Ultimately, I wouldn’t return home until after 4 in the morning.

Anyway, I ran and ran, and continued to run until it was like my legs wouldn’t move anymore. Exhausted, I couldn’t go further…when I thought to go home, I realized that, while the JR (Japan Railways) trains were still running because of New Year’s Eve, I still didn’t have money for the train fare, so I of course had only one option: to go back the way I came. But because I didn’t have enough stamina to run anymore, I took my time to walk back the way I came. Not holding a key, I also wondered what to do if the door is locked, but, unusually and unsafely, the door was left unlocked, thankfully. My family probably did that for me since I ran off and left like that. Going inside, I open the door to the living room, and of course the lights are all out and everyone has gone to bed. To not disturb my sleeping little sister and mother, since the rooms are next to the living room, I use only very little light to do things like go to the restroom or get some water, but someone started moving in the darkness.

“Naoki…?”

That was Akari.

“Whoa!? D-did I wake you up?”

“I’ve been up. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Eh, is that so?”

Akari crawled out from her futon and came to the living room. We sat side-by-side on the sofa.

“Have you been running this whole time?”
So as to not wake up mom, Akari asked this in a whisper.

“Eh? Um, errr, well…”

“What happened? Did you suddenly go mad!?”

“N-no! I just had a lot of stuff…to think about…”

“…Hmm….About Azuki-san?”
Akari saying this caused me to gulp.

“Bull’s Eye. Are you still fighting?”

“Eh, ah…yeah, well…”

:Why did you start fighting? I’ll bet you did something weird, Naoki.”

“N…no! Anyway, why are you so interested in that…”

“You’ve been so helpless lately that it makes me worried.”

“I-it’s nothing you need to be so worried about!”

“A-Akari is…Naoki’s little sister, so…I have a duty to protect your future!”

“Wh-what’s up with that?! Are you my guardian!?”
At Akari’s words I didn’t get, I was about to start venting.

“If you don’t want to make Akari worry, then…properly, in a way to not cause worry, always enjoy yourself…”

“…H-huuh…?”
“Thanks to you, big brother, your little sister is always worried about you…so there’s no helping that I always have to watch out for you…”

“Wh-what are you…”

“You were silent to Akari and got a girlfriend for yourself, and…though it makes me really, rea~lly ticked, despite that, I decided I would begrudgingly support you, so…please, if you’re not happy…Akari will be…troubled.”

I am bewildered by Akari’s words. She seems sleepy and is drowsily talking while half asleep is what I thought, but….Naturally, she goes and says that. Though we’re siblings, there was no way around that being embarrassing, saying that stuff face-to-face. With this, it’s like…

“Have you been worried for me like that…this whole time? Do you understand what it is you’re saying? The way you put it makes it sound like you have a…brother complex.”

To my words, Akari’s face flared red. In a moment it seemed like she woke up.

“B…br-bro…”
My little sister scowled at me with an incredibly upset look, with her face all red. Oh no, to say brother complex…looks like I may have said too much. There’s no way that’s the case, I got carried away and made her mad…

“What’s wrong with a brother comple—x?!”

“…?!”

At Akari’s yelling voice, I was surprised and became speechless.

“A-a-a…anyway, it’s Naoki’s fault…OK?! Even if a boy in class confesses to me…someone with as big an otaku taste as Naoki, or someone who understands Akari as well as Naoki, and is kind like Naoki, no, someone who is kind, isn’t out there! The one guilty for my class saying things like Akari hates boys is…Na-Naoki…!”

“…!? !? A-Akari, you…”

I got embarrassed listening to her. She…re-really does have a…brother complex. Even though she is always so mean to me…This is really embarrassing. Really, what is she thinking…

…But, Akari has a brother complex, eh…hmm…I see…I-it’s not like hearing that from my little sister makes me even the least bit glad, though!

“Na-Naoki’s…fault…”

While talking, Akari seemed to be drowsy and falling asleep. Of course, it’s already past 4 AM. Of course she’d be tired since she always gets into her futon early.

“Ah, see, I get it, so go to sleep. I’ll also go to sleep, so, you too, sleep.”

“Hey…don’t treat me like a kid, I’m still completely…awake…”

“No, no, no, you’re already half-way dreaming…come on.”

