Omae Otaku

Volume 10

Chapter 7

"Hey, Kashiwada, are you reading another weird manga~?"

January will soon end.

Since that day... Nearly a month has passed. Today during break time, I again read manga without talking to anyone. I cover it with a book over just so that the teacher doesn’t notice; I have no intention of hiding it among my peers.

"I bet it’s another erotic one, right~!?"

Against what the one messing with me, Kiritani, is saying, there’s no way I’d read erotic stuff in school... I think in my inner heart. Well, it’s not like the ordinary, normal Kiritani is saying this for no reason. What I’m reading now is a rom-com shounen with a lot of erotic scenes.

"I guess you’re still an otaku, like always."

Otaku. Kiritani’s words elicit a little bit of a response from me. But, I didn’t care too much and I continued reading.

"You’re like a different person from back then; I guess after being dumped it made you run back full-force to being an otaku. You can’t find a new girlfriend like this."

Kiritani seems to think that when I said my girlfriend and I broke up. That it meant she dumped me. Well, it’d be a hassle to convince him otherwise so I just left it at that.

Like Kiritani says, my hair is wild, and my eyebrows are also growing out of control... But, so what? What’s the issue with it? Is it a bother to others?

Furthermore, you can call me an otaku all you want, I’m not trying to hide it at school. I mean, there’s no reason to hide it anymore. There’s no reason to try to be fashionable.

I don’t care what others think of me anymore. Lame? Creepy? Otaku? Say whatever you want. It won’t bother me no matter what you think.

Since then... I haven’t spoken at all to Koigasaki or Azuki-chan. They’ve returned to being like total strangers.

Naturally, I couldn’t get a new girlfriend. I haven’t really spoken to any girls like that.

"Kashiwada, what kind of manga are you reading?"

"...!?"

Suddenly, my manga was taken from my hands. The one who took it was a gal[1]-seeming girl, Sasagawa.

(TL note: a gal is someone who takes to a form of street fashion and is characterized by dyed hair, tanned skin, heavy makeup, and flashy accessories. They are often depicted as being "loose" and not mindful of tradition, yet often popular)

"Ugh, is this erotic manga? You’re quite hardcore."

"Huh!? Seriously!? Reading that type of stuff at school!? Too creepy~!"

 

Soon, my manga was being passed around among a group of gals. They make fun of me and guffaw and laugh at the indecency.

 

"Give that back."

 

Without getting too flustered, I told them this calmly.

"..."

When the gals looked at how dull I was being at these antics, they returned the manga to my desk.

"How boring~ What’s with that reaction."

"With such little reaction, isn’t it a bit scary? He’s seems really sick nowadays, I think."

"His eyes always seem so dead."

They were whispering such a conversation, but they didn’t really keep their voice down and I could perfectly hear what they were saying. Like this, though I can occasionally speak with girls...

They just make fun of me or get creeped out. Before, I might have gotten angry and then depressed, but now those types of feelings don’t come out from me.

 

I’ve come to a kind of enlightenment. People will say I’m dead inside or such, but how I am now is optimal. Getting hurt, becoming sad, caring about how others see you, becoming desperate so that you are not hated... [1]

I was able to escape all this world’s painful and tough things. There’s nothing like like this... Now, I won’t get hurt by liking someone, so that’s good. There was a time when I thought those days were fun.

There was a time when I became like a normal person. However... That was the only time I thought I got close to being a normal person after all. That was just an illusion.

Ultimately, the reason I had become like that was due to the cooperative agreement I had made with Koigasaki Momo, not because of my own ability. The way I was able to meet a bunch of girls and have those fun times is all because of Koigasaki.

There’s no girl who would approach such a lame, creepy otaku as the current me with my fated link with Koigasaki severed. At this rate, I’m just an unattractive student whose high school life is finished.

Hey, what is there to be pessimistic about? This is what I had hoped for. I’ve been set free from the suffering. I’m in a state of nothingness. A world where I am free from troublesome things. Isn’t it a wonderful world? [2]

Why did I not realize that such a great world existed sooner? I would always be troubled by such unimportant things, sometimes I would even cry... I’ve learned from such a bitter experience as those days.

That romance and love stuff was because I was mentally weak. After all, I wasn’t suited for it. I’ve given that stuff up completely, of course it’s more fun to spend my time and money on my otaku interests.

After all, that stuff won’t betray me. If I put in my money and enthusiasm, it’s assured I’ll get that much enjoyment out of it.

 

Of course, there were some... No, many fun... Things we did...

"Kashiwada-kun"

"...!"

 

I soon realized that Hasegawa was near my desk.

"Thanks for your time. Thanks to you, Kashiwada-kun, I was able to speak with big brother without too much nervousness."

"A-ah... Well..."

The other day, Hasegawa, her brother Yamamoto-san, and I ate together. We were finally able to make what Hasegawa had asked for earlier a reality. That day, Hasegawa and Yamamoto-san were able to both tell each other about what they had been doing, with Hasegawa talking about school and Yamamoto-san and I talking about work.

I talked about how I got into otaku-related things; we were able to have a good time. The three of us all felt a bit nervous at first, but we all got used to each other pretty quickly.

