“Jack, come down and get some pizza before it gets cold.” I heard my mother calling from downstairs.

    I slowly stepped out of my room and crept past my sister’s room. Making sure not to be too loud. 

    She was having a sleepover tonight and if I bugged her I knew she would get mad and make fun of me. “Don’t bring any of your gross boy smell around my friends tonight, got it?” She had said.

    I had just nodded and slunk back to my room. I didn’t know why what she said hurt me as much as it did. I mean she was right. I wasn't a cute girl like her and her friends. I was just a gross boy, and gross boys aren’t allowed at sleepovers. 

    Besides it was her birthday and if I embarrassed her on her birthday she would be mad at me for a month. 

    “Hey, kiddo get some pizza, there's a few slices of sausage left. I know it's your favorite so I made sure the girls didn’t eat them all,” Mom said from her chair in the living area.

    I mumbled something that probably was a “Thank you” and grabbed a paper plate and put a slice on it. Then I went to pour a drink for myself, there wasn’t much left but I managed to get myself enough cherry coke to fill a glass. As soon as I had my food I went to make my way upstairs.

“Why don’t you come sit with me hon,” Mom said peeking over her book. 

Sighing I turned around and plunked myself on the couch, taking a small bite of pizza. Mom closed her book and set it down on the end table next to her and picked up her glass of wine. The book had a strange cover, I couldn’t read the title but it had pink, blue and white stripes on it.

“What's up, kiddo? Feeling left out?” She smiled, her horn rimmed glasses glinting with the light from her lamp.

I shrugged. “I dunno, I guess. I just don’t like that I'm being excluded because I'm a boy, that's all.” I took another bite of pizza and set the plate down on the seat next to me. 

“Is it because you're a boy? Or is it because you aren’t a girl?” She said, looking at me intensely.

“Isn’t that the same thing?” I asked, wondering what she was getting at.

    “Well, it's a girls sleepover so wouldn’t that mean boys aren’t allowed just from the name?” 

    “I guess but if i was a girl I wouldn’t want gross boys around either.” 

    “Gross? I don’t think you’re gross. I may have to fight to get you to take a shower every once in a while but that hardly makes you gross.” 

    “But Jasmine said she didn’t want any gross, smelly boys interrupting her party. Besides she’s right, who would want to be a boy.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs.

    She cocked her eyebrow at that. “You don't want to be a boy?” 

    “Of course not, I'm weird and lanky and boxy, don’t even get me started on that….. Wouldn’t every boy be happier as a girl?” I said back, confused.

    "In my experience, kiddo, no, boys don't usually want to be girls."

    “Of course they do, but they can't because that's not how the world works. I was born in this awful body and I'm stuck with it.”

    “Oh, that's not true, Hon. Do you want to be a girl?” She asked with the warmest smile on her face, and kindness in her eyes.

    I nodded, unable to speak. I DID want to be a girl. I didn’t even notice I was crying until the couch moved and my mom had me wrapped up in her arms.

    “Shhh, honey it's okay. I will help you. How about we go clothes shopping the day after tomorrow? Your sister probably wants to spend her birthday money anyways. We can make it a girls day out. Would you like that?”

    I nodded into her chest as she rubbed my back.

    After a few minutes I heard thumping on the stairs. “Hey mom, the girls wanna watch a movie, can I borrow your laptop?” My sister called with a slap of her feet on the hardwood at the bottom. As she passed me she noticed my puffy eyes and scoffed. “What are you crying for?”

    Mom pulled away from the hug. “Can I tell her?” She asked softly.

    I nodded and sniffed.

    “Well your sister was feeling left out, so we had a little chat, and it got emotional,” she said, rubbing my shoulder. “She wants to join you and your friends but doesn't feel welcome.”

    “What are you talking about?” She turns to me again. “Jack, what is she talking about?”

    “I…. umm… I’m a girl.”

    “What? No you’re not. You are a boy, that's disgusting, you can't be a girl.”

    “She can be a girl if she says she is, Jasmine,” Mom snapped back. “She’s just figuring herself out and needs to process all this.”

    My eyes started watering again, Jasmine thought I was just as gross as ever. 

“He’s just pretending so he can spy on my friends. It’s gross and perverted.”

    “I knew it, she thinks I’m weird and is gonna hate me forever,” I said shakily and ran up the stairs. I slammed my bedroom door, not caring that we had guests over, and fell on my bed. I cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes.

    My door clicked open and I heard my mother’s muffled voice say something. I couldn’t make it out and lifted my head.

    “Jasmine has something she wants to say to you.” She motioned for her to enter the room and backed away, closing the door behind her.

    Jasmine sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me sullenly. “Hey, I didn’t know that this was actually that serious for you. I’m really sorry, Mom talked to me and explained the whole trans thing. I just want you to know that,” She paused and took a breath. “You can be my sister, if you say you’re a girl then you are. I want to make this up to you Ja.. Um, what name do you want me to use?”

    I sat up and sniffed. “I don’t know, I haven’t really had the chance to think about it.” I shrugged.

    “Well then let's find one for you then,” she said, pulling up a name generator website on her phone.

    “What about your friends?” 

    She turned and gave me a big hug. “Right now, finding a name for my sister is more important.” She let go and started scrolling through names.

    I layed back down and sighed. Maybe this would change things between us, only time would tell.

RebelRose

Hey all, just a small little story. Big thanks to Mackenzie for helping me proof this and cheering me on to keep writing. you can find her amazing works here https://www.scribblehub.com/profile/33588/mackenzie/ Give her a follow and show her all the love and support in the world.