I took Akari’s hand and led her to her futon. She calmly got in her futon, and quickly fell asleep. Of course she’d be sleepy. She said she couldn’t sleep, and she looked tired enough for it.

…I hope not, but was she waiting for me to get home..? No, no, no, there’s no way that’s the case…

To make such an immature brat like her worry about me…I’m disqualified as a big brother…

After that, I brushed my teeth and headed to my room and entered my bed. I very quickly was attacked by a tired feeling, and lost consciousness as I fell asleep.

*

The next day.

Mom woke me up around 9 in the morning; I washed my face and went to the living room. Due to a sense of tiredness and lack of sleep, I wanted to go back to my futon, but I think if I go back to sleep I can’;t receive my New Year’s gift…and I force my tired head awake.

“Ah, Naoki, good morning.”

“H…happy New Near…”

I quickly say my New Year’s greeting to my father and mother in the living room. This is the custom every year, and if you don’t greet them you won’t get your New Year’s gift.

“Happy New Year. What time did you get home yesterday?

“Y-yeah…I don’t remember it very well, but probably around 1 or something like that.”

If I answered my father’s question honestly, I think he’d get mad, so I tell an on-the-spot lie.

I get my New Year’s gift, say  my thanks, and put it in my wallet. My mother forcibly wakes up my sister, and the whole family eats my mother’s homemade New Year’s dish and New Year’s rice cakes with vegetables. Akari seemed more tired than me, and while she was eating she seemed drowsy, so mom got mad at her. Well, she’s not as used to staying up late as I am, so after going to bed at that late an hour, of course she’d be more tired than me…

After breakfast, the whole family went to our first shrine visit of the New Year. It’s another New Year custom of ours. With my father driving the car, we go to what I think is the biggest shrine around these parts.

“Naoki, why did you go out running at such a time?”

“…”

“Hey, Naoki, are you listening?!”

“…Eh!? Wh-what?!”
With me in the passenger’s seat of the car with mom behind me and my mindlessness, I didn’t hear her at all.

…Last night, I was so tired I quickly went to bed without thinking, but….Today, since morning, while I was eating, while I’m doing something, always…my mind keeps going back to yesterday’s confusion.

…The truth that Koigasaki likes me….My brain has been full of such confusion because of this revelation. When I first woke up this morning I had thought that it all may have been a dream, but upon seeing the CD ROM Azuki-chan had given me near my computer where I had placed it confirmed that this is indeed real.

“Aww, what’s with you, Naoki…Akari, do you know?”

“…Nope. Don’t know.”

Before long, we arrived at the shrine. Like always, after paying homage to the shrine we bought protective talismans, and the whole family drew fortunes. My fortune is…

“Gagh!?”
“Eh, Naoki, bad luck!?”

What a bad omen for the new year…

We read the details of the fortunes. Naturally, I was overwhelmed by my being the only one who didn’t get something good written on his fortune, but what most concerned me was…

“Romance: you will probably go through a bad break up.”

“Wha…!?”
A bad break up…? Exactly with whom does it mean to say I am breaking up…? Taking in the shock of the results of my fortune, I stood stock still there and…

“Ah…? Kashiwada…!?”

“…Eh!?”

I doubted the scene before my very eyes. That’s because what I saw standing before me was the person that my mind kept turning back to in thought. Because I kept thinking of her, for a moment I thought I may have been seeing an illusion.

“Ah, Momo-san!”

“Oh, Naoki’s friend?”

But…by mom’s and Akari’s reactions, I understood that this was not an illusion.

“…Ko…Koiga…saki.”

Yes, Koigasaki, wearing fine clothes, was standing in front of me. Seeing her in front of me, I was so surprised I couldn’t say very much.

To think, I meet the person I have been thinking about all the time since yesterday, is it OK for such a coincidence to happen? I realize that Koigasaki is surrounded by her family. Like me, it appears she came to the first shrine visit of the year with her family. I haven’t seen her in a while, but when Koigasaki’s little sister spotted me, she started making a racket by saying “Kashiwada! It’s Kashiwada!”

Next to the finely-dressed Koigasaki was a pretty woman a little older than her, who I immediately think is her older sister. Behind them were Koigasaki’s parents. I’ve met both of them before, so I, in a hot haste, greeted them. I was thinking I better say something when Koigasaki appeared before me, and I almost yelped in surprise. While I was spacing out upon seeing Koigasaki’s parents, it would seem she drew near me.

