I was impulsive.

I let my bullshit feelings go awry.

I should not have kissed her, at all costs.

But what have done is already done.

I can't go back ta o time like how I was reborn again.

Fuck.

I look at Leticia whose body trembling, she was probably feeling disgusted, hatred should have already filled in her heart.

The way she looked down and where I notice how she bit her lips.

Sigh...

"Good, thanks for my special breakfast, now, go to the car Leticia, wait for me there."

I saw as I saw her flinch before nodding, I should be okay with this but, this way of action makes me feel broken; piece, by, piece.

In the first place, I can't blame those voices that hunted me when I was 7, if I think about it, I should fight it, just like what I did in my past.

I shake my head in annoyance, the reason why I was eager for Leticia to annul our engagement is that I could let her go.

It's stupid, right?

Why can't I be the one who should annul our engagement instead of her?

Because I can't.

I don't even think I can do that

Bullshit, and hopeless.

I'm a pathetic man, honestly.

If it were another person, they would probably hesitate to annul the engagement.

Like those stories where the villain asks for annulment with might and pride, and arrogance.

I'm not like that, In my first life, I live an average life, living a neutral life where my future is dim.

Sigh.

"What a pathetic."

I said before I open the door, I did not even mind if Leticia heard my words or not, no it was more like, I did not realize I said it out loud.

I want to go to my room, to get my ID.

Once I open the door, I immediately saw my ID and took it.

I was about to get out but I stepped on something.

When I saw the object, I unconsciously picked it up.

The cover is golden brown with an old appearance, there is a carving at the center and the words are 'life', it was a notebook not that big, it was the size of my palm but it was thick.

"Isn't this...?"

I remember this, I once bought this for a beggar kid.

I give him 50 silver coins in exchange for this.

I did not feel anything about this, it's just that I felt pity for that boy, he was so thin that you can already see his bones and pumping heart.

This object is too old that I could not even use a pen to carve my writing on the paper.

So, I hid it somewhere, where I forgot.

Hehe.

Despite how old it was, my finger was cut slightly by the paper which is confusing at that time.

"Now, If I remember correctly, I bought this notebook when I was 14..."

Ironically despite knowing there is no inside, I still open it.

Oh, how surprised I was.

There are words, and sentences on the paper.

{Gasped!!!

"Haa... Haa... Haa.."

I look around and notice something weird.

"What...?"}

" What...?"

After reading the first page, I was stunned.

How should I react?

What should I do?

I was left speechless and unrest at this revelation.

I did not stop reading until...

{I did not stop reading until...}

Okay, Fuck this,  mom I'm scared.

I took the book with me determined I won't leave this anywhere, if anyone saw this, I would be in a position of hell.

My heart is beating so fast as I take each step toward the car.

I saw Leticia's face with a cold expression while looking down and suddenly frowned before looking at me.

We both stared at each other with my arrogant look and her stoic cold look.

She avoided me and looked own again, I went k the left to open the car door and sat next to hers.

With the book in hand, I started reading it again shaking off the sweet aromatic smell coming from Leticia.

{She avoided me and looked own again, I went k the left to open the car door and sat next to hers.

With the book in hand, I started reading it again shaking off the sweet aromatic smell coming from Leticia.}

I gripped the notebook as I was still confused about this situation.

I don't know what I should feel about this, but reading the time when I and Leticia kissed, I was embarrassed reading it, I want to dig a hole and never go out.

I want to throw this notebook as I know how cringey my inner monologue was at that time.

I want to slap myself, I want to punch myself.

God...

This notebook was likely my life, how I describe my life with my inner monologue.

"What are you reading?"

"None of your business."

"...tch."

Nothing much,  Leticia, It's just my inner monologue that I'm reading, How I can tell myself being pathetic and hopeless in love with you.

Oh, there are four.

Oh, how a bastard I was.

Loving five women?

Really?

I better go to a psychiatrist.

Again, I unconsciously looked at her.

She was sitting next to me while she was looking outside, with a relaxed posture which is confusing as she shouldn't be relaxed around me.

Her half-closed eyes were as if she were about to fall asleep.

Her beautiful raven hair How I want to touch it.

I remember the kiss again, and I could not help but flush.

She suddenly looks at me with a hint of interest in her eyes.

Thankfully, my flush was quickly gone before she could even see it.

"Sigh..."

"Why are you sighing?"

I ask, why did she sigh? And the sigh was as if she was disappointed.

"Nothing, I thought, I could see something interesting."

"Huh."

I replied as if not minding her words I was not interested, but I was confused.

What can she see on my side?

The only thing she could see is my handsome face.

"...shameless."

"Did you say something?"

"I was thinking about how I could get time with you at  school."

Seriously Leticia!

Why are you like this?!

You aren't like this in the past!

My heart goes Doki Doki after you said that you know?!

You are hereby held guilty for making my heart rise!

I thought I would have a heart attack.

{My heart goes Doki Doki after you said that you know?!

You are hereby held guilty for making my heart rise!

I thought I would have a heart attack.

Woo...}

....fuck...