"If it’s OK with you, Kashiwada-kun... It would sure make me glad if we could go out again like that." [3]

"A-ah... Of course! If you want me to go with you, just ask anytime! It was fun for me as well!"

On the day of the entrance ceremony... Hasegawa accepted my request that we get along as friends again, since then, we’ve truly, truly built up a good relationship as mutual friends. This made me very glad.

"By the way, Kashiwada-kun..."

"...!?"

 

In the next instant, suddenly... Hasegawa took the manga from my hands.

Due to how abrupt this was, for a moment I didn’t understand what was going on.

Why is Hasegawa doing the same thing as those gals!? Hasegawa flipped and looked through the manga.

I was so dumbfounded by her doing this that I couldn’t even resist.

"Sure enough, it’s manga and with such indecent contents to be reading so boldly at school..."

"Eh, ah..."

"Kashiwada-kun, you’ve got quite the nerve, don’t you?"

"...!?"

Hasegawa, with a terribly shocked face, looked at me and spit out such fierce words my way. At her words, I was surprised and not able to say anything.

... Yes, recently, Hasegawa has been like this a lot more. By "like this", I mean that she has not been like that docile, only super kind angel she was like before... Hasegawa has gotten her attitude a bit closer to her best friend, Sonoda Rio-san, to where she has a merciless wicked tongue; it’s an intense attitude she has.

"If a female classmate was to see this... A normal person would feel embarrassment and shame if they were carrying this around, but did you lose the ability to feel these at some point or something?"

 

"...S-sorry...."

Why I was apologizing was something even I didn’t fully understand but in this situation I could find no way to struggle through this aside from apologizing.

"Anyways, I will be confiscating this, as the class representative."

"Eeeh!? Seriously!? No way!"

"Of course. This is a clear violation of school rules."

 

With a resolute attitude, Hasegawa confiscated the manga from me.

I took great shock from this development... Yet for some reason, in a way, I have realized this makes me glad.

No, of course I’m not some big masochist who is happy to be insulted and then have his manga taken away. What makes me glad about this is that this attitude means Hasegawa is growing closer to me.

Up to now, Hasegawa had been exceedingly kind, but... That meant that she hadn’t truly opened her heart to me. Now, like her best friend Sonoda Rio-san, she has a fierce personality with a wicked tongue, and her showing me this... Means that more than before, we are closer to each others’ true selves. That makes me honestly happy.

Hey, wait a second... I’ve become enlightened to the fact that getting involved with women brings happiness but also sorrow, so I’ve graduated from it...

Why get carelessly happy...? [4]

But, well, Hasegawa and I are totally friends, and mutually don’t have romantic feelings for each other,  perhaps it is OK to make an exception for her.

Anyways, after that, Hasegawa changed. She’s begun to show more of her true self to me, but... There’s another big change that has happened to her.

"Midori-chan!"

"...!"

 

A female classmate called Hasegawa’s name.

And, she called her by her first name. Hasegawa and I turn to face the direction of the one who called out. It was a girl situated at the seat diagonally ahead of me who was talking with another girl. From her bag she grabbed some sort of DVD.

"This was super funny~!"

 

"Eh, re-really...!? You watched it?"

Hasegawa’s eyes were shining as she spoke.

"Oh, Kashiwada-kun. Then, I’ll be on my way."

"...Eh?!"

 

Hasegawa heartlessly, easily informed me of that fact and left me alone to go to seat with the other girls.

"But, Midori-chan, you liking that type of stuff is super surprising~!"

"I have other recordings at my house so... I-if you’d want, I could bring them?"

 

"Really!? I want to see it!"

I listened to the conversation... Anyhow, it appears Hasegawa loaned a DVD of a comedy show.

Yes, Hasegawa has managed to make friends in class aside from me.

"Kashiwada-kun... I from here on out...To not cause you to worry, I’ll try my best. That you have others that are important to you yet I cause you worry... To give you a peace of mind, I’ll properly... Do my best to make other friends aside from you."

 

On the day of the opening ceremony, Hasegawa told me such.... Those words seems to have become a reality. Up to now, Hasegawa had wanted friends but her past made her scared to put herself out there; this Hasegawa brought forth her courage and talked to her classmates. She started to work hard at it.

From the start, lots of classmates wanted to get to know Hasegawa better. She had a far-reaching atmosphere of being difficult to approach, though that atmosphere is easily broken through if she herself tries and talks to others.

Now, it seems Koigasaki and Hasegawa get along pretty well. Really, Hasegawa has tried really hard. Someone who faces a challenge without fear deserves respect.

Hasegawa had always wanted friends. Now, she’s gaining friends and is probably very happy about it. That is, she gained enough friends to treat me badly and she treats me with a fierce attitude, though the fact that she does this only to me makes me happy myself.

I also think this is a good thing. Seeing her all by herself and lonely was hard to bare. Good for you, Hasegawa.

That comprises a large part of how I feel about this, for sure, but... Why? In my heart... Just a little bit... A feeling of loneliness lies. In that she, who had relied only on me, now relies on other friends... Of course, I understand that that is simply my own selfishness.