“Kashiwada…can we speak for a bit?”

With a sour face that ruined her well-dressed look, she spoke to me.

But, even though she might be mad, Koigasaki in such fine clothes was…charmingly beautiful.

*

Koigasaki and I, for a little bit, both moved to get away from our families. While both our families were eating food from a food stand, Koigasaki, who said she had something to talk about, and I moved somewhere away from our families.

What does she want to talk about…I think it’s got to be about the situation with the phone yesterday, but…Since meeting Koigasaki today, I have not once looked her in the eyes. It felt as though my heart might stop if we looked each other in the eyes. Being alone together with Koigasaki…my heart has not stopped pounding.

I really, really still cannot believe it. The way she feels about me…

“So, why didn’t you answer my calls yesterday? And you didn’t respond to my message either!”
Naturally, Koigasaki, not knowing what kind of state I was in, is openly angry with me with her usual sour look.

“Eh…a-ah…m-my bad…”

“I don’t want you to apologize, I’m asking you why you did that.”

“Eh…um, well…by the time you called me yesterday I was…already sleeping…”

“…Hmmm….Then, what about a reply to my message?”
“…Eh?!”

“My message, you read it, right? About Azuki-chan….what are you meaning to do from now on?”

“Eh, ah….err…”

“I said this in my message, but you absolutely should not break up with her, OK?! Azuki-chan hasn’t told me, so I don’t know what she said to you, but…her wanting some pace between you isn’t because she’s come to hate you or anything! Azuki-chan…even now, likes you. So, you definitely should not break up!”

I listen to what Koigasaki says, and I think. She seems to know that Koigasaki and I are taking some space from each other because Azuki-chan told her as much, but, beyond that, she doesn’t at all seem to know that Azuki-chan has told me her true feelings as well as given me how Koigasaki feels.

“…A-ah…”

“Anyway, at least once speak with her properly!

…hey, are you listening!?”
“…I’m listening…b-but, hey, Koigasaki,”

“Eh, what?”
“Why…are you always…so dearly interested in people’s situations?”

If the story from the radio is true, then…Koigasaki…likes…me. Yet…despite that, ow, Koigasaki is like this, trying to desperately fix Azuki-chan and my relationship. Why..why does she go so far and hard for our situation? She values our situation over her own feelings.

“…Isn’t that you…”

“Eh?!”
I didn’t let what she whispered go unnoticed.

“No, nothing…”

Koigasaki furrowed her brow, and after thinking a bit, she opened her mouth.

“…If you ask why…that’s because…”

“I can’t leave you alone…”

With a sad expression, looking straight at me, Koigasaki…declared this. Can’t leave me alone…? For some reason, after hearing that line, I had a sense of nostalgia. Yes, that day we got into our agreement…Koigasaki said that to me.

“I can’t leave you alone.”

Since that day, how much…has she cared about me? We were tied to our agreement, but that she “can’t leave me alone”: reason is when…she helped me with my unrequited love for Hasegawa, comforted me when she rejected me…and after that,k she’s tried to help Azuki-chan and my relationship. The one who has kept me facing forward to not be crushed during hard times is…even with a broken heart, the one who helped me be happy is…this is all because of Koigasaki’s help.

But, secretly, the other side of the one doing all that for me…she likes…

“Kashiwada? Why did you stop talking and start spacing out?”

Hearing Koigasaki’s voice, I came to my senses. Th-this is bad…just a little more and I myself don’t understand why, but I would have started crying….Since yesterday my tear ducts have been ready to let loose to an absurd degree.

“A-anyway..hurry and make up with Azuki-chan! You shouldn’t make everyone wait for it, so hurry and get back together.”

“A-ah…yeah…”

At that, Koigasaki and I returned to where our families were. With complicated emotions, I watched the back of Koigasaki’s well-dressed figure return to her family. Unconsciously I…while looking at the back of her figure, with all these emotions welling up inside me, I whispered her name.

I got back to my house later that day and sent a message to Azuki-chan.

“Happy New Year. I listened to both files on the CD ROM, and understand your feelings well. Thank you. Until your heart is ready, I will be waiting for you.”

