Everyone is gathered around the Mediterranean feast.

I find myself slowly unknotting the muscles of my back as I sit and enjoy the unexpectedly relaxed atmosphere of the family meal.

 

“I wonder why that duck isn't setting anything on fire. I mean the stuff right next to it burns up to ash, but it doesn't seem to be spreading. I mean how is it going to live in the water anymore or eat plants like that? Oh, its eating ashes, nice. Nature finds a way, beautiful.”

 

“Hmm yes, maybe these horribly mutated and obviously super powered animals won’t be so bad after all. I bet we will find some really cool pets out there.”

 

“Tactus, there will be no pets allowed in my house besides Mr. White. I refuse to deal with super powered creatures. Just imagine the dietary requirements”

 

“Yeeahhhhhhhhhh, about that Anat. I saw Mr. White reading the old bible we keep in the basement. I mean like actually reading it I think, he tried to bite me when I went to pick it up off the floor. A little creepy if you ask me.”

 

Calder looks like he is suppressing a shiver thinking about a suddenly evangelical cat. Ironic since I would have pegged his as more of a devil worshiper kind of cat before all this.

 

“Family, lunch is delicious and the cat is weird but listen to this shit.”

I proceed to try and explain as best is possible about my sudden spiritual expades. The telling garners quite a few skeptical interruptions but I do my best to express how not a joke it all is. Miracles of miracles, the apocalypse will make believers out of the greatest skeptics apparently, Victoria included.

 

“I know you all got concepts at the end of the supposed tutorial, lay them on me. If mine can do such cool meta bullshit I bet you guys can too. So let's go around and lay them out.”

 

“I AM THE SHIELD. Seems pretty straight forward, will probably just give me a fuck off big shield.”

Calder shrugs, though I can see a little twinkle in his eyes thinking of having a giant slab of fuck off at his spiritual finger tips.

 

“TO FALL IS NOT THE END”

Judging by Carter's slightly hunched posture and pained grimace he realizes just how edge lord his concept sounds. I wonder what is going on under all that lovable bumbling idiot he wears. Obviously it's something unexpectedly determined.

 

“LOVE CONNECTS US ALL. Seems like a fitting concept for your mother who is so full of love for you all.”

 

Mother leans over and squashes Tactus into the side of her chest. Smothering him in affection while making light of her concept.

 

“THE CORRECT TOOL”

 

Tactus shrugs. That checks out, he is a bit of a tool.

 

“THE FIRE OF LIFE. Seems a little unnecessarily vague if you ask me. Never went in for all that hippie shit, but if the shoe fits.”

 

Amelia shrugs and tucks back into a skewer.

 

“THINGS ARE WHAT THEY APPEAR”

Victoria Warrick:

 

Victoria delivers in a semi serious tone. If I must guess, she might actually be thinking about what her concept could mean.

 

“ THE UNSEEN SURVIVE”

 

I whip around and almost skewer Clayton’s arm before I realize who uttered the unnecessarily creepy whisper in my ear.

 

“You are a menace to heart murmurs everywhere.”

 

“And a blessing to womankind.”

Clayton executes a small bow before twitching his lips in a reptile smirk before the sleazy git slinks away to scare more innocent citizens. I assume at least.

 

“So, we all seem to have different concepts covering a wide range of topics, lengths, and possible purposes. Going off what I learned earlier it is imperative you all take some time in the near future and try and meditate on your concept and center. If yours are as useful as I predict mine will be, these are major sources of power for the family.”

 

“And friends. I have been thinking and while our neighbors may not be our favorite people, cough Ms. Perry cough, I am still worried about the town down the road and our extended family. No communication, mutated monsters and mass hallucinations is a terrible recipe for medical conditions and first responders alike.”

 

Amelia and my eyes meet at our mothers use of the actual word cough to ‘try’ and cover up throwing shade at poor old Ms. Perry who lives a few rows back from the road, behind our home. My eyes drift that way and I feel the hair on the back of my neck rise. I find myself standing unconsciously and pacing towards the window. My processing stat must be working at half speed because It takes me long seconds to parse what I am seeing into understandable data. An absolute wave of mutated rodents are pouring over the back fence some 150 yards away. The wooden fence separating out land from the neighbors behind us is temporarily lost from view as a kaleidoscopic waterfall of evolved squirrels falls over the tops. I imagine I can hear the chittering from here.

 

“Fuck”

 

I turn to my family and point out the window before giving some clear orders.

 

“Fuck”

Everyone turns and rises in a rush. Plates and hearts are heard rattling. It's an intimidating site to be sure.

 

“Everyone to the master bedroom. Make sure you grab weapons on the way. It only has one window and is more easily fortified. We have to assume they aren't your regular friendly neighborhood squirrels anymore. Tactus, make sure Clayton ends up there too.”