Ah, man, I hate this! I’m enlightened, right, enlightened! I don’t feel anything, I no longer have those unnecessary emotions!  [5]

"Ah, yes, Suzuki."

 

That day, after school. I was chatting with Suzuki in the classroom.

"Watanabe-san said... If just the two of you isn’t possible, then you could meet her with other people there as well. You could invite me and anyone else you’d want."

I gave Suzuki the message for my coworker.

"Eeh-!? No way, no way, no way!"

Suzuki makes an openly disgusted face at the name of Watanabe.

"Really, just once, come meet her. At work whenever we look at each other she tells me to give you some messages and it’s annoying."

"There’s definitely no way... Just seeing Aya-chan’s face... Brings me back to that trauma, it makes my stomach hurt..."

With a despairing face, Suzuki said this to me. Watanabe, Suzuki’s ex-girlfriend from middle school and currently my coworker from my part-time job, still ardently tries to approach Suzuki. It’s a giant annoyance that I’m stuck in.

"Anyway, I was really surprised back then... Just the fact that you had an ex-girlfriend is shocking enough, but to think it was that Watanabe Aya..."

"...Well..."

 

Maintaining a bitter expression, Suzuki opened his mouth. Up to now, when this topic would come up he’d grow immediately dispirited and wouldn’t say anything, so him saying something surprised me.

"After seeing her in a long time, she had downgraded to a large-breasted loli though..."

"...Huh?"

 

She had downgraded to a large-breasted loli? Wh-wh-what... is he saying!?

Certainly, Watanabe Aya has a baby face and a small frame yet has large breasts and is a genuinely large-breasted loli, but..."downgraded", what is this guy saying?! Even knowing that she’s a floozy, that charm is so high-level that you can’t not feel it!

 

"During middle school her chest was still small so she was a small-breasted loli, she seemed pure and was super cute... Who would have thought that she was actually an unbelievably loose broad; I didn’t realize it at all..."

"Small-breasted loli!? A large-breasted loli is decidedly a much better attribute, no!? Large-breasted lolis are supreme, no!?"

 

Suzuki looked at me in amazement as I desperately objected.

"Actually... I’m rather indifferent about having this conversation. But, Kasshi-... Are you OK continuing on like this?"

 

"...!"

 

I was startled at his words. I... Had spoken to Suzuki about what had happened to me. That I was once again confessed to by my girlfriend that I thought had broken up with me, but because I realized I liked another girl I broke up with her. Then I confessed to that girl. After that, she splendidly rejected me.

However, I didn’t tell Suzuki that the girl I liked was Koigasaki. I just came up with a lie that it was someone he didn’t know.

Of course. Koigasaki likes Suzuki after all. I definitely wanted to avoid Suzuki becoming self-conscious of me liking Koigasaki so that he would put some distance between Koigasaki and himself.

Suzuki is a good, honest guy so... That continuation is a possibility. Though I may be over-thinking things. Now, Suzuki and Koigasaki are not going out. I can’t think the distance between them has shrunk by much.

Suzuki still does not have a girl he is especially close with. If Suzuki and Koigasaki had started going out or something, I am not confident I’d continue talking to him like I am now as a friend.

I don’t think I’d be so jealous... That I’d come to hate Suzuki if he’d start dating Koigasaki, but as a human, I don’t think I could stay as close as normal to a guy going out with the girl I like.

 

I didn’t have the courage in me to ask how things with Koigasaki were. Koigasaki probably isn’t using an aggressive approach to get to Suzuki. Same with Suzuki who probably doesn’t view Koigasaki in that way. Though they once were close enough to go on a date to Harajuku.

"Kasshi-... have you completely given up on the one you liked? Directly after getting rejected, you were so depressed it was like she took off on a train the next day to never see you again. Even now, you’re not fully recovered, right? If you like her that much,"

"It’s fine!!"

 

I said in a loud voice, interrupting him.

Uoaaaaaa, shoot! I’m thinking about needless things again! Enlightenment! The state of nothingness! I have washed my hands of such vulgar things as romance!

 

"I have... Already forgotten such a thing in the past!"

"A-are you alright? Your eyes are bloodshot..."

"I don’t need women!

I don’t need romance the rest of my life! I will live in my otaku interests!" [6]

As if I was telling myself this, I declared this clearly to Suzuki. If I can’t be with that person... I don’t need love. That is what I decided... That day when that person rejected me...

"Kasshi-..."

At my saying this, I don’t know if it was out of amazement or what, but... For some reason, his eyes suddenly sparkled.

"I see! That’s right! You don’t want any more of such bitter feelings! Being an otaku is the best! From here on out, let’s be the best otaku we can be together! I also don’t need any girlfriend.

"Thinking of 3-D romance brings only bad feelings! Meeting up again with Aya-chan would only bring back more vivid memories of the past...

That is what I’ve been thinking the most up to now! With my otaku lifestyle and my similar friend Kasshi-... No! With my best friend Kasshi-, I don’t need anything else!"

 

"...!? A-ah..."

I was a little taken aback at Suzuki’s getting so heated up by himself. When did we become best friends.