Anyway, I thought it was important that I listened to the CD ROM and understood the gist of what Azuki-chan was saying. After a long time, Azuki-chan still did not respond back.

*

Three days later.

Today is my first day of work at my part time job since the new year started.

“…ah.”

Crash. A gaudy noise came forth as the glass dropped to the floor breaks.

“Wa….Kashiwagi-kun, what are you doing!?”
Watanabe Aya, who had the same shift as me, came with a broom and dustpan with a surprised look about her.

“Th-tha-thank yo…ow!”
“Oy! Really, so dumb! What’re you doing trying to pick up broken glass with your bare hands!? Really, you’re spacing out too much today~! What is it? Were you at last dumped by your girlfriend you couldn’t get in touch with?”

Without thinking, I go stiff at Watanabe Aya’s words.

“Eh? Oh no, was I right?”
“Eh, ah, no…”

Today, I have been making so many mistakes at work that even I am surprised.

“Welcome~”
“Welco…!”
I went to dish out some hospitality to the new customer, but after the automatic door opened and I saw this customer’s figure, I was at a loss for words.

“Kizuna~! Happy New Year-~! Hm, wha-wha? What’s wrong-?!”
“Oh, happy New Year~!…Kashiwada-kun!”

“O-Oikawa…”

That is, the figure of Oikawa Kizuna—the one I saw on New Year’s Eve, my fellow classmate in middle school.

“Kashiwada, today you get off at 3, right?”
“Eh? A, ah…”
Oikawa, why do you know the time I get off work…? Further, it’s 2:50  right now. In a little bit, I get off work.

“After this, are you free? Come with me a bit.”
“Eh…alright…”

I realize I forcibly got away from Oikawa. Thinking about it now, it feels like I did something pretty awful. What’s more, I had pretty much forgotten about it up until now. You could say my mind was filled with other things…I did something pretty bad to Oikawa. And, “come with me for a bit,” she said…Oikawa, what business do you have with me, coming all this way to my part time job? Is it to talk about what she tried to talk about on New Year’s Eve? What kind of conversation is this…

After finishing up with the customers while Oikawa and Watanabe Aya talked amongst themselves, my shift ended. I made my preparations to go home, and I and Oikawa left the store together.

“S-so about…the other day. Oikawa…you had something to speak with me about, yeah…?”
While walking side-by-side with her to the station after leaving the shop, I apologized to her.

“A-yeah. So fervently you looked at your phone and went off somewhere, I was really surprised.”

“Eh?!” Was that how it was!? I…”

“Yeah, I was so shocked I stood stock still right there.”

Oikawa is smiling while talking, so I understood that she is not mad at me or anything, but…I’m a tad embarrassed for how I acted at that time. Certainly, I was very desperate then…

“I’m seriously sorry…but how come you know my work schedule today…?”
“A-Aya told me.”

“Eh…?!”
Co-could it be…she heard my schedule from Watanabe Aya, and came to meet me that day…?

“Can we talk today?”
“Eh, ah…of course!”

There’s no way I could refuse someone who went out of their way to meet me. It’s not like we’re on a date or anything, we’re just talking…it’s fine, right? Via train, we move to our local station and go to a small park nearby. Us two sat side-by-side on a swing set.

“A…ah, well, about the conversation…”

“Eh? Ah…there wasn’t any sort of special conversation I wanted to have or anything. I happily, unexpectedly go to to meet with you again…so after such a long time I just wanted to have a nice chat with you, Kashiwada-kun, is what I thought.”

“Eh…!? Ah, is that right…”

I was surprised in my innermost being by Oikawa’s words. It wasn’t a specific conversation, she just wanted to have a nice chat with me…Oikawa was thinking in that sort of way…

“Coming to my work just for that, do you think it was too much just to talk with me?”

“Wh-!? I do not think so!”

Oikawa denied it, surprised. She does not think so. Actually…her thinking like that makes me honestly glad.

“But anyway, Kashiwada, you’ve changed quite a bit, eh~”

“Eh?! R-really…? From my point of view, it would be you, Oikawa, who has changed…”

In Oikawa’s case, what’s changed is just her outside appearance…talking with her reveals she hasn’t changed much on the inside.