 

I grab an old baseball bat from the still present pile of ‘weapons’ on the living room floor and then stop to think of anything that could give us an edge in the coming fight. Well, I could always pray for there not to be a fight. I don't know for sure yet if it will come to a fight, but my gut is rolling in a warning that is hard to ignore. I catch sight of Mr. White on the stairs up to the second floor. He is staring at me with intense glowing yellow eyes.

 

“I swear to god if you turn evil too Mr. White, I will punch the system right in the kidneys.”

 

He twist his head slightly before meeting my eyes again and slightly bowing.

 

“Ppprrraaaayyyyyyyy ”

“Nope not dealing with that right now Mr. White, as long as you aren't going to go full Rabbit of Caerbannog on us right now it can wait.”

 

I shake my head to clear the whispered purr to beseech divine intervention. Fucking cats man, why can’t they just be normal like dogs. I swing the bat back and for a few times to limber up (rule 18) while I think strategy. A large number of rodents of unusual sizes and presumably powers. I’m thinking we need AOE. I really want to dip into my internal search engine and spend some essentia to figure out how to do some AOE damage effectively, but based on the average running speed of a mutated tree rat, we have about 1 minute before that disorganized swarm hits us. Fire, fire is good for this kind of thing generally, but not so much in enclosed rooms inside of a very flammable house. Smoke though? If I had 20 minutes and some extra fertilizer I could turn some ping pong balls into some cool smoke bombs. Not viable Kane. Keep thinking. My eyes roam the kitchen and sports equipment trying to remember anything reasonably useful about squirrels and or anti-swarm tactics. Poor eyesight and sensitive noses come to mind as far as exploitable weaknesses go. That brings me back to smoke. Or some other dense cloud of particulates. Like say a large container of paprika that was hit with a baseball bat? 

 

I race around the kitchen grabbing the 20 ounce container of paprika my mother keeps in the spice cabinet and swiping one of the large kitchen knives that are still left lined up on the counter. I finally grab a pile of cloth masks left over from when we were actually concerned about the disease that shall not be named. As equipped as I can reasonably be, I turn and race up the stairs and return to the master bedroom. The women of the family are crowded around the only window in the room that, as fate would have it, faces the backyard and the oncoming tide of furry death and dismemberment. Calder greets me with a nod of the head and a bob of his own baseball bat. I notice calder has made an interesting choice with his other hand, wielding what appears to be a large cupcake tray. I mean wielded in the loosest sense of the word, he appears to have placed his hand in the middle of the tray and hastily wrapped several layers of duct tape around hand and tray. Behold a knight.

 

Tactus clomps into the room followed silently by Clayton and Mr. White. 

 

“They are crossing the rear drive way people, literally seconds till they are here.”

 

Amelia’s tense voice has me and Calder slamming the door and moving a dresser against it.

 

“Maybe they won't be able to get in guys. I mean they are just squirrels.”

 

Carter sounds pitifully hopeful. I quickly hand out the masks and tell everyone to get them one.

 

“I will wait and see if they break the window first, but if they do mange it, ill pitch this bottle of spice to myself and try and explode most of it out the window. With any luck it will either drive them off, or leave them sneezing so hard we can just stomp them all to death.”

I see nods and masked faces all around. Seconds later we all hear it. It's like hail is striking the side of the house as the wave hits. Thousands of creepy little clawed feet strike the siding, the glass doors, even mothers planter boxes are not spared. The squeaks that were barely audible before this suddenly rise in pitch. There is a disturbing unity to the rodent chirps, too many coincidentally hitting the same pitch and rhythm for it to be anything of the sort. Immediately the sound of breaking glass reaches us from downstairs.

 

“Dammit, everyone back away from the window looks like it will be breaking soon!”

 

I wave everyone back to the far corner of the room. Calder steps beside me as I take a stance and wait.

 

The tide hits the window and is stopped for meer seconds before a concerted effort of what appears to be twenty mutant squirrels all strike on side with their back legs. Clearly there is some kind of hive mind bullshit going on here, too much coordination for any untrained rabble, mutated animals or not. The glass shards hit the floor, I toss the bottle in the air.

 

The swing is textbook and the results mixed. I strike the plastic bottle perfectly, my hips driving though and delivering a powerful strike. I feel the plastic crack and some spice spews from the sides as it launches towards the window. My aim was less than excellent. The paprika strikes the window ceil and detonates in an impressive fashion. I guess that one point in strength did do something. The red powder billows out the window and screeches of spiced agony flow back in. Unfortunately an equal amount of the irritant spreads throughout the bedroom.

 

“Oh fuck my eyes, Dude, keep that shit outside!”

 

“Sorry! Sor-”

 

Coughing fits hit me and Carter even through our masks, everyones eyes are watering. The rodents are either screeching in circles on the floor or fumbling around the entrance trying to find a way in. 

CRUNCH

 

I clear my eyes enough to see Calder heroically splatter the first squirrel with his booted foot while crying a river of manly tears. A tiny stream of essentia flows from the squirrel to me and him. 

 

“Let’s dance muchachos.”