But still... With just this otaku lifestyle and a similar friend, you don’t need anything else... That’s right, that’s how it is! We don’t need chicks! We won’t fall in love! In terms of love, as long as there’s 2-D that’s enough!

So long as you choose the right route, your love comes true 100% of the time... A total love... It’s the greatest! Thinking about it, this is the first time I’ve fully agreed with Suzuki who has given up 3-D love altogether.

"That’s right! Otaku is the best! From here on out, I look forward to this life with you, best friend!"

 

While Suzuki, who was mysteriously tense, was saying this, I grabbed and shook his hand. It’s incomprehensible even to me.

"Ka... Kasshi-... I’m glad! You finally agree with me and have given up on 3-D romance and have decided to run to the 2-D world!"

Deeply moved, for some reason Suzuki’s cheeks grew red and he firmly shook my hand with both his hands.

"If you agree with me, then come to my house today! We can play games together, right!? My big sister isn’t home today so there won’t be any interruptions..."

"Eh? A-ah..."

Well, these days... Aren’t too bad. I experienced a mixed feeling of happiness and sadness at my friend’s words; when I feel so happy it’s like I’m in heaven. Then I feel so hurt that I want to die... These days, everyday, I have been too frazzled. No matter how much heart I’d have, it wouldn’t be enough.

These days, nothing happens. But, with my otaku hobby and my friends, I am able to feel a meager happiness. That’s enough. I’m suited to these days.

Though it has been nearly a month since then, when I think back to that day I want to cry out loud. I became depressed. When I think of it, that’s all I can think about. It’s so painful I want to die.

So... I’m fed up with all that. I will forget this pain. I’ll cover it up to where it’s like it never happened.

My story about the totally otaku high school student Kashiwada Naoki... Ends here. That such a plain otaku as me could experience so much, even now, though it wasn’t too crazy, is still unbelievable to me. Though it ends, that was such an incredible time. Though it was only for a short while... I was able to have a normal life. At least, I was able to achieve the goal I had when I entered high school. So, I am satisfied. I will move forward with that.

A lot happened, but I’m sure at some point in the future these memories will all turn to something I’ll look back on as fun.

So... I’ll keep these bittersweet days of my youth in my heart.

Eventually I will smile looking back at this part of my past, so until then... [7]

{The End}

Well, I wanted to end it there.

But I can’t do that.  [8]

Since then, it’s been about two weeks. A bomb was dropped on me.

"Kashiwada Naoki-sama,

During lunch break I would like to give you something so please come to the roof."

 

That day, I read the letter placed in my shoe box over again so, so many times.

It was written on cute memo paper in a cute script. No matter how I think about it, a girl wrote this letter.  [9]

It doesn’t say who sent it. It may have something to do with this, but it is the 14th of February.

Yes, it is Valentine’s Day. I had understood that I wouldn’t be getting chocolate from anyone today so, keeping calm, I’ve been thinking about how to pass the time at school today since morning.

The only girl I speak with and can be said to have good relations with is only one girl, Hasegawa Midori... However, there’s no guarantee that she would give me obligatory chocolate. Well, she shouldn’t be bringing any chocolate or such to school with her being such a rigid member of the student council.

It’s a violation of school rules after all. In other words, there is presently no one who would give me chocolate. Even for one who has reached state of nothingness of enlightenment... This brutal truth has me just trying to keep calm this day, hence, I haven’t had any confidence.

In the midst of all this, what comes to me but this cute-looking letter as I attend school. On a day like today, the thing she wants to give me... Of course, it’s going to be Valentine’s day chocolate. If it isn’t chocolate like that, I can only imagine this as something done out of spite. Just who wrote this letter...?

Someone I know? Or, could it be a hidden fan of mine?

Now, all day, even though I’ve reached enlightenment, I still wonder about who sent me such a letter. It makes me feel uneasy and pitiable. In class, the girls gave out their chocolates (of course, I didn’t receive any), and in the hallway, couples would exchange their chocolates and flirt, while Suzuki came in and said, "Chocolate for my friend! I made some~!", and gave me some. I waited and waited for lunch break to roll around.

I quickly, well, actually it was more of a half-run, went up the stairs to the roof. The roof, eh, how nostalgic. Lots of stuff happened on the roof. I spoke a lot with Koigasaki and Azuki-chan on the roof.. Oh no, that’s bad, any more of this and I’ll get sentimental. What would I do if I got all gloomy while on my way to get chocolate from a girl?

I reach the roof and open the door. There, a single girl was waiting for me. Seeing her, I...

"..!? A-A... Azuki-chan...?!"

 

I unsteadily pulled back. That’s how surprised I was.

My ex-girlfriend... Sakurai Azuki was there.

Azuki-chan had her arms crossed in an imposing stance and looked to be sulking at me.

Wh-why... Azuki-chan...!?

Azuki-chan is giving me chocolate...!? No, no way, that can’t be. There’s definitely no way that that is what is the case. There is some misunderstanding!

 

That’s because... Naturally, ever since the day of the opening ceremony... She has been avoiding me and has continued to ignore me. When we first met, she avoided me in a non-serious manner, but this is not something so light-hearted as that.

This attitude was thorough. If we’d meet in the hallway, she definitely would not look me in the eyes. No matter how I’d look at her, she wouldn’t look at me even a bit.

