Chapter 34: Quest? No, we are on a mission!

 Vincent: Archer, wants to be a hero. Vets the grandpas like no other. 

"Shouldn't we go and check for any quests at the guild house?" I ask. 

"What guild house? It hasn't been rebuilt yet," Dean says. Allan shrinks in on himself. 

"Never mind that," Dean pats Allan on the back, showing him that it is really not a big deal, to have exploded a guild house. Which is not the truth. It is a big deal. If guild master Warren didn't need to rake in the insurance money, we would have all been lost. "Let us go find Dru a forever man, or several." 

"Really, Dean? A harem, at her age?" Atha asks. He has gotten attached to Dru, and wants to protect her feelings. Or, he simply doesn't believe that Dru can have a harem again. With him, it can be either of those things. 

"It will make her happy," Dean says, not wanting to hear the rest of us. "As I said, I know just the place to find her stallions." 

"The Shady Palms Retirement Home?" I ask. No, I am not trying to be snarky. There is just no other place, that has a big concentration of elderly men in it, in the town. 

"No! We don't want those half-asleep men, who are so full of medication, they think they see pixies in their tea," Dean says. I have to chuckle at that. Which I mask with a cough, after Augustine glares at me. "We are going to the bowling arena." 

I blink at that. 

"Wait, what?" Just how did Dean come to such a conclusion. I mean, can people who look about Dru's age even go bowling? Won't they throw out their backs...and, oh, I really should stop thinking like this, before Augustine throttles me... I think he can read minds. 

"Think about it. Dru is a special lady, with appetites," I try to use mental bleach to get the connection of the word appetites with the name Dru. She is the grandma of the party. She doesn't have any appetites.  "Stop that train of thought! Dru might be as old as dirt, but if she wants to snuggle, we have to find her the most beefed-up specimen to snuggle to! I mean, come on. You can't deny that the old girl still has her curves. She is very well-preserved, I tell you." 

"Dean, just, take us there and let us be done with this before bedtime. We need to go and take a quest tomorrow from...the ruins of the guild house," now that I have said it out loud, it sounds even worse than it is. Or, does it? I mean, someone could have gotten killed. 

"The mascot hamster of the guild is still missing," Augustine says, and we all do a moment of silence for Timothy. He was ginger, and reminded everyone of the one and only Pumpkin. Not that Timothy could have possibly defeated a slime, even if Atha buffed him. 

Soon, we are before the only bowling arena in town. It is busy today, so, we have high hopes. We all follow Dean. He goes to the board with the records, and looks straight for the best one. 

"This is our man," he says, sounding sure of himself. 

"Are you sure? What if he is young?" I voice the concern of everyone else in the party.

"Ariknol is eighty, or I'll give you all blowjobs," that, coming from Dean, doesn't mean much. I mean, usually we swat him away, because he wants to give us blowjobs. Anyway, he asks around, and lo and behold. He leads us to the back, where an old man is preparing to throw the ball. I blink at him. 

Muscles, check. Leathery skin, check. A throw that got all the pins on the first try, check and check. Well, I'll be damned. A super grandpa. I watch as Dean approaches him as if the grandpa is a piece of cake. Dean wouldn't...would he? I mean, yes, Ariknol looks beefed, but he is still a grandpa. I rush towards Dean, and take a hold of his shoulders. 

"You are doing this for Dru," I hiss in his ear. "Now get your mind out of the gutter." 

"Think about the treasure trove he is hiding in that experienced brain of his," Dean actually has the gal to lick his lips. Darn horny incubus. Doesn't he have any restrain?

"If you put the moves on the grandpa, I will tattle on you to the grandma," I snap at him, and give him a winning smile. 

"You wouldn't break Dru's heart like that," Dean says. 

"It won't be breaking her heart. It will be exposing a bad grandson for the trash mob that he is," I tell him, after which I give his ass a pat, and move back to the rest of the party. Dean gives us a long stare, then he gives Ariknol a long stare. Then, he has the nerve to count us, and then count Ariknol. I lean into Augustine. 

"We should ditch the incubus on the side of the road," I whisper into our Song weaver's ear. 

"He is not... is he?" Augustine asks, as Dean begins to measure us, and then Ariknol. 

"He is. Honestly, he has no shame," I say. 

"I am putting an end to this," Atha says, and slithers to Dean. He takes a hold of our incubus, and slams him to the wall. What follows can only be described as aggressive make-out. Considering that Atha has poison sacks in his mouth, it might even end up in a death. Ariknol turns to stare at the two, and then points at them. 

"Are you two married?" He asks. Except, he is not exactly pointing at Atha and Dean, but at a clothing rack, next to them. 

"A little to the left," I yell, as I make my way towards the man. As always, I am the one who is left to take charge. When I reach him, I offer my hand. 

"Vincent, archer, soon to be Hero. It is a pleasure to meet you, sir," I say. 

"What?" Ariknol yells. Oh, dear. How are we going to get him together with Dru, if he is as blind as a bat, and as death as a slug?