“You said I changed at the year end party as well…have I changed so much? In what way?”
“Eh? Do you not understand it yourself?”
Oikawa said in a teasing tone.

“Your appearance, too—in middle school you looked pretty plain…now, it’s like you are a different person. That and, on the inside as well…”

I was surprisingly, even to myself, not hurt by her saying I was plain in middle school. If she’s saying I’ve changed, it means I am not plain now; I’ve I’ve become no longer lame…is that a good interpretation? If that’s the case, then I’m actually glad.

“Eh? R-really…The inside as well…what do you mean by that?”
“Eh, well, you in middle school was, you know…”

“…What!? If you’ve said that much you can say the rest! No matter what you say, I won’t get hurt or angry or anything!”
“Eh, really…? Well, you know…you seemed very otaku like, like it felt as though you didn’t handle speaking with others very well…”

Rather than getting hurt or angry at Oikawa’s words, I feel satisfied. I’m self-aware of such things.

“But, now you don’t seem like that at all. Even at your part-time job you seem to fit in really well, in how you speak and in matching the mood,k you’re completely different. Actually…ah, never mind…I’m saying some pretty horrible things, eh?”
Saying so much, Oikawa looked at me with a worried look.

“No, it’s completely fine! Even I think I was like that in the past….Actually, your saying I’m different now makes me quite glad.”

“…!”
“…But, Oikawa…”

“Eh? What?”

“Um…well, to such a bad-at-speaking, disgusting otaku…”

“I didn’t say that much!”
“Ah, ah…well, to such a plain otaku, you sure tried to talk to me…”

That is something that I thought was strange even until now. Why would Oikawa, popular with both boys and girls, try talking to a plain otaku like me? Oikawa, when I wasn’t there…teased by the girls in the class, saying “Do you like Kashiwada?” and her answering :I don’t like him,” “I tease him because it’s entertaining,”…is her real answer honestly that she did that because it was entertaining? Asking her face-to-face, she might not be completely honest, but…despite that, I couldn’t think Oikawa would talk to me just as a way to “tease a disgusting otaku.” I couldn’t think o f her…as such a terrible person. When she talked to me, she’d say things like “What manga are you reading?” or “What games do you like?” and other such normal things; nothing came up that was a subject to make fun of me.

“It didn’t seem strange back then? You didn’t get teased by your friends or something? Like, ‘why are you talking with a guy like that?!’ or such…”

Without thinking, I recalled when I was hurt because I heard Oikawa’s denial and saying she was just teasing me, and asked such a question. I wasn’t trying to trick her or ask a leading question or anything, but I suppose that’s what it is in the end. Of course, Oikawa might not speak with me with brutal honesty. Maybe say they never said anything like that or something. After looking a tad troubled, Oikawa looked at me.

“Ahaha, yeah, well…to be honest, they often teased me, about if I liked you and stuff like that, I did talk with you a lot after all. At first, you were quite unsociable, but we kept talking, so I admired that.”

Oikawa said as she laughed. That’s right…when we first spoke, my heart was on max caution mode, and I had built a great wall around it. That such a normal, popular girl would talk to me, I thought she for sure must have been just teasing me. But, after that, Oikawa continued to speak with me, talking to me time and time again. Because of Oikawa being like this, I lost the caution I had in my heart. I she spoke to me, I would try hard and talk with her. At some point, her talking with me had become fun. I started to…like Oikawa. Every once in awhile, I’d bring out some courage and I would start talking her.

“Well, when my friends would ask if I liked you, teasing me, sometimes I would vehemently deny it. Thinking about it now, it’s a good thing you didn’t hear what I would say, Kashiwada, some of it was pretty awful~”

“…Eh…”

A bitter smile arose on Oikawa’s face as she spoke, and I was dumbfounded. I-is that so…is that what that was to Oikawa….Now, thinking about it calmly, if our positions were reversed, I think I’d probably do the same. If I kept speaking with a certain girl in my class, and some friends asked me “you always are speaking with her, do you like her?”…I think I too would desperately deny it no matter what I thought of her. Yeah, that’s all it is…until now, I…selfishly felt as though I was betrayed, and thinking only of myself I treated Oikawa like she was the bad one, myself getting hurt…

“…? Kashiwada? What’s wrong?”
Seeing me absent-minded, Oikawa spoke to me as if something were odd.

