Chapter 1 Welcome to Hell on Earth: Part 3
After leaving the hospital, aunt Bethany took me to get my dress suit fitted in time for the funeral. My emotions were a mess every time I thought this was my last goodbye. I could avoid the subject while in the hospital, telling myself it wasn't real. But that was just a halfhearted measure. Now the reality hit me like cold Arctic air. They were gone, there was nothing I could do about it.
Keeping a stoic face in front of aunt Bethany was taxing. She had a solemn gravity to everything she did, and it was making me more depressed. When we finally returned to my home, my heart dropped like a rock, all the way to my feet. An unbearable sense of loss surrounded me. It felt like a black fog sucking me in. I went up the stairs slowly, feeling as my legs were glued to the floor. Everything in the house was the same. The same as the day we left. I lay on my bed, my arm flung over my eyes, trying to ignore, trying to find peace in sleep.
It must have worked, because when I woke up the room was dark. Night had already fallen, I could see the streetlight shine its light on my wall. I rolled over and touched my face. It was damp, apparently I cried in my sleep. I felt pathetic. I also felt guilty. Why had I survived when they didn't? I'm the most sinful, why did I survive?
Dad and his silly antics, driving Mom crazy by watching his shows over and over again. Drawing on his arms and legs, teaching me how. He got a long lecture from Mom about that. He was crazy about card games too. Always playing around, it was fun. Mom was always kind, but she could be scary. I think the real head of the family was her, Dad would do anything she said. She liked to sing and would sing to me before bed when I was little. Occasionally, she would do it as I grew older, her soft voice lulling me to sleep.
I felt my tears trickle down once more, but I didn't care to stop them. I realized I was scared. Scared to face reality without them. What was I supposed to do? I can't just go on as if nothing happened. I wish time would stop, so that I didn't have to face this problem. I always knew one day they would die, just like everyone else. But I wasn't prepared for it to happen so soon. Half my soul was stolen from me. I wanted to end everything, to make it all shatter into nothingness.
Suddenly I felt shaking and looked up in surprise. It was aunt Bethany. I'd forgotten she was here. She looked worried and slightly surprised.
"Are you alright Bysshe?" She asked slowly.
I tried to school my face into indifference, but found it hard and looked away from her. Anything to get away from her searching eyes. I felt her hand rest on my shoulder, and felt more regret. I didn't deserve comfort.
I finally willed myself to answer her "No, I'm not." How could I be? The only way I could was if I was heartless.
"I tried calling to you from downstairs a few times. Your door must be pretty soundproof. I suppose your hungry now, eh?" She said, thankfully not delving any deeper into my emotions.
This made me want to tell her. To let everything out, to put away my caution and wariness. But I stopped myself and nodded to her question.
She got up, receiving my acknowledgement and left my room. I got up to rid myself of the soppy mess I made of my face. I was glad aunt Bethany was so discreet, she never pushed too hard. She let me alone to think it over, I was truly grateful. After washing my face in the bathroom down the hall, I descended the stairs and ate the takeout aunt Bethany had gotten.
* * *
Today was the funeral.
The finality in that sentence almost caused my heart to stop. When aunt Bethany told me again this morning, forcing me to remember, I felt my face become expressionless by itself. My heart was frozen.
I had no room for thought as I busied myself dressing in my overly formal suit, something I wasn't used to. It made the overcast sky seem darker, and the early fall weather colder. I combed my long hair and made it actually look neat. It was so strange to see I almost didn't recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. Who knew such an unruly mop could become like that. I shook myself from my thoughts and laced my shoes tightly. Fortunately, aunt Bethany had the foresight to buy me dress shoes, otherwise I could only wear beat up converse. They sadly did not go with the look I was trying to achieve.
I walked down the stairs, dressed in my black formal suit. The stiffness of the cloth made me stand up straight. It was grueling.
I saw aunt Bethany sitting on the couch in an rigid position. At the edge of her seat, as if she didn't want to get comfortable. Staring into the distance, she seemed to be seeing something sad.
"Aunt Bethany," I called softly, afraid to break the solemn stillness that filled the house. She didn't stir, so I cleared my throat, loudly. It sounded way too unnatural, pulling my aunt from her reverie to look directly at me. My face became covered with a slight blush, but I ignored it and attempted to appear nonchalant. "I'm ready now. Shouldn't we get going?"
"Yes, let's go." Her immediate reply seemed stiff and, surprisingly, irritated. Did I do something? Was there a snag in the funeral plans, or was it something else? Aunt Bethany was an enigma, always switching between hot and cold, I felt my brow furrow as I worried over the little things I might have done to set her off.
My thoughts were interrupted when we arrived at the funeral home. How can it be called a 'home'? It's creepy as hell!