One time, it seemed as though she felt she was being too harsh that she unconsciously almost spoke to me but... When she realized it, she still just ignored me. She treated me like I didn’t exist.

That hurt. Those events are a part of what made me reach enlightenment.

Azuki-chan, with a stern expression, not saying anything... Suddenly tossed something to me.

"Wha!?"

In a hot haste, I catch what she threw to me. It was a small box.

"...? U-uh... This is..."

Timidly, I ask her this question.

"Please open it and look inside."

 

Azuki-chan spoke to me in a snappy voice.

We’ve exchanged words for the first time in a month, eh... I was thinking about how I didn’t want to not talk with her again...

Formal speech, eh...

Well, I guess it figures...

"Ah, yes..."

Without really understanding anything, I opened the box like this.

"Eh..."

Inside, I thought it was probably homemade, but there was a heart-shaped chocolate cake. In an interesting font, in big letters was written the word "obligatory", and if that wasn’t there... I surely would have been glad.

"This is chocolate for Valentine’s Day. Obligatory chocolate."

She put a strange emphasis on the word "obligatory".

"Eh... You don’t need to put so much emphasis on the word obligatory..."

Even so, I was happy. I was able to speak with her after a month. Though it’s obligatory, Azuki-chan gave me chocolate and, homemade chocolate at that...

Hm? Wait, homemade...? A homemade chocolate cake by Azuki-chan, who was really bad at cooking (especially at making sweets)...!?

Ugh, h-how frightening...! ... No! I’m happy that she made this for me, so much so that I can’t think of anything else...

"Kashiwada-kun, I’m believe that you shouldn’t be getting any chocolate from anyone else."

While I was so glad, her biting words stabbed through to the heart. Sure, she’s right, but the way she said it was just too much!?

No, more than that... What she called me has returned to what it was...

"Kashiwada-kun" is how she is referring to me....

"Ugh... Sure, this is the first chocolate I’ve received from a girl but..."

"Bu!?"

For some reason Azuki-chan interjected my words during my pitiable line.

"From a girl...!? Why must your words be so suggestive..."

"...Eh? Did I say something wrong?"

"Ahem, n-no... Nothing is wrong!"

Azuki-chan holds her tongue and at once clears her throat and gives me a cold look.

"...No, I really can’t believe it. That you, Kashiwada-kun, and I went out."

At such harsh words stated so indifferently, my heart was already on the verge of breaking.

"Eh? A...aha..."

I was already only able to return a bitter smile.

"Why did I like you I wonder... Thinking about it now, I don’t understand it at all."

"S-so cruel!"

 

Without thinking, what I thought in my heart came out loud. Even if it’s true, is that something to say right in front of whom it is about!? Azuki-chan... When did you become so cold...? I already want to cry.

This is why I don’t have interest in girls anymore... Seeing this attitude, it’s more like she’s disgusted with me. Without the occasion of being in love’s madness, looking at me now, it’s like she can’t see or feel any bit of charm in me... Is that where she is now...

"With that,"

Azuki-chan slips right past me, as I stood there holding back tears. Like this, she would leave the roof. So she called me out to the roof to give me obligatory chocolate and tell me rather nasty things.

I had held a momentary expectation that maybe she had wanted to return to being friends due to the circumstances surrounding her calling me out here, but... She definitely does not intend that.

Perhaps she called me out here to tell me she no longer likes me and she makes that clear with her attitude toward me. Well, even so, her talking to me after so long and giving me chocolate, even if it is obligatory, makes me genuinely happy.

"Ah, yeah."

Suddenly, she stops, turns around, and looks at me. Hm? Does she have another mean thing to....

"Momo-chan is keeping a tight lip about this, but..."

"Momo-chan, during spring break... Looks like she’ll be transferring to a different school. For her father’s work. It looks like she’s moving."

"...Eh?"

 

My thoughts stop for an instant. Koigasaki is...transferring to a different school? Moving...? What’s up with that?... I... Didn’t have any idea about this... Where is she moving? Is it close enough to where we can still meet easily?

Wait, what am I thinking? While I’m in the same class as Koigasaki, I don’t talk with her at all. Whether she’s near or far, we don’t have a real relationship anymore. My head understands this... But my heart is still very distraught.

Spring break... So, in about a month she’ll no longer be at this school...

"So, if you have anything you want to tell Momo-chan, you don’t have any more time. You... Don’t think that leaving things as they are is good, right?"

"...Eh..."

Azuki-chan, with a serious expression, looked me in the eyes.

Azuki-chan... Could it be that in order to tell me this, you went out of your way...?

Even though it’s normal for you to detest and resent me...

Yet even now... You were thinking about me and for my sake...?

"Please do keep it a secret from Momo-chan that I told you this. Bye."

"...!"

Azuki-chan said such words curtly, and once again turned her back to me. She said that Koigasaki was keeping a tight lip about it, yet she told me...

Suddenly, a thought came to mind, and right there, I took a bite out of Azuki-chan’s chocolate cake.

"...!?"

I was shocked at the taste. I can’t believe it. Could it be like that?

"Azuki-chan!"