I lowered my head in embarrassment, this notebook is torture for me.

I was doing my inner monologue which is fine, but reading my inner monologue?

Fuuuckkk...

I caaannnn'tttt

This is so embarrassing!!!!!

Gaaaahhh!!!!

I am dying inside...

Fuucck...

I will burn this later...

God damn it!!!!

This is is so embarrassing!

Thankfully no one would be able to read it.

"Pfft! Haha!!!"

I look at my side and saw Leticia laughing with her hand on her stomach.

"Why are you laughing?"

"H-huh? N-nothing! I just remember something really funny."

"That's so..."

Anyway, this is the first time I see Leticia like this.

She never smiles or laughs right in front of me. More so, she did not act so relaxed before when I'm around.

And honestly, I was captivated.

If my bros knew my inner monologue they will call me a simp.

Oi! I am not!

The ride went well as we were finally at the Silverio academy.

I went outside and walk towards Leticia, I open the car door not letting the driver do it.

I reached for her hand which she comply.

Once her feet stepped on the ground and gracefully stood with me.

The surroundings turn silent as they looked at us.

Some murmur with an expression of surprise.

Some gritted their teeth in jealousy at both genders.

But what makes me smirk more is the figure of a person.

Blonde hair and blue eyes, he is handsome with a good figure, he is gnashing his teeth in anger.

I notice how he prevents himself to charge at me.

His eyes turn towards Leticia, and I notice his obsession with her.

I smirked more seeing this and then.

I pulled Leticia which the latter grasped in surprise.

I put my right arm around her waist and then kiss her on her forehead.

Oh wow.

Look at that murderous intent.

I'm scared huh?

His bloodshot eyes full of killing intent did not leave until we were out of his sight.

And of course, my arm is still around Leticia's waist.

It did not take much time until we reach the room for student council, I went inside together with Leticia, as a student council president, of course, Leticia would have to handle those papers that concern the Silverio school.

Shouldn't the higher-ups handle this?

I shook my head and remember that guy's expression.

I look at Leticia because I know she also saw that guy.

?

Huh?

Her expression is unknown, her unreadable eyes were looking at me.

She is staring at me as if she was looking into the abyss.

This left me feeling uncomfortable.

Back then in the past,  I could read Leticia's emotions because despite how calm she looked, Leticia is a person who can easily express her emotion with her eyes.

I looked at her curiously but what I look like in her perspective is an arrogant annoying look.

"What are you looking at?"

"...nothing, Are you satisfied with doing that?"

I smirked as if delighted by what she said.

She was probably angry about what I did, right in front of her lover.

"Heh, Leticia, did you forget..."

"HE is not my lover and Lucas, you are my fiance, I won't do something stupid as to disgrace the name of Reinhardt."

Actually, you did that in the past life.

She was looking down and knitted her brows before looking at me.

"...In the first place, even if it was, it would probably... Lucas's fault...."

She sound hesitant to say that, and I could only be hurt by her words.

Right, she was right.

But it was those voices!

I can't do anything!

I could not even say sorry even till now right in front of you!

"Heh, right, IT was your fault, Leticia, if you-"

I could not finish my words when I felt a soft moist that touches my lip, I was shocked when I realized that Leticia's face was closed to me and her lips touching against mine.

Her arms are around my shoulder embracing me and not allowing me to push her.

I could only play along as well as being dominant in this kissing.

I embraced her waist pulled her and held her cheek with my other hand as I started to play with her tongue.

"Ungh!?"

...

.....

.......

"Haa... Haa...."

I look at her red face and tiredness.

We kissed for how many minutes.

Thankfully, there's no one in the student council except us

But...

Is this really the Leticia I know?

She does not act like this in my past life.

She looks so different.

And there is something I could not describe.

While I was kissing her, there is a lonely atmosphere in her.

I could not describe it well, but she was like longing for something.

"...fault..."

"Huh?"

"...no one's fault...I...I'm sorry...."

"?"

Uhh...

There was a spark in my brain that I got into theory...

What if Leticia is...

".........please, don't hurt my family, and don't touch han... Please, I beg you..."

Nevermind.

I could only internally smile bitterly.

I want to rub her beautiful raven hair but I stopped.

Yeah, of course, you idiot.

She is doing this because of what you said to her, she has no choice but to comply.

She is not doing this because she was feeling something to you.

How did I forget Leticia's one of the personalities I like?

She cares for those who she cherished.

She wants to protect them.

Isn't that why she is following me?

Even if those old hags force her, to be with me, she will still comply because of her father.

But I know it is also because of that she was getting betrayed multiple times.

"Hehe... Know your place, Leticia, you are mine."

I said, Then used my index to raise her chin so she could face me.

"What you can do to your family, is be with me, obey me, and don't disregard me."

I don't want you to be with that han, not because I'm jealous, yes, it was part of that but also, you won't be happy,

If no one could protect you...

Then, I will, and I will make sure you will hate me at the same time.

You may not be happy this time with me...

But there will be a day...

And I hope that day will come.

Where you can be happy.