Chapter 29: House sitting, and putting on the moves
Dean: Incubus, mage. Amused at the love at first sight that his party is going through.
"It is so tiny," Atha exclaims, as he goes closer to the terrarium. "Look at its button nose!"
The turtle hides in its shell, as he presses his nose to the glass.
"I want one of those for myself," he says. I chuckle at that.
"Are you sure about that? I mean, we are going to be on the road, most of the time," I say. He turns to pout at me.
"Come on," he whines. I can think about a couple of things he can whine about. All have to do with my hardening member. It is just that, watching him bend over the glass, his ass exposed, the fabric of his shirt getting all rolled up. Mm...
"Are you in horny land again?" Augustine asks. Honestly, why can't I get some respect from them all?
"It is my preferred vacation spot," I tell him with a wink. Allan shifts in his seat. I think he wants to huff at us, because we are disturbing his reading, but doesn't have the confidence to. "Sorry, Allan."
"Oh, no. It is ok," he mumbles, but doesn't look up from his textbook. I sit next to him, and open up my own book. A lovely volume on new and exciting ways to tie people up for some fun times. Of course, my party doesn't know that. I have a fake cover over the real cover of: 1001 ways to tie up your slave.
Honestly, with a title like that, I think that only incubi and hardcore BDMS fans will read it. Anyway, the room falls into a comfortable silence. The rest pick up their own books, apart from Atha. He is still glued to the glass.
"I have to hold it," Atha suddenly says. I look up from my book, and try to convey with a look, that this is a bad idea.
"You are a dungeon core," I begin, but he is already reaching inside the terrarium. "Atha, don't!"
Too late, he has already taken the small animal out. I jump to my feet, and close the distance between us.
"Don't you dare," I reach out towards the turtle, but he just holds it away from me.
"It deserves to grow up!" Atha yells, and then begins to pour mana inside the small animal. I take a hold of the turtle, and try to yank it out of his hands. It bites me.
Here is a nice equation: Dungeon core mana, plus incubus blood, equals... a dead turtle. I blink, showered in turtle remains, as the rest of our party gapes at us.
"Oh, shit," really, Vince? That was the most intelligent thing you could come up with?
"Oh no, Bobby," Atha cradles the shell like it is a lost treasure of old.
"Its name was Alice," Allan says, as stunned as the rest of us.
"Bobby," Atha repeats, as he nuzzles the shell. I have to remember, that he is a dungeon core, so, used to gore.
"Come now, Atha. Make another turtle, and let us clean..." I am not given the chance to finish, because the front door opens. We stand rooted to the ground, as our client comes in, and gives out a loud shrill.
"Uhm..." Atha says, as he tries to hide the shell behind him.
"Alice died defending us from...giant mosquitos," Vincent attempts to bullshit his way out of this, but the client goes up to him, and slaps him.
"You monsters," Betty, I think her name was Betty, yells in his face. Her make-up is running down her cheeks in huge black rivers. Honestly, I don't see this quest as marked completed.
"I can make you a brand-new Bobby," Atha offers. Betty blinks at him.
"What?" She blinks again furiously. Then, she marches to Atha, pinches him on the arm, until he hands her the empty shell, and then kicks him on the tail. "The guild master will hear about this!"
We all pale. You know those stories about people who work in retail, and their managers, who are called by busybodies? Yeah, for us, our manager is our guild master. More than that, we are only F ranked.
"No, wait. You don't have to contact anyone. Here, a new Bobby," Atha has the gall to create a turtle then, right on the spot. Betty shrieks, and then faints. Ah, civilians. I have never been able to understand them.
"We are so fired," Allan says, as he goes in the direction of the kitchen. "The least we can do, is to clean the mess."
I then get an idea.
"No one needs to know," I say, loud enough for everyone to hear, but not loud enough for Betty to wake up. "I know this Pride demon, who does some pretty impressive things."
"You want us to brainwash Anna?" Allan asks. Seriously, how did he remember the name of the client? That is practically the first information that your average adventurer will forget!
"She looks like a Betty," Atha says. I bow to him.
"Thank you. Someone gets it," I say, and then take out my phone. Soon, I am waiting for Xavier to pick up. He is still in town, so, it won't take him long to get here. When he finally picks up, I force a smile on my face. He has always been able to tell, when one doesn't smile, as they talk to him.
"Xavier, buddy. I have a code magenta," I say.
"One hundred gold coins," my cutthroat of a friend says simply. I look to my party, as I place a hand on the phone.
"Let us say we are no longer a party. Will you guys ever sleep with me again?" I ask.
They begin to shake their heads. I feel hurt. Then, I see that Allan is not shaking his head, but blushing.
"Allan is my favorite in the harem. The rest of you will beg for my attention, but get it only if I am starving," I mock threaten, and then place the phone to my ear.
"Deal," I tell Xavier the address, and then accept the mop from Allan, who has one for each one of us.
Surveying the damage, I think we should go and buy a new carpet as well. If the guild master gets wind of this, not even the Demon Lord will be able to save our asses. On the bright side, the new turtle is playing with the shell of the old one. Morbid, yet adorable.