This time I spoke up to Azuki-chan, whose back was facing me as she moved to get down from the roof. Azuki-chan turned around at my call, and upon looking at me, she was a little shocked.

"I can’t believe it... This is really good! At some point... You must’ve gotten pretty good at cooking..."

Yes... Azuki-chan’s homemade chocolate cake of hers that I ate was... Surprisingly delicious. That hard pound cake of hers that I ate before doesn’t even compare.

The cake is soft and the taste has just the right amount of sweetness to be delicious. Azuki-chan made a face that was a little surprised at my words and then

"...That’s"

A heartrending smile appeared on her face...

"Because I... practiced a lot."

"...Eh...?"

In her eyes... Although just a little, a tear came out. Perhaps she realized this, but she then suddenly in a hot haste turned around and ran out. I... Didn’t chase after her.

"It’s not like it’s particularly disgusting. If you work at it I’m sure it can be made pretty good... I’ll be waiting patiently until I can eat your delicious sweets."

"Ka-Kashiwada-kun...! Thank you so much! I’ll work hard at it!"

That conversation from when we were going out run about in my head. Her homemade Madeleine cake was hard and did not taste good, but she was proactive and said she’d work hard at it. Since then, Azuki-chan has been practicing making sweets, eh... To become so good at it...

Memories of when we were dating come back to my mind one after the other. Before I realize it... While I eat Azuki-chan’s homemade chocolate cake, I think about her and tears finally pour out from my eyes.

"You don’t think that leaving things as they are is good, right?"

Azuki-chan’s voice continues to reverberate in my head.

-Koigasaki will stop being here.

But... Just what was she telling me to do? I was already rejected very harshly. In a resolute way I couldn’t come back from. Even now, while we’re in the same class, we haven’t said a word to each other, and we both don’t look each other in the eye. Whether she’s close or far away, the results are the same. Right now, there’s nothing I can do. In addition, I’ve already decided that I don’t want to get hurt like that again.

However.

Just what kind of feelings did Azuki-chan have when she told me that?

One who should detest and resent me... Is supporting me. Azuki-chan, like me... Should be hurt by love. Despite this, did she say that for my sake, thinking of my happiness? Yet despite that, I am doing nothing but running in circles? Will I ignore her long-awaited feelings?

This bomb she’s dropped on me is very powerful. At this point... There’s no way I can "do nothing and run in circles away from reality" with the current situation.

Azuki-chan has given me... A last bit of courage. The courage to face what I must, despite knowing that I can get hurt...

After school.

I resolve myself and call out to stop her as she moves to leave the classroom.

"... Koigasaki"

Turning around and seeing my face, she was so surprised she couldn’t say anything.

"...!? Wh-what...!?"

With what I feel seemed like her being frightened at something, Koigasaki responded with that.

"Ah, eh, well..."

After so long, being in front of her, I surprised even myself with how nervous I was that I couldn’t come up with something to say. Vividly remembering how she flatly rejected me... I want to run away. No, I can’t run... Then what will be of the courage I worked up to speak to her?

"Ummm... Are you... Transferring?"

"...!"

Koigasaki looked surprised at my words.

"... A-Azuki-chan, huh..."

She whispered something under her breath in a low voice. Then she sighed largely, and spoke without looking at my face.

"Y-yeah, but... What about it!?"

"Eh, what about it you say... I-I...Didn’t know about it..."

I wanted to say something about it.. Is what I thought, then I thoughtlessly blurted out what I said, and regretted it. Koigasaki and I no longer have a relationship- it’s not like we are mutual friends. There’s absolutely no obligation for me to say anything about it.

Yet, I imprudently...

"..."

Koigasaki looked down, not saying a word, thinking about something. Then she looked up and say,

"W-we have no relationship at all!"

 

Koigasaki’s words shot through my chest. We have no relationship... No relationship... These words whirl around in my mind.

It would have been better had I not spoken to her... That regret pushed upon me. This really wasn’t a good thing. If I’m just going to get hurt again like this, it would have been better had I just closed myself in my shell...

"With that..."

Koigasaki said such to the absent-minded and quiet me, then quickly moved to leave.

Is this... Koigasaki and my... Last conversation...?

Even though after she transfers, we might not be able to meet again...

Will I ever speak with Koigasaki again...?

I... Hate that! Definitely!

I had been thinking that nothing would change compared to how it had been... But that’s wrong. Up to now, after getting rejected by Koigasaki, I’ve been watching her in the classroom every day. Not so much as to get close to talking with her but just watching her.

But, if she transfers, I won’t be able to do that anymore. I had hoped in secret that one day we could return to being friends, but if she’s not here anymore, that’s definitely impossible. That possibility will get cut off.

Right here, right now, if I don’t try something...!

"Koigasaki...!"

With the last of my power, I called and stopped Koigasaki. Koigasaki, who had moved to leave me, stopped for a moment.

"The week after next, Tuesday... The 28th, are you free!?"

"...!"

Koigasaki reacted with surprise at my words.

"After school ends..."

"Ah... I don’t have free time."

Without any hesitation, she responds with a refusal. I am hurt very much again by those words. Koigasaki is this obstinate in rejecting me...

