I feel the essentia drain out of me at a slow controlled pace. I am transfixed by the quarter sized golden glowing tube that is extending from my hand. It inches along. And inches along. And inches along.
This is taking entirely too long. This is a mental real for crepes sake, go at the speed of thought you voodoo spaghetti mother fucker. I reapply my mental hands and try and shove my glowing bits down the pipe faster, harder, better. Oh yes, I feel my shove move things along a bit faster. The pressure has returned and it is hard to keep my breathing steady but I’m doing something. I keep pushing up and try to observe how fast the tube is filling up. I have hours to go, my pushing has improved the speed of my essentia moving down the tube but not by more than a few minutes in the long run. I let my mental efforts collapse and return to a more passive essentia drain. Not the right tactic Kane, regroup, reassess, kick ass. I have time, unwanted time, but time nonetheless. God this place is so freaking cool but my family is in need right now. The joy of discovery and KNOWLEDGE has been tainted by too much uncertainty. I need to experiment, methodical exploration. I have always struggled with acceptance. This is one of those times where struggle is counter productive. I internalize my rationalizations, calm, collected, competent. This is what I need right now.
I take a break. The drain of my essentia is almost passive into the pipe. Key word almost. I have to keep my breathing in rhythm and at least half pay attention to the line to continue pumping out this glittery stuff. The fundamental energy of this new universe and way of life it may be, at least according to fairy Po, but it is undeniably underwhelming. As the tap on my essentia closes, the line blessedly stays just as filled as it was before. I can only hope restarting the process is not detrimental to me in some unknown way. Having to commit to hours of continuous focus on whatever this new ability may be, regardless of its yet to be determined effectiveness, just Isn’t in the cards right now if what we have seen in these first few hours of the system's arrival is anything to go by. For now I simply relax my mind and try and regather for another push.
Push. Breathe. Push. Contemplate. Push. Examine. Push. Push. Push.
The rhythm of the work is soothing but I have failed to glean anything from it. No twist of the essentia nor different visualization method has budged the essentia from its syrupy pace down the tube. Restarting has had no noticeable negative effect but I can’t see any improvement either. Every great man knows when to admit defeat, and I am a very great man. Defeat it for now. On the upside I don’t feel I need to worry about running out of essentia before I am there, the drain feels like I will have plenty left over when my goal is accomplished. Let me dwell on other aspects of this place. I must be careful not to formulate mental questions in this place. Every errant mental question I spend too long on or focus my intent behind slightly too hard has me whiplashed to different ends of this plane of nodes. I find myself instead focusing on my original question while carefully arraying my thoughts as a brainstorm of possible statements to explore at a later date instead of as questions. The original question was regarding how I would go about obtaining these nodes of knowledge. The answer is literally right in front of me. Irony, a cruel and humorous mistress, reminds me of my last art teacher. I seem to have answered part of this question myself. Clearly essentia fuels the acquisition of these nodes, and I have found a way to fuel that. I still find the need for all of this meditation to be slightly vexing. This is the closest node I have found so far in my mental stretches to other nodes. I have no definitive measure of distance inside this space but my intuitive understanding tells me some of them are veryyyyyyy far away. Years if not decades of constant meditation away, and that doesn't feel like nearly the limit. I literally cannot feel an edge. I refuse to believe that this is the speed limit of my mind powers. I sign and return my focus fully to the line. I freeze. I smile.
Something has gone right. When I refocus on the line, I am hours ahead of schedule. My perception of time is loose at best here, but I am over halfway to the node now. I feel like I have saved hours, at least three or four, while I was pondering answers to the very question I am reaching for. I consider and disregard any other thoughts or actions I’ve had in the last hour as culprits, and my musing on how to acquire the nodes is the only thing I can think of. While I only have a sample size of one, I have a very interesting hunch. I align my thoughts again to musings and observations on the nodes themselves. Their physical characteristics, any differences I have noticed. I ponder on if their alignment has anything to do with their acquisition and what I can do with that information. I hypothesize different methods of speeding up the acquisition.
WHAM
A metaphorical mule kick to the forehead rocks my projected body. I feel like tv static that's been left in a hot tub too long. Fuzzy and weak, yet pleasantly warm. I gasp and slump to my right. The hardwood is cool against my cheek. I need the grounding sensation as I come to terms with the new KNOWLEDGE I have gleaned. My internal world, or dantian, or CONCEPT, or whatever it wants to be called is just too fascinating. The node may have been the answer to the question, how the hell do I acquire these nodes, but that was not the entirety of what was in there. As far as I can understand, the nodes are the “physical” location of the 4th, maybe 5th who knows, dimensional representation of KNOWLEDGE itself. Now what possible plausible explanation could there be for KNOWLEDGE having a physical representation Pax. Lets not think too hard on that, taxing my meat computer at the moment with physical and dimensional impossibilities will not be good for my health. The nature of the nodes was an unexpected surprise but the way to acquire them was just as interesting. There are infinite nodes with every possible combination of knowledge in the web I have access to. The impossibility, the scope of it all, it's too much. I find myself hyperventilating. The sheer unlimited possibility of it all is too much. I could know anything. Literally any restricted idea, any dark truth, every secret that no man should have access too. I can feel it out there.