…It’s a good think I was able to meet Oikawa again after such a long time…

Now, that’s what I thought from the bottom of my heart. Oikawa wasn’t some terrible person at all. She was a kindhearted girl who talked with a plain otaku like me. My first love.

“…Hey, Oikawa…”

“Hm?”

I got off the swing and faced toward Oikawa.

“During middle school, I liked you, Oikawa.”

“…Eh…”

After my saying that, I understand the quickly reddened face. Woah, I said it…for some reason, now, I wanted to say it. That first love with never blossomed. Those words I couldn’t say then….While Oikawa was looking at my face, she opened her eyes wide in surprise.

“Se…seriously…?”
“Seriously. I mean, of course, a cute, kind girl starts talking with an otaku who is bad at communication, of course he’d fall in love. I toward be weird if he didn’t.”

Hiding my embarrassment, I blabbed more than I needed to. I understood that the more I spoke, the more red I became.

“Ha, haaah!? Wait, you…you can say such embarrassing things fine like that! Really, I don’t see you in a while and you change so much! That’s a surprise!”

Oikawa as well, she was shaken by my words and went completely red.

“..I…I, I as well…”

EH?”
Oikawa, in her shaken state, began talking.

“Now, thinking about it…probably, I l…liked you, Kashiwada, I think…at the time I didn’t think about it so far though.

“…Ehh!?”

I raised my surprised voice at Oikawa’s words.

“I mean…if not, I wouldn’t talk to you so much, right? It’s just like…I don’t know when, but I became interested in you. You had built a wall around yourself, and seemed so sullen reading manga during breaks from class…”

“Se…seriously?’

“Seriously.”

Embarrassed, Oikawa laughed.

“Se-seriously…seriously…what to do, I’m so happy.”

No longer hiding my feelings, I said those words. My first love…was a match…

At the time, there was no way I thought that was possible…it was mutual love…Oikawa also was interested in me…it can’t be helped, she liked plain otaku me…I really can’t believe it. I’m glad.

“Um, hey…Kashiwada! Do you, now…”

“Eh?”

“Do you have a girlfriend or..someone you like now?”

Oikawa got off the swing, came near me, and peered at my face as she asked that question. My heart was pounding at her question. I take a light breath…

“Yes, I do.”

At my answer, Oikawa grew serious.

“Y-you do…? Wait a second, now, you have a girlfriend…?”

“Eh? Yeah.”

“Huuuuh!?”

Oikawa looked at my face with a look as if she were surprised from her innermost being.

“Eh?! What’s up with suddenly raising your voice so loud…”

“No, no, no, it’s strange! With this flow we have now! Wai…really~!?”

Oikawa suddenly put her hands on her head in a terrible commotion and said such.

“Well~…this disappointed feeling…seriously, what to do!?”

While making a large sight, Oikawa scowled at me with a sidelong stare.

“…Eh?”

Disappointed, she said…what’s with being disappointed in my having a girlfriend or someone I like? …Eh? In other words…?

“Ah, man, really, I thought that was a good time…”

Oikawa bashfully pat my shoulders lightly, and started briskly walking, separating from me.

“O-oy…where are you going?”

“’Where’ you say, I’m going home of course! Later, Kashiwada.”

Without looking at my face, she briskly moved to leave the park.

“O-Oikawa…!?”

I-in other words…had I not been so super-self-conscious, Oikawa…even now, would have thought I was good enough to go out with…?

“O-Oikawa!…See you again!”

As her back grew farther and farther away, I, without chasing her, said such, straining my voice a little. At my words, Oikawa turned around for only a moment, and…I saw a surprising smile from her.

Later…my first love. It’s good we were able to meet. Thank you.

After that, I remembered that my phone had vibrated as I spoke with Oikawa earlier, and I opened my phone.

Received 1 new message.

“Message: Happy New Year. You listened to the CD ROM, eh? After school on the day of the opening ceremony, I will tell you, Naoki-kun, how I feel about you. Please prepare yourself (lol)”

I’m different from my middle school self who couldn’t tell others how he felt. This time, accurately…I will convey my emotions in my own words. As I look at my phone’s screen, I make firm my determination.

*End of Chapter 2*