She already knows of my feelings. On top of that, she is now refusing this proposal... Her attitude shows an absolute rejection of me.

I already told you I don’t like you, right? Why are you so persistent at trying to approach me like that? You’re a bother.

It’s like that’s what she is telling me. Even I am shocked. After she so thoroughly rejected me.. Even now I persistently try to talk to her and try my luck at inviting her on a date... Even though I’m nothing but a bother to Koigasaki. Now, so hurt, I can’t get any words out of my mouth and stay there silent. Paying no mind to me, Koigasaki leaves from my side.

*

"Ah, the same one again! Really~ how many of this one do you think I have~ I don’t have a taste for collecting an infinite amount of you-"

I quietly watch Suzuki complain to a capsule toy machine in the corner of an appliance shop. We came to Akihabara on our way home from school.

"You aren’t going to try the capsule toy machine, Kasshi-?"

"Eh... N-no..."

We talk as we leave the corner and make our way to the exit of the shop. Suzuki was having a little trouble holding up the paper bag with so much chocolate, as a lot of girls gave him chocolate today. Due to how much it irritated me, I decided in my heart that I would not help him carry it.

"Hey, Kasshi-, are you feeling weird? Your face is pale..."

"Eh, n-not really..."

I said such without being able to stop thinking about what happened after school today. I had thought I could finally speak with Koigasaki after about a month, however, she just rejected me harshly again. I’m beyond being shocked and can only laugh at it.

 

"Did something happen?"

Suzuki strangely peered at my face.

"... A-actually... That earlier girl I liked, I asked her on a date... and got rejected."

I didn’t have enough confidence to deceive him, so I told him the truth.

"... Eh!? Seriously? Didn’t you decide to give up on that and to live in the 2-D world!?"

"Th-that’s what it was supposed to be like but... Circumstances changed I suppose..."

Ultimately, I wasn’t able to be free from the 3-D world like Suzuki.

"You weren’t able to give it up... Is she that attractive?"

"Eh? Y-yeah... I guess..."

Why... Do I hold to such a harsh unrequited love, not giving up on Koigasaki? When the same thing happened with Hasegawa, I grew depressed, but I was able to give up on it (though that was in large part thanks to Azuki-chan).

"Is this girl you like an older woman with large breasts?"

"Eh? No, not at all!"

I immediately answer in the negative to Suzuki’s words.

"Actually, she’s the opposite of my type. She’s not older than me and she doesn’t have large breasts, she’s short and has small breasts... Her character too is completely not my type: she’s not like a calm adult but noisy and loud.

She’s quick to be mean, high-handed and to be selfish as well as get angry. In terms of hair and fashion, I like black, neat hair, but she has curly brown hair and wears her make-up thick and wears flashy clothes. Beyond that, she has a cartoon-like mind like a character from a m a shoujo manga tries less to keep in the newest fashions (lol)..."

As I said such, I grew surprised. That’s right...

Koigasaki is truly, truly the opposite of my type.

"Wait... Kasshi-, do you really like her? You’re really dissing her."

Suzuki asked me this while surprised.

"Eh? A-ah..."

"Then, just what do you like about her?"

"Eh?!"

 

What I like about Koigasaki...?

"What I like about her, eh... Let’s see... Against her appearance, on the inside she’s not very serious but pure, I guess... When I’m in trouble she offers a helping hand, when I’m down she encourages me, and she’s nice I suppose..."

Though she always shows off as proud, she really is a crybaby. Instead of herself she is always thinking of others. When I see her crying face, I feel like running away... I’d always want to help her. I’d want to protect her. Even being rejected... I still... Like Koigasaki. I love her more than anyone.

"And, there’s also her face. Though she may not be my type she is unbelievably pretty and cute."

" ...Hey, Kasshi-..."

Suzuki furrows his brow and looks at me.

"Isn’t this person you like... Koigasaki-san?’

"...!?"

He found oooouuuut!!

"Wh-why!?"

"Ah, so it is. I mean, everything you just said perfectly describes Koigasaki-san."

"...! G-gh..."

Surely, that’s true... Am I stupid or what!?

"But how awful, saying it was someone I didn’t know, you’ve been lying this whole time."

"... S-sorry..."

"Why did you hide it?"

 

"... N-no... Well... You and Koigasaki had a good feeling between you two...  I didn’t want myself to get in the way of that..."

"Eh, a good feeling between Koigasaki and I? No, no, that’s not true~"

Suzuki’s frivolous laughter and denial truly is a pity for Koigasaki.

I see, even now... Koigasaki’s feelings are still one-sided.

"No, but... Last year during the culture festival you seemed to get along pretty well. Then after that, you two went on a date..."

"Eh? Date... Koigasaki and I? What’s that? That never happened?"

Suzuki said with an expression that he felt something was strange from the bottom of his heart.

"No, you said so yourself! That you went shopping with Koigasaki in Harajuku..."

Why do I remember, yet you forgot it? Was that something Suzuki would forget so easily!?

Suzuki thought for awhile and then...

"A-ah! That! That wasn’t a date at all or anything!"

No, to you it might have been like that, but to Koigasaki it was a genuine date...

"I mean, it was my sister, Koigasaki, and I , all three of us that went after all?"

"... Huh!?"

I exclaimed in a loud voice to what Suzuki had said.

"And, we were only together to shop. Afterwards it looks like those two went playing in Harajuku together. Originally Koigasaki and my sister had made a promise to the go to the Q Pot Café in Omotesando (TL note: a place in Harajuku), and on that day my sister asked me, ‘Do you want to come, Sou-chan,’ and I thought I wanted to go buy some clothes in Harajuku~, so I went. I went home right after I finished shopping. Wait, Kasshi-, I didn’t tell you all that already?"

 

"Eeeh!? No, you didn’t tell me! This is the first I hear of it!"

"No, I definitely told you! Ah, but when I told you, you were a little down and it felt like you were only half listening..."

"E-eh..."

It wasn’t a date...

"Since then, I haven’t done anything with Koigasaki."

"..."

Suzuki and Koigasaki hadn’t made any progress. That they went on a date was a misunderstanding, And he says they haven’t done anything together lately.

Thank God...

To be honest, that makes me happy.

But... Then I think. So what?

I mean, this doesn’t at all change the fact that Koigasaki likes Suzuki, this doesn’t change the fact that Koigasaki rejected me. This doesn’t change the fact that she continues to reject me.

"Actually, I thought that it was you and Koigasaki-san that went good together."

I was bewildered at Suzuki’s words.

"Eh... M-me and Koigasaki!? W-why..."

"I mean, since earlier you two got along, and when we went to Harajuku, she was super-seriously trying to pick out a good birthday present for you."

Koigasaki was that serious about picking out a birthday present for me...?

"So when I heard that you got a girlfriend, I thought for sure that it was Koigasaki-san, and when it turned out to be a different girl, I was shocked."

"..."

"I kinda find it hard to believe that you got rejected by Koigasaki-san... With how good you two got along, it looked like mutual love to me."

"Nah...  It wasn't anything like that..."

"Was there some sort of circumstance that makes her unable to date anyone now?"

"Eh..."

 

Circumstance that makes her unable to date...?

At that moment, a thought popped into my mind. That Koigasaki is transferring to a different school. We’d soon be separated so we wouldn’t be able to go out...

There’s also the whole thing with Azuki-chan. She’s one to think about her friends. If she thinks about Azuki-chan, then she wouldn’t be able to go out with me...

No, I’m thinking I’m better than I am... That she simply really doesn’t like me as a member of the opposite sex is absolutely more likely, I think.

No... However...

That day, I sent Koigasaki one message. I truly think it would be bad if I were to give up. This is my last vain struggle to this end.

"No matter what, I want to speak with you. On the 28th, I’ll be waiting at the Akihabara Electric Town Exit. If you have plans, I don’t mind changing when we can meet. If you don’t want to come... Then you don’t have to come. But, I’ll be waiting there the whole time."

I wasn’t expecting a response, but one came surprisingly quickly.

"I won’t go. Really, just give it up."

Truly, truly this is... The last attempt. If this turns out badly, I’ll take it like a man... And give it up. Even if it hurts, even if I’m lonely, that’s what I must do.

———————————————————————————————————————

 

Editor Notes

[1]

(Arocks: Hikigaya 8man’s new disciple, currently under training.)

(Yuki: Salutes)

[2]

(Arocks: See? Told you it gets worse. First: Self delusion, then self rejection, and then finally, if you’re lucky, you realize how much of a mess you’ve become.

Is happy as anything)

(Yuki: It’s his fault for breaking his happy moments so there’s nothing to be sad about. He just needs to stop being so gloomy. He needs a life and need to stop getting help from others and try to move on. There’s no part of him trying his best on wooing Koigasaki here anyways. So this MC is so depressing. Sigh)

[3]

(Yuki: Eh? Another love interest? Or is this another death flag? -.-)

(Arocks: Another love interest. But I wish it was a death flag for him by now.)

[4]

(Arocks: Because, buddy, you have the aforementioned good luck. As much as I hate it.)

(Yuki: The luck of all MCs... Tsk!)

(Arocks: Has a feeling he is not being a very good role model for his kouhai...)

[5]

(Arocks: grins It’s amusing to someone other than myself in that point in life...)

(Yuki: Lol senpai, you sure are enjoying the misfortune of this popular MC)

[6]

(Yuki: This basically sums up my life back then. So sad. Me and my own little world.)

(Arocks: What do you mean ‘back then’, Yuki?! It’s still the same for me...!)

[7]

(Yuki: Hm...... Why do I feel like he got off easily?)

(Arocks: sighs But with his luck, I know it won’t get worse. So I am happy if it ends here...)

[8]

(Yuki: flips dem tables (ﾉꐦ ⊙曲ఠ)ﾉ彡┻━┻ Are you kidding me?! I played myself)

(Arocks: Yuki, calm down... Orders Nuclear launch on MC’s coordinates)

(Kondeemag: Shudders Just what kind of editors did I hire...?!)

[9]

(Yuki: being sarcastic No, really? What if a guy writes really neatly and likes cute stuff?)

(Arocks: cold smile Then, that guy would be me, Yuki.)