Or not really out there I realize, raising myself to a sitting position. Deep breaths shaking my body as I look around the half barricaded room. The angle of light in the room suggests somewhere around noon. So slightly less than an hour in the soul space huh? Why did no one check on me? My breathing that had just calmed picked up again as I stand to look out the window and stumble on tingling legs.
“Fuck, I hate when my legs fall asleep.”
I stumble up and peer out the window.
“Fuck fuck fuck, dammit, Tom Brady ass fucking shit!”
I can barely recognize my backyard. The gravel drive that swooped around the back of the house has been swallowed by what I assume is grass that is going through a tough breakup, dyed hues of blue, gray-green, and yellow. I see patches of grass shiver and hope it is damn windy outside.
The sun is almost directly overhead so my guess wasn’t too far off. I hear heavy footfalls on the stairs outside the door.
“Pax, are you done with your nap yet!”
Carter bursts through the door looking slightly sweaty and in air force fatigues.
“What the hell do you mean nap? What has been going on for the last hours? Why didn’t you wake me? And what in all that is holy is that smell?”
I gag in hunch over as I turn towards Carter. The scent of burnt puppies and sulfur assault my innocent face.
“Hay man, a giant skunk was sniffing around the kitchen window. Poking it with a stick was very scary for me dude. I was just trying to defend the food?”
The embarrassment has turned Carters tender complexion strawberry. The large teenager is surprisingly bashful at times. Dork.
“So a giant skunk walked by the window and your first idea was to open said window and startle it with a poke? I hope you can feel my disappointment from there so I don’t have to articulate it. Also do you know what time it is?”
I know he can see the playfulness in my stern expression so I don't worry about offending him. I need to keep everyone as relaxed as possible and comedy is my reflex to lighten the mood. We will need all the levity we can get if that magical skunk scent magically stays around for longer than a normal skunk because magic and stuff.
“It’s clobberin time?”
“...were you confused by the words that came out of my mouth or is that stench making you lightheaded?”
The idiot had shrugged his shoulders and had the gall to look at me like I was the weird one for asking what time it is.
“Dude no one asks for the time anymore! We all have cellphones! Also you phrased it like that, all formal and weird!”
“Carter! We don't have god damned phones anymore! Or clocks! And the last sundial in a 100 mile radius broke two decades ago. I was just looking for a guestimation from you my guy.”
I let my head drop and contemplate the pains of brotherhood before I re-center.
“Okay brother, I’m terribly sorry for the unnecessary confusion. How long has it been since I came up here and why didn’t anyone wake me?”
“Well I guess a little over an hour maybe? And bro you wouldn’t wake up. I even slapped you! Not a flinch.”
Ah, this headache may not be metaphysical fuckery induced after all.
“So you came in here, assaulted my unconscious body, and then what? Just fucked off and decided to ignore the obvious problem and leave me to my fate?”
“I thought you were really tired bro! Everyone agreed to just let you sleep!”
I'm not even angry with the guy. Just utterly stunned by his thought process.
“So after the world was inundated with magical forces and I was so scared of the world being out to get us, I supposedly came up stairs and took a nap? A nap so deep head trauma couldn’t snap me out of it? That doesn't ring any alarm bells for you my large friend?”
Houston we have lift off. I can see the wheels turning in his head. Inspiration strikes.
“Ahhhhh, magic stuff happened to you? In the house?! Are you okay Pax?”
“Yes, perfectly fine, thank you for asking. It was nothing really, pretty simple stuff now that I think about it. Don't worry I’ll try and explain everything later. For now let's finish barricading this room and then go check on the others.”
I brave the smell as I step over and pat his cliff like shoulders. I can feel my olfactory cells committing sewer slide.
“We have gotten most of the food rounded up and Tactus has been looking into our tool situation. Anat and Dad have whipped up what seems to be some pretty fantastic shish kabobs with some of the food that won’t keep. We’ve all been pretty productive brother.”
The wry tone in his voice tells me he will be using this as blackmail for the foreseeable future.
“ I would rather jump into a literal pit of used needles than think about food right now brother. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at food again Carter. I hope you are happy with what you’ve done to me.”
