
"They're so kind..." I whispered, holding my hand to my chest, "They see me, and they love me...they help those who need help, even as they kill those in their way. I do not begrudge them. I even love that side of themselves. Their past is a cruel one, but they rose above...however scarred, however different from others they may or may not be...Mother, I don't know how to properly answer, but I will tell you this..."
I made an emphasize on who she was in my life, in their life. Meeting her gaze from across the table, her expression one of curiosity. Far different than the annoyance or even disinterest I expected.
"I love them," I said the word with such force that I felt it resonate deep in my heart, "There is no truer thing. I can't answer everything, I don't even know if my reasons are valid. I-"
"They're valid," Mother finally interrupted me, her words soft yet they cut through so easily, "Physical, mental, internal...all reasons valid for love."
Her hand traced along the top of her dress, over where the terrible scar she bore was.
"Sometimes you can't describe love," She whispered, smiling fondly, "It just happens...and often, you find you make excuses for the things they do, but after a while you realize...just what terrible people they were."
"...I'm sorry," I felt a twang in my heart as I recalled her ex-husband.
"Don't be," She smiled, dismissively waving her hand, "Cecelia, my dear daughter...took care of the man I couldn't stand up against. Love is a strength, and a weakness. She broke that spell...because you were injured. I've never seen my daughter so devoted before."
Her smile was affectionate as she thought fondly on Cecelia and Scarlett.
"Both of them...even Julius seems different," She mused, "I heard he met you."
"Y-Yeah..." I nodded cautiously, "What...was this all about?"
I couldn't believe she started this with malicious intent. I liked to think I sometimes had a good feel for people. Though my track record with my exes would say otherwise.
"Ah...sorry," She apologized, taking a sip of her tea, "What I was saying...is you don't always need a reason, but it's often the simplest of things...You became so angry when I questioned it...Forgive me, but I was testing you again."
"I...sort of figured," Sighing, I found my heart relaxing.
"Yes, that was a bit cruel of me..." She smiled apologetically, "I had to convince Cecelia to let me. Which was...difficult. But I see now why she loves you so much."
"Really?" Raising an eyebrow, I was quite surprised, "If you know, I'd love to understand."
"Ha...no, Alex," She shook her head, "It's just a simple thing. You've been told before. Never stray from who you are."
"...Ah, kindness?" I asked, to which she nodded, "But, it can't be that simple, I-"
"Love is as simple or as complex as we wish to make it," She interrupted, her smile soft and warm, "Don't ever let someone tell you your love isn't as great as another's but listen when they say that perhaps your love has blinded you...so you don't make the mistakes I once did."
"You can hardly blame yourself," I found a bit of anger entering me again, "You were as much a victim as they were. When you're in such a situation, you often see no way out. You said it yourself; love can help you find excuses for why someone does something...but you see it. You saw it and you recognized it. That's more than most can say."
"I stood by while he abused my children, Alex," The pain in her voice and the regret tore at my heart, "He-"
"Yes, he," I emphasized, interrupting as I felt the anger inside of me, "Everything that bastard did, he did. They may say that those who don't act are just as much to blame...but those scars prove otherwise. In a situation where you felt like you could do nothing, you did the one thing you possibly could. You protected your children to the best of your ability."
Immediately, I was hit with an image of my own sister. How she directed the abuse towards her, rather than Alana. A somberness washed over me then as I slumped back in my chair. The anger fading away.
"My sister..." I whispered, shaking my head, "She did the same. Though we always held out our hand, she pushed it away. I imagine, being in a world like yours, there wasn't a hand held out to you. Stuck in this high towered prison..."
There was silence as I thought of the two of them. Both mothers who protected their daughters the best they could, but why did I feel more anger towards Dolores? We held out our hand to her, and she swatted it away. Was that why I was angry? That she had an out and didn't take it? Those were choices, but perhaps if we were more aggressive...or maybe not as aggressive? "I don't know..."
"Now who's blaming themselves," Mother mused, laughing lightly, "Your words...you should be careful with them. When you say things, sometimes...they hold a weight you do not quite understand."
Standing, she walked purposefully towards me, each step like she glided on the air. She reached her hand up, brushing my cheek gently. A light blush entered my face at the suddenness of it all, the tenderness. She smiled fondly down at me as she spoke.
"You say such things that can steal hearts," She told me, "Words you may not be aware of...you've tore through the barriers of this old womans heart. I told you once before I'd make sure no hair was harmed on your head...Now I'll see it done, along with my daughters. Your words, my dear Son, are very dangerous."
"Th-They are?" Blushing, I couldn't hold eye-contact for long.
"Aren't you adorable..." Placing her hand on my shoulder, she walked back over to her chair and sat, "Listen to me, Alex. You hold a guilt inside of you...an anger based on regret. Your sister, right?"
"Yeah," I nodded, sighing as I knew just what she was saying, "I shouldn't be this angry, and I can't change the past..."
"No, but you can change the present and the future," She smiled, motioning to the surroundings, "You're here, and you helped your sister. She's being well taken care of, and that girl...Alana, was it?"
"Yes, my niece," I smiled fondly as I thought on her.
"Right, Alana," Mother nodded as she leaned forward, "You've helped that girl grow, and now...her smile is so bright, is it not."
I couldn't help but agree.
"You told me I did all I could...do you think your sister didn't?" She held my gaze as I glanced up at her, to which after a moment I nodded.
"She did..." I agreed, thinking back to the past, "She must have felt so afraid, yet lost and confused. So angry. Even as a hand was held for her...she probably couldn't see it. Just saw another cage."
"You're more perceptive than you think," Leaning back, she motioned to the treats before us, "Please, we've talked about serious stuff for too long...Honestly, I just wanted to spend time with my new son. A fine addition to this family."
"I-If you say so..." Blushing in embarrassment, I hid my face in the cup of tea.
"I do," She confirmed, "Now...eat. Relax. I promise, I won't make a fuss like this again."
Nodding, I really did feel relaxed as everything I just said finally hit me. I felt drained, yet free. I apologized for my outburst, but she'd have me think nothing of it. She said there was something about the honesty in my eyes. Ever since Andrew, she learned to be aware of the eyes of others. She'd not let anyone harm her family again. With that, I could